Kissed a boyfriend but he wasn't mine...advice?



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS

roxaven

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2012
Messages
58
Location
Twilight Town
*Sigh*
Well anyone has the time and patience to read this I would really appreciate the advice! :)

Okay so my cousin Jessica has a boyfriend named Daniel and well there relationship hasn't exactly been healthy. So, I've tried to help by talking to the both of them and giving them advice. I got along with Daniel pretty well, he always felt confident enough to talk about the relationship plus he I was the only girl he knew that liked anime so we would talk about Naruto and other anime all the time. Well everything changed when I went to a friends house with some other family members including Jessica and her bf. It was summer so we were getting each other wet but Daniel didn't want to get wet because he bought some new shoes. But, Jessica's little sister Diana accidentally wet his shoes and he got pissed off, she told him to calm down. And he overreacted and called her a bitch in front of her sister and my other family members and friends. Everyone stayed quiet because we were all expecting Jessica to step in and defend her but instead she defended her boyfriend and told her to apologize. Anyways it was just awkward and I stopped having respect for him for the way he acted. A few months went by and I went to a party with friends and family, everyone was drinking alcohol including myself. I went outside to get fresh air and I saw Daniel and he approached asking how I was, eventually we were once again talking about his relationship and how he can't call Jessica a bitch or his disrespect any of my family members. He apologized and I was gonna say something but before I could he suddenly kissed me, I did kiss him back but then in my mind I realized what the heck I was doing so I immediately pushed him back. And told him that this cannot happen, that I loved my cousin and this could never happen... I was in shock. And right when I backed away from him Jessica comes outside and asks what was going on I stayed quiet but he said we were just talking. I saw her face she looked suspicious and went back inside. As soon as she left I told him that I couldn't talk to him again and he tried to kiss me again but I pushed him away again then someone else comes out and it was Jessica's other little sister Veronica, she looked as suspiciously as well and ran back inside eventually I hear screaming in the house. I run back inside and see jessica and diana fighting, I was confused but then Diana ran up to me and said she had my back, and I was still confused. Until I was in a room with diana, she told me that Jessica suspected that something happened between me and Daniel. Jessica came in the room and apologized to me but she was upset at the fact that Daniel never talks to her about anything, just me. I began to cry because I was thinking of the kiss I wish I never happened, I was going to tell her. But, I stopped because I remembered what happened when Jessica chose to defend her boyfriend instead of her own sister. I knew it would never be the same between us... So I'm unsure whether to tell Jessica what happened or just pretend it never happened?

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry it's long but once again I would appreciate the advice. :)
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
I don't think you've done anything wrong. Daniel took you by surprise when, he kissed you and it's obvious you didn't feel the same way.

I'd confront Daniel on why he kissed you though.

If you feel like you owe Jessica an explanation, just be honest. I don't think it's necessary, but might be the best way to go. Keep in mind, if Jessica chose Daniel over her own sister, she may not believe you anyhow. A tough situation to be in, but I'd pretend it never happened for now, unless you want to get it off your chest and tell her.
 
Last edited:

roxaven

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2012
Messages
58
Location
Twilight Town
Well currently Jessica and Daniel have broken up but they are always on and off so who knows if it's official? o.o
A part of me wants to tell her but another part doesn't due to the fact that she took his side when he called her little sister a bitch.
Sadly no family members have no clue about this except my friends. I mean I'm a bit of a scaredy cat I've seen daniel only a couple of times since then and I've been tempted to want to talk to him but I just feel awkward around him. I would kinda rather just not see him.

Oh and thanks again for your opinion Kitkat it really means a lot to me. :)
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Well currently Jessica and Daniel have broken up but they are always on and off so who knows if it's official? o.o
A part of me wants to tell her but another part doesn't due to the fact that she took his side when he called her little sister a bitch.
Sadly no family members have no clue about this except my friends. I mean I'm a bit of a scaredy cat I've seen daniel only a couple of times since then and I've been tempted to want to talk to him but I just feel awkward around him. I would kinda rather just not see him.

Oh and thanks again for your opinion Kitkat it really means a lot to me. :)
Okay, I think Daniel may be feeling confused on what he's feeling right now. People do reckless things when, they've consumed alcohol or gone through a break up. He may feel bad about it, and if you're close friends with him, you should try to talk to him. Because, the longer you avoid talking to him, the more awkward it will get.

You're welcome, Roxaven. C: Might not be the greatest advice giver, but I like to help the best I can.
 

roxaven

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2012
Messages
58
Location
Twilight Town
True it's crazy what alcohol can do! I'm actually surprised he hasn't told Jessica what happened but I don't think he wants to deal with her. Hmm do you think it will be better if I see him in person or just send a message on facebook? o.o

Hehe you've done enough by replying. ^_^
 

Annoyance

Filthy SJW
Joined
Jan 20, 2004
Messages
4,612
Age
28
Location
Aurora, IL
Website
twitter.com
  • Nothing's Like Before
  • Advanced Chain of Memories
  • Crafty Soul
  • Character of the Week
  • Retired Staff
  • Mog Boss
Tell her to dump him and don't talk to him anymore. He's a shitty person for calling her sister a bitch, your cousin defended him because she didn't want him to get angry at her, probably, because it was a shaky relationship, and he's even shittier for not being able to control himself and take the relationship seriously, kissing you without thinking about both of your feelings, uh what else idk

He sounds like a dick. I know your cousin is going to feel hurt but she's better off without someone like that in her life. She will move on. I've been cheated on twice, both far worse situations than this [but this still sucks], and it sucks horribly and I know he probably hasn't told her because he's a pussy, but that's tough. She deserves the truth and for you to be honest and the longer you wait on this is only going to make things worse.
 

Evello

The Radiant Hero
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
1,589
Age
26
Location
north
  • Keyblade Master
  • Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance
I would advise you to tell your cousin about her not-boyfriend's actions if she ever considers dating him again, if for no other reason than the fact that you're probably not the only person he's done this too. You did nothing wrong, and as long as you explain it well she should understand that. Your cousin can decide for herself what she wants to do about the situation, and I would stay out of that, but she should know if her sometimes-boyfriend is kissing other girls. He seems like a dick anyway.
 

roxaven

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2012
Messages
58
Location
Twilight Town
Wow thanks guys for your opinions. Currently I am in school and not near my home area but I'll be in vacation in December and well hopefully it goes well. I mean currently they are not together but hopefully the news can open her eyes and never go back to this guy. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to it but i think you guys are right, she needs to know. Plus I don't know if I can hold this in much longer, every time I see her I feel guilty. But like I said hopefully she forgives me. And thanks again guys for your feedback, I really advice since I can't talk to any of my family members about this.
 

Roxie1563

Actress/Healer in Persona: Icebound
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
4,303
Age
27
Location
Nix
  • Nothing's Like Before
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue
  • This is Halloween
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 ReMIX
  • Writer of Writers
I think it is for the best that you tell the truth about it and him, for it is the best solution. This guy sounds like he has some problems with his temper and that, combined with heavy drinks, is not a good thing.

Here's hoping our advice works well for you. :)
 

roxaven

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2012
Messages
58
Location
Twilight Town
So I;m not sure if you guys remember my whole situation with my cousin's boyfriend. Well I ended up telling her and she was devastated, well actually not really she immediately called him and said she forgave him since she knew it was an accident. She also told me that she was not angry with me, but deep down I knew that I got out to easy that there was no way she was completely fine.

So the next day I am no longer in my hometown anymore since I go to school 6 hours away from home but she ends up messaging me on facebook and tells me that she was in denial and that she felt completely numb. I felt awful, that I was responsible for this pain she had felt. Apparently she was disappointing that I didn't tell her sooner since apparently she told me that Daniel was changing for her and I guess he finally showed that he cared about her.... After almost 2 years of dating -___-. She asked me questions that I could not answer like, "why did he kiss you? What would lead to that?" These were questions that I simply could not answer, since I honestly didn't know why he did what he did.

I told her that these were questions that she needed to ask Daniel, for a good 3 days she kept messaging me about the situation but honestly I could not give my whole attention to this ordeal, since my finals were coming up and I really needed to concentrate on my exams. I know that she deserved the right to know everything but I simple told her that I would answer any of her questions after I return home in a week.

So a week passed by, and thank goodness I believe I did well on my finals (YAY), but we immediately talked. Only this time she wanted me and her boyfriend to be together telling her our sides of the story. I immediately explained what happened and as he explained e was stuttering and he wouldn't get to the main point of the story, just unnecessarily information. He acted confused, it seemed like he was on drugs because it seemed that he wasn't completely there. IDK but my cousin Jessica was really impatient with him. She asked him, "why did you kiss her?" And he just replied that he didn't know. Basically he never really answered the question.

Eventually, my cousin was convinced that I was telling the truth but she was really skeptical about him. Apparently he has cheated on her in the past. So after they started talking about the past I asked if I can leave because I felt like it wasn't necessary for me to to be there unless she had more questions. And sadly, she forgave him... Yup she forgave him... she told me that, she was the type of person that can forgive easily.

I was a little disappointed, a lot of members of the family were disappointed that she took him back. Everyone looks at Daniel in a different way now. But, no one can really tell her what to do. She believes that he wants to change for her and she has told me that he has. Apparently, he doesn't disrespect her anymore and appreciates her better. But she says she was never angry at me but with him. She never understand why he thought it was ok to kiss me, I mean he wouldn't have done it with her little sisters who are slightly older than me...

But yeah... they are still together and she looks really happy but a lot of the family hope that she really finds someone better but what do I know? I honestly don't know what love is? o.o But, I really wanna thank all of you for giving me the courage and the advice for suggesting that I tell my cousin. Idk if I would have? But like I said thanks again :)
 

Annoyance

Filthy SJW
Joined
Jan 20, 2004
Messages
4,612
Age
28
Location
Aurora, IL
Website
twitter.com
  • Nothing's Like Before
  • Advanced Chain of Memories
  • Crafty Soul
  • Character of the Week
  • Retired Staff
  • Mog Boss
As someone who has been cheated on, and even cheated on someone as well, you can't feel responsible for his actions, and his actions can't be explained. If you ask me why I cheated on my boyfriend back then, I would tell you I didn't know. Some could argue that when a friend of mine kissed me, drunk, and I pushed him away, that I would have been justified, considering how severely my boyfriend at the time had cheated on me months before, but I couldn't do it. But even that part that wanted to, I couldn't really explain why it existed. It just did.

You by no means should feel responsible for her pain, nor his actions, you did nothing wrong in this situation, but she will continue to make herself feel worse and point blame at herself and you because that's just how you think. The girl that my boyfriend cheated on me with still holds a very hateful spot in my heart, but it took me a while to really accept HIS fault in the matter. Of course I screamed and yelled at him, but I never really put him on the blame because I loved him, and I forgave him. Instead I put the blame on my friend, who invited him over specifically to do the cheating, but not the boy who drove over, sometimes even drunk, to her house to cheat on me because I lived 20 minutes away.

If you were to ask him, even to this day, why he cheated on me, he would reply, "I don't know."
Every cheater will respond with this. There's no good answer to this question. Nothing good comes from this question.

People cannot and should not change for another person. Change comes from yourself and for yourself. I believed both boyfriends of mine that had cheated on me were changing for the better, but it only lasts for so long.

He will not change. She's being idealistic and naive and he's continuing to be a douchebag.
 

Nutari

The Scotsman
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
2,855
Location
Milwaukee
  • Retired Staff
  • Rising Star
  • Crafty Soul
As a Christian man, it saddens me to hear such a story. Every woman, no matter what she does/has done deserves a man to show her that she can be loved, without worry about cheating. In a perfect world every person would be a straight arrow. Unfortunately, this cannot be true, so I urge you to find a straight arrow for your lover. You can dwell on what happened all you want, but it seems as if things have resolved themselves to a degree.

Also, this may seem a tad scandalous to say, but I would dare to say that there is a reason that certain men cheat, and others do not. If I am to be honest, I would say that it's the influence of pornography in the man's life. Usually. I'm recovering from such an addiction, and I am thankful I was never as far gone as some men. But I think this is normally what causes the player mentality that this Daniel character seems to have. Otherwise, he just can't seem to sate his lust. One of the two, or both. I just really hope that you find a man who is genuine and better than this.
 
Top