- Joined
- Apr 21, 2005
- Messages
- 3,777
- Age
- 35
Wow. Going through my old posts, I've found plenty of stuff I can't believe I was stupid enough to say. I found some stuff I'm terrified will come back to haunt me. I found ugly, UGLY old RPing. And, I found something I'd completly forgotten about, which, surprisingly, managed to get me to laugh despite the fact I'm the one that made it. It was known as 'Kingdom Insider', a parody of KHI interpreted as KH, through the eyes of myself and my friends. And, I've decided to rewrite it, and make MORE then one chapter this time.
Each consecutive chapter is denoted by a 'Private Message' between the members. The Title of this PM is the title of the chapter.
And thus: Let us begin!
The sensation of falling through space ran through the body of a young man, as he drifted through space and time, passing through solids and liquids, shapes and hollows, and every other imaginable interpretation of form. He saw himself fall, headfirst from the sky, into the depths of the deepest darknesses of the internet itself, calmly drifting down, eyes closed.
As the slightly tan, light-brown-haired young man slowed, he righted himself, drifting feetfirst down, until he touched onto something. At once, bright, angular shapes burst from the darkness at his feet, sharp, stinging flashes tearing past his face, and then beyond. He looked back to see a group of doves flying away from him.
He realised, suddenly, that his search was over. Google had returned the results. At his feet, a spherical, circular plate of white stained glass supported him, incomphrensible words tracing around it's outside. He ignored the advertisements about free gold on WoW, and clicked the link he'd come to rest upon, the one in the very center of the page.
At once, as if a spotlight had been snapped on, a set of stairs appeared before him, ascending into the gloom above. The boy took a final look at the surrounding links, to pornography, to videogaming sites that would also link to pornography, and to viruses that would install pornography on his hard drive before destroying it.
He'd never understood those particular viruses. What was the point of installing it, then destroying the computer? Kinda senseless...
Without a second thought, he strode past them, and ascended the stairs.
As the boy reached their pinnicle, a seeming void, another platform appeared just as the stairs had. He walked slowing into the center of it, looking around in confusion. This platform featured an image of a young man, holding an oversized key aloft. The boy had seen this image before...it was from a videogame, by the name of 'Kingdom Hearts'.
Silently, three stone pedestals rose from the ground. Each bore a label, carved in stone. Behind him, where the stairs began, the pedestal read 'Exit'. To his left, the words 'Log In' glowed, and to his right...'Register'.
"Welcome to KHInsider..." a mysterious voice said, seemingly more within the boy's mind then an actual sound, speaking to him without words, almost as if by thought alone. He glanced around for it's source, then looked back at the glowing 'Register' pedestal.
Taking a deep breath, he strode towards it, and placed a hand on it's surface.
At once, he found himself in another world. This one was of pure white, as opposed to the darkness before, and the platforms below him were in a darker vein.
"You have chosen to register. To dedicate your life to the use of an internet service, which will, in time, grow to dominate your very existance. Now...what do you choose to give up?"
As the voice finished speaking, a dropdown box appeared before the boy. He clicked on the down arrow, and scrolled through the list of options, before selecting the option 'Social Life'.
"Please enter your username and password."
Two glowing textboxes appeared before the young man, and he stood silently for a moment. What should he call himself? Who was he? Who would he be here? It was such a difficult descision.
Even as he struggled to think, a word rose unbidden into the back of his mind. It was a name his friend had selected for the boy, to match the name that very friend had chosen for himself. At first, he hadn't thought much of it, but now...
With a sigh, he touched his index finger to the top box, and entered, in glowing letters, one word.
"Mitsukai"
He then thought, for a moment, as to what his password should be. Making up his mind, the indescisive Mitsukai touched his finger to the box...and spun to the camera, placing his hand over it's lens, obscuring our view!
"No peeking!" Mitsukai complained, as he entered his password one-handed, before releasing the camera, and throwing a dirty look at his observers.
He found himself, now upon another platform, thanking him for his registration. Before he could even click the link to continue, however, something grabbed his sleeve!
Pulling free in surprise, Mitsukai stumbled across the platform, spinning about. Behind him, a hunched creature shuffled slightly, staring at him from behind flourescent yellow glasses. It wore a black shirt and denim jeans, and moved in an odd, unnatural manner.
"hey do u know when kh3 cums out?????" it asked, staring directly into his eyes with those glowing, yellow lenses. Mitsukai opened his mouth to speak, backing away from the creature hesitantly, concerned. However, a shuffling sound behind him brought him around for a second...and another stood there! It dragged itself onto the platform, looking deeply into Mitsukai's eyes, just as the other had.
"my unkle works at squre enex he sez it comes out in 2008..." the new creature said softly, almost in a threatening manner, as if daring Mitsukai to deny it.
KH3...won't come out for years yet! There's no way Square-Enix has even decided they'll make the game, let alone a release date! Mitsukai thought to himself, backing away from the two creatures that shuffled towards him, eyes glowing brightly: And I don't think his uncle works at Square Enix either...I think he might be lying!
"lol i found kh3's cover!!!!1111!!!"
The voice from behind Mitsukai cause him to whirl in surprise, and he saw he'd almost backed into the arms of a third creature, this one brandishing a 'Game Cover' that was simply a black field with the words "KH3: The Keyblade War" on it. The box seemed oddly square, and looked like it was computer-generated rather then a real gamebox.
"They will always hunt you. The n00bs. But, do not fear. You hold the most powerful weapons of all."
Mitsukai, now trapped between the three advancing 'n00bs'. flinched as the voice spoke again within his mind, offering a cryptic clue. Left with nowhere to run, nowhere to escape to, he was starting to get desperate.
"What?!" He shouted, causing the n00bs to pause: "What are my weapons?!"
Suddenly, a bright flash lit the area, elicting creams of pain from the n00bs, who dove away from Mitsukai. As the light faded, he was left holding some kind of weapon. It was shaped like a sword, yet with the addition of an extra blade on the end that made it look similar to an older-style key. Even as the light faded, the voice echoed one last time in Mitsukai's mind.
"Common sense...and literacy..." it stated, as Mitsukai drew the weapon into a fighting stance, looks of surprise and fear crossing the faces of the n00bs. The first one to have appeared let out a wounded scream, and lept towards it's opponant.
"UR JUST AN IDIOT! YOU DONT KNO ANYTHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It screamed as it lept towards him, and in a single move, Mitsukai drew the key-shaped weapon through it's midsection, causing it to burst into a puff of smoke.
"I seem to know more then you did..." he commented coldly, before raising his gaze to the remaining two n00bs.
Even as he disposed of the last two, Mitsukai's world began to melt away, the white backdrop twisting and twirling into an orange-and-yellow sunset. He found himself once again drifting, for but a moment, as the page finished loading, and suddenly, he stood upon a sparkling white beach, the secrative islet of some remote tropical island.
Even as he marvelled at this sight, taking a few steps up the beach, one of the n00bs he'd defeated fell from the sky, grabbing hold of the camera in mid-air as it panned outward to show a wider view. Struggling to hold into it, he caused it to begin shaking left and right wildly, trying to throw him off. There was a crash, and a sudden flash of static, and when the screen faded back in, a jumpy image, sloped to the left as if the camera lay on it's side, displayed the n00b rubbing his head, propped up against a snapped wooden sign proclaiming this to be the 'Community Board'.
Each consecutive chapter is denoted by a 'Private Message' between the members. The Title of this PM is the title of the chapter.
And thus: Let us begin!
The sensation of falling through space ran through the body of a young man, as he drifted through space and time, passing through solids and liquids, shapes and hollows, and every other imaginable interpretation of form. He saw himself fall, headfirst from the sky, into the depths of the deepest darknesses of the internet itself, calmly drifting down, eyes closed.
As the slightly tan, light-brown-haired young man slowed, he righted himself, drifting feetfirst down, until he touched onto something. At once, bright, angular shapes burst from the darkness at his feet, sharp, stinging flashes tearing past his face, and then beyond. He looked back to see a group of doves flying away from him.
He realised, suddenly, that his search was over. Google had returned the results. At his feet, a spherical, circular plate of white stained glass supported him, incomphrensible words tracing around it's outside. He ignored the advertisements about free gold on WoW, and clicked the link he'd come to rest upon, the one in the very center of the page.
At once, as if a spotlight had been snapped on, a set of stairs appeared before him, ascending into the gloom above. The boy took a final look at the surrounding links, to pornography, to videogaming sites that would also link to pornography, and to viruses that would install pornography on his hard drive before destroying it.
He'd never understood those particular viruses. What was the point of installing it, then destroying the computer? Kinda senseless...
Without a second thought, he strode past them, and ascended the stairs.
As the boy reached their pinnicle, a seeming void, another platform appeared just as the stairs had. He walked slowing into the center of it, looking around in confusion. This platform featured an image of a young man, holding an oversized key aloft. The boy had seen this image before...it was from a videogame, by the name of 'Kingdom Hearts'.
Silently, three stone pedestals rose from the ground. Each bore a label, carved in stone. Behind him, where the stairs began, the pedestal read 'Exit'. To his left, the words 'Log In' glowed, and to his right...'Register'.
"Welcome to KHInsider..." a mysterious voice said, seemingly more within the boy's mind then an actual sound, speaking to him without words, almost as if by thought alone. He glanced around for it's source, then looked back at the glowing 'Register' pedestal.
Taking a deep breath, he strode towards it, and placed a hand on it's surface.
At once, he found himself in another world. This one was of pure white, as opposed to the darkness before, and the platforms below him were in a darker vein.
"You have chosen to register. To dedicate your life to the use of an internet service, which will, in time, grow to dominate your very existance. Now...what do you choose to give up?"
As the voice finished speaking, a dropdown box appeared before the boy. He clicked on the down arrow, and scrolled through the list of options, before selecting the option 'Social Life'.
"Please enter your username and password."
Two glowing textboxes appeared before the young man, and he stood silently for a moment. What should he call himself? Who was he? Who would he be here? It was such a difficult descision.
Even as he struggled to think, a word rose unbidden into the back of his mind. It was a name his friend had selected for the boy, to match the name that very friend had chosen for himself. At first, he hadn't thought much of it, but now...
With a sigh, he touched his index finger to the top box, and entered, in glowing letters, one word.
"Mitsukai"
He then thought, for a moment, as to what his password should be. Making up his mind, the indescisive Mitsukai touched his finger to the box...and spun to the camera, placing his hand over it's lens, obscuring our view!
"No peeking!" Mitsukai complained, as he entered his password one-handed, before releasing the camera, and throwing a dirty look at his observers.
He found himself, now upon another platform, thanking him for his registration. Before he could even click the link to continue, however, something grabbed his sleeve!
Pulling free in surprise, Mitsukai stumbled across the platform, spinning about. Behind him, a hunched creature shuffled slightly, staring at him from behind flourescent yellow glasses. It wore a black shirt and denim jeans, and moved in an odd, unnatural manner.
"hey do u know when kh3 cums out?????" it asked, staring directly into his eyes with those glowing, yellow lenses. Mitsukai opened his mouth to speak, backing away from the creature hesitantly, concerned. However, a shuffling sound behind him brought him around for a second...and another stood there! It dragged itself onto the platform, looking deeply into Mitsukai's eyes, just as the other had.
"my unkle works at squre enex he sez it comes out in 2008..." the new creature said softly, almost in a threatening manner, as if daring Mitsukai to deny it.
KH3...won't come out for years yet! There's no way Square-Enix has even decided they'll make the game, let alone a release date! Mitsukai thought to himself, backing away from the two creatures that shuffled towards him, eyes glowing brightly: And I don't think his uncle works at Square Enix either...I think he might be lying!
"lol i found kh3's cover!!!!1111!!!"
The voice from behind Mitsukai cause him to whirl in surprise, and he saw he'd almost backed into the arms of a third creature, this one brandishing a 'Game Cover' that was simply a black field with the words "KH3: The Keyblade War" on it. The box seemed oddly square, and looked like it was computer-generated rather then a real gamebox.
"They will always hunt you. The n00bs. But, do not fear. You hold the most powerful weapons of all."
Mitsukai, now trapped between the three advancing 'n00bs'. flinched as the voice spoke again within his mind, offering a cryptic clue. Left with nowhere to run, nowhere to escape to, he was starting to get desperate.
"What?!" He shouted, causing the n00bs to pause: "What are my weapons?!"
Suddenly, a bright flash lit the area, elicting creams of pain from the n00bs, who dove away from Mitsukai. As the light faded, he was left holding some kind of weapon. It was shaped like a sword, yet with the addition of an extra blade on the end that made it look similar to an older-style key. Even as the light faded, the voice echoed one last time in Mitsukai's mind.
"Common sense...and literacy..." it stated, as Mitsukai drew the weapon into a fighting stance, looks of surprise and fear crossing the faces of the n00bs. The first one to have appeared let out a wounded scream, and lept towards it's opponant.
"UR JUST AN IDIOT! YOU DONT KNO ANYTHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It screamed as it lept towards him, and in a single move, Mitsukai drew the key-shaped weapon through it's midsection, causing it to burst into a puff of smoke.
"I seem to know more then you did..." he commented coldly, before raising his gaze to the remaining two n00bs.
Even as he disposed of the last two, Mitsukai's world began to melt away, the white backdrop twisting and twirling into an orange-and-yellow sunset. He found himself once again drifting, for but a moment, as the page finished loading, and suddenly, he stood upon a sparkling white beach, the secrative islet of some remote tropical island.
Even as he marvelled at this sight, taking a few steps up the beach, one of the n00bs he'd defeated fell from the sky, grabbing hold of the camera in mid-air as it panned outward to show a wider view. Struggling to hold into it, he caused it to begin shaking left and right wildly, trying to throw him off. There was a crash, and a sudden flash of static, and when the screen faded back in, a jumpy image, sloped to the left as if the camera lay on it's side, displayed the n00b rubbing his head, propped up against a snapped wooden sign proclaiming this to be the 'Community Board'.
Last edited:
