Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 68 posted)

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 24 posted)

This was an awesome chapter as usual. Let's take it step by step, because there is a ton I could say on this one to make up for my last review:

1. The comedy was brilliant. Donald doesn't really drive the gummi ship anymore since Sora has taken the wheel, so him having a fit over the controls is just too hilarious. I was also able to hear Riku's comments spoken with his voice in my mind, which just made it even better. He has that dry sense of humor and it comes across very well in that part.

2. I love Sora's rather characteristic show of bravado and being able to (or at least trying to) take care of himself without worrying anyone else. That's something that you see in the games but is often considered just Sora being an idiot, so it's nice to see that really fleshed out here as him caring more about keeping everyone happy than worrying them needlessly. I'm sure you won't spoil the surprise, but I'm thinking Sora will be having a little conversation with Roxas and, if he's capable, Ventus very soon.

3. Riku's situation was a "gasp!" moment. He just can't seem to catch a break, can he?

Suspense is part of what makes a great story, so I'm loving these cliffhangers! They are evil, but the waiting is part of the fun. ;D Thanks so much for updating so quickly this time, and I'm looking forward to the next one!

Ehehe, a ton to say and a ton to answer for, me likes.

1. Err, in this case, if you check back on chapter 16, Donald does drive the new gummi ship because Sora is unfamiliar with the new controls up to now (and as Sora says, he slept most of the time during the journey). Goofy also mentioned that the ship acts wacky sometimes because it is so new, so the navi-gummi flickering a bit isn't that problematic or a grave danger...but Donald having a fit and pounding at it causing it to malfunction because of the flickering, well, that's just Donald being Donald, lol.
Haha, great I managed to capture that feeling with Riku, that was exactly what I aimed for.

2. Thanks, and yeah, I choose to deepen that trait of Sora which was only scratched upon in KH2. Him not wanting others to worry about him is only a secondary reason though, the main reason is something else, but this will be only addressed later on, as being this adamant about it is nonetheless a bit untypical for Sora.
Of course I won't spoil the surprise, so we'll just leave it at this right now. It's obvious that Sora plans to somehow get in contact with Roxas as he suspects the "harbingers of torment" coming from him. What comes of that we'll see when the time comes, I do have to bring back into the picture though that earlier, in chapter 1, Roxas noted that he also tried often to reach Sora and failed.
Nonetheless, the focus in the next few chapters will first concentrate on Riku, and then on Kairi who has an interesting meeting in store for herself.

3. Nope, Riku still can't get some break time from all the crap, after all, he's also part of the "heart-network" that surrounds both Sora and Xehanort.

It's great that I can successfully pull them off to create that suspense. I'll try to put up chapter 25 this weekend.

Once again I must say that I love the change of pace that this chapter brought into the story. Especially when it involves Sora, Riku and Kairi, whom I've missed quite a lot, I'm one happy reader. I liked the way you added humor in it although it has some serious elements as well. A really nice, versatile chapter I must say. All in all I enjoyed this chapter very, very much~

I actually noticed this time that it's totally different for me to read the chapter in Word than here, in the thread, haha. Most likely because of the fact that I can read this freely without searching for mistakes and errors, lol. Even though I don't mind the latter, I get to read the chapters in advance, hoho. c:<

Anyway. First of all, I liked the way you wrote Riku in this chapter. I really like dry (side note: and sarcastic and cynical type of humor even) so I definitely enjoyed his remarks. Especially when he calls Sora and Kairi an old couple. Loved also their reaction to that, haha. I can imagine it very easily. I also like the way that he is worried about Sora (and I also like how Sora is worried about him, as he should be).

I'm not the biggest fan of Mickey in the world. I don't really care for him in KH as a character in general (shame on me~ ´3`) but I really do like the way you write him in your story. To be honest, he has really grown on me.

And need I say more about the, yes, indeed, evil cliffhanger? That was so unexpected that I considered it almost mean.

Can't wait that you post chapter 25 as that's a great chapter as well.

Glad you like it, *ggg*, we really had a lot of fighting in the last few chapters, so I might have brought this change of pace exactly at the right moment.
Well, the gummi ship travel from Destiny Islands to Disney Castle was a welcome excuse to put the focus on other characters, as while SRK may be the main trio, I don't want them to hog the spotlight too much, especially as long as many of the different plotlines are still separate.
Donald and Goofy are always the main opportunity for comedy, which is why they shouldn't be ditched completely in any way, as those little tidbits also serve to not drown the reader in all the serious and/or dramatic episodes. There will be enough drama and heartwrenching later on, so these small lighthearted spots will surely be welcomed I assume.

Of course it's going to be different reading a chapter looking for errors or just concentrating on the story, and as you noticed, both sides get certain advantages out of it. I see where I might have messed up and can correct it while you get to know the continuation a bit in advance.

Heh, writing Riku in this mode is often a bit of a challenge since the context has to be watched. If I don't do this, Riku could come over sometimes as mean.
This time around I also wanted to emphasize Riku's lack of patience when people start to mess around at the wrong time (like Sora and Kairi bickering while Mickey expects to be filled in on what happened, Donald only spilling out the truth half-heartedly and also because time is short).
Since these people are all his friends and allies, he does make his disapproval clear in the sarcastic, humorous way though.
That he's worried about Sora this much is only natural after what happened at the breakfast table in chapter 14/15, but what bothers him on top of this is that Sora refuses to let others help him because that's untypical for his friend, more like Riku himself acts often and what Sora asked him to stop in KH2.

Ah yes, Mickey, so what is it that makes you like "my" version of KH-Mickey better than the actual game-Mickey?
Maybe because he's more active? We partly see his thoughts and actions?
As for the background of his character in HiU: Mickey surely has a lot on his plate right now, he knows that Xehanort will return and their current power levels are no match for him. Then there's of course Yen Sid's warning that they may face not a "single Xehanort" (and no, this doesn't include DDD spoilers, my story was planned before DDD was out in Japan) and he himself still feeling bad inside for being unable to save the BBS-Trio ten years ago.
Furthermore he's uneasy with having to place more burdens on SRK, especially since he has a suspicion where Ven's injured heart might be but doesn't yet know how to verify his assumption without possibly harming Sora.

Haha, yeah, it is evil, and creating so much suspense. *ggg*
What the heck could this darkness be? Riku clearly says it's not his own...and then there was that specter of Ansem SoD in the stone quarry in chapter 15/16, hehehe. Could that be somehow related?

Chapter 25 will be posted this weekend. ^__^

Evil, evil, evil, evil cliffhangers. But despite that, (which makes me want to read the next chapter even more), this chapter was great to read. I have to say that the dialogue really made it shine. It was lighter hearted, it was cute (in some parts), and it was a joy to read.

Donald was seriously hilarious in this chapter; lol, hitting the console just because it was flickering. Riku's sense of humor is always nice to read, just because he's so serious and then BAM! he hits everyone with a dry-humored joke.

I like the way this story is going. It's great that you're taking it a little bit slower, because in a lot of fanfics they're like, "Sora passes the MoM. Finds Aqua like a day later. Finds Ven about a week later. Beats the crap out of all the big enemies during that time. And then Roxas and Xion are freed with basically the amount of time it takes to snap your fingers. And then they have Terra coming in and being like, "Well, I was stuck with Xehanort but I freed myself and yeah, it was hard, but I'm free now."

And I'm like:

Anyways, great job! I look forward to the next chapter.

Me loves evil cliffhangers, har,har,har. ;P
Seriously, I'm flattered I manage them so effectively.
This chapter indeed had a bit of everything, a clear departure from the battle-filled chapters before.

Donald's hot temper is legendary, lol.
I imagined him jumping up and down on the pilot's seat while quacking and pounding the navi-gummi, lol.
In the beginning Riku is actually genuinely annoyed by the antics of his companions while the King stands there understanding nothing, but they get a hold of themselves fast enough so that instead of scolding he opts for teasing them with some sharp remarks he's so good in doing.

I am deliberately not just lining together one main plot point after another and make this seem like a walk in the park. FanFics who do this often have either an entire new plot unrelated with the actual act of saving the tormented ones or defeating Xehanort or are just rushed.
I'm going to show also the way how they get there to the point of saving someone, and it's surely not the same for everyone.
Not to mention there are other factions besides Xehanort opposing Sora's group, but that I already stated in the very first post of the story-thread, *ggg*, this is a big tale that takes its time to illuminate and explore some things instead of directly jumping to the most important conclusions like i.e. "go into the RoD and save Aqua".

Chapter 25 is due this weekend, lol. ^__^

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Ok then, time to march on and resolve that mean cliffhanger...only to end with another one, hehehe.

#####

XXV. Seeing things not meant to be seen​

"WHAAAATT???"
Donald and Goofy jumped even higher, brandishing their weapons looking around for some enemies to pop up while Scrooge McDuck swung around his cane, taking somewhat the position of a protector for Kairi.

"D-Do, do you mean Ansem, Seeker of Darkness?" Sora asked, gulping.

Mickey came nearer, and jumped at Sora's question.
"No! Ansem should be gone!"

"But Riku fought a specter of him at Destiny Islands." Sora replied in a worried tone.
"Huh? What?" The King was clearly surprised to hear this.

"No, it's not Ansem's darkness. I know exactly how Ansem's darkness smells and this is not his." Riku interjected firmly, maintaining a safe distance from his friends.

"But then how, Huh?" Sora made a very clueless face.

"Ansem's darkness stinks and is rotten to the core, filled with cold calculation and sheer madness. This darkness smells much rawer, pure, and if that's even possible, deeper than Ansem's. It's filled with hatred, overwhelming malice, a certain lust for violence but also immense pain, rage and-ghhh."

While explaining, Riku apparently got a form of seizure as he fell to his knees, panting.

"Riku!" Both Sora and Kairi started to rush towards him, but Mickey blocked their path.
"Stop! It's too dangerous."

"I won't abandon Riku to some weird freaky darkness popping out of nowhere!" Sora cried, trying to get past Mickey.
"Me neither!" Kairi added determined.

"Stay away you idiots! The King is right!" Riku yelled at them.
"Mickey, could you lend me a hand?" He continued, his own darkness and light flowing up in a mixed aura around him.

"Of course pal, here ya go!" Mickey answered, releasing an orb of light energy from the tip of the Star Seeker which appeared in his hand.
"Gotcha!" Riku shouted as he caught the orb with his own energy, mixing them together before slamming it into the dark aura formed around his left arm.

The combined power of Riku's light and darkness combined with the energy orb from Mickey was too much for the foreign darkness to handle.
"Take this, weird darkness!"
A short screeching sound was heard before the weird dark aura vanished, leaving Riku's arm unharmed.

"What by all money bins was that?" Scrooge McDuck asked, still uneasy.
"Riku? Are you alright?" Sora rushed now beside him to help him up.

"It's all ok, I'm fine." The silver-haired teen dusted off his pants once before standing up.
"That surely was the creepiest thing I ever experienced up to now. This weird darkness started to feed on my own darkness, causing it to become weaker."

Mickey narrowed his eyes, looking around suspiciously and, to Sora's worries, did not dismiss his Star Seeker Keyblade.
"That's certainly creepy, and you're sure it isn't some remnant of Ansem?"

"I can't be 100% sure, especially since that specter-incident, yet I only can reaffirm that this darkness is vastly different." Riku looked at his arm, uneasiness wavering in his voice.

Mickey sighed. "Ansem or not Ansem, it certainly is alarming, especially considering that no explanation exists why that darkness would attach to you if it is not Ansem, Seeker of Darkness.
As for that specter, Sora, did you see it too? Or Kairi?"

Sora shook his head. "No, I only saw Riku attacking some boulders but I see no reason not to believe he saw Ansem."
Mickey gave him an understanding look, finally dismissing Star Seeker. "I did not mean it that way, I don't know exactly how or why, but there is a possibility that our enemy tries to confuse Riku or tries to weaken him."

"And why would our enemy want that? It's Xehanort, isn't it? Goofy alluded to him being 'back' whatever that means." Riku asked dead serious, facing Mickey directly.

"As I said, I have no idea to how or why yet, but we'll have to do much of briefing tomorrow. I just hope the night will get along smoothly. I need to inform Master Yen Sid of the newest development, we may have to change our schedule and possibly I'll get some more insight from him."

"Please do. I am really worried there might be something terrible approaching on the horizon." Riku continued with emphasis.

Mickey only nodded in understanding again. " I see, but no worries as long as we all stand together! Try to sleep a bit to get back your strength, starting tomorrow the real tough stuff will begin. Have a good night you three, and you as well, Donald, Goofy."

The King gave everyone a reassuring smile before rushing towards his office, as the development worried him more than he was able to admit yet. He needed Yen Sid's advice, and quickly.

"Riku, will you really be okay?" Kairi asked as they approached three similar looking doors on the corridor.

"Don't worry, I will! If that foreign darkness shows up again I'll beat it to crap with my own light and darkness. No one starts to feed off my energy like a parasite!" Riku answered with determination, giving the girl a reassuring smile.

"First Sora, and now you. Why do I always have to worry about you two?" Kairi's voice was very meek and the princess was apparently trying hard not to burst out in tears, causing both Sora and Riku to cringe.

Both boys were quick to put one hand on each of the girl's shoulders.
"Don't cry Kairi, please. We have always found a way to get through at the end. This time will be no different!" Sora assured, displaying a genuine smile.

"Right, we may not know much yet, but we will manage it nonetheless. This time we'll be together, and we will defeat that new threat and save the suffering people!" Riku added.

"It's really reassuring seeing you two having this high morale, so why don't I manage this confidence as well? Why do I always have to just sit and be able to do nothing!!!"
She slammed her fist against the nearest door.

"Because it is too early yet, so don't fret about it. Tomorrow we will ask Queen Minnie, and then you'll start on your own way. Just don't want things too fast." Riku hummed, tightening his grip on her shoulder a bit while Sora nodded with such emphasis the movement made him look a bit silly, causing both Kairi and Riku to chuckle.

"Do you want to shake your head off?" Riku asked playfully, causing now both Kairi and Sora to roar with laughter, getting up the mood between the three friends significantly.

Still laughing, Kairi leaned on the wall clutching her side. "Hihihi, you two, also always manage to get around cheering people up. You with your adorable clumsiness and cheerful demeanor Sora, and you with your dry humor and sarcastic remarks Riku!"

"Yeah, that's us, complementing each other greatly!" Sora cooed, laying his left arm around Riku's shoulders leaning on his best friend a bit while making a goofy face.

Riku raised a brow at this snorting amused before playfully poking Sora in the cheek.
"I wonder if I ever find the button to tone down that over-goofy side of yours."

"There's no button." Sora retorted, sticking out his tongue. "Guess so!" The silver-haired teen rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, causing even more laughter from Kairi.
"I know you don't even want to find that button." She giggled.

"I said there IS no button for that!" Sora mumbled, pretending to be pouting and giving away an expression that let both Kairi and Riku trying hard and still fail to suppress more laughter.

Wiping his eyes, Riku finally stepped close to the door on the left. "Looks like it won"t be such a bad night after all. Sleep well you two. Hopefully the King has some answers tomorrow."

"Right, sleep well, Riku, Kairi!" Sora agreed, stepping to the middle door looking at each of them with caring warm eyes.
Kairi whispered some best wishes as well, still giggling while stumbling towards the right door.

As he threw the door shut behind him, Riku let out a drawn out sigh.
What the friggin- heck is going on here, it keeps getting weirder and weirder.
Throwing his yellow-white vest on a chair standing beside the bed he noticed the 'light meal' Mickey had mentioned sitting on a small table.

Smirking, he snatched a chicken leg and sat down on the bed, chuckling again as he imagined Sora greedily chomping down on the meal.

Several minutes later, Riku found himself plenty full after eating two thirds of the food provided.
If that's a 'light meal' how does a full look like then?
Laying aside a small fruit he did not manage to eat he yawned, settling down in the bed without bothering to remove more of his clothes.
Jeez, it's a really fluffy and comfortable bed, Sora will be in heaven, and Kairi will drown in it so soft as it is, tsk.
With these last thoughts about his friends sleep claimed the teen earlier than he had expected.

Mumbling something incomprehensible while burying into the pillow and blankets Riku now felt as if he was floating, floating through a weird kaleidoscope.

What is happening, am I, dreaming? Ugh, what's that? My head, it burns.
Aaagh.
With a loud thud Riku landed face down on a barren, rocky surface. Dust was sweeping through his hair.

Ugh, what's this? Where am I?
Getting up warily, Riku noticed that he was situated on a high wide pillar of rock standing in a wide field of rocky badlands, an air of uneasiness and malice around. Looking around, he could spot numerous Keyblades lying around in a complete mess.

Ghhh, what an eerie atmosphere, is this a dream? No, it is a MEMORY, a memory of someone else, what the???

The silver-haired teen now noticed the bright blue light shining right above him. Looking up he gasped in surprise, inside a swirling vortex of clouds like the eye of a storm, shining down directly on the rock pillar was a blue heart-shaped moon.
Kingdom Hearts!!! Riku stumbled backwards two steps as a glider shot up beside the rock pillar, a tall armored figure disembarking from it.

Huh? With one hand motion the armor disappeared revealing a young man seemingly in his early twenties with brown spiky hair, blue eyes, two red straps crossing his muscular chest which was covered by a skin-tight, dark grey high-collared shirt and the left arm almost completely covered in armor.
His pants were in a Samurai-reminiscent style and colored dark grey at the top as well while tan for the rest.
Completing his outfit was a black belt which sported an odd golden badge Riku had never seen before as well as a black wristband on the right wrist and fingerless gloves.

Ah...whaaat? Can it be...I...I remember this guy...


#####

Tension rising? Bing-badaboom? *ggg*

 

[ShailsTDSPT]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Well played mate. This is one well written story. Wish I could write mine like that but whenever I try to bring up a description it looks forced. Got any tips?

Also - YAY FOR TERRA!

 

[Key Wielder]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Very nicely done, once again. ^_^ I really do love your scenes with Sora, Riku, and Kairi; they're just too cute, not to mention something I could see happening in the games (if those three actually spent enough time around one another without having to fight something!). Here I thought we'd be seeing Sora's method of dealing with his issues in this chapter, yet we find out that Riku's going to have plenty of his own to work through--this promises to be rather exciting!

Yet another dramatic cliffhanger! Bravo on chapter twenty-five, Sephiroth, and...

“What by all money bins was that?” Scrooge McDuck asked, still uneasy.

Hehe, too funny xD

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Well played mate. This is one well written story. Wish I could write mine like that but whenever I try to bring up a description it looks forced. Got any tips?

Also - YAY FOR TERRA!

Hey thanks. ^__^
And kudos to you for reading the whole 25 chapters plus prologue. I'm happy to gain another reader.

You write too? Have already some example?
If I see your style I can probably give some better advice, although I am still also only an advanced beginner when it comes to writing in English, lol.

Very nicely done, once again. ^_^ I really do love your scenes with Sora, Riku, and Kairi; they're just too cute, not to mention something I could see happening in the games (if those three actually spent enough time around one another without having to fight something!). Here I thought we'd be seeing Sora's method of dealing with his issues in this chapter, yet we find out that Riku's going to have plenty of his own to work through--this promises to be rather exciting!

Yet another dramatic cliffhanger! Bravo on chapter twenty-five, Sephiroth, and...

Hehe, too funny xD

Hehe, thank you again. That's one of the advantages written stories have in comparison to games. You can flesh out the interactions between the characters more than you can do in a game where you have to keep in mind the gameplay and not making cutscenes too long.
In the latter case people would correctly complain that it isn't a game but a visual novel.
Holding true to my promise to let the story focus on the connections between hearts and "love" more in the friendship, spiritual sense as it is mainly portrayed in the KH series itself instead of romance, which always leaves some characters out, I deliberately decided to portray SRK more involved in a trio sense.
Although that does of course not mean there won't be some Sora/Riku, Sora/Kairi or Riku/Kairi interaction, just not in a romantic/shipping sense.
(What some readers interpret into some scenes, regardless which characters involved, is their choice and I won't interfere with that as long as they keep my original intention in mind.)

These things we see now with Riku (and it's not too long until we see something of Kairi too) are all connected with the issues concerning Sora.
You'll see eventually how they come together, as for Sora's "plan", we'll get something about that in chapter 27.

It will surely become more exicting as the story will by now keep on increasing the pace, with new puzzle pieces introduced that may already fit together with some already laid out.

Yep, I just love those cliffhangers. What will Riku see and learn in this memory he entered? Why has he access to it? What's with the weird Darkness that shortly had a hold of his arm?

Couldn't resist with Scrooge, lol, it's gonna be dull after a while if only Donald and Goofy are in for the comedy.

 

[ShailsTDSPT]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

I have a fanfic in here actually, but I stopped posting it since it happens after KH3D and as such, it will have spoilers. I will start posting again the day KH3D-related things stop being spoilers around here though.

Kingdom Hearts - Light and Darkness

PS: The only chapter there is the prologue and it doesn't have spoilers, it is just an encounter by 2 characters created by me. Many things might seem random (like the presence of Oblivion and how the first man knew how to obtain it) but they will all click with each other, Kingdom Hearts style, when I begin posting it again.

 

[D.D.D]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Wow, this chapter is one of the best so far! I love the SRK stuff, so it was inevitable. Though, poor Riku, he's having some issues, isn't he? I love the ending, too. I've always been excited for when Terra and Riku actually meet in the games.

You're still going strong. Keep it up.

 

[Nov]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

Glad you like it, *ggg*, we really had a lot of fighting in the last few chapters, so I might have brought this change of pace exactly at the right moment.
Well, the gummi ship travel from Destiny Islands to Disney Castle was a welcome excuse to put the focus on other characters, as while SRK may be the main trio, I don't want them to hog the spotlight too much, especially as long as many of the different plotlines are still separate.
Donald and Goofy are always the main opportunity for comedy, which is why they shouldn't be ditched completely in any way, as those little tidbits also serve to not drown the reader in all the serious and/or dramatic episodes. There will be enough drama and heartwrenching later on, so these small lighthearted spots will surely be welcomed I assume.

Of course it's going to be different reading a chapter looking for errors or just concentrating on the story, and as you noticed, both sides get certain advantages out of it. I see where I might have messed up and can correct it while you get to know the continuation a bit in advance.

Heh, writing Riku in this mode is often a bit of a challenge since the context has to be watched. If I don't do this, Riku could come over sometimes as mean.
This time around I also wanted to emphasize Riku's lack of patience when people start to mess around at the wrong time (like Sora and Kairi bickering while Mickey expects to be filled in on what happened, Donald only spilling out the truth half-heartedly and also because time is short).
Since these people are all his friends and allies, he does make his disapproval clear in the sarcastic, humorous way though.
That he's worried about Sora this much is only natural after what happened at the breakfast table in chapter 14/15, but what bothers him on top of this is that Sora refuses to let others help him because that's untypical for his friend, more like Riku himself acts often and what Sora asked him to stop in KH2.

Ah yes, Mickey, so what is it that makes you like "my" version of KH-Mickey better than the actual game-Mickey?
Maybe because he's more active? We partly see his thoughts and actions?
As for the background of his character in HiU: Mickey surely has a lot on his plate right now, he knows that Xehanort will return and their current power levels are no match for him. Then there's of course Yen Sid's warning that they may face not a "single Xehanort" (and no, this doesn't include DDD spoilers, my story was planned before DDD was out in Japan) and he himself still feeling bad inside for being unable to save the BBS-Trio ten years ago.
Furthermore he's uneasy with having to place more burdens on SRK, especially since he has a suspicion where Ven's injured heart might be but doesn't yet know how to verify his assumption without possibly harming Sora.

Haha, yeah, it is evil, and creating so much suspense. *ggg*
What the heck could this darkness be? Riku clearly says it's not his own...and then there was that specter of Ansem SoD in the stone quarry in chapter 15/16, hehehe. Could that be somehow related?

Chapter 25 will be posted this weekend. ^__^

Yeah, I think so! A nice breather here and then we can keep going with some fierce fighting again, haha. ;D
I also think that you made a good decision with that. SRK will probably get even more focused in the latter part of the story when things get more intense and some things start to reveal. Therefore I think it's good that you do not overwhelm with the focus that much and give space to other characters when there is still an opportunity for that as that might not be the case later on with all the intense stuff happening and so on.
It definitely is! It's already a small change of pace within a chapter so it brings some variety to them. And then the sadder and more intense themes aren't so overwhelming as you said yourself.

Haha yeah, I don't know, that was kind of an obvious comment from my part. It's still nice though, that it feels different. And I think that proofreading increases my verbal skills as well. Maybe not directly but indirectly at least. And yes, of course, haha, the main prize of getting to read chapters in advance, whee. It's also nice that I'm able to help with this great project of yours~

Mm, Riku is a very complicated character. I would claim that he is a bit more complicated to write than Sora for example, because he is slightly more difficult to relate to? I might be wrong though. I'm just assuming here after all. c:
I think you succeeded very well in that. I guess that proofs it that I didn't have to point out anything about him character-wise, haha.
True! And I didn't think about that at all. Haha, that makes sense though.

It actually might be that. As I played DDD through, he became much more likable for me as he took a more active role in the story. But I also very much like it how well you write him.
Also that background story makes him more interesting and also makes him to be more relatable as a character in my opinion. I guess it also makes easier for me at least to understand his actions. Also looking forward to it how that background story will show when we get further in to the story.

Susssspense. It is evil but a necessary evil.
Hmm hmm hmm. Makes me think. Although it doesn't solve the puzzle for me yet, haha.


And now back to the latest chapter.

I love it how serious the chapter is at first, with an unknown darkness looming in there, everyone naturally being worried and so on. Then it changes a direction (not totally but still) to a more heart-warming atmosphere with the cute SRK moment in the middle. Then it again changes direction in the end, when Riku is alone and starts seeing things.

Also, it's so nice to see Terra~ Even though there wasn't a whole lot of him yet but still. I also love it how Riku actually remembers and recognizes him.

And evil cliffhangers are evil. I love the build up for the next chapter which is absolutely... aargh~ loved it.

All in all, a solid chapter (that we can always expect from these chapters though~<3) and a very nice "bridge" to the following chapter~ whee.

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 25 posted)

I have a fanfic in here actually, but I stopped posting it since it happens after KH3D and as such, it will have spoilers. I will start posting again the day KH3D-related things stop being spoilers around here though.

Kingdom Hearts - Light and Darkness

PS: The only chapter there is the prologue and it doesn't have spoilers, it is just an encounter by 2 characters created by me. Many things might seem random (like the presence of Oblivion and how the first man knew how to obtain it) but they will all click with each other, Kingdom Hearts style, when I begin posting it again.

Alrighty, I'll take a look at it next Weekend when I have some time and see if I can give any hints.

Wow, this chapter is one of the best so far! I love the SRK stuff, so it was inevitable. Though, poor Riku, he's having some issues, isn't he? I love the ending, too. I've always been excited for when Terra and Riku actually meet in the games.

You're still going strong. Keep it up.

Heh, thanks. Yep, I try to give Kairi more inclusion into the plot without having her take too much away from the other main characters. SRK is said to be a trio, yet the games themselves often fail to portray them as such, so I try to compensate a bit for that.
It won't also be long now until we will have the main focus on Kairi for a while.
Riku does have some issues still, indeed, although the "foreign darkness" does not come from his own problems or insecurities. That does have a bigger meaning connected to the main plot.
It won't be long now until Riku finally meets Terra, keep in mind though that this specific case right now is a memory, as Riku already noticed.

The pace and mystery may only be increasing from now on, lol. I'm surely trying to keep it up or even top what we have so far.

Yeah, I think so! A nice breather here and then we can keep going with some fierce fighting again, haha. ;D
I also think that you made a good decision with that. SRK will probably get even more focused in the latter part of the story when things get more intense and some things start to reveal. Therefore I think it's good that you do not overwhelm with the focus that much and give space to other characters when there is still an opportunity for that as that might not be the case later on with all the intense stuff happening and so on.
It definitely is! It's already a small change of pace within a chapter so it brings some variety to them. And then the sadder and more intense themes aren't so overwhelming as you said yourself.

Haha yeah, I don't know, that was kind of an obvious comment from my part. It's still nice though, that it feels different. And I think that proofreading increases my verbal skills as well. Maybe not directly but indirectly at least. And yes, of course, haha, the main prize of getting to read chapters in advance, whee. It's also nice that I'm able to help with this great project of yours~

Mm, Riku is a very complicated character. I would claim that he is a bit more complicated to write than Sora for example, because he is slightly more difficult to relate to? I might be wrong though. I'm just assuming here after all. c:
I think you succeeded very well in that. I guess that proofs it that I didn't have to point out anything about him character-wise, haha.
True! And I didn't think about that at all. Haha, that makes sense though.

It actually might be that. As I played DDD through, he became much more likable for me as he took a more active role in the story. But I also very much like it how well you write him.
Also that background story makes him more interesting and also makes him to be more relatable as a character in my opinion. I guess it also makes easier for me at least to understand his actions. Also looking forward to it how that background story will show when we get further in to the story.

Susssspense. It is evil but a necessary evil.
Hmm hmm hmm. Makes me think. Although it doesn't solve the puzzle for me yet, haha.


And now back to the latest chapter.

I love it how serious the chapter is at first, with an unknown darkness looming in there, everyone naturally being worried and so on. Then it changes a direction (not totally but still) to a more heart-warming atmosphere with the cute SRK moment in the middle. Then it again changes direction in the end, when Riku is alone and starts seeing things.

Also, it's so nice to see Terra~ Even though there wasn't a whole lot of him yet but still. I also love it how Riku actually remembers and recognizes him.

And evil cliffhangers are evil. I love the build up for the next chapter which is absolutely... aargh~ loved it.

All in all, a solid chapter (that we can always expect from these chapters though~<3) and a very nice "bridge" to the following chapter~ whee.

As I now looked at my already written chapters, we won't have anymore heavy fighting until chapter 33, lol. But much more sadder, intense themes plus more mystery stuff, so the breather still counts.
Furthermore it serves to give out a bit more SRK-Trio interaction which the games so far sorely lack.
Well, some characters like the Radiant Garden-FF gang or several side characters will surely have their roles reduced a bit later on, especially when Xehanort finally enters the picture, but SRK still won't hog all of the spotlight as there are several characters who hold nearly equal importance to them.

Yep, but still true.
On one hand it's nice to see someone say to me (in a certain manner of course): Hey, you wrote nonsense here, that can be written better!, lol, since it helps improving. Yet it's also always the most entertaining to me when readers theorize and wonder about the plot. *ggg*.
Indeed, in essence you are always a tad ahead of the other readers and I hope you stick with this great project.

It's true that Riku is a bit more complex, also because it takes much consideration to decide in which situation I can, for example, allow Riku to be more emotional, since he's normally quite collected it has to be really an impacting scene and also be rare to have Riku go more emotional.
The main problem with writing several of those "younger" characters is though that I tend to write their speech too sophisticated and not casual enough though in several cases.
With Sora there's also the problem that I need him to be a bit more perceptive yet also moody for actual story purposes, but that has to be done without ditching his general core, friendly and cheerful personality.
Yup, this partly weird behaviour of Sora will eventually be cleared up, all I can say right now though is that it has to do with the sensitivity of his heart.

Mickey will indeed become a major player in the whole struggle, soon to be also out of personal reasons in additions to those I already mentioned.
The King is after all one of the "Major 13", the group of thirteen characters which hold the most importance in the story not counting the main villains.
In fact, by now nine of the thirteen majors are already revealed, and next chapter will already be the next.
I have already set up the "character rosters" for the prologue and chapter 1 with the Major 13 as pictures, and here's the status we have right now:

Spoiler Show

These pictures take ridiculously long to make, but I want to someday make also one for the antagonists, the neutral party and the support characters, lol.

Great you see it that way, *ggg*, sometimes I really wonder how strikingly fitting I set these cliffhangers.
This puzzle will be made completely clear in chapter 33, although there is some hint already towards the nature of that darkness in the chapter you currently proofread, chapter 27.

---

I tried to give the first part of the chapter this tense feeling of a looming, unknown danger above their heads, good if it came over that way.

The following SRK-moments clearly serve as a welcome opportunity to involve Kairi a bit further, let Sora be Sora (changing to goofy and cheerful rather fast) and finally show some true trio-moments between them.
Heh, that the focus then changes to Riku is also a bit of a surprise, isn't it? I could bet that readers may expect to see Sora acting on his ominous "plan" he spoke about. ^___^
No worries though, we'll see what's up with Sora soon enough, you already have part of it with, again, chapter 27, which is really a key chapter I now realize.

Yep, like Riku already noticed, it's only a memory he sees, so it's not really Terra in person he sees.

You'll learn to live with those cliffhangers, hehehe. I just can't miss the opportunities for such build-ups.
The next chapter will come in around an hour.

At least it is a bridge, imagine I had changed location and focus again like with chapter 5 to 6, lol. ;P

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

So, now here we go with chapter 26.
As usual, in an extra post from the answers to the reviews in order to make it easier to find from the first page in the chapter-overview.

#####

XXVI. Watching glimpses of a tragedy
​

I-I never came around to know his name, but he's the one who chose me. The one who reaffirmed to me there are outside worlds, the one who I want to meet when I'm finally free to roam the worlds.

The young man walked towards Riku now but without noticing him. He noticed the man's expression to be a mixture of anger, determination, sadness and pain.

A new gust of wind soared over the pillar and Riku additionally noticed that there was another person which had stood there behind him before the brown-haired young man arrived.

Turning around Riku nearly froze in surprise and disgust, a creepy feeling slowly slithering down his spine.
Ugh, that aura is, evil, even more evil than, haaah!!?

There stood an old man with a crooked back and hunched shoulders. Riku noticed immediately that the man's outer appearance was in no way reminiscent of what he was capable of.
What creeped him out the most was that he wore clothes strikingly similar to Ansem, Seeker of Darkness and his golden, cold eyes emanated the same cold ruthlessness and malice.

The old man had an awaiting, seemingly satisfied expression as the troubled young man reached him now.

Raising his arms, the old guy started to speak.
"Admirably done. I knew this was a journey you could make--over the unseen wall that divides darkness and light. And I was not wrong, Terra!"

Terra! So that's his name, but this old dude, he's giving me the chills.

Turning his head to see Terra's reaction, Riku realized with some shock that his face was even more pained and full of anger towards the old man.

He made a hissing sound, indicating how barely he was able to tame his anger.
"My friend, Ven!"

A flash of rotating small cubes and light formed at Terra's right arm, obviously indicating the summoning of a Keyblade.
Ghh, he's really angry, what is transpiring here!?
The Keyblade fully formed and Riku recognized it as the same he had touched when he was five years old as Terra snarled at the old man in an accusing tone.
"you tell me, Xehanort--what did you do to him?"

XEHANORT??? Riku turned to the old man again, totally baffled.
He didn't understand. This guy was even older than Ansem the Wise. He could never be Ansem's apprentice.
One thing I can understand however. It seems that this 'Xehanort' did something horrible to a friend of Terra as he's so upset and antagonistic to that old dude!

The teen shivered even more, a cold sensation running down his spine as he saw the reaction of the old man 'Xehanort' towards Terra's outburst of pain-stricken anger.
That rotten, he displays a gleeful smile, he is probably WORSE than Ansem! A sadistic grandpa, urgh.

Xehanort indeed made a gleeful grin, which infuriated Terra even more, much to Xehanort's delight as his golden eyes send out the clear signal how much he was enjoying this.

Putting his hands on his back he finally shot an answer.
"Why, I did him a favor and freed the darkness inside him. Alas, poor Ventus never had the fortitude for such strenuous trials."

Bringing his hands forward again flexing his fingers in a weird manner the old man's smile even deepened at the second sentence.

"Xehanort!!!" Terra yelled in fury, going into a battle stance.

Riku felt sweat running down his body, cold and uncomfortable, his mouth twitching in disgust.
He IS worse than Ansem, what a sadistic prick.

He could only see that old 'Xehanort' gave away a low chuckle as in a dark flash a Keyblade appeared in his right hand just before the weird kaleidoscope swirl appeared again, taking him away from the scene.

Trying to ignore the dancing colors Riku tried to reminisce all what he had just learned.
Let's see, I got three names here. Terra, the brown haired young guy who I met on the islands when I was five, then that creepy old dude called 'Xehanort' and Ventus, or "Ven, who apparently is a very close friend of Terra.
And why the heck was there Kingdom Hearts in the sky? Why do I have access to this memory at all? From which time is it anyways? Whose memory is it? Terra's? Creep-Xehanort's? Ventus's? No, the last is unlikely as only Terra and Creep-Xehanort were there.
Quite the mess is happening here.

Spotting a small dark spot in the swirl Riku turned his body around diving for it, landing again in the barren wasteland, but this time without the big rock pillar, arriving in a wide field covered with countless Keyblades struck into the ground.

Another memory, ah, is this before or after? Before I would say as Kingdom Hearts is nowhere to be seen and the many Keyblades are more or less stuck around orderly, not lying in a complete mess.

He now spotted that the Keyblades where forming a sort of crossroads and Terra was standing there in the middle, looking around somewhat uneasy.

Shortly after, he turned his head into the direction of one of the 'roads' formed by the countless Keyblades.
This is a creepy, weird place, so many Keyblades, and this place reeks of uneasiness.

Turning his head to follow Terra's gaze Riku spotted now a young woman with blue hair approaching him, across her chest two pink straps which sported the same badge Terra had on his belt, only in silver.

Her outfit was held mostly in black, blue and white colors with additional white bell-sleeves and her stern blue eyes emanated some strictness but also concern.
Riku was always pretty good in guessing people's ages and he deduced that she must be two or three years younger than Terra, so most likely in her late teens around 18 or 19.

As she reached Terra, obviously not noticing Riku, as he was only there as an invisible spectator, a short, awkward silence followed where she looked uneasy apparently trying to find suitable words.

Raising her glance directly at Terra now she spoke in a somewhat exhausted, wary manner.
"I was told...the Master was struck down."

On that Terra's expression twitched painfully, him closing his eyes for a moment.
"Uh, Yes...that's right. I was stupid and helped Xehanort do it."

What? He helped Xehanort to commit a murder?
Riku could not believe it.

The woman gasped in shock, her face turning to a very pained expression.

Terra faced her without flinching, raising one hand helplessly as he spoke on.
"The Master--he tried to hurt Ven. I only fought because I wanted to protect him."

His face darkened, Riku could grasp the dilemma within the situation.
So that's it, the Master of Terra and this woman tried to hurt Terra's close friend and he was forced to make a choice, reminds me somewhat of me.

The young woman sighed in defeat, looking even more pained than before.

"But I was tricked. Xehanort set the whole thing up--all so he could awaken the darkness inside me. You were right, Aqua--and so was the Master. I did need to be watched. I went astray--but no more."
Terra's voice was determined now, determined and remorseful while Riku felt his disdain of that old man 'Xehanort' increase to another level.

It became apparent more and more that he was watching glimpses of a tragedy in these memories and Terra's situation with his darkness was not unlike his own.
It's painfully obvious Terra had problems with controlling his own darkness and another darkness user was manipulating him and using that to his own advantage.
I can't shake off the feeling that this old dude 'Xehanort' and Ansem, Seeker of Darkness are connected in a more deep manner, and therefore also Xemnas and 'Xehanort', the apprentice of Ansem the Wise.

The young woman called 'Aqua' looked up again, meeting Terra's glance.
"What else is darkness but hate and rage? Xehanort is feeding the dark fires within you--making you fight. You'll go astray again. Tell me--how does that honor our Master's memory, Terra?"
Terra sighed again as he looked away from Aqua, obviously a third person arriving at the crossroads.
Riku could only barely see that this one was noticeable smaller than both Terra and Aqua before the weird kaleidoscope swirl appeared again and prevented him from getting a clear view of the third person.

Damn it, what's going on here, I, woah.

All of a sudden the swirl ended, all colors vanishing and Riku was plunged into a dark ocean, water all around him.

Twitching around and flailing his limbs the first thing he wondered about was that he could breathe despite being submerged in water.
Well, it's a dream 'world' or something, my physical 'self' is lying inside a bed in Disney Castle, hah? Is that, Terra?

In a short way below him a half-transparent figure was floating that looked extremely similar to Terra.
Starting swimming motions, he tried to close the distance between them.
The nearer he got, the more he could understand Terra's words, which were ridden with anger directed at himself and a heart-stabbing despaired tone.

"It's my fault all this happened. I was not strong enough to protect you. But I will never let him win. One day, I will set this right and save you, Aqua! Ven!"

He's blaming himself, for failing his friends? Putting them in danger? Taking part in the murder of his Master? He's so much like I was a year ago.

"Terra, I know you can fight and defeat the darkness, I have faith in you. That's why I-"
The voice of Aqua was only heard faintly and was getting weaker.

"Aqua, I don't disappear..." Terra stretched out his arms in the general direction of the voice, his own voice faltering.

"I am sorry I could not do more!" Aqua's voice sounded even more far away, causing Terra to let out a howl which surprised Riku, as well as the third voice suddenly cutting in, a bit brighter than Terra's and somewhat weak, but certainly a male one.

"I-I did it, I prevented him from gaining the χ-blade. It hurts so much but the price was worth it. Terra, I can't see nor feel anything besides pain, but, I saved you, Aqua and the worlds from that dreaded weapon. Even if we suffer we prevented him from archiving his evil plot!"
χ-blade? But what is he talking about? There are many Keyblades!?

Terra threw his head and arms around in the other direction and Riku had by now swum so near that he could see Terra's pained and self-loathing expression as he tried to grasp for the disembodied voice.
"Ven!!! I swear, he will pay for all the agony he put you and us through, He will pay for everything! And I will find a way to save you and mend all that pain. Aqua and you are the one reason that keeps pushing me forward to continue fighting, regardless the price I WILL SAVE you both!"

#####

Well, well, did anyone expect this to happen? *ggg*

 

[Key Wielder]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

Quite the unexpected happening in this chapter, to be sure, but it was very enjoyable. I like your take on Riku's thoughts and emotions as he sees what happened to Terra and begins to understand the parallels between them. Is he seeing these memories and Terra's thoughts because Terra's heart, or at the very least a part of it, is inside his own like Ven's is in Sora's? (You don't have to answer if you'd rather make the real reason a surprise. c: ) I also really like the fact that Terra is still connected to Aqua and Ventus in spite of his own situation; it's something I sort of hope we find out actually has happened in the games after that touching part of Blank Points with him and Ven in the Land of Departure.

I really enjoyed this chapter like the rest, and the humorous additions here and there ("sadistic grandpa") do a lot to lighten the mood in these darker chapters. Congratulations on and thank you for chapter twenty-six.

 

[ShailsTDSPT]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

Keep it up! Loved this chapter as well. I really wanted to see (read) how Riku's face would be when he saw Ventus...

 

[D.D.D]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

You portrayed Terra's emotions and dialogue perfectly (the parts that weren't entirely from the game, I mean). The situation Terra has been put in has always been far more intriguing to me than Aqua's or Ven's (though both of their fates are extremely tragic and interesting). I mean, he was stuck between a darkness that was natural within him and the anger of his Master/adopted father. Plus, he had the weight of protecting his best friends on his shoulder. For those very reasons, Terra is my favorite of the BBS trio, Ven behind him and Aqua in a very close third.

Riku's reactions to Terra's dark moments also seemed spot on. I especially loved the part where he was like, "What a sadistic grandpa/prick.". I know it was supposed to be a more serious moment, but just thinking of Riku thinking that made me giggle.

Anyways, the connection and future interaction between Riku and Terra is a very interesting subject, and I'm glad you decided to cover them in your story. Like I said before, authors of KH3-fic often forget to cover the deep feelings and subjects of KH and more just focus on adventure. Not that adventure is bad, but it's nice to see that you highlight these aspects of the games' stories.

Another great chapter, Sephi. I think you're probably my favorite KH fanfic writer ever.

 

[Roxie1563]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

Hey, I'm new here, but I love your story!! I wonder when the next few chapters will be up.. I want to know more like what's Sora's plan is, Roxas and Ven discussing about what happend to Ven, and so on... get it up right now! xD

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

Quite the unexpected happening in this chapter, to be sure, but it was very enjoyable. I like your take on Riku's thoughts and emotions as he sees what happened to Terra and begins to understand the parallels between them. Is he seeing these memories and Terra's thoughts because Terra's heart, or at the very least a part of it, is inside his own like Ven's is in Sora's? (You don't have to answer if you'd rather make the real reason a surprise. c: ) I also really like the fact that Terra is still connected to Aqua and Ventus in spite of his own situation; it's something I sort of hope we find out actually has happened in the games after that touching part of Blank Points with him and Ven in the Land of Departure.

I really enjoyed this chapter like the rest, and the humorous additions here and there ("sadistic grandpa") do a lot to lighten the mood in these darker chapters. Congratulations on and thank you for chapter twenty-six.

I know, Riku actually seeing stuff from BBS and diving through his sleep into his own heart was not something that could be expected, lol.
Riku slowly realizing all this has of course a bigger purpose than the eye can see yet. The next chapter may also add even more intriguing stuff to the plate.
Why Riku can access Terra's memories and actually see an apparition of him now will remain indeed a mystery for a while, but it is correct to assume that "something" of Terra is grounded inside Riku's heart.

If by connection you're referring to the "voices" of Aqua and Ven that Terra ( and Riku by extension) are hearing, you are in for another small surprise next chapter.

Heheh, this thoughts were actually intended to show Riku's disgust at MX since he's clearly above Ansem SoD in terms of creepiness.
Thanks. ^__^

Keep it up! Loved this chapter as well. I really wanted to see (read) how Riku's face would be when he saw Ventus...

Glad to hear that. Heh, well, that's the point of the whole "pulling Riku out of the memory", lol, he is not supposed to see Ven's appearance yet. ;D

You portrayed Terra's emotions and dialogue perfectly (the parts that weren't entirely from the game, I mean). The situation Terra has been put in has always been far more intriguing to me than Aqua's or Ven's (though both of their fates are extremely tragic and interesting). I mean, he was stuck between a darkness that was natural within him and the anger of his Master/adopted father. Plus, he had the weight of protecting his best friends on his shoulder. For those very reasons, Terra is my favorite of the BBS trio, Ven behind him and Aqua in a very close third.

Riku's reactions to Terra's dark moments also seemed spot on. I especially loved the part where he was like, "What a sadistic grandpa/prick.". I know it was supposed to be a more serious moment, but just thinking of Riku thinking that made me giggle.

Anyways, the connection and future interaction between Riku and Terra is a very interesting subject, and I'm glad you decided to cover them in your story. Like I said before, authors of KH3-fic often forget to cover the deep feelings and subjects of KH and more just focus on adventure. Not that adventure is bad, but it's nice to see that you highlight these aspects of the games' stories.

Another great chapter, Sephi. I think you're probably my favorite KH fanfic writer ever.

When I wrote those scenes in the chapter I rewatched the corresponding scenes in BBS theater to get a better feeling on how Terra "ticks".
Terra's situation was much like that he had only the best intentions but partly messed up and partly was manipulated the whole time by Xehanort. In contrast to that, Ventus was practically used as a tool the whole time (strikingly similar to Roxas again) and struggled to escape from the "destiny" that was engineered for him by his old master while Aqua was torn between her sense of duty and the loyalty to her friends.

Like I said above, that was intended to show Riku's growing disgust towards MX, but although I wrote this chapter way before DDD came out, one may nonetheless compare it to Riku's exchange with Ansem SoD in La Cité des Cloches:

Spoiler Show

Ansem: So sad, the cost of yielding to the darkness.

Riku: Yeah, you could write a book about that!

These sarcastic, dry comments are a staple of Riku's character, lol.

Well, that's the main intention behind my story in any case. The adventure and battles are only ingredients helping to move the story along. The connections and interactions between the characters are what I make the core points of the story and I try to do it in enough detail for at least all the main characters, that's also why I choose to completely neglect any form of romance. The character relationships combined with the actual plot of the whole story are what make the whole tale so incredibly long.

It's also a great opportunity to drive deeper into these things since written media can cover this way better than any game could.

Thanks, oi, you're flattering me. *ggg*

Hey, I'm new here, but I love your story!! I wonder when the next few chapters will be up.. I want to know more like what's Sora's plan is, Roxas and Ven discussing about what happend to Ven, and so on... get it up right now! xD

Welcome new reader, good to haveyou on board. If everything goes right the next chapter maybe up this weekend. As for Sora's plan, that will be addressed in the next chapter.
Roxas and Ven still have some break time so Ven can further recuperate. As for exchanging their stories, that will have to wait even longer. I won't go into any details yet, but Ventus recuperating right now will be needed.

 

[Roxie1563]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 26 posted)

Ahh, ok.. but glad to see that the next chapter is coming up soon.. I'm sure you hear this lot from others here, but you're one awesome KH Canon Writer ever! Have you ever thought about being an "New York Best Seller" writer? I have, but apparently, you have to take some classes to know the finer art of 'writing', pft. But oh, well; what can you do about it? ha.

 

[Sephiroth0812]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 27 posted)

Ahh, ok.. but glad to see that the next chapter is coming up soon.. I'm sure you hear this lot from others here, but you're one awesome KH Canon Writer ever! Have you ever thought about being an "New York Best Seller" writer? I have, but apparently, you have to take some classes to know the finer art of 'writing', pft. But oh, well; what can you do about it? ha.

It's here right now.
Every statement of praise is appreciated and furthers the motivation to go on, so thanks for that.
I'm afraid I haven't heard of that yet, lol, and I'm not sure if a writer from Europe could even participate in this.
Not to mention my story surely has not yet that high quality. It's my first serious try in English after all.
If you really strive for that you should get going and practice.

---

Any more PMs, VMs and messages will have to be addressed later in the week as it's already nearly midnight again here, but this time I'll keep my word and give at least the next chapter:

#####

XXVII. Painful night
​

With some bitterness Riku realized that the voices of the other two were not really there. He was somehow deeply connected with Terra's mind and the voices of Aqua and Ventus were figments of his imagination.
He's agonizing himself so much, maybe I can help somehow!

"Hey! Terra, isn't it? Do you remember me?" Riku shouted out loud, having by now nearly reached the older man.
Terra swirled around as he heard him, his expression showing surprise.
"Can it be you? The one I passed the power on so long ago?"

Riku made a small smile. "So you do remember, I don't exactly know what's going on and what you're doing in my heart, but I saw some of your memories and the tragedy that seems to have befallen you. Let me try to help!"

"You saw some- what? Your heart??? What in all, aagh." Terra's answer was interrupted when he was swatted aside by a stream of dark tendrils lashing out from below, some forming a dark hand which grabbed Riku and pushed him upwards.
What the heck, it's that dreaded foreign darkness again, nnngh, no, lemme go!

Riku tried to push against the dark hand which was aiming to shove him out of his own heart, which infuriated him, his rage boiling up because he also wanted to talk with Terra.
Let go, you creeper!
"Is that you? ANSEM?" He yelled in rage, summoning Way to the Dawn to hack away at the dark hand.

"What the heck is this...ugh, no!" Several dark tendrils swung at Terra like whips, throwing him around like a ragdoll.

"Terra!" Riku shouted in shock as another tendril swatted Way to the Dawn out of his hand.
Agh, this goddamn darkness!

"Don't try to fight it like that! It's useless!" Terra's voice came from below and Riku could now see him dodging several of the dark tendrils.
"I'll try to find the source and then contact you, give me at least your name!"

Nodding, he accepted the inevitable now as he felt his powers growing weaker, the foreign darkness apparently eating away at them again.
"The name's Riku!"

"Got it! See ya later, Riku, your appearance renewed my spirits quite a bunch, thanks!" Terra closed one eye blinking at the silverhaired teen once.

Liar!
The silverhaired one thought with a small smirk.

Heavily gasping, soaked in sweat Riku awakened in the physical world.
Pressing his left hand against his face he groaned, his head hurting from the experiences inside Terra's memories and his own heart.
Confusion, compassion for Terra, confusion at the mysteries I stumbled upon, argh.
I wanted to get to know him and learn more, and then this damned foreign darkness had to interfere!!!

Looking at his left arm his expression changed to a grim one; the dark creepy aura was back around it and he felt it slowly nibbling at his own powers, his heart.
Agh, enough.

A buzzing noise let him stiffen, slowly turning around in his bed not really wanting to see the source of that noise.
Now sweating heavier, Riku's eyes flickered while he slowly moved his nearly stunned body.

What, the, heck?
A small strand of darkness had diverged from the aura covering his arm, forming a creature which made the buzzing sound.

Now facing the middle of the room, Riku had free sight to spot a small blue creature sitting on the floor staring at him with creepy red eyes, making some irrational movements in some intervals.

What the heck is THAT? It's not a Heartless and also no Nobody!???
It also seems to be docile, at least right now. It doesn't attack me.

The small blue creature seemed indeed to have no interest in attacking Riku. It just sat there, twitching sometimes but otherwise staring at the silverhaired teen.

"Who or what are you? Can you communicate?" He tried to address the creature to no avail.
Seems not like it, damn. Will the weirdness ever cease to increase?

Two more strands of darkness diverged from the aura, forming two more blue creatures. To Riku's great horror they now sank into the ground, slipping through the door.
NO! They're heading to Sora or Kairi!!!

He threw aside the blankets, rushing out into the corridor by kicking his own door open, just barely seeing the three moving blue dots disappear under the door to Sora's room.

No, you just won't you devious blue rats!
Throwing open also Sora's door he didn't need more than a fraction of a second to check the situation.
Sora was throwing himself around inside his bed, agitated, mumbling something Riku could not bother to try to understand now.

The three blue creatures took on a normal form again and started to quickly rush towards Sora's bed.
Summoning Way to the Dawn Riku leaped forward, slicing the first creature cleanly in half.

The creature disappeared in a small black flame, squeaking in a low tone. Rushing further forward he stabbed the second creature, hearing a faint, far away short cry of pain.

Huh? What was that?
The third blue creature had by now reached the bed and leaped straight up targeting Sora's chest as Riku grabbed the creature by the neck, squeezing it.

A strangled cry was faintly heard, and noticing there was probably a connection Riku took the creature and slammed it against the wall before impaling it on Way to the Dawn.

The dark aura covering his left arm flared up a bit and he felt it sucking on his own darkness again.
Enough! Take THIS! Cloaking Way to the Dawn in light Riku let it sweep down on his own left arm, proficiently only hitting the dark aura which vanished with a creepy sounding screech.
What by all worlds is happening, let this night end we need to talk thoroughly with Mickey.

Diverting his attention to Sora he cringed as a painful feeling squeezed his heart. The brunette was still twitching agitated in his sleep, the forehead covered in sweat as he apparently was desperately trying to achieve something.

As he contemplated if he should wake Sora and try to comfort him the other boy suddenly spoke in his sleep, desperate and confused.

"Why? Why is this happening? Why can't I get in!?"

Huh? Sora, what are you?
"Oh please, is that you? I know you are hurting very much, but are you really so embittered you would even shut out me?"

What? Dear crap, is it what I think it is?
Riku slowly extended his right hand, realizing what Sora apparently was trying to do but failed, which should not be possible.

"You can't block me out of my own heart, that's crazy!" Sora mumbled again.
"Ever since I came to know that you were born from me I wanted to meet you, so please let me at least in. Remove that ridiculously high black wall!"

Riku sank back into the chair beside Sora's bed. No, can it really be?
Hiding his face between his hands he sighed loudly, his heart cringing itself together even more in pain.

That's ridiculous, especially after that situation at the Castle that never was. He would certainly not go that far, if he even can do that. What happened inside Sora's heart?
Can it really be that you're still so bitter and angry, Roxas, even after accepting?

The pain he felt now was small, but so very much uncomfortable because he knew if this was really the case neither he nor anyother was justified in casting out blame.
Wait, Sora said black wall, is it that same cursed foreign darkness which, also bothers me?
The symptoms are similar, I got 'ejected' from my own heart and Sora doesn't manage to even get in.
Heck, who would be so cruel and rotten to shut out people's minds and consciousnesses from their own hearts, in no way however Sora's nobody'that's as clear as a polished diamond.

Sighing again Riku stood up and proceeded to try to wake Sora up. Struggling on like this was meaningless at the moment.

He gripped his friend by the shoulders, starting to slightly shake him.
"Sora. Wake up. Don't overdo it."
"No'I can't, the torment! I need to understand it, especially the one directly tied to me."
Sora pushed Riku away, still asleep somewhat, his face showing more and more strain.

"Don't you understand? I only want to help you, why do you block me out? Are you mad because I didn't try it earlier!?"
"Sora, I'm sure it isn't Roxas who's blocking you out!" Riku whispered with emphasis, shaking him further.

"Mmmh, what, whoever you are, let me in!" Sora now nearly snarled frustrated, trying to pull away from Riku while throwing himself around again.

Sighing, Riku resorted to the last option and slapped Sora across the cheek. "Wake up!"

That did it, the brown haired boy shot up in the bed, blue eyes wide open and his left hand shooting up to his cheek.
"Ooouch, Riku! What a rough waking!"

"Had no other choice, stubborn idiot!" Riku retorted, giving him additionally a knock over the head.
Now remembering what he had tried and failed to do the brunette ignored the head knock, sighing loudly with a very unhappy face.
"I-I so totally don't understand. I can't consciously remember reaching out and try to reach into my own heart by my own will, but this, why was there a big wall with black bricks preventing my entry?"

"Sora, I-I am really convinced it would not be him who does this. He's not the type of person who would do something like that. I rather suspect it is the same foreign darkness that just expelled me out of my own heart or something related to it."

He looked at him uneasily. "Who or what would do something like this, and how is it even possible? So you were also diving into your heart and then forced out?"
Sora's eyes went even wider.

"I have no idea yet, still, what did you think to accomplish by trying to reach into your own heart? Do you really think you can heal the torment all on your own already?"

"I thought I told you earlier, I got an idea and a suspicion during the flight. I-I really was not completely honest that night on the Islands. I heard not one but two horrible screams and had a small stab in my heart between them. Then that wave of pain later, and I also know that Roxas, my Nobody, is now inside me. I fear it's him who's in such pain and I wanted to try and reach him to finally, finally meet him and get some answers, and if possible, ease the pain even if I can't heal it!"

Riku gasped as a single small tear rolled down his best friend's cheek.
"And also, because I feel like I am partly responsible for it for failing to contact him earlier, he must feel abandoned!" The brunette hissed in a bitter tone so totally untypical for him.

#####

Seems like Sora has a bigger problem at hand huh? Being denied entry in his own heart isn't to be taken lightly while Riku's and Terra's meeting got interrupted quite harshly by the "foreign darkness".

Next time though we'll take a look at what's up with Kairi and some more connections.

 

[Roxie1563]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 27 posted)

Ahh, it was getting too good!! Dx lol, but wow, riku actually got to talk to Terra.. Amazing!! but to see sora not being able to access his own heart.. that has to be worse! Dang you Forigen Darkness!! .... give us more, Sephy!! This is really getting good! Also, that creature... that was the Universed!! How?? they were destroyed alongside with Vantius by Ven!! My mind is really blown up! :O

 

[Key Wielder]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 27 posted)

Sora not being able to access his own heart is just...wow. I'm glad it isn't Roxas being vindictive, but that also means it's probably not Ansem. Unversed, though--hmm... That sounds suspiciously like a certain troll we've all come to know and love. It'll be interesting to see what that's all about.

It was awesome to see that Riku and Terra got to talk, even for just a minute. Great chapter, Sephiroth!

 

[Daxwren]

Re: Kingdom Hearts: Hearts in Unison (Chapter 27 posted)

Wow seph, just read the story and loved it. This is the kind of story i have been looking for, a real detailed fanfic about how all the hearts connected to sora will be saved. I also like the sig, in other fanfics i read, Its all about sora this sora that, well i was wanting a story detailing all the characters, not just sora and riku. I also like how you have introduced the 3 weilders who befell their fates 12 years ago as of KH3D. I like how your story will give an opinion on how they will escape their fates. i like where the Sora/Roxas/Ven/Xion and the Riku/Terra is going XD. I think I might guess who kairi will be invovled with. The Ven/Roxas was extremely touching in a very non-yaoi way. I am up for a good yaoi, but this story would be completely ruined if it went beyond "Fluffy." Also good translating skills. Sry for rambling and keep up the good work.