Help/Support ► Just some friendly advice please?

[J'adore]

I have been struggling a lot lately trying to cope with the death of my mother. She passed away in November 2007, 5 years ago, yet my doctor has stated that the greif has only began to hit me this year.

I have always suffered with emotional problems but they have got worse lately and I am scared to tell my doctor anything in the worry that they will send me to a therapist again. I don't appreciate being told to reveal what's going on in my head to a complete stranger, that is why my last therapist now hates me.

Like every other person, I have my good days and I have my bad days, except my bad days tend to be pretty darn bad and of late I have felt the need to reduce myself to a number of things which I know I don't need to go into detail about.

I just want to know if anyone is going or has been through something similar and is willing to offer some friendly advice?

I do hope I have posted this in the right section.

 

[Shawty]

Hey, I'm sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine living without my mother..
I would say talk to someone about it. Talking usually is the best way to feel relieved, do you have anyone you can really talk to? Who is close to you? You should tell them how you feel, they will support you in any way.
I'm pretty much the same as you when it comes to therapists. I don't like opening myself up in that way to strangers, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I really wanna run away, so you're not the only one
Anyway, good luck with everything, I know it's hard to lose someone you care about. Hope you're gonna be okay soon
xoxo

 

[inasuma]

I know you think bottling it up is gonna be a good idea, but trust me, it isn't. Spill your beans to the therapist. The person has a confidentiality agreement and just simply talking about it will make you feel better. That little glimmer of feeling better upon posting this thread is nothing compared to being able to spill everything you have to someone else. If you have trouble expressing yourself initially, give it a little while. Eventually you'll feel comfortable with it. I used to hate the idea of talking to a therapist but when I sufferred (and still suffer) from abnormal anxiety last year, talking to a therapist was seriously the only thing that kept me going.

It isn't going to make you look weak or like less of a person, and yeah I know you said explicitly not to talk about this, but uh soaking in grief and depression is going to make things worse. Avoiding the issue all together by not coming to terms through communication is even worse.

 

[limeadelily]

I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your mother... Losing someone you love is one of the worst possible things you have to deal with and I feel your pain. As for therapy, I agree with the part about it being difficult to open up...I've always been hesitant to. I hate the feeling of being vulnerable, and often putting myself out there by saying what's on mind sometimes does that. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm glad you opened up to us! There are loving people out there who are always willing to lend a hand. Try to find someone you TRUST.

You could also do what I did when my grandmother died. I was very close to her, so after she passed on, I wrote letters to her for a year afterwards telling her how I felt and what was on my mind. Kind of like a journal basically. It relieved a lot of pain and stress instead of keeping it all held in. Being outside, getting a pet, just letting it all out, are other great ways to cope with the loss of a loved one. Just...accept what you're feeling and try not to fight it too much. The pain will fade faster, promise. <3

I hope I helped...at least a little. :/ Good luck.

 

[J'adore]

@Shawty

I do not have people I can talk to as of yet, I did have a therapist a couple of years back when I went through a simliar trauma but that ended wrong. Thanks for your kind words.

@Oberon

Your words are wise, I will be going to see a counselor tomorrow who I'm sure will forward the information onto my doctor with my permission who I am then sure will refer me to a therapist. I do believe I should give talking a shot, you were right about when I posted this thread, I did feel the tiniest of weights lifted off my shoulder as I had let a little of that torment inside of me out into the real world.

Your words are true and kind, thanks both of you.

Have either of you been on medication which supresses the dopamine in your brain?
I know that is quite a personal question, it's just I am told that I will be on these soon and am worried about side effects.

EDIT

@limeadelity

Yes I too keep a Journal, I find it's a great way of expression, although I daren't let anyone read it. You did help actually, every little helps when someone I don't know offers me kind words, it shows that people care even though they don't have too.

 

[Shawty]

No problem! I always wanna help people with anything.
About the medication, I never used any kind of medication, but my mother used to suffer from depression so the doctor subscribed her medication that supresses the dopamine in the brain, but I can't remember what it's called. the first 2-3 months she was suffering from some side effects, like anxiety, gaining weight, and she didn't sleep very well, but they disappeared after 2-3months.
Personally I don't think medication is the answer, unless it's really necessary. But that's my opinion.

 

[inasuma]

No problem! It stinks to be in a situation where you're having an inner struggle. It's always good to give everything a shot, then judge it later. Especially when your mental health is on the line.

As for medications, I've tried several during the height of my issues. None of them ever worked, but everyone is different. I have friends who have had tons of success on meds that have otherwise made me feel even worse than normal. Try it if you feel the need.

 

[J'adore]

I'm not really a fan of medication, but my doctor is going to attempt this method. I was just curious, thanks for your help there Shawty!

Oh right, well I guess I shall let you know how it all goes, add me as a friend if you like, I don't have many on this sit eyet considering I joined today. Haha! Cheers Oberon!

EDIT

I am going to head to bed now, it's pretty late. I shall reply to any messages tomorrow morning, if I think of any more questions, I'll be sure to ask. Thanks again guys.

x

 

[Wehrmacht]

first of all i'd like to say i'm deeply sorry about your loss. i suppose it's not as crippling as when you're a toddler or something, but 14 is still a pretty young age to lose a mother at. i'd be even more of a mess today if i lost mine at that age.

I can relate to not dealing with therapists well, I did therapy for some time to deal with anxiety and self-esteem problems, I just didn't know what I was supposed to talk about other than "bla bla bla i have this and this problem", and I dont like opening up to strangers either, it didn't help me at all. But from the sounds of it you are on your way to getting help again that might work out this time, so go for it.

As far as medication goes, make sure to be dilligent about taking it before you decide that it does nothing for you. I was sloppy about taking mine and I regret it because I have no idea if they would have truly helped me or not.

I haven't really lost anyone like that in my life, so I can't really say I can empathize with your situation. But I can sympathize. I hope you get better and that the grief will eventually lessen so you can live your life in peace.

 

[J'adore]

Thank you very much Wehrmacht.
I have just woken up and this message has made me feel great.

I have my counselling session in about two hours from now so we'll see how that goes, as for the medicine, yes I will try and be diligent about it.
I appreciate your sympathy, it's nice that people I have never met can be so nice and offer wonderful advice.

I will let you guys know later how everything went.

EDIT***

Everything went fine, I got a bit pissed off with it but I agreed to return tomorrow when I was and quote "calmer".

I am not looking forward to the medication beginning. Hopefully I can concentrate on writing my fan-fic and my university work and just block it all out.

 

[Mistearea]

I wouldn't worry too much about the medication. I've been on several different types through my life, and the worst that happened is that I became dependent on one that caused me to go to sleep. But I got over that dependency and moved on. The meds are normally only temporary, from what I experienced and from what others have told me, and we were all off of them after a while.

But yea, sorry about your loss. I know it ain't the same, but I kinda know what you went through. Lost two grandfathers, one great grandfather and a baby brother that I was really close to. But other than meds, maybe find a picture of your mom and keep it in your wallet. That's what I do with my little brother's picture. I have the one taken by the hospital and the one that had me holding him for the first time.

 

[J'adore]

Awh, I am sorry for your losses, I truly am.

I'll try not too worry yeah, I guess I just had heard bad things about the medz that's all.
I'll be fine once I am on them I am sure.

I shall try this picture idea, it would be nice to have her around with me all the time; i have a tattoo on my wrist of her name with a cross which I use as reference too, but a picture is also good to have.

Thanks Darkfyre