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Help/Support ► I've never been in a situation like this



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Cid Highwind

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alright, there's this girl at my school named kait. she's really different, she doesn't have many friends (or friends she can trust), she's socially awkward, she's a little big, she's not very good looking, and she has many problems. she's very depressed because some people make fun of her. one of her main problems is that she doesn't stand up for herself. she hates seeing others in pain or get abused so she takes all of this and puts it on herself. even tho she is depressed, she acts like she's in a good mood.

so why does this affect me? well recently she's been getting a little attached to me because i'm one of the few kids in my grade that is actually nice to her. it's not like i'm just nice to her, i'm nice to everyone in my school which is why a lot of people like me (not trying to brag or anything, that's just how it is). she liked me for a little while, but i did not like her back (go figure). some of my friends are assholes, and people would laugh how she liked me. i would get teased about it, but there was nothing i could do about it, so it didn't bother me. however, i really did bother her. she's really used to this kind of stuff, which is kinda sad. later, i had to explain that i didn't like her but i would be her friend. i'm her friend in school, but it's not like i would call her up on the weekend to do something.

recently, she's been more depressed than usual. she gets teased at and talked about behind her back, and then (this is where the story gets a little out of hand) she tried to hang herself in the bathroom in the girl's locker room. she was found so ppl were there to keep her from committing suicide. she didn't think anyone was going to find out about because only one person knew, but it got around quite fast.

tonight, i tried to ask her about it because at this point it seemed to be a rumor. but yes, it really happened. she was really embarrassed about it and she was sad to find out that people were starting to find out about it. i gave her a big talk, saying how she needs to finish off high school so she doesn't have to deal with these people at my school, how life will be better later, that she will make a difference on people's lives (she wants to help ppl with special needs), and people would be devastated if she killed herself. i try to convince her, but she's always so negative about this kind of stuff. i tried to tell her that she needs to change and not let people get away with making fun of her and she to stop putting the blame on herself, but she won't listen because she doesn't like seeing other people hurt.

i imagine that she's going through a very tough couple of years, and i feel terrible. my first question is, how can i help her out and such? any suggestions?

next brings up my second question. i really hope she doesn't kill herself because that would be terrible and i would feel bad. i want her to go on, but it's hard because she's putting me in a place where it's just me trying to help her. she doesn't want anyone else to know so it seems like i'm the only one who can calm down and prevent this from happening. i don't know this girl a whole lot, so it's hard for me to switch gears and start focusing on this girl. i really wish there were others that could help me out and possibly help her out, so i could get away from all of this. so pretty much, i want her to be in a state where she doesn't need my help anymore. so how can i do this? i don't mean to be bogus, but i don't want all of this on top of my shoulders.

i think i'll keep trying to help her out, but i hope that she'll either come to a state where she feels better about herself or she has the help of people who will always be there for her. i really don't want to make a commitment to this girl, but i feel that i need to for a little bit or else something bad will happen.

argh, this is really stressful, is this really how i'm going to spend my last year in high school? any help would be really appreciated.
 

dr.korytco

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You got into the relationship for pitty, horrible move. You felt sorry for her..

You already are commitmented. Ask yourself could you just walk away from her knowing that she might kill her self or what not. I know you can not , if you can then I stand corrected.

She has no confidence because she is large, she eats and eats because she does not care about herself or have the confidence to stop, also the confidence to try to stop naturally.

She is already giving up on herself and never really listens to your advice, just cares that someone is there for her.

Sounds intelligent, helpful but she also sounds a bit mental wental .Crazy I say that with just a few sentences and with out the hanging even.

You got to realize that people get sick in life and that it is not your fault or quilt. Do not let yourself be sucked into this. Gosh, you are in a damn hard spot.

You are not a professional , people like you help how they can but never should they feel like they have failed when issues are so great and we are so small, and out of control. You have no degrees backing you up, you are not a doctor or Doctor Phil.

She is only making you a victim too so that she can get through this easier. If you want to help her , then you got to be upbeat and happy around her all the time. Find some real damn friends, good friends and invite her out with all of you , not as a date, as a hang out that will stop a hanging in and if it doesnt that is the best damn job you can do.

I feel that someone so negative , is obviously obsessed on the note of it, and you guys need to open up her mind, but let her discover it herself to be positive. Why her self ? Because listen to yourself her she does not listen to what you ahve to say , she stays negative no matter how hard you try . Words, rationality is out the way, her mind is slipping

The only way to save her mind is for her to realize herself things are not right. I highly recommend that you and a few real and good friends, make damn real good friends if you have to , hang out with this girl.

Forget the rest of these bullies, in college they are going to disappear or get their asses kicked if they act that insensitive and immature in the real world. She is about to off her self, this is not how the world is ...it is but it is a tad nicer. You need to find mature friends now, and arrange a large group hang out, give her a social life. It will be hard, she is socially awkward which is EXACTLY why she needs this.

You are like a holy warrior of God now, all of which had to make sacrifices in life . Get rid of your stupid , immature friends and just move on in life with better friends that can get you real places in life. Hang out with the crowd with her. Just treat her the same as everyone else , unless she struggles . It is important for her to be happy and she will realize she has friends.

This is a good idea because

A. it will make her more social, confident

B. she will have the confidence and social skills eventually to find her other halve

C. It will encourage her to loose weight if she has friends to be there for her

D. When you talk to her from time to time about things on the phone or the internet , you will not be so uncomfrontable. You will just be good friends

E. It is accepting your destiny, you are in a hard spot but you were meant to be. This in my opinion is a strong choice to help you.
 
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gottaluvkh1992

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I dont really know what to do sorry, i have been bullied most of my school life, andrecently it has got worse because people have been talking about me and my sexuality behind my back so i understand whats it like to be taken the piss out of, but the thing is no one has tried to help me or stick up for me, try to get her other friends to hang out with her and when someone makes fun of her all gang up on them. There you might surprise them and scare them off.
 

Dark Essence

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If its to the point were shes about to commit suicide, then she needs help, professional help.

She needs to see a phycologist, where she can meet other people with the same problem.
 

Halibel

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Forget the rest of these bullies, in college they are going to disappear or get their asses kicked if they act that insensitive and immature in the real world. She is about to off her self, this is not how the world is ...it is but it is a tad nicer.
Exactly, once she is out of high school its over with the bullies. I think if you just help her make it through the rest of the year she will be fine.

And about her trying to commit suicide, was her parents informed? Have they done anything?

You just have to keep your cool for now, If you blow up on her it could be the end.
 

Cid Highwind

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argh, i made this really good post, but then this forum logged me off. dammit, i'm going to keep this kind of short now because i don't really feel like typing all that again. sorry guys, but thanks for the responses.

i guess i'll just tell you about the state i'm in.

EVERYONE knows about the incident, even parents. somehow, my parents found out about it. i've been advised to stay out of this girls live so i don't have to be involved anymore. i'm not her psychologist, her parents, her counselor, a really good friends, etc, etc. i've been told that i need to get the point where if she does kill herself (hopefully she doesn't) that it would ruin my life. sounds selfish, but this isn't my decision. she only goes to first hour at school so i don't even see her anymore, which is alright with me. i think her parents have been informed and she's being treated better now. hopefully she turns out ok, but who knows.

thanks again for the responses, the post i made that was lost had replies to everyone. maybe another night i will come back.

i'll keep everyone updated with what is going on.
 

Halibel

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Hmm wells thats good for her I guess, great news for you now that you don't have to deal with it. It really wasn't your responsibility to take care of her.
 

Thor.

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You're a really good guy Cid. . . . . . amazing. I don't have half the heart you do and I admire you for it. I would have ingored her. Probably stayed away from her as best I could. Tried to pretend nothing had happened.. . . . . .I gotta work on being a bastard.
 

Cid Highwind

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Hmm wells thats good for her I guess, great news for you now that you don't have to deal with it. It really wasn't your responsibility to take care of her.

thanks man. i wished i could've helped more without having to make a commitment, but like you said, it's not my responsibility and it's way out of my league.

Chosen Again said:
You're a really good guy Cid. . . . . . amazing. I don't have half the heart you do and I admire you for it. I would have ingored her. Probably stayed away from her as best I could. Tried to pretend nothing had happened.. . . . . .I gotta work on being a bastard.

that means a lot to me Chosen, thank you. all the people at my school were telling to get away from that "ugly bitch" but i tried to help her for a little while. i don't even really know her that well, but i hope that some of what i said to her sticks.
 

dr.korytco

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You do what you can and have to do. If you have to help her still though then I suggest getting her out with more friends.
 
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