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king_mickey rule

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rep + 99 to those who got my shitty and obscure Jay-Z-reference

As the title suggests, I'm having girl problems. I honestly didn't think of making a thread about this but heck, it doesn't hurt getting some outside opinions on this.

Basically, to make the story short-ish: I met this girl 3 months ago at a party. We got along extremely well and met up a week after (I accidentally - I swear - forgot my vest at the party and she took it home with her to make sure it was safe... Perfect date opportunity amirite).

Anyways, we had a lot of fun and it became obvious: she was into me. She even asked me to go to a festival with her, despite only having seen eachother like 2 times. Sadly, I wasn't available so I had to pass on the festival.

We've went on quite a few dates over the past couple of months, with one extremely fun date (took her to dinner) ending on a high note - a kiss. A rather hasty one, but a kiss nonetheless. Everything was going pretty damn well, so, why am I making this thread? Well, the problems are about to start now.

She was extremely busy inbetween the kiss and the date after it and... things kind of got awkward after that. I'm personally not that experienced in terms of relationships so I for one had no idea what to do after the kiss (especially with the amount of time that passed by). We didn't really talk about it either so I didn't know how she felt about it. I tried to get a bit more intimate again on our next date but I never found the right time to do anything like that. She did invite me to go to her place but people were coming over for dinner (and she had to basically babysit the kids of those people) so it didn't feel right to me, for some reason. Needless to say, I was going home disappointed since I did think the date was going to be.. more exciting.

So it was time for the "big guns": I suggested to go the cinema, which we did a couple of days ago. I was planning on bringing my A-game.. But, as you might already expect, things didn't go like that. Don't get me wrong, we had fun. We had some drinks afterwards, we talked, we laughed.. But again, I didn't find the right time to take action, aside from some minor teasing. Then, right when she was about to leave, I tried to get closer to her but she gave me a kiss on the cheek, wished me luck for my exams and said "until next time" (obviously, in a friendly way). I felt like shit as I felt like she was kind of avoiding me getting more intimate, so I didn't bother trying anything different and said goodbye as well.

I'm at this place now where I don't have a single clue how she's feeling about us. Though, seeing how she still accepts going on dates, I'm thinking she might have the same insecurities as me. I guess I'm afraid I missed some great oppurtunities (like her inviting me to the festival, to go to her place, ...) that she's just... given up and/or lost interest.

So, my question to you good people: how should I approach this? I'm thinking of just talking to her about it next time we meet up (probably in like a week, after my exams), but I feel like that could be a bit risky since a conversation like that can go both ways (though, it's only fair for both me and her to get this sorted out). Then again, maybe I should just take more risks in general. Thing is, I just feel like having another date at this point would just be a waste of time. Anyways, let me know what you think about this situation.

For those who took the time to read my rambling: much appreciated rep +1
 
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KeyofEvil'sBane

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My friend, one of the most useful skills you can learn about relationships, is talking. Invite her somewhere you can talk to her. If she wouldn't be comfortable going to your place, go somewhere like a park. Sit her down and explain what you're feeling, that you really like her and are concerned that you may have messed up an opportunity with her. Being open and honest is the best policy in the world of dating. This is in no way guaranteed to work, as every person is different, but this would probably be the most sensible solution.
 

king_mickey rule

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My friend, one of the most useful skills you can learn about relationships, is talking. Invite her somewhere you can talk to her. If she wouldn't be comfortable going to your place, go somewhere like a park. Sit her down and explain what you're feeling, that you really like her and are concerned that you may have messed up an opportunity with her. Being open and honest is the best policy in the world of dating. This is in no way guaranteed to work, as every person is different, but this would probably be the most sensible solution.
First of all: thanks for replying!

And yeah, I do think that is the best solution (so I'm glad you second that). She's been very reasonable so far so a talk like this shouldn't go bad. Going about it is going to be a challenge, though. I've put myself in various vulnerable positions in the past and I kind of avoid that now at all times to avoid getting hurt. I guess that's what makes this a bit more uncomfortable for me. But I realise this needs to be settled in order to avoid getting hurt (and hurting her) anyways so, I take it I've learned out of my mistakes.

One thing I do have to learn, though, is stop overthinking things and simply act. I feel like that's always been my problem when it comes to dating.
 
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KingdomKey

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I sadly don't get the Jay-Z reference. I believe Keyof Evil'sBane said it best. Talking is the number one solution to this problem.

I'm not the greatest at advice, but I think the girl might be getting mixed signals from you too. The kiss is where things got awkward for you both, right? After the kiss, you probably should of asked her out, or said what you felt for her, and see if she felt the same way. Especially if you'd like her to become your girlfriend. From my point of view on this, it sounds like the girl is either waiting for you to declare your intentions and feelings to her, or trying to go more slower with you in order to figure out what she wants from you. The key is communication. I'd also suggest finding a day where neither of you have anywhere to be; therefore no interruptions. I don't think you could hurt her feelings at all by speaking honestly about how you feel. Just don't say you felt like -insert curse word here- about how she kissed you on the cheek after going out with her a few days ago. And tell her you're inexperienced to dating and relationships. It might give her more insight on those previous dates you had with her. The plus side to all of this is she's still going on dates with you. So, don't lose hope yet! =D

One last thing: Timing doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, screw timing. Take action, because it might be the only shot you got before it's too late. Especially if you have strong feelings for this girl. (Take this advice as a grain of salt. I'm a hopeless romantic.)
 

king_mickey rule

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I sadly don't get the Jay-Z reference. I believe Keyof Evil'sBane said it best. Talking is the number one solution to this problem.

I'm not the greatest at advice, but I think the girl might be getting mixed signals from you too. The kiss is where things got awkward for you both, right? After the kiss, you probably should of asked her out, or said what you felt for her, and see if she felt the same way. Especially if you'd like her to become your girlfriend. From my point of view on this, it sounds like the girl is either waiting for you to declare your intentions and feelings to her, or trying to go more slower with you in order to figure out what she wants from you. The key is communication. I'd also suggest finding a day where neither of you have anywhere to be; therefore no interruptions. I don't think you could hurt her feelings at all by speaking honestly about how you feel. Just don't say you felt like -insert curse word here- about how she kissed you on the cheek after going out with her a few days ago. And tell her you're inexperienced to dating and relationships. It might give her more insight on those previous dates you had with her. The plus side to all of this is she's still going on dates with you. So, don't lose hope yet! =D
Yeah, the kiss was the starting point of awkwardness. At least, to me. And seeing how I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, I guess it's very possible that translated into her feeling the same. Thing is, I often get insecure when I feel even the slightest of "disturbances", due to past relationship situations, to the point where I just get worried about diddlying up.. which ironically results in bad decision-making. It's become like a second nature to me to just protect myself whenever I feel like I'm becoming too vulnerable (which sucks big-time, because that's when I start overthinking things). And you are right about me probably sending mixed feelings towards her. The more I think about it, the more I think that might be the case here.

I'm hoping to meet up with her next week, right after my exams (when I'm not preoccupied with exam stress and stuff like that) so that I can fully put my attention to this particular situation. I can only hope that she doesn't think too much about it until then (talking from experience, thinking is never a good thing in these situations lol). I did talk to her about last date and how I wasn't really being myself (didn't go into much detail and kind of blamed the upcoming exams) and she said she didn't notice anything so, hopefully that's a good sign. Then she went on telling me to "study and own that exam" haha.

One last thing: Timing doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, screw timing. Take action, because it might be the only shot you got before it's too late. Especially if you have strong feelings for this girl. (Take this advice as a grain of salt. I'm a hopeless romantic.)
Haha, well, I think I'm the hopeless one here ;D I kind of expected things to just fall into place because things were going so well, but reality simply doesn't work like that. I see that now.

I think your advice might've cleared up a thing or two for me so, thanks, really appreciate it! :)
 
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KingdomKey

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I did talk to her about last date and how I wasn't really being myself (didn't go into much detail and kind of blamed the upcoming exams) and she said she didn't notice anything so, hopefully that's a good sign. Then she went on telling me to "study and own that exam" haha.
I'd liked to think that positive feedback she gave you about the exam is another good sign. It might not imply romantic feelings per se, but yeah, definitely take that as a good sign regardless! OH! And her saying, she didn't notice anything was probably her way of respecting you for how you feel. And waiting for you to open up to her; when you were ready to do so. I might be reading more into it though.

Haha, well, I think I'm the hopeless one here ;D I kind of expected things to just fall into place because things were going so well, but reality simply doesn't work like that. I see that now.

I think your advice might've cleared up a thing or two for me so, thanks, really appreciate it! :)
You're probably right about that, but I'll always be a hopeless romantic at heart. xD Glad to hear it helped you a little. Hopefully some of my advice does you good. So, I wish you the best of luck, when you talk to her again! And you're welcome!
 
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