Help/Support ► It feels like God threw up all over me...

[KingdomheartsII]

There's just so many things about me that make my life difficult to manage. I am very aware that there are people out there that are in a much worse condition than me. I've been depressed and exhausted lately from all the college work, family problems, and self-issue problems. It seems as if everything is piling up and my efforts to clean it all up won't suffice.

At home, my family lost connections with my brother a while ago and I feel incomplete. I just found out that my dad is losing his job in a few months and I can safely say that my family isn't financially stable currently. Along with that, my parents are trying their hardest to help out my other close relatives from financial/emotional trouble.

I am relying on financial aid (which will soon turn to debt) to carry me throughout college and I don't feel like I have the motivation to keep on going. I have ADHD and taking 18 units for an engineering major is obliterating my mental and physical stature. But I simply can't quit. Last week my mom pleaded to me to cheer my dad up by presenting him good performance in college. I CAN'T. I'm trying my best but it's not good enough.

I keep seeing myself as a childish failure. I have little to no friends and I was insulted greatly in middle school and high school. Being a gay minority with not-good-enough-looks doesn't seem to help me either. Sometimes, I ask myself if I really do belong here.

Please help me. I don't know what else I can do :frown:

 

[Dark Drive]

I don't know what I can REALLY do to help you, but I know a song that makes me feel better.


[video=youtube;xLYiIBCN9ec]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLYiIBCN9ec&ob=av2n[/video]

Iridescent by Linkin Park- it usually cheers me up.

 

[impart]

It seems like you are overwhelmed.
The best thing I can tell you is that bad situations don't last forever
Not to lessen your situation, but allot of people are in financial troubles right now, a few years ago my dad lost his job, and we went a year eating cabbage soup and scrounging for change, but he found a job a year later and things got better.

Allot of people are trying to help others too, even if its hurting them to do it, Its your parents decision so there is really nothing you can do, try not to let it bother you, maybe in the end all that help they did for other people will be a positive thing

Losing connection with your brother must be hard, but sometimes time helps a great deal, I dont know what happened but most of the time with family fights and falling outs they don't last forever. People grow up and get over things, family will always be connected with one another.

As far as being in debt goes, I think every person who goes to collage for such a good career ends up in debt: doctors, lawyers, and engineers. those are the big three that end up paying off loans for a long time. but remember that its only temporary, when you finish school you will have such a good job that you will be able to pay off that debt and drive a nice car while you are doing it.

I wouldn't know what to tell you about school work overload, I would say maybe try to edit your schedule to space out your classes more so you can have some breathing room. it may not make other people happy but you are an adult, you know what you need so you cant be afraid to do what you have to do. its your choice. it may be hard but stop trying to make others happy, dont worry so much what other people think. you are you, make your own decisions, make your own goals to better yourself, and reward yourself when you reach them, you will be happier for it.

And im sure at some point between the age 18-21 every single person feels like a childish failure. if you think your bad I spent 1 whole year after high school right here on this forum. no job, no school. because I couldn't decide on a career, now that's bad.

and at last many of us here were teased and ridiculed through grade schoo to High school, If you are asking if you really belong here, on the internet. I can promise that you do. you are among friends and people with common interests and experiences, the internet is my own personal bubble of bliss that I can easily escape to if anything goes wrong, or is hard. and it is that for many people.


sorry for the lengthy post, I just feel like talking to people today for some reason, and I know its late so not many people are awake to respond to you right away

 

[Wehrmacht]

I keep seeing myself as a childish failure. I have little to no friends and I was insulted greatly in middle school and high school. Being a gay minority with not-good-enough-looks doesn't seem to help me either. Sometimes, I ask myself if I really do belong here.

You aren't a failure. Being alone doesn't make you a loser, it just means that you are alone, which is only as bad as you make it out to be. You should not measure your success by the number of friends you have or your sexuality. The only person who can decide your worth is you. Once you stop seeing yourself as a failure, it will be easier for you to put the rest of your life in order.

If you are worried about your family's financial stability, try calmly reassessing your schedule and see if you can fit in time to do work for money to help with the bills. I can see that you are in a very difficult situation and how having to juggle another set of responsibilities might be difficult for you, but all problems are temporal. Unless you just want to give up and die, the only thing you can do is to keep fighting.

 

[Nutari]

There's just so many things about me that make my life difficult to manage. I am very aware that there are people out there that are in a much worse condition than me. I've been depressed and exhausted lately from all the college work, family problems, and self-issue problems. It seems as if everything is piling up and my efforts to clean it all up won't suffice.

At home, my family lost connections with my brother a while ago and I feel incomplete. I just found out that my dad is losing his job in a few months and I can safely say that my family isn't financially stable currently. Along with that, my parents are trying their hardest to help out my other close relatives from financial/emotional trouble.

I am relying on financial aid (which will soon turn to debt) to carry me throughout college and I don't feel like I have the motivation to keep on going. I have ADHD and taking 18 units for an engineering major is obliterating my mental and physical stature. But I simply can't quit. Last week my mom pleaded to me to cheer my dad up by presenting him good performance in college. I CAN'T. I'm trying my best but it's not good enough.

I keep seeing myself as a childish failure. I have little to no friends and I was insulted greatly in middle school and high school. Being a gay minority with not-good-enough-looks doesn't seem to help me either. Sometimes, I ask myself if I really do belong here.

Please help me. I don't know what else I can do :frown:

It happens to the best of us. All you can really do is try to stick it through. Try to focus on the one thing that keeps you going, and make sure you are resting enough. If you are mentally or physically strained you may not be sleeping enough to really let your brain do it's job. I had this issue not to long ago, where I had several weeks where I never got any weekend rest. By the end of the fifth week of it, I crashed. My mom had me stay home to rest, because the night before I got super stressed and pretty much shut down. It's hard focusing for so long with ADHD, I lived with a few people who had it really bad, do you have have any meds to curve it?

 

[scubasteve]

You aren't a failure. Being alone doesn't make you a loser, it just means that you are alone, which is only as bad as you make it out to be.

in many situations, people who latch onto other people to avoid being alone are far worse than people who are happily alone

sorry that was kinda off tangent but it just bugs me when people make these kinda assumptions

 

[JustSnilloc]

There's just so many things about me that make my life difficult to manage. I am very aware that there are people out there that are in a much worse condition than me. I've been depressed and exhausted lately from all the college work, family problems, and self-issue problems. It seems as if everything is piling up and my efforts to clean it all up won't suffice.

At home, my family lost connections with my brother a while ago and I feel incomplete. I just found out that my dad is losing his job in a few months and I can safely say that my family isn't financially stable currently. Along with that, my parents are trying their hardest to help out my other close relatives from financial/emotional trouble.

I am relying on financial aid (which will soon turn to debt) to carry me throughout college and I don't feel like I have the motivation to keep on going. I have ADHD and taking 18 units for an engineering major is obliterating my mental and physical stature. But I simply can't quit. Last week my mom pleaded to me to cheer my dad up by presenting him good performance in college. I CAN'T. I'm trying my best but it's not good enough.

I keep seeing myself as a childish failure. I have little to no friends and I was insulted greatly in middle school and high school. Being a gay minority with not-good-enough-looks doesn't seem to help me either. Sometimes, I ask myself if I really do belong here.

Please help me. I don't know what else I can do :frown:

Sounds a lot like my situation... As for the last paragraph, I'm not gay myself, but I've been made fun of for "supposedly" being such, along with plenty of other crap. One day, I just (more complicated than just "one day" but anyways...) decided to better myself, so I did, and for years I've been working on bettering myself (going on 8 now) and I've attracted many friends (too many tbh)

Anyways, I've become what I call a "self-perfectionist" which is a philosophical belief that has some life style choices that go with it... Basically you should be the best you that you can be, not anyone else, and not conforming...

Being yourself will make you happy, striving to be the best you that you can be can help you keep your mind off of other stuff

Seeing yourself as a failure will only serve to make you depressed and yes, a failure... Striving for something higher than you already are will make you feel accomplished... But dude, don't sweat the small stuff, and ignore those bad things that you can't do anything about

If your best isn't good enough then accept it, don't fret it... You'll accomplish a lot more and feel a lot better that way

Believe me when I say, I can picture myself EXACTLY in your shoes... But were I in your shoes, I just go on ignore what I couldn't help and deal with what needs dealing with when it needs dealing with, I'd relax when I could and I'd find something to do that I enjoyed

 

[XIII Heartless]

I don't know what I can REALLY do to help you, but I know a song that makes me feel better.


[video=youtube;xLYiIBCN9ec]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLYiIBCN9ec&ob=av2n[/video]

Iridescent by Linkin Park- it usually cheers me up.

Love this song...but how's this cheer you up? Lol

 

[Nutari]

Love this song...but how's this cheer you up? Lol

More than likely the "Let It Go" part

 

[KingdomheartsII]

Thanks for the support everyone, it really means a lot to me :')

And thanks for the song. I was reading through the comments while listening to it and I'm sure it helped me a bit.

 

[Dark Drive]

No Problem. I'm happy you liked it, it's one of my Favourites.

It's mainly: "Do you feel cold and lost in desperation,
you build up hope,
but failure's all you've known,
remember all the sadness and frustration,
and let it go,

Let it go~"

I hope things get better for you, and anyone else here who's been in a fix, now or before.

 

[Memory Master]

Let me give you some advice on school. I went straight into college right after High School. My dad, grandmother, and one of my teachers kept pushing me to go straight into college. After being in college for almost a year now I can tell you I wish I would have taken a year off to find myself. Trust me, when it comes to strangers and people I disagree with on stuff I don't have a problem being rude and stubborn. But when it comes to family I love I just can't seem to stand up to them, because I'm afraid it would ruin my relationship with them and that scares me. I'm constantly trying to please them and instead of being myself I often find myself copying the behaviors of other people to fit in.

So I think I can see where you are coming from somewhat. If I was you I would recommend taking a break from college and take a year or so to just do some soul searching and find what you want and who you are. I wish I would have done the same, I wish I had the courage to try it now.

As for the distance between your family and your brother, I don't know what to say. I'm distant from my eldest sister and mother but that is because they are rebelious and drug addicts and i've always been Mr. Follow the Rules or suffer type of guy so there is just so much clash between personalities like that, and i'm just fine not being around those two. I can't deny though I wish I knew what it was like to have a responsible and decent mother. So I don't know where you come from on your brother issue but I hope that goes well.

Good luck buddy.

 

[Reflection]

There's just so many things about me that make my life difficult to manage. I am very aware that there are people out there that are in a much worse condition than me. I've been depressed and exhausted lately from all the college work, family problems, and self-issue problems. It seems as if everything is piling up and my efforts to clean it all up won't suffice.

At home, my family lost connections with my brother a while ago and I feel incomplete. I just found out that my dad is losing his job in a few months and I can safely say that my family isn't financially stable currently. Along with that, my parents are trying their hardest to help out my other close relatives from financial/emotional trouble.

I am relying on financial aid (which will soon turn to debt) to carry me throughout college and I don't feel like I have the motivation to keep on going. I have ADHD and taking 18 units for an engineering major is obliterating my mental and physical stature. But I simply can't quit. Last week my mom pleaded to me to cheer my dad up by presenting him good performance in college. I CAN'T. I'm trying my best but it's not good enough.

I keep seeing myself as a childish failure. I have little to no friends and I was insulted greatly in middle school and high school. Being a gay minority with not-good-enough-looks doesn't seem to help me either. Sometimes, I ask myself if I really do belong here.

Please help me. I don't know what else I can do :frown:

well, to first address the depression and stress - take care of yourself. try to eat healthy and exercise (i know this is the most GENERIC advice ever but trust me, going out for a 15 minute walk every day does more than you think. you can't stay cooped up all day and the big sky and nature will soothe you. oh that sounds cheesy. i don't care i'm not deleting it, i'm being genuine with you here.) and do you see a counselor or therapist? consider getting some antidepressants. zoloft worked wonders for me, i've been on it for 2 years and it motivates me.

the key thing here is probably motivation. if you aren't getting things achieved, you aren't going to be satisfied with your life. work hard on your schoolwork. really put a true effort into it. see your professors and do your very best so you have something to be proud of and less homework to worry about later. but then, there is only so much you can do. your family is really not being fair by expecting you -- with 18 units no less!! to do well for their own well-being. you have to control and nourish your own growth, its not going to happen at their pace. your family probably has a lot of stress right now (undoubtedly) but they have no right to displace that onto you. you have plenty to worry about.

about the money - see if you qualify for government aid. depending on how much your family makes a year/where you live/how much your student loans are you can get money every month. maybe get a part time job (but not with too many hours) to help you make ends meet and have spending money to treat yourself.

and also, where you go to college, is there a gay-straight alliance? that's a really good way to meet supportive people if you feel isolated. just try and reach out and make friends. be open to trusting people and talking to them; a lot of other college students probably feel as stressed out and worried as you do, and you will find help if you seek it.

i hope this lifts you up :c my heart goes out to you, dear <3 i'm in a very similar situation, so this situation struck a nerve with me. feel free to message me, i'm more than happy to just talk if you'd like that!

xx