So yeah, I've been kind of depressed and curious at the same time. I mean I'm NOT too depressed to the point I'm gonna kill myself. Anyway, I'm usually a happy person but I don't know, I just feel blah. So yeah, it involves me and friends both in real life and online. Anyway the problem is that whenever I'm around my real friends I notice that I'm the only one caring and or doing things that they appreciate but I don't feel like they appreciate me and if they do, they show it so little especially one of close friends who I call "best friend" and I don't even know why, maybe cuz I'm lonely at school--sometimes. Just school.
Anyway, what I noticed is that I ask something in favor or voice out my opinion but somehow I ended up saying something that sounds wrong or mean but I'm trying NOT to be but I guess some would say it is cuz they don't understand me or don't want to. Anyway, I try to point out in a way with a conversation but somehow it eithier backfiring me or making me look like "What did you just do!?" and I always have to apologize like everythings my fault. I mean I just wish, they considered me more as true friends would. I notice I always care about my friends wether it's calling them when they are out of school because they're sick and checking up on them or trying to help out when they are depressed. You know? But I never really get a "thank you" for them unless somebody else or I notify them.
And another problem is that I realize that I may sound selfish but I don't want to just hold back and not say it, so when I say this, it'll sound silly to some, but I have some online friends whose helped me with problems, my other friends can't help with but I realize they're too busy but when I talk to my other online friend who knows them, it's like they check on them but never me. Have I done something wrong or is it me not checking up on them cuz I do try. I get ignorance and forgotten but the forgotten part is okay, it happens and I understand that. So, there's nothing I can do about it right? It's just me telling you all this silly stuff, right? (Unless you want to tell me there is something, then say so).
I feel like it's always my fault in the end for seeming like expecting something (yeah, I need to stop expecting, it's not healthy, I know) as well as being ignored at same time by both kinds of friends (with exception of few friends, you know who you are) So what should I do? Anybody have any advice? It'd be nice. Am I the one really to blame at times? (Be honest, it helps. Lies NEVER gets to improving onself).
If it's my fault for expecting too much or whatever, I'll take that and improve.
Thanks for reading. Help would be great.
Anyway, what I noticed is that I ask something in favor or voice out my opinion but somehow I ended up saying something that sounds wrong or mean but I'm trying NOT to be but I guess some would say it is cuz they don't understand me or don't want to. Anyway, I try to point out in a way with a conversation but somehow it eithier backfiring me or making me look like "What did you just do!?" and I always have to apologize like everythings my fault. I mean I just wish, they considered me more as true friends would. I notice I always care about my friends wether it's calling them when they are out of school because they're sick and checking up on them or trying to help out when they are depressed. You know? But I never really get a "thank you" for them unless somebody else or I notify them.
And another problem is that I realize that I may sound selfish but I don't want to just hold back and not say it, so when I say this, it'll sound silly to some, but I have some online friends whose helped me with problems, my other friends can't help with but I realize they're too busy but when I talk to my other online friend who knows them, it's like they check on them but never me. Have I done something wrong or is it me not checking up on them cuz I do try. I get ignorance and forgotten but the forgotten part is okay, it happens and I understand that. So, there's nothing I can do about it right? It's just me telling you all this silly stuff, right? (Unless you want to tell me there is something, then say so).
I feel like it's always my fault in the end for seeming like expecting something (yeah, I need to stop expecting, it's not healthy, I know) as well as being ignored at same time by both kinds of friends (with exception of few friends, you know who you are) So what should I do? Anybody have any advice? It'd be nice. Am I the one really to blame at times? (Be honest, it helps. Lies NEVER gets to improving onself).
If it's my fault for expecting too much or whatever, I'll take that and improve.
Thanks for reading. Help would be great.
And yeah, I know what you mean. I'm still learning anyhow.
