Inchoate Reflection (Kingdom Hearts)



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VoidGear.

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For catcake, my partner in shipping crime, due to Divine Past being a crazy 358/2 Days addict and Muke sending fan art that gives me way too many ideas.

You could probably call this a rather different retelling of Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days.
While the beginning roughly follows the timeline of Days, that will change pretty soon. I'll try to keep some plot points in, as long as I can.
Xion by the way does not exist in this story for various reasons.
Aaaand I have absolutely no idea how long this story will be in the end. It's a surprise for me, too. Yay!

Summary
There was no way Roxas could be as good as the boy he resembled, unwillingly copied and tore apart bit by bit. But that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

Prologue: Purpose

Filling a notebook with events of the day was not one of his biggest strengths. Roxas had known that from the first day on, yet Lord Xemnas insisted on him keeping it updated whenever possible. Usually, this whenever possible meant after exhausting hours of collecting hearts.
The concept of a heart was a complete mystery to Roxas, like most of the things he encountered in his life. What exactly were they, why did he have to collect them, and why him out of everyone? What made him special enough to carry out a mission he did not understand and was not interested in? Even now, after work, thinking about what he would write in his journal later, all of these questions bugged him permanently.
“Why don't you do it?” he asked Axel, who was sitting right next to him on the clock tower. They had been meeting here in the evenings quite frequently, eating ice cream together. According to the redhead, a treat after work was the icing on the cake. Roxas did not remember ever having cake, just like he didn't remember anything else, so he wouldn't know if the icing was the best part. But he did know that having ice cream with someone sure was better than fighting, so he figured that much.
“If only anything you ever said made proper sense,” Axel teased him as a response. It was true, Roxas had only asked the part of the question that came up on his mind last, so obviously it would not make sense to anyone but himself.
“Collect the hearts, I mean. You guys are all eager to get them, right? I don't understand why I have to do it then.”
“I've told you that before: Because you're the only one who can.”

Sighing, he gave up. It was true, they had had the same conversation twice already, and it had always ended the same way as it did right now. You're the only one who can seemed like a fitting enough explanation at first, but in the end, it just wasn't enough to him. No one had ever given him, him, a reason to fight for anything that the other members of Organization XIII wanted. It was their concern and their wish to collect hearts and complete Kingdom Hearts.
But what even was Kingdom Hearts, and what did it mean to actually have a heart? How were the people who did any different from him and the others, and why was it important?
As every time he tried to get a sense out of it all, he failed and ended up with a bad headache.
Most of the things happening in his life had started to make sense after a few days, but this definitely wasn't part of those. As for now, that didn't matter though, as he would obey and fulfill his tasks anyway. Why? Because there was not much else he could do.
He had no real memories of his past self, so seeking answers for his own existence was nonsense. He had nothing and no one to return to, and the castle had become his home before he had even known what home meant.
The only thing that made him remember anything was sitting on the clock tower with Axel, a friend, and enjoying the sun set slowly to end another day.
“Hey, Roxas?”
“Mh?”
Axel stared at him funnily, eyebrows raised, then asked: “Are you really sure that you don't already have a heart?”
A frown formed on Roxas's forehead. What kind of question was that supposed to be? As he had been thinking earlier, he didn't even know what a heart really was, let alone if he had one.
“I don't know. But...if there was something here,” he pointed to his own chest, “wouldn't I...well...feel it?”
It was not that he felt completely empty, but most of what could be considered feelings inside him rather seemed like thoughts. The thought of getting off work to sit here. Of course it was nice, but that was what his head was telling him, right? He didn't feel anything in his chest when he thought about that.
It took a while, but then Axel frowned again and nodded slowly.
“Yeah. You're probably right.”

None of them said another world while they finished their ice cream and silently decided to go back home. It was definitely the weirdest, most uncommon talk they had had since Roxas could remember, and he was a bit confused where it had come from.
They got back to the castle in the same manner as always, heading to their rooms, each occupied with their own thoughts. This life had become a routine already.
Wake up, do missions, have ice cream with Axel, then get home and write a summary of all that in his journal and finally, go to sleep and rest for the new day.
It was dull and boring, and Roxas decided that if he could indeed feel anything, he would feel unsatisfied with this situation.
He found himself staring out of the window, looking for words to write down, then decided to just write down the first thing coming up in this mind:
I wish anything had a purpose.
 
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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This was a really good introduction to the whole thing, Void! I really liked what you did with Roxas - those little snippets of Roxas' inner feelings are really great (what sort of thoughts he has, etc). One can really put oneself into his shoes, because your writing style is so good you're kinda going into detail, but not too much? I don't know if that makes sense, but it's a perfect balance.

I don't think there is anything else to say, since this was rather short (which is a given, since it's only a prologue).
I am definitely excited to read more and can't wait to find out what kind of ideas you have in your mind! :D

For catcake, my partner in shipping crime, due to Divine Past being a crazy 358/2 Days addict and Muke sending fan art that gives me way too many ideas.

love this


Xion by the way does not exist in this story for various reasons.
<3
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

IT'S HERE AND IT'S LIT I like your writing style already ♥ So good to read something with Roxas in it while knowing he won't suddenly get molested by Axel oh man. Good stuff. And no Xion either, I'm just going to rewrite over Days with this new canon here I'm sure Nomura would agree. Can't wait to read more mmmm~
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This was a really good introduction to the whole thing, Void! I really liked what you did with Roxas - those little snippets of Roxas' inner feelings are really great (what sort of thoughts he has, etc). One can really put oneself into his shoes, because your writing style is so good you're kinda going into detail, but not too much? I don't know if that makes sense, but it's a perfect balance.
Heh, I'm glad about that.
It's a bit difficult for me to balance between thoughts and emotions, which - imo - is very important in a story about a nobody thinking he can't feel anything and all, but I'm glad it sounds good so far.
I definitely got enough stuff for a decent amount of chapters in mind! :D
Thank yoooooooouuuuuuuuuu~

IT'S HERE AND IT'S LIT I like your writing style already ♥ So good to read something with Roxas in it while knowing he won't suddenly get molested by Axel oh man. Good stuff. And no Xion either, I'm just going to rewrite over Days with this new canon here I'm sure Nomura would agree. Can't wait to read more mmmm~
Once again, I'm glad. xD It's so lit, you could say TWTNW suddenly turned bright. Yeah, definitely no Molester-Axel in this story, and cutting Xion was a) a choice I made because I don't like her much and b) important for what ideas I have planned.
Should totally hand this to Nomura as new canon, bet that'd work... xD
I'll do my best!
And thaaanks. ♥
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This was utterly satisfying to read! It was fantastic from start to finish! I cannot wait to read more of this, VoidGear. I've begun to fall in love with Roxas and Axel all over again. And xion not existing in this story is the best part. lol. Anyways, I like how you can tell Axel is keeping Roxas in the dark. And I feel like we've stepped into Roxas's shoes because, he's beginning to question things. I love his inner thoughts. I like how there's some feeling to him despite him lacking a heart. Or is he really lacking a heart? lol. And was it just me, or did the ending sound a bit ominous? Overall, this was a joy to read! :)
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This was utterly satisfying to read! It was fantastic from start to finish! I cannot wait to read more of this, VoidGear. I've begun to fall in love with Roxas and Axel all over again. And xion not existing in this story is the best part. lol. Anyways, I like how you can tell Axel is keeping Roxas in the dark. And I feel like we've stepped into Roxas's shoes because, he's beginning to question things. I love his inner thoughts. I like how there's some feeling to him despite him lacking a heart. Or is he really lacking a heart? lol. And was it just me, or did the ending sound a bit ominous? Overall, this was a joy to read! :)
Thank you!!
It's pretty funny that everyone is glad this has no Xion xD
The ending definitely has meaning to it and will be a relevant plot point later on :3
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

Yo, here's the first chapter. :D

-------------------------------------

Chapter 1: On Your Own

Nothing ever seemed to have a purpose in this world of perfect nothingness. With every morning Roxas awoke from his slumber, be it dreamless or filled with weird pictures, he learned that all over. Again and again.

There was but one singular thing that would change from today on, and it was something that would make his life even duller than it already was.
“From now on, you will carry out your missions on your own,” Saïx told him as soon as he entered the meeting room, and Roxas was not sure if he was happy about it or not.
On one hand, it meant not being watched over permanently, which was definitely an improvement, especially considering company like Larxene – who was absolutely insane – or Demyx – who was an annoying freak.
On the other hand though, it meant having to be able to take care of himself in all situations, even tricky and dangerous ones. He wasn't weak, but didn't feel strong enough to face everything alone yet either, and kinda wished he'd at least get some missions with Axel to keep him company.
Was that a weird thing to think for a nobody? After all, he did not have a heart, so why did this emotional thought of wanting support from someone he considered a friend come up?
“Okay,” he answered simply and left the castle right away. Saïx was probably Roxas's least favorite member of the Organization so far, as he was a control freak, yet only Lord Xemnas's lackey. A snob, maybe, even though Roxas would never dare saying that out loud.


His first mission for the day required him to go to a world named Halloween Town. He had been there once or twice, and still did not understand the concept of the name giving event called Halloween. Apparently, during Halloween you have to look as frightening and scary as possible, making your friends scream in fear.
“Why would I want my friends to be afraid of me?” he asked himself loudly, yet didn't have the time to find an answer because a horde of shadows crawled his way. They were weak and inexperienced even to him, the current embodiment of weakness and inexperience in the Organization. They often attacked him in hordes of only them, but this time, they were accompanied by three soldiers. What a fitting name for those armor-wearing, freaklike creatures. He slayed one of them, then watched its heart rise up to the sky to join Kingdom Hearts.
Should he feel sorry for the person this heart belonged to? Was he even able to feel sorry for anyone without a heart of his own? Never would he find out if slaying a heartless helped the person who was turned into it or hurt them more.
Even though the rest of the heartless attacked five at a time, they were a piece of cake as well. Dumb, maybe naive and driven by instinct. Roxas knew he was a lot stronger than them, yet he needed way more training to keep up with the big fish.
His target in this world was a gigantic heartless that looked like the mixture of a fountain and a spider, spat a bilious green secretion and growled at him when he arrived. And that seemed to be its nicest attributes by far.
“Did it have to be something like this on day one?” Roxas mumbled and felt anger crawl up inside him. At least he thought that it was anger, as he felt the urge to hit Saïx with his keyblade once he returned for sending him on such a mission on his first day alone. That was another thing he would never say out loud though.
The heartless didn't give him any kind of opening for starters, so he kept evading the secretion and the kicks coming from eight legs at once. He knew it would soon wear him out if he didn't find a way to at least attack it at all. He had to risk something if he wanted to win, right?
The monster's body shape seemed to make it hard for it to do sharp turns, so Roxas decided to start running in circles. To his own surprise, it actually worked and he managed to get up to the heartless's back and deal a few powerful hits before it detected where exactly he was standing and how it could hit him.
He dodged a little too late, resulting in one of the legs sending him flying a good twenty meters. His landing didn't go too gracefully, but he didn't have time to care about that. He needed to keep cornering the fiend like this, always attacking a different spot on its body.
Hitting the legs was useless, he found out soon, as they were harder than rocks. The weirdly-shaped body seemed to be the only weak spot it had, and it took Roxas a decent amount of time to get back there whenever he needed to dodge after being located.
The battle was repetitive and tiring, but the heartless was definitely becoming weaker, leaving more openings and countering less frequently.
When it finally gave in, roaring loudly and disappearing, leaving only the big heart to float up, Roxas felt himself become dizzy, tired. The adrenaline had kept him from noticing it, but he was completely done for. He knew Saïx expected him to carry out two more missions today, but he couldn't care less and let himself drop on the floor and unconscious.


When he awoke again, Roxas found himself not on the ground in Halloween Town, but on his bed in the castle. How he had got here was a mystery, but he knew Saïx and Lord Xemnas wouldn't be too happy with him for failing to do more than one mission today.
It was stupid, though! How could they expect him to be able to defeat such a foe on his own already? He hadn't fought anything this strong even with the other members around. Thinking he could do even more than that in one day was completely ridiculous.
He found himself frowning, pouting and then just stopped. Why did he even bother with this emotional mess he didn't even think was real? He was a nobody. No heart, no emotions. No right to exist in this form. It was like a ritual Lord Xemnas had been repeating all over on the day Roxas came here, like some sort of order that mustn't be broken.
“But if I don't have memories and don't know what it was like to be...how can I feel these emotions?”
“Told ya you're special, pal!”
“Axel!”
He almost jumped out of the bed when the redhead entered the room with a big goofy grin on his face.
“That's me, I guess. Man, carrying you here really wasn't any fun at all. Next time best don't pass out after a fight, you know?”
Roxas felt his cheeks turn pink and looked away, out of the window. Axel seemed cheerful enough, but that didn't mean that trouble wasn't waiting.
“I bet Saïx and Lord Xemnas aren't too happy about it, huh?”
“You'd think. Saïx didn't say a word though and Xemnas didn't seem all-too disappointed, either. They probably didn't even expect you to be able to pull this off, let alone return on your own.”
He blinked a few times, frowned again and then turned his head back to Axel. Did that mean they had willingly accepted the possibility of him dying in that fight? That was not only a completely awful way to treat someone, but also made him wonder again if they really needed him as badly as they pretended to.
“So they fully expected me to fail and die there? How comforting.”
“Nah, they wouldn't have let that happen. They had Xigbar watch over you, I think. But he was kinda too stubborn to carry you back here, so I volunteered. Figured that'd be better than leaving it to like...Larxene.”
He shivered at the thought of that witch coming close to him when he was unconscious. She was evil and brutal, not one on whose bad side you'd want to get. Having to carry him here would've probably made her kill him.
“Yeah, I guess that wouldn't have been too nice. Thanks.”
It was slightly embarrassing, being so dependent on others' help, but Axel seemed pretty chill about it.
“Saïx said you should stay here for today and rest up for your next missions. Make sure to also get some food, though. I gotta leave now, so later!”
With that he left before Roxas had the chance to even say anything. He let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes. Half a free day right on his first day on his own. How very encouraging...not.


Hopefully the others wouldn't be around when he left his room. He really didn't feel like facing them at all today. Someone would surely mock him. Larxene would tell him to properly die next time. Xigbar would ask him if he slept well in the most mocking kind of way. Vexen would probably just be sad Roxas hadn't died to be a good new experiment sample.
He didn't know these people well yet, but thinking about the few things he did know, he wasn't sure he wanted to.
On first sight though, no one seemed to be around. Not knowing how long that would last though, Roxas sneaked some food out of their kitchen-like room next to the meeting room. Sometimes he wondered who provided the food, then realized there had to be some things Demyx was good for, and fighting or thinking sure weren't any of those.
Suddenly, Roxas felt the desperate need to get some ice cream. He wasn't sure why, but he thought that deep inside, it possibly reminded him of his past without him realizing it.
Either way he sure wouldn't dare leaving the castle now. Being allowed to stay here was one thing, but he'd surely get in trouble for sneaking of and enjoying himself. Especially if Saïx, the epitome of being in a foul mood, found out about that. No, Roxas would definitely not risk that.
He remembered a conversation he had once had with Demyx about free days and how they were supposed to be the best thing ever. How entirely stupid, he thought. What was he even supposed to do all day long if he didn't have anything to do? Axel had once said that he needed a hobby, and when Roxas had frowned in return, not knowing what that was supposed to be, explained that a hobby was something one liked to do on a regular basis. Like Demyx annoying people with his sitar or Zexion constantly running around with a book in his hands.
But Roxas wasn't interested in any of those things. The only thing he thought he might like was having ice cream and watching the sun set, and that was out of the question for now.
So what should he do? Wandering around the castle wasn't an option either, as he would probably get lost or in trouble for sneaking around. For now, he decided to go back to his room and immortalize the memories of this day in his diary.
Day 21: Today I carried out my first solo mission...
Little did he know that the feeling of deep sadness flowing through him uncontrolledly for merely a second was neither his imagination nor even his own.

--------------------------------

A/N: Around day 16~21 is the time that Sora defeats Ansem SoD and Riku and Mickey are left behind in the world of darkness.

 
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Re: Inchoate Reflection

New chapteeeer and it's getting even more lit. Exponential litness growth. I like how you write Axel, and the fight sounded so much cooler than the actual combat in Days. Mmm can't wait for Ruler of the Sky, maybe you should replay that fight to get the awesome feeling of that amazing fight just right :^) The story is progressing at a good pace, with the last sentence I already know I'm gonna be ded by the end of it. Good job and keep being awesome~

Also LMAO at "Roxas decided to start running in circles. To his own surprise, it actually worked". Ah the secret trick to all handheld KH fights. Good old running in circles. Such meta. Amazing.
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

New chapteeeer and it's getting even more lit. Exponential litness growth. I like how you write Axel, and the fight sounded so much cooler than the actual combat in Days. Mmm can't wait for Ruler of the Sky, maybe you should replay that fight to get the awesome feeling of that amazing fight just right :^) The story is progressing at a good pace, with the last sentence I already know I'm gonna be ded by the end of it. Good job and keep being awesome~

Also LMAO at "Roxas decided to start running in circles. To his own surprise, it actually worked". Ah the secret trick to all handheld KH fights. Good old running in circles. Such meta. Amazing.
Thaaank you!
I might question your ways of slowly killing me inside by suggesting replaying the fight that actually made me QUIT the game for good, but I'm glad you like it, lol. Action is so not my genre and I felt like the fight was the most boring thing ever. Luckily it's not, I guess. xD
I'm so sorreh for probably eventually killing you with it, although I'm not revealing anything yet other than: It won't just be constant depression and negativity, don't worry! There will be love, peace and harmony, too! Eventually...maybe...xD

And yes, the good old "dodge in circles until an opening happens. If you fail, abuse OP abilities to save yo butt. Cough seeker mines cough". xD
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

I really liked this chapter! We're seeing more of Roxas' emotions and I can actually feel with him! That's something Days never accomplished. xD I also really loved the way you described the fight against the Leechgrave. Overall, this was a very good chapter and I can't wait for mooore.
I would like to point something out though:
a horde of shadows crawled his way. They were weak and inexperienced even to him, the current embodiment of weakness and inexperience in the Organization. He slayed one of them, then watched its heart rise up to the sky to join Kingdom Hearts
Shadows are pureblood Heartless, meaning that they don't release hearts - when you beat them, they dissolve into smoke. ^^

Keep up the good work! :DD
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

I really liked this chapter! We're seeing more of Roxas' emotions and I can actually feel with him! That's something Days never accomplished. xD I also really loved the way you described the fight against the Leechgrave. Overall, this was a very good chapter and I can't wait for mooore.
I would like to point something out though:

Shadows are pureblood Heartless, meaning that they don't release hearts - when you beat them, they dissolve into smoke. ^^

Keep up the good work! :DD
Thaaaank you. Roxas's feels will be one of the main anchor points of this, woooop.
It's not really supposed to be leechgrave though, rather a similar kind of enemy (cause I don't remember shit about that battle and didn't wanna look it up xD)

Also lmao at the shadows - that's even in my notes and I originally had some soldiers accompany them exactly because of that. It was supposed to be a plot point in a different situation, even. I don't know how that got lost when I wrote it in the document, but I will add it later, lel. Thanks for reminding me, I would've been maximum embarrassed if I had noticed that any other day. :'D
Note to me: Don't write chapters at like 2 am. Don't.
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

Plot twist they were actually Soldiers in Shadow suits. Shadow fursuits. Follow this exciting story as Roxas tries to uncover the mysteries that surround these Heartless furries, while trying to avoid becoming one himself. Will this lead him to the final truth behind the Organization's true goal? To be continued, in next chapter.
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

Plot twist they were actually Soldiers in Shadow suits. Shadow fursuits. Follow this exciting story as Roxas tries to uncover the mysteries that surround these Heartless furries, while trying to avoid becoming one himself. Will this lead him to the final truth behind the Organization's true goal? To be continued, in next chapter.
If I weren't at least slightly serious about this story, this woulf SO happen :'D
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This new chapter gives me life. <3 I really like how Roxas still feels emotions as a nobody because, it amuses me how spot on he is about being expendable. Of course, I'm sure Xigbar might of stepped in had Roxas not been able to handle this stronger heartless but still, it's cool to see Roxas take it out on his own. The boss fight itself was fantastic and well written. The running in a circle trick is hilarious. lol. Otherwise, I love how Axel was the one to bring him back to the stronghold instead of Larxene. And aww, a cooped up Roxas isn't a happy Roxas. It's too bad he can't risk sneaking out. Overall, I loved this chapter and enjoyed reading it a lot. <3
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This new chapter gives me life. <3 I really like how Roxas still feels emotions as a nobody because, it amuses me how spot on he is about being expendable. Of course, I'm sure Xigbar might of stepped in had Roxas not been able to handle this stronger heartless but still, it's cool to see Roxas take it out on his own. The boss fight itself was fantastic and well written. The running in a circle trick is hilarious. lol. Otherwise, I love how Axel was the one to bring him back to the stronghold instead of Larxene. And aww, a cooped up Roxas isn't a happy Roxas. It's too bad he can't risk sneaking out. Overall, I loved this chapter and enjoyed reading it a lot. <3
Roxas will have a lot of critical moments about his and "his" feelings throughout the story. I hope it's not going to become boring xD
I'm glad the bossfight wasn't major shit, I'm never happy with action scenes lol.
Thank you, I hope you'll like the future chapters as well!!
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

It took forever as always, but here's the second chapter!

---------------------------------

Chapter Two: None Is Yours

While his twenty-second day at the Organization went relatively well – he had carried out his missions alone again, this time without fainting or needing any help with an enemy – Roxas was to be shocked again at the twenty-third.
“I won't be around for a while, yo.”
Axel and he had finally found the time to share ice cream again, after a few days of different, awful schedules. Roxas frowned of the statement and stopped in his tracks. I must look stupid, he thought while realizing that he was still in the motion of taking a bite from his ice cream. He lowered the stick so it almost touched his coat, then said:
“Where will you be?”
He looked at Axel with a frown. The thought of being disappointed crossed his mind, maybe even hurt. But that had to be imagination, since he was a nobody. And nobodies didn't have emotions.
“Can't tell.”
“Huh?”
The feeling, the thought intensified, even though that made absolutely no sense. Maybe though, Roxas figured, it was some sort of inner instinct. Axel was the only person in the Organization he would put trust in, and losing him, even if temporarily, meant losing the only one he could ask for advice or just hang out with. It did sound rational enough.
“Ya see, it's kind of a dumb job anyway, alongside Marluxia and the others. No sense in bothering you with something like that, man!”
It was a lie, but Roxas just nodded without even looking up from his ice cream. Weirdly enough, even though he couldn't stand anyone else from the Organization, it still seemed to bother him in some way that he was going to be excluded.
“Bet that leaves me with my best friend Saïx, huh?” he muttered to no one in particular, and only registered that he had said it out loud when Axel laughed.
“Damn that stiff, uptight meanie, huh? He's sure giving you a hard time.”
“What have I ever done to him, though? He always looks at me as if I had killed his puppy!”
Axel laughed again, but Roxas noticed that it sounded a bit off, maybe bitter. He never questioned his friend's emotional outbursts, because apparently, if you remembered how it was like to feel them, then that was almost the same thing as actually feeling it.
“I guess he does.”
They spent the rest of the evening in silence.


To Roxas's disappointment, he found the others had already left when he entered the meeting room the next morning. Saïx was still here though, as were Xigbar and Demyx. Three facts he was anything but happy about.
He wasn't sure if all of the others had left for that weird place that was being kept secret from him, but he was absolutely sure everyone but him knew what that place was. It was like they had secrets only he was not allowed to know about, and he wasn't sure if it really had anything to do with how new he was.
Before he could just ask Saïx for his missions though, Xigbar apparently felt the need to share his thoughts on the new-found emptiness in the castle.
“Isn't it nice here with those loudmouths gone, eh?”
Roxas decided not to answer because all he had on his mind would probably get him into serious trouble. It was definitely not worth it.
His missions were absolutely no different from any other day. It was seemingly true that he was the only one who could do the things he did, even though it left him wondering what the others even did all day.
Maybe, he thought to himself, they're just using me and relaxing in some really comfortable place.
If he were able to actually feel emotion, envy would flood his heart right now. Not that he wanted to not do anything all day long, but not being forced to be in this weird castle in this weird world he knew nothing about actually sounded quite nice.
But nothing had changed in this place, and nothing ever would.


Having ice cream alone just wasn't the same at all.
It didn't take Roxas long to really understand and accept that, but somehow he couldn't keep himself from getting back up to the clock tower and hoping Axel would show up sooner or later.
But the most interesting thing that happened were some people running to reach their train or some kids playing around with a skateboard – and even that wasn't very entertaining.
“Maybe I should get some sort of hobby?” he wondered and looked at his ice cream stick. Axel had suggested it, so maybe it was something that could actually keep him occupied and not bored whenever there was nothing to do around the castle.
What kind of hobby was he supposed to have, though? He didn't have friends and didn't really know much about sports or other activities. The only thing he'd been longing for all the time since his birth was listening to the sound of the waves on the beach.
“Just where does this wish come from?” he asked himself, not expecting an answer whatsoever. It was like a desire that would probably hit right where his heart should be – if he had one.
He found himself pouting just a little bit, staring at the sunset. Why did it seem so much like he could actually feel things? Because what was going through his mind all this time heavily felt like what Axel had described feelings to be.
It wasn't like Roxas thought he did in fact have a heart – because he couldn't know, he didn't know the difference. But sometimes he wondered if everything the others told him was actually true or if they were lying to him for reasons he did not understand.
“Maybe I should just do it,” he figured and got up to head back to the castle.


It took Roxas two days to realize he didn't even know how to get to any kind of beach. Maybe it was a special kind of world that his mind longed for, but he wasn't able to pin it down. Where could he start?
His missions were boring, tedious and the raging desire to just leave everything behind didn't make it better. He had to stop this, no matter how.
Everything he was forced to do was repetitive. Defeat heartless, collect hearts. Defeat stronger heartless, collect even more hearts. Would this forever be the only purpose in his life?
The day ended just the same as the last one, and Roxas found himself at the clock tower without even thinking about it. He was starting to feel sick, and somehow it had hardly anything to do with what, in his head, came so scarily close to emotions.
It was like feelings he couldn't understand, couldn't connect to anything that had happened to him today or ever, overwhelmed his mind; twisted, confusing, shattering his mind.
And only when he felt his body hit the ground, with thoughts and emotions and a sort of heat he didn't understand flooding his every being, he realized that none of this was supposed to even be his own.

---------------

AN: Sora enters CO on day 25. Day 26 is when Roxas falls into a deep slumber due to the changing of Sora's memories.
 

catcake

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

I was not prepared!! I had to open my computer again for this smh. OKay so first of all how dare yoou I never even considered that the beach thing Roxas had could be seen as a nod to Destiny Island but now I can't un...know it!! Unthink about it. And in the prologue to KH2, he still doesn't get to go to the beach, he never gets to a damn beach and doesnt even know why he wants to go there just fuck me up feels let the boy get some beach. Also "they're just using me and relaxing in some really comfortable place" okay I just think about the whole org lying on the beach in their coats just straight up in a row there with sunglasses on. On the sand, no towels nothing. Or a spa with cucumbers on eyes getting some manicure.

Seriously tho I like how this is taking taking to get into the atmosphere and all and I'm totally feeling Roxas I already know I'm gonna die when shit starts going down. Good stuff yes I'm glad this story exists. Days was good for something.
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

I was not prepared!! I had to open my computer again for this smh. OKay so first of all how dare yoou I never even considered that the beach thing Roxas had could be seen as a nod to Destiny Island but now I can't un...know it!! Unthink about it. And in the prologue to KH2, he still doesn't get to go to the beach, he never gets to a damn beach and doesnt even know why he wants to go there just fuck me up feels let the boy get some beach. Also "they're just using me and relaxing in some really comfortable place" okay I just think about the whole org lying on the beach in their coats just straight up in a row there with sunglasses on. On the sand, no towels nothing. Or a spa with cucumbers on eyes getting some manicure.

Seriously tho I like how this is taking taking to get into the atmosphere and all and I'm totally feeling Roxas I already know I'm gonna die when shit starts going down. Good stuff yes I'm glad this story exists. Days was good for something.
I am sorry for forcing you back to the computer - that is indeed annoying xD
If it makes up for any of the hurt that will obviously happen: Roxas is in fact gonna see the beach. I promise.

I'm glad you like it!!
 

KingdomKey

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This pains me. Roxas having this internal conflict, wondering if he's being used or lied to. The desire to see the waves of a beach and never ever getting to see them sucks really, REALLY hard. I want to take Roxas to a beach and hug him tight. The poor kid is suffering so much already! Stupid Xemnas with his obsession of Kingdom Hearts and collecting hearts. Actually, I wonder if Neverland counts as visiting a place with a beach because it is surrounded by water. ANYWAYS, Roxas hitting the ground is brutal, even if he's going into a slumber because of Sora's memories. I hope somebody finds him and takes care of him soon. ;__; VoidGear, you make my day when you write about Roxas. <3
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection

This pains me. Roxas having this internal conflict, wondering if he's being used or lied to. The desire to see the waves of a beach and never ever getting to see them sucks really, REALLY hard. I want to take Roxas to a beach and hug him tight. The poor kid is suffering so much already! Stupid Xemnas with his obsession of Kingdom Hearts and collecting hearts. Actually, I wonder if Neverland counts as visiting a place with a beach because it is surrounded by water. ANYWAYS, Roxas hitting the ground is brutal, even if he's going into a slumber because of Sora's memories. I hope somebody finds him and takes care of him soon. ;__; VoidGear, you make my day when you write about Roxas. <3
Thank you <3
I'd love to say that Roxas will have it better or easier soon, buuuut I cannot lie.
I promise he will see a beach though ;_;
 
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