I'm working on a story



Traitor of KHInsider.com
Mar 28, 2011
Ontario, Canada
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As the title says I'm working on a Dark Souls - God of War type story and I wanted you guys to critique the intro dialogue I've written. I want to know what you think of it (if it's a cool idea worth pursuing) and whether or not you would take a glance at the rest of it as i write. It's called "Deicide" (aka killing a god) and I want to input as much lore and connections as Dark Souls, while also giving it the setting, action and dialogue of God of War.
Let me know what you think below :)


It was during the reign of Chaos that the world was blanketed by darkness; cold and master-less. A dull, little world with no color, where beasts of all manner roamed freely. But with chaos came Hope, and with Hope came Faith; Faith that allowed man to thrive, because “Through Faith alone they arrived, and through Faith alone they fought for mankind”. The Primordial Gods of Old: The Beasts: Abzu, the Deep, Tiamat, the Source, and Kingu, the Laborer. The Trio of Balance: Brahma, the Creator, Vishnu, the Preserver, and Shiva, the Destroyer and Restorer. And finally, the Sculptors: Tartarus, the Abyss, Gaia, the Earth, Eros, the Desiring, Erebus, the Darkness, and Nyx, the Night. They began the genesis of pantheons that would come to follow, the God Tree. Together, they pushed the darkness and all that thrived in it back into the earth where it would remain forever. Time went on, and with it came the Age of Order where the new gods of this world ruled and humanity worshipped them.

It became inevitable though, when man would begin to lose faith in their gods; questioning them and then eventually abandoning them. These heathens were christened as the Lost Ones, and were banished for their blasphemy. From then on, the Lost Ones wandered and spanned across the globe, spreading chaos wherever they took root. Fearful of conflict, the gods and their chosen few hid from the rest world, erecting an insurmountable wall that touched the very heavens and reached the furthest depths. Feeling that the malcontents would inevitably destroy themselves, the gods stole a power that was rightfully the Lost Ones, leaving only the message “Upon our return, man will become as us, once again”.

Millennia have passed and still the gods have yet to return; they have since been named just myth. It is to this very day that the civil chaos between the Lost Ones has continued with no end in sight. Hope is scarce amongst these men, and has driven them to very edge of desperation. For despite their skepticism, the Lost Ones have always kept hope in one belief: that one day, one of blasphemous descent would venture forth and return with the power the gods coveted, bringing with them a new Dawn.


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This was excellent! I don't know much about God of War or Dark Souls. However, I was hooked right in upon reading this! If you do choose to write more of it, I'd certainly read it in my free time! :)