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Marly

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Part I:

Please help me. Anyone.

Here's how it is. . . I'm gay. Shocker right? No? I know, most anyone on here who knows me knows this about me. The thing is. . . as much as it pains me to admit, after having been out here for--shit I guess that'd be 6 years--I still have not completely come out to my family. And that's really where I'm having a lot of emotional turmoil. It's silly really, all my friends know, all my coworkers know, yet I can't sit my family down and tell them.

First I should let you know how I run with my family. First I got my mum and my sister, these are my family family, I've only ever been with these two since day 1. My parents got divorced when I was younger so I've always had them. The thing about my mum and my sister is I know that they love me. I know they wouldn't care. In fact, I'm almost 100% positive they're completely aware of my sexuality. For one thing, I work at Olive Garden, my sister and my mum used to work there as well and considering my coworkers know, and those same coworkers worked and are friends with my mum and sister, I'm sure somewhere they've found out. Not to mention I wasn't very good at hiding my porn earlier in life haha. So I'm sure my sister's seen that. . . ;~; (sorry).

And yet. AND YET. Despite this, I still. . . just don't have it in me. It's awful. I'm not sure what I'm scared of. If anything. To me it's more a question of 'if they already know, then is sitting them down necessary?' you tell me KHI. How do I even begin to approach it? I mean is this something I should be deadpan about?

I think really what makes me most apprehensive is that at the end of they day I guess my mum and my sister don't know me that well anymore. That's what's breaking me. I'm cheery and funny to my coworkers and friends cause I'm comfortable around them and I can make jokes and stuff I couldn't otherwise make to my mum and sister, I'm starting to realize how incredibly censored I am to them, which is something that's kind of just dawning on me. And it upsets me. I've just always been kind of the lighthearted laid back kid in the family, so actually having to sit my family down and tell them something so serious is petrifying.

As far as my father (who's in the airforce, is pretty cool) I just don't have even a smidgen of an idea of how he'll take it. Do I want him to know? Absolutely. Now? Maybe not.

Honestly KHI, I want them all to know so bad, but I don't want them to look at me different. . . I know, horrible ;~; help?

ok so this says part I, cause i'm actually just completely unmovable as far as the pace of my life but i figured this bit was long enough so i'll get help on this and maybe more later ;~
 

Nyangoro

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Well, I guess the most important question to ask right now is: Why do feel like you have to tell them?

I realize you said that you want them to know, but why exactly? If it's, as it seems, a desire to open up, then I would offer that you don't need to make a big show of it. You don't need to sit them down like you're about to deliver some life shattering news. Just tell them outright. From your post, it doesn't seem like they have any sort of hang up regarding homosexuality, so I'd imagine you could just as easily bring up out of nowhere. It doesn't have to be all that serious a conversation. The fact that homosexuals have to "come out" at all makes no sense to me, but that's another discussion.

That being said, I would like to point out that it's totally normal to be more censored around your family (especially parents) than around your friends. There's really nothing wrong with that. If you don't want to be so censored, then the only real option is just to stop. I'm sure that sounds like a nothing, cop-out answer, but when your just holding yourself back like that, all you can really do is to figure out what is making you act that way. For example, my father doesn't know that I'm an atheist. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't know, and I have no plans to tell him.
 

Victor

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Just bring home a super swoll guy from the gym to the next holiday where your family gets together. Oil him up and start performing fellatio on him. If they react poorly pretend it was a joke. If they are okay with it then you're good.
 

Marly

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Well, I guess the most important question to ask right now is: Why do feel like you have to tell them?
Hmm I'd say I want them to know simply because it'd get rid of those awkward moments when my mum and sister ask if I have a girlfriend (the thing about this is, I feel like they know so I dunno if they're just hoping they're wrong OR they're trying to get me to come clean) yet or ya know, just having it off my chest.

Truthfully I never even thought I would come out even, cause like you said I think it's silly and I never thought I'd see the need to cause I'd just keep going. But unbeknownst to me I find myself more and more bottled up regardless of what I initially thought, and it hurts.
Also just hanging out with them, my sister for example wants to go out with me tomorrow night for my birthday, which I would absolutely love, but I'll be drunk and well. . . ya know I don't want to overwhelm her with her just seeing me having a good time flirting with a guy. . . especially since she 'doesn't know' it doesn't seem fair almost.

You're right about the coming out thing. I hate it. So much. I mean my sexuality is a part of me, and is something I can't change therefor it's important but I don't find it defines me per se, and I'd agree with you on all that. But I'm not sure anyone else in my family would/does see it that way.


Just bring home a super swoll guy from the gym to the next holiday where your family gets together. Oil him up and start performing fellatio on him. If they react poorly pretend it was a joke. If they are okay with it then you're good.
Do you go to the gym Victor?
 
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