I'm sick of EVERYTHING.



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Muke

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I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

I was always that "strange" kid everyone hated. I was always that "strange" boy nobody wanted to talk to.
Irl I have, like, 6 Friends. And I am unable to trust half of them.

I am going to be completely honest - I had thought about suicide in the past. But I always told myself to 'be strong'.
But I just can't tell that to myself anymore.

Things happened. Terrible things. I don't want to talk about the stuff that happened, but it's killing me.
I hate myself sometimes. I really, truly do.

Long story short:
there is this girl. She had a boyfriend - let's call him 'Max'. He didn't really love her, it was a facade, that's all I say.
So, I helped her get through that time and all. They broke up.

Now they are back together again and I am still helping her. I was always there for her and I thought she was my friend.

I walked pass her and the other kids the other day. Yeah, they insulted me, what does she do? She laughs. About me.

I just don't know, I still have some friends, but I can't trust them.

I am sick of her. I am so sick of my life, I just can't.
It's so hard to write all of this for me, my hands just want to take the keyboard and smash it!!!

I AM SAD. ANGRY. AT ME. AT MY 'FRIENDS'. AT EVERYONE.

it was a wonderful time with all of you. some exceptions.
 

Cyborg009

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dude. don't go down this path! trust me, you'll only be doing more harm than good. if its that bad, you should see counseling, find a hobby, do something that helps relax. remember, you still have friends here.
 

VoidGear.

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That's a time I fear many people went through. School time can be hell and if it is, it's big hell. I experienced that until I was 18 years old. I know it's hard to just say to get it over with and then move on, but sometimes that's really the only thing you can do.
Just don't be angry at yourself because others are assholes. They don't team up against you because you're weak - they do so because they are. On their own, few people would dare or even want to do that. That doesn't make it okay, but the realization that they are just some sore losers (and that they are) always made it easier for me. If you give in, you let them win.
 

Dentim

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Dude, don't. For reals. Everything you said, I've been through it myself.

I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it, but life is hard. Sometimes insanely so. But if these people are like this then dump the ones you can't trust or come clear to them about it. Talking should ALWAYS be the first step. And I swear this from one weirdo to another, find new people: it CAN be done. Go to a convention or something, go online and look around if there's something in your area that applies to your interests where you can meet new people. I'm not saying that by doing this you'll end up with a bunch of new friends in a month or so, change takes time.

And seriously, if it gets really bad, get professional help or at least talk to an adult. The earlier in your life you do this, the better. You said yourself that you're "strange", it could be that there might be something about you. I'm not saying you should get help because there's something "wrong" or something with you, but because that way you might find out things about yourself you didn't know yet.
People treated me the same in the past. A couple of years ago I went to see a psychologist after some tests with a work counselor advised me too. I'm not going to give you my entire mental diagnosis here, but it helped me a lot. I'm coming to terms with it (it's a process) and told the people I trust the most and it's helped me better maintain my relationships ever since.

About that girl: you'll find, during your life, that many people don't think straight or rationally when certain other factors are in effect. They're idiots, and they're everywhere. Ignore them.
 

Muke

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Dude, don't. For reals. Everything you said, I've been through it myself.

I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it, but life is hard. Sometimes insanely so. But if these people are like this then dump the ones you can't trust or come clear to them about it. Talking should ALWAYS be the first step. And I swear this from one weirdo to another, find new people: it CAN be done. Go to a convention or something, go online and look around if there's something in your area that applies to your interests where you can meet new people. I'm not saying that by doing this you'll end up with a bunch of new friends in a month or so, change takes time.

And seriously, if it gets really bad, get professional help or at least talk to an adult. The earlier in your life you do this, the better. You said yourself that you're "strange", it could be that there might be something about you. I'm not saying you should get help because there's something "wrong" or something with you, but because that way you might find out things about yourself you didn't know yet.
People treated me the same in the past. A couple of years ago I went to see a psychologist after some tests with a work counselor advised me too. I'm not going to give you my entire mental diagnosis here, but it helped me a lot. I'm coming to terms with it (it's a process) and told the people I trust the most and it's helped me better maintain my relationships ever since.

About that girl: you'll find, during your life, that many people don't think straight or rationally when certain other factors are in effect. They're idiots, and they're everywhere. Ignore them.
Thank you so much.

It's not that I am strange, not at all. I was quoting the bullies that talked about me like that. :/
Sorry, should've made that a bit more obvious.
 

VoidGear.

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I have to agree that talking is the best thing you can do. If you can't talk to them, talk to others. I'd say "talk to your parents" but I know that doesn't always work (sadly it never worked for me).
Just talk to anyone you think you can trust. And it's not bad or "weird" if it's some kind of doctor.
 

Muke

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I have to agree that talking is the best thing you can do. If you can't talk to them, talk to others. I'd say "talk to your parents" but I know that doesn't always work (sadly it never worked for me).
Just talk to anyone you think you can trust. And it's not bad or "weird" if it's some kind of doctor.
Thank you. :)

I just… really don't know. There is someone I can trust, but I feel weird talking about things like this with others. I don't know, I am better with texting and such.

I tried to tell my best friend once, and how she reacted adored me, so I may talk to her.. ^^'
 

BlackOsprey

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I have to agree that talking is the best thing you can do. If you can't talk to them, talk to others. I'd say "talk to your parents" but I know that doesn't always work (sadly it never worked for me).
Just talk to anyone you think you can trust. And it's not bad or "weird" if it's some kind of doctor.
^^^^ This. Absolutely this.

From my experience, talking with someone who you trust is one of the best things that you can do. And if you can't make yourself say it out loud, write it down so they can read it. The worst thing that you can do is keep it entirely to yourself.
 

Muke

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^^^^ This. Absolutely this.

From my experience, talking with someone who you trust is one of the best things that you can do. And if you can't make yourself say it out loud, write it down so they can read it. The worst thing that you can do is keep it entirely to yourself.
Thank you, too, Osprey. I think about texting a friend ^^'
 

Howler

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Muke, don't ever think you're alone. I've been betrayed too, by COUNTLESS of friends. I have only have 4 friends (including you). I've been bullied a lot too that had sent me home crying when I was young. Mostly my real name (it's not bad or weird or anything). Thanks to those a**holes, I'm a freaking EMO! Everyone at school looks at me like I'm a wart for God's sake! I know your life and I know your pain. But...it breaks my heart seeing someone going through the same hurt, I thought I was alone. Muke, don't go down the dark path I did and stay in the light path. Many people do care about you, including me. People being mean to you? Who cares what they think of you? It's not there opinions you should listen to, it's yours. Muke, please don't EVER think your alone. Never give up on yourself.... please. I really just want you to be happy...please. "Don't ever forget... wherever you go, I'm always with you". " You two are my best friends. Never forget, that's the truth". 3:)
 

Bufferino

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You have an entire life ahead of you, Muke! Don't waste it on pathetic assholes who doesn't know how great you are! I've been through some rough times myself, from this person who hurt me. A lot. But I realized how hypocritical the person is how much she keeps on contradicting herself. It made me harder and harder to take her seriously anymore. I had friends, they are internet friends, but they helped me a lot! And I'm going to do the same with other internet friends as well who have been through tough times!

These people are just a waste, so don't let them get to you.
 

Muke

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Muke, don't ever think you're alone. I've been betrayed too, by COUNTLESS of friends. I have only have 4 friends (including you). I've been bullied a lot too that had sent me home crying when I was young. Mostly my real name (it's not bad or weird or anything). Thanks to those a**holes, I'm a freaking EMO! Everyone at school looks at me like I'm a wart for God's sake! I know your life and I know your pain. But...it breaks my heart seeing someone going through the same hurt, I thought I was alone. Muke, don't go down the dark path I did and stay in the light path. Many people do care about you, including me. People being mean to you? Who cares what they think of you? It's not there opinions you should listen to, it's yours. Muke, please don't EVER think your alone. Never give up on yourself.... please. I really just want you to be happy...please. "Don't ever forget... wherever you go, I'm always with you". " You two are my best friends. Never forget, that's the truth". 3:)
Thank you so much for believing in me.. it means a lot to me. :)


You have an entire life ahead of you, Muke! Don't waste it on pathetic assholes who doesn't know how great you are! I've been through some rough times myself, from this person who hurt me. A lot. But I realized how hypocritical the person is how much she keeps on contradicting herself. It made me harder and harder to take her seriously anymore. I had friends, they are internet friends, but they helped me a lot! And I'm going to do the same with other internet friends as well who have been through tough times!

These people are just a waste, so don't let them get to you.
Buffer, thank you!
You guys are right, I shouldn't think about them.. :3


Thank all of you..
 

VoidGear.

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Oh and btw, don't ever forget that if shit goes down, I bet there's always someone here to cheer you up.
Sure, some might tell you seeking comfort on the internet is stupid, but I swear, sometimes people you don't have to see everyday are the best medicine.
 

Tsunayoshi

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I had 'friends' through out high school and none of em' stuck except for one. She's still my best and only friend til this day almost a decade later. And even if we can't visit each other much (she's live outside town) we're still the best of buddies. Online I know that I have friends who got my back even though I never met them in real life. What I'm trying to say is no matter where you go there is always someone there for you. Please, please, don't make such a mistake like suicide!

You'll only end up hurting more people than anything else! Sometimes life is rough - more times for some than others - but you gotta remember: "The heart may be weak and sometimes it may even give in. But I've learned ... that deep down there's a light that NEVER goes out!" Keep holding onto that light and everything will be better in the end. Don't let the darkness win! <3 Even if you might think it doesn't matter, we're here for you too :3

(Take this from a (Mafia) Boss ;3)

~Tsunayoshi
 

khluva010

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I'm sorry you're going through so much pain Muke. If you ever get in that dark place and need someone to talk to at whatever time, you can give this number a call if you like: 1 (800) 273-8255.

I know we don't know each other but if you ever feel like talking to someone I'm here! And other people of this community are here for you too, hopefully you feel more comftorable talking to someone on here you've connected with or in another community. Although it maybe hard to think this right now, just know that we have gone through similar situations and are here for you. Even those who haven't gone through what you have, know they are here to listen too. Somebody is always here for you! You are not alone.
 

Muke

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I'm sorry you're going through so much pain Muke. If you ever get in that dark place and need someone to talk to at whatever time, you can give this number a call if you like: 1 (800) 273-8255.

I know we don't know each other but if you ever feel like talking to someone I'm here! And other people of this community are here for you too, hopefully you feel more comftorable talking to someone on here you've connected with or in another community. Although it maybe hard to think this right now, just know that we have gone through similar situations and are here for you. Even those who haven't gone through what you have, know they are here to listen too. Somebody is always here for you! You are not alone.
Thank you SO much for being there for me and replying here. It makes me really feel like people do care.. :)

I had 'friends' through out high school and none of em' stuck except for one. She's still my best and only friend til this day almost a decade later. And even if we can't visit each other much (she's live outside town) we're still the best of buddies. Online I know that I have friends who got my back even though I never met them in real life. What I'm trying to say is no matter where you go there is always someone there for you. Please, please, don't make such a mistake like suicide!

You'll only end up hurting more people than anything else! Sometimes life is rough - more times for some than others - but you gotta remember: "The heart may be weak and sometimes it may even give in. But I've learned ... that deep down there's a light that NEVER goes out!" Keep holding onto that light and everything will be better in the end. Don't let the darkness win! <3 Even if you might think it doesn't matter, we're here for you too :3

(Take this from a (Mafia) Boss ;3)

~Tsunayoshi
Tsunayoshi, thank you, too! You're right, I should hold onto that light... thanks to this series. Argh, thank you.. i dont know what to say but I am really thankful!

Oh and btw, don't ever forget that if shit goes down, I bet there's always someone here to cheer you up.
Sure, some might tell you seeking comfort on the internet is stupid, but I swear, sometimes people you don't have to see everyday are the best medicine.
Thanks for being so supportive, Void. The people I never met in rl seem to be the most precious thing I ever had..
 

robvandam111

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Take this song, and learn from it. Everyone else responded well to you. You need some inspiration.

[video=youtube;opU1urLhw50]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opU1urLhw50[/video]
 

Tiamod

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You remind me a lot of my younger self, growing up and all that shit isn't fun a lot of the time. I only had a couple of irl friends, one I could never really rely on and the other I could never really talk to when it came to personal stuff. But as I got older I made a lot more irl friends, but they come and go as time goes on. The closest (And most lasting) friends I've ever had have been online.

i know you're in pain, it's real, and it sucks. I'd be a hypocrite if I said otherwise, but it does get better. In a few years from now, this will be nothing major in the grand scope of things
 

Divine Past

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Hey Muke, you seem like a dope person so I hope you break out of this funk. I know life is tough but just think that a lot of people have to go through rough patches in their life. I have like 1 irl friend I talk to out of school and that's a real drag on me. I get the loneliness aspect and I have had feelings of usefulness but it's best just to think about your positives.

Other people's words are just that, words. Just focusing everyday on doing something that makes you feel good/productive so you are happy by the time you go to sleep. Good people attract good people so as long as you keep your head up and focus everyday to better yourself, it will work out for you at the end.
 

assassin-kawaii

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I experienced that when I was in 7th-8th grade. Everyone thinks I'm weird, some people also judged me for who I am. Just do the things you love and ignore the people who always bring you down.
And remember,
"Darkness always finds a way into a wounded heart. You have to be strong. Strength of heart will carry you through the hardest of trials." - Terra
I know life is hard. But one day you'll find some people who will love & care about you. Trust me you'll get through with this. :)
 
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