I hope it helps.
First off, I'd like to know how that Valentine's deal ended up, haha. Mainly because hitting up every fried chicken restaurant in North London sounds difficult. Well, maybe it's not that difficult for you, since I have to remember you live in London and I live in America (a.k.a. The United States of Obesity).
Anyway, do you wonder why you feel that obligation or expectation? Do you expect people to be there when you request it- are you used to it? Is it maybe that you feel a little rejected if someone says they can't hang out with you, for whatever the reason may be? But yes, a friendship shouldn't need organization. You should be able to hang out impromptu, so long as you know what each others' previous obligations are like.
With the post-relationship part, that's a tricky one. On one hand, I really dislike it when a person just burns every bridge they cross, but I especially hate when people simply pretend to be friends. It's hard letting someone down, though. If you don't want to make time to hang out with somebody, just don't do it. It's not like you're dating the person anymore; you shouldn't feel compelled to do stuff with them or talk to them just because they want you to, still. If you don't want to be with that person or care to reconcile things, then so be it. And if you just need a lot of 'me time', tell people. If it's nothing personal against them, just say 'hey, i don't want to sound like this has anything to do with you, because it doesn't, but i just need a lot of alone time.' Anyone who actually wants to be your friend should take that with a grain of salt and accept it as it is, a part of how you are. But as to why you've become more socially reclusive, it could be due to friends that just aren't fulfilling that need you have of them as friends. There's a certain understanding that people need to be friends, and if someone isn't sympathetic enough- or alternatively, is too sympathetic- it can be a real let-down on their character.
I know it always seems really hard to get proper advice when going through a break-up. As for me, most friends go something along the lines of "she's not good enough for you anyways", "kupo! her", "bitches aint nothing but tricks and hoes bro", "just go out and get some mad pussy" etc. While I know they're trying to encourage me to be happy about it, it just makes me feel like they know nothing about how I feel/felt about that person. They seem to forget that even though, yes I should move, those kinds of things aren't what people need to hear in that moment. Still, I'd try not to take that heart to if you can help it, but that might mean they might not be best for being your 'closest' friends. That part about where you were in the hospital is pretty uncalled for, though.
I would suggest finding some people who are more of what you need in close friends. I'm not going to say you should just stop being friends with those people, and I'm sure you don't have that in mind anyways. Still, just hang out with whomever seems best. It shouldn't be too complicated. If things aren't cutting it though, maybe try being a little more extroverted? I know that can be a hard thing to do- it's a lot easier just being how you are, but if you're beginning to grow unhappy with your current set of friends, it's something to think about.
Back to the Valentine's thing though, try not to put yourself in those situations just to have plans already. While I know it's easier to just say 'I already had plans with somebody, sorry', just say no in a situation like that. Hell, you can just say you already have plans, even if they're just plans for being with yourself. You could say something like 'sorry man, but I've had plans for a long time. maybe we can hang out some other time' or something along those lines.
Also, since it has been a month, has anything changed really? Have they gotten better, worse, or simply stayed about the same?
First off, I'd like to know how that Valentine's deal ended up, haha. Mainly because hitting up every fried chicken restaurant in North London sounds difficult. Well, maybe it's not that difficult for you, since I have to remember you live in London and I live in America (a.k.a. The United States of Obesity).
Anyway, do you wonder why you feel that obligation or expectation? Do you expect people to be there when you request it- are you used to it? Is it maybe that you feel a little rejected if someone says they can't hang out with you, for whatever the reason may be? But yes, a friendship shouldn't need organization. You should be able to hang out impromptu, so long as you know what each others' previous obligations are like.
With the post-relationship part, that's a tricky one. On one hand, I really dislike it when a person just burns every bridge they cross, but I especially hate when people simply pretend to be friends. It's hard letting someone down, though. If you don't want to make time to hang out with somebody, just don't do it. It's not like you're dating the person anymore; you shouldn't feel compelled to do stuff with them or talk to them just because they want you to, still. If you don't want to be with that person or care to reconcile things, then so be it. And if you just need a lot of 'me time', tell people. If it's nothing personal against them, just say 'hey, i don't want to sound like this has anything to do with you, because it doesn't, but i just need a lot of alone time.' Anyone who actually wants to be your friend should take that with a grain of salt and accept it as it is, a part of how you are. But as to why you've become more socially reclusive, it could be due to friends that just aren't fulfilling that need you have of them as friends. There's a certain understanding that people need to be friends, and if someone isn't sympathetic enough- or alternatively, is too sympathetic- it can be a real let-down on their character.
I know it always seems really hard to get proper advice when going through a break-up. As for me, most friends go something along the lines of "she's not good enough for you anyways", "kupo! her", "bitches aint nothing but tricks and hoes bro", "just go out and get some mad pussy" etc. While I know they're trying to encourage me to be happy about it, it just makes me feel like they know nothing about how I feel/felt about that person. They seem to forget that even though, yes I should move, those kinds of things aren't what people need to hear in that moment. Still, I'd try not to take that heart to if you can help it, but that might mean they might not be best for being your 'closest' friends. That part about where you were in the hospital is pretty uncalled for, though.
I would suggest finding some people who are more of what you need in close friends. I'm not going to say you should just stop being friends with those people, and I'm sure you don't have that in mind anyways. Still, just hang out with whomever seems best. It shouldn't be too complicated. If things aren't cutting it though, maybe try being a little more extroverted? I know that can be a hard thing to do- it's a lot easier just being how you are, but if you're beginning to grow unhappy with your current set of friends, it's something to think about.
Back to the Valentine's thing though, try not to put yourself in those situations just to have plans already. While I know it's easier to just say 'I already had plans with somebody, sorry', just say no in a situation like that. Hell, you can just say you already have plans, even if they're just plans for being with yourself. You could say something like 'sorry man, but I've had plans for a long time. maybe we can hang out some other time' or something along those lines.
Also, since it has been a month, has anything changed really? Have they gotten better, worse, or simply stayed about the same?
