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Help/Support ► I'm pretty much like a kawaii Dr. Phil



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But they haven't given me a television show yet, even after all the personal advice I give people on this forum. So, in light of that, I figured I could branch out of #junes and come here to throw my sage-like expertise on the table for you kids.

I'm usually pretty much a comedy gold-mine, but I give serious(ly good) advice when it comes to people's problems. If you've got an issue, go ahead and post it up and I'll do the best I can to help. Typically people talk to me about girls, dating, self-esteem, depression, and more circumstances of that nature, but that's not all I'll help with.

The first thing you have to know, however, is that if you're going to ask for advice, you need to listen to it. If it's hard to follow, that's fine, but make sure you are open to ideas and circumstances you may not want to hear. Thinking outside of your own, base perspective is the only way to truly get a grasp of any situation. As much as I don't like talking about myself or my own problems, it is truly always a better option to talk someone if you're really having trouble and you have the opportunity to do so.

That said, please post here if you want some real, genuine help.


Note: I do tend to joke a lot on these forums, but this is not a joke thread. As such, I do not want to see any 'fake' problems where people are just trying to be funny. I actually want to help people, so if you do post something trying to merely be funny, you will be reprimanded. However, that should not deter anyone who is genuine here. You will not be acted on.
 

DMrayZ

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For some reason I'm hesitant to post here. But I'll give it a shot.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I grew up in, well, let's just call it isolation. I lived on a road that had four houses, only two other kids my age, and I was homeschooled. As such, while I'm fine once I get the time to get to know people, I have no idea how to meet new people. I'm functionally socially retarded in that sense, I just don't know how to meet people. I'm starting a semester at college on tuesday, and I really want to make friends, but I don't know how to do so. I know it's going to be up to me to get to know them, but I don't know how to introduce myself, or what to say. Everytime I think of introducing myself to someone "Hey, I'm ____" I either think I'm going to look stupid, they're going to think I'm weird, or I don't know what to say beyond that first line. I don't know if it's supposed to work the same way it would online, ie you see people having a conversation and join in, or what, I really have no idea what to do... Help?
 

Jesus

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I shall give it a try haha

Anyways, I feel like I lack any kind of drive whatsoever. Like, I don't care about any of my classes even though I am an honor roll student. I took all of my current classes and do well in them because that's what is socially acceptable, and until now, I was fine with that. But lately I wonder if this can only end badly. What happens when I'm on my own, am I going to become successful for the same reason I do good in school, to please others?

So I thought to myself, "Well then I'll just do what makes me happy"
But I don't really want to do anything. There is no ultimate goal for me, nor is there even a plan for the forseeable future. I'm about to go to college and I don't even know what the hell I like so that I can major in it. I don't want to keep living like this, I want to do something meaningful with my life, but how can I get on track to figuring out what that meaningful thing is?
 
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For some reason I'm hesitant to post here. But I'll give it a shot.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I grew up in, well, let's just call it isolation. I lived on a road that had four houses, only two other kids my age, and I was homeschooled. As such, while I'm fine once I get the time to get to know people, I have no idea how to meet new people. I'm functionally socially retarded in that sense, I just don't know how to meet people. I'm starting a semester at college on tuesday, and I really want to make friends, but I don't know how to do so. I know it's going to be up to me to get to know them, but I don't know how to introduce myself, or what to say. Everytime I think of introducing myself to someone "Hey, I'm ____" I either think I'm going to look stupid, they're going to think I'm weird, or I don't know what to say beyond that first line. I don't know if it's supposed to work the same way it would online, ie you see people having a conversation and join in, or what, I really have no idea what to do... Help?

I was never homeschooled, but I've never been what one might call a 'social butterfly.' I was raised in a bad neighborhood that didn't have any kids. On top of that, my parents were always extremely overprotective and hesitant to let me do much of anything if they weren't going to be right there. Even more so on top of that, I constantly moved schools. So, while my experience isn't the same, I can understand being socially retarded and lacking the ability or opportunity to learn how to talk to people, specifically introductions.

The first thing I can tell you is to not be so worried about it. Every person is a culmination of their life events, and you're going to be how you are- who you are. Hell, I'm in my third year of college, in a fraternity (an extremely social organization), and I'm still not very out-going when it comes to a typical introduction.

Luckily, you have classes! If there's one great way to meet people, it's in classes. You're forced to be in a close proximity with each other for, once all is said and done, months. Don't think too much about the idea of conversation, or about having an awkward conversation. Instead, just have a conversation. Plain and simple. There's no absolute way to really introduce yourself to a stranger, but there are a few things to keep in mind. For one, you can usually tell if people are really close or if it's just fellow classmates talking about something. Also, you can tell by a person's demeanor whether or not they're a bubbly or a really 'i'm just talking to my friend okay' kind of person. That said, don't even worry about that last part, because if it's a snooty person, you don't want to friends with them anyways. Unless she's hot. But hey, you're not trying to be 'friends' then anyways, right?

Still, if someone is next to you just sitting in class like you are, and you just really want to introduce yourself, just do so. Saying, 'Hi, I'm ____' will generally push someone to say their name as well. Simple things you can do introducing yourself to someone for the first time, you know, to get a conversation going, is asking them things like 'what's your major,' 'where are you from,' etc. Nothing too detailed, but simple things. Also remember that a lot of classes will push you to meet people anyways. Some classes have labs, some force you into groups together, and some may simply have you check each others' work. But don't be afraid to jump in on what is obviously an open conversation. Or, if someone openly says they're having trouble with something in the class, offer to help (if you know what you're doing). Or, alternatively, admit you're having difficulties as well just to put yourself out there.

The thing about meeting people isn't so much about what you talk about for the first as much as it is, simply, fluid conversation. People who worry too much about making things awkward are the ones that do. Just calm down, relax, and be yourself when you speak. Anything else is simply second nature. To be honest, there really isn't a 'right' way to initiate a conversation. All of these are just examples of ways for you to get a better grasp on what you can do.
The biggest piece of advice is to not think too much about it. If you really want to make friends, you'll find a way to do it. And if push comes to shove, it never hurts to join an organization of some kind.
 

scubasteve

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For some reason I'm hesitant to post here. But I'll give it a shot.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I grew up in, well, let's just call it isolation. I lived on a road that had four houses, only two other kids my age, and I was homeschooled. As such, while I'm fine once I get the time to get to know people, I have no idea how to meet new people. I'm functionally socially retarded in that sense, I just don't know how to meet people. I'm starting a semester at college on tuesday, and I really want to make friends, but I don't know how to do so. I know it's going to be up to me to get to know them, but I don't know how to introduce myself, or what to say. Everytime I think of introducing myself to someone "Hey, I'm ____" I either think I'm going to look stupid, they're going to think I'm weird, or I don't know what to say beyond that first line. I don't know if it's supposed to work the same way it would online, ie you see people having a conversation and join in, or what, I really have no idea what to do... Help?

whenever i meet a new girl i usually start the conversation by putting my car keys up to my mouth and pretend like i'm unlocking my mouth, and whenever i turn my keys, my mouth opens, i turn them back, my mouth closes.
 

Hero

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Listen to this guy guys. This guy is a god when it comes to giving advice.

Depending on how tonight goes dude, I'll definitely be coming to you either here or in #junes tomorrow.
 

KNightof5orrow

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whenever i meet a new girl i usually start the conversation by putting my car keys up to my mouth and pretend like i'm unlocking my mouth, and whenever i turn my keys, my mouth opens, i turn them back, my mouth closes.

OMG. That is such a good idea.

Steve, you should collaborate with Chocolate on this. You two are like the guru's of advice.
 

scubasteve

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it's funny because i've been going to him for advice lately considering we've both been in similar situations, and it's nice to have someone to relate to. i think he's better at giving advice than me, though.
 

Enchanted Rose

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[FONT=&quot] Okay, here’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Over the half a year or so, I’ve become increasingly keen to keep my distance from friends, family and others. I get slightly irritated when people contact me a lot – either texting or calling or asking me out to do things. And it’s not just irritation, exactly, I feel almost scornful if they make a really big effort with me, and I'm thinking 'BACK OFF'. I’m getting quite obsessive about people invading my personal space – not so much the actuality, but more so the notion.[/FONT]

Seemingly normal things like seeing one particular friend more than once a week, I don’t do, out of ‘principle’. I like to put people on rotation. I routinely have loads of missed calls and unanswered messages. Usually, if someone invites me to do something, I’ll only agree about 25% of the time, or less.

I also recently remarked to a friend that I couldn’t see myself getting married, not for any ideological reason, but because I wouldn’t want to share a bedroom with my husband. And that’s pretty bizarre, to be honest. I give all guys an overly hard time. I was dating the same guy for about 6 months last year without it developing into a relationship, because I pushed him away – though I didn’t quite realize what I was doing at the time, and I really regret that, because it ended on an incredibly bad note, and now we don’t even talk.

I find myself disdaining couples who lack independence. I probably have commitment issues, I’ve had 3 long-term relationships and with each of those, I started panicking once it got past the one-year mark, and started plotting exit routes (but then again, being seriously involved with someone in your teens is probably a mistake anyway).

I don’t think I lack social skills, most people wouldn’t perceive me as particularly shy or quiet, though I am what one might term as ‘reserved’. I do have a decent amount of friends - and some really good close friends. But right now I feel anti-social and possibly a bit misanthropic, and I worry that I’m inhibiting good relationships with people.

Just wondered if you had any thoughts on this, or any advice?
 

King Naruto

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Sorry but, gotta get this off my chest now before I lose my thought process. I've been in the dumps for awhile after the harsh loss of my ex girlfriend. I'm happy with my friends and when i'm doing stuff I like but, usually when i'm alone, my mind always goes to how i've failed twice with two girls and my school failures. Let me break things down and explain.

About two years ago I had a relationship with a girl that I cared for. I loved her and I felt like this was it but, there were too many problems. I'm a very emotional person.....well not as in one would think as being sad and weepy all the time but, more in the case of being jealous, angry, depressed, and every other emotion within only moments. I couldn't control it then and it caused problems. I tried being the best boyfriend but, my actions were stupid and it really brought us down and apart. Worry was my main concern and I just couldn't stop worrying if she was cheating, didn't care, or just didn't want me at all. Well we broke up and some months later I met someone else. Now this girl became attached to me quick and was very clingy. I was the first to be close to her so, it made sense but, I also ruined that relationship. I figured that if my emotions destroy then I'll just act with my head.....unfortunately it was not the on my shoulders. I was an asshole in every sense of the word and she still wanted everything to do with me. Months later when I finally actually used my brain and realized I really loved her, I had pushed her so far away that an old flame had taken her back. There was really nothing I could about it and I cried for like an hour. I was truly stupid for that.

Now I feel as though I don't deserve any short of happiness nor relationship really. I want that sense of companionship and that feeling of someone's unconditional love but, I don't deserve it. There is someone who cares right now but, I believe that I'll hurt her and i'm just not mature enough to handle it. I just don't know what to do with myself. With this feeling of just maybe I should die alone, it's hard to stay happy on my own without my friends.
 

Wehrmacht

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I'm not SWC but whatever i give advice whenever the <small>kupo!</small> I want

About two years ago I had a relationship with a girl that I cared for. I loved her and I felt like this was it but, there were too many problems. I'm a very emotional person.....well not as in one would think as being sad and weepy all the time but, more in the case of being jealous, angry, depressed, and every other emotion within only moments. I couldn't control it then and it caused problems. I tried being the best boyfriend but, my actions were stupid and it really brought us down and apart. Worry was my main concern and I just couldn't stop worrying if she was cheating, didn't care, or just didn't want me at all. Well we broke up and some months later I met someone else. Now this girl became attached to me quick and was very clingy. I was the first to be close to her so, it made sense but, I also ruined that relationship. I figured that if my emotions destroy then I'll just act with my head.....unfortunately it was not the on my shoulders. I was an asshole in every sense of the word and she still wanted everything to do with me. Months later when I finally actually used my brain and realized I really loved her, I had pushed her so far away that an old flame had taken her back. There was really nothing I could about it and I cried for like an hour. I was truly stupid for that.

I think the main problem with the first failed relationship is that you seem a bit, I don't know, insecure? You have to trust the person you're in a relationship with that they care about you and are faithful. If they are betraying you, that doesn't make you naive or stupid, that makes them a bad person (or at least, it was their mistake, not yours). Your paranoia of failure from the first relationship made your second one crash.

Besides that...

Now I feel as though I don't deserve any short of happiness nor relationship really. I want that sense of companionship and that feeling of someone's unconditional love but, I don't deserve it. There is someone who cares right now but, I believe that I'll hurt her and i'm just not mature enough to handle it. I just don't know what to do with myself. With this feeling of just maybe I should die alone, it's hard to stay happy on my own without my friends.

...you're judging yourself too harshly. So you handled two relationships wrong and potentially hurt some people. That's not a good thing obviously, but the thing is: you're only human. You're not going to do everything right in life. You "deserve" to be happy as much as anyone else, people have made worse mistakes than you, there's no point in dwelling in the past and overthinking things. You have to move on.

If you feel that you aren't ready for a relationship now, that's perfectly fine, but don't let things like stop you from being happy. You're only as bad as you think you are if you don't learn from your mistakes. Just chill.

I also want mention that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy (in fact, you should be comfortable with being on your own before you go out and do anything), but i think that's a bit off-topic :x
 
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I shall give it a try haha

Anyways, I feel like I lack any kind of drive whatsoever. Like, I don't care about any of my classes even though I am an honor roll student. I took all of my current classes and do well in them because that's what is socially acceptable, and until now, I was fine with that. But lately I wonder if this can only end badly. What happens when I'm on my own, am I going to become successful for the same reason I do good in school, to please others?

So I thought to myself, "Well then I'll just do what makes me happy"
But I don't really want to do anything. There is no ultimate goal for me, nor is there even a plan for the forseeable future. I'm about to go to college and I don't even know what the hell I like so that I can major in it. I don't want to keep living like this, I want to do something meaningful with my life, but how can I get on track to figuring out what that meaningful thing is?

This is one of those 'deep inner reflection' things people just have to figure out. I can sit here and preach at you all day about whatever, but it's up to you do figure out what you want. Nobody else can tell you that.

Still, I don't want to do anything, either. I'm in my third year of college, going after a degree that's merely something I'm good at. I have no drive to do any job at all in particular. What keeps me going is the fact that I have to do something. I have to make a living somehow, so why shouldn't it be something that will make money? I love art, and- not to sound cocky but- I'm very good. However, the idea of a 'starving artist,' mixed with my periods of disinterest would never bode well for me.

As for a living, you want to do something meaningful.. well there are seriously billions of meaningful things you could do with your life. It could be, but it doesn't have to be in your career. Don't ever think that a 'job' is the only meaningful thing you could do. Hell, raising a kid into something better than yourself is meaningful enough for any person. Volunteering at an animal shelter or adopting a kid. Donating money to charities or building houses for storm victims are all meaningful. Hell, just being a good person can be meaningful. Those are all meaningful things. Don't ever stop your train of thought and think you have to be the next Albert Einstein to be an important person. His parents are just as important to whom he became. Everything we do is like a ripple in time, a butterfly effect. What may seem small and insignificant can often have the greatest impact. It's the subtle things that matter.

What you do need to do, however, is figure out what you like to do. Take me for example- I don't like working. That's just a fact. I will never have a job that I like because of the mindset I have towards it. It doesn't mean I won't give everything I have into doing a good job, but I will definitely work as little as I have to. It's not what keeps me going. I can't even exactly tell you what keeps me going, but I suppose it'd have to be the little things: video games, art, music, comedies, romance, the few people I consider close, and potentially in the future, a wife and kids. A real, solid family- something I never had growing up. I don't know how or if any of these things will ever happen, but that's what means something to me. And the others are things that keep me occupied, happy, whatever you want to call it.

You need to figure out what you like to do. I mean, do you like drawing, sky-diving, traveling, playing music? Do you want to one day become a professional table tennis player? It really doesn't matter. What does matter is what you want out of life and how you plan to get there. And let's say you do know what you like, but not how to get there or be able to afford it one day. I'm not about to tell you what career path to take- I don't even know you. I'm sure you can figure that out with some help from your parents and advisors and a little inner insight.


But what you do need to take away from this is that you don't have to have your job that'll make you happy. Billions of people around the world hate their jobs- they hate having to wake up and go do them every single day whether or not they want to. It's an awful necessity of life so that we may enjoy the other, actual pleasures of living. If you want to hole up in your shell all the time and watch the same shows on repeat over and over- if that makes you happy, so be it. If you want to make things, do it. Just find out what you like and how you can do that, and you know, not be a kupo!ing hobo. And don't stress on if you're doing something meaningful or not. At the end of the day, if you really want to do something meaningful, you'll find a way to do it, in whatever ways you can.

Hell, I'd like to think I'm hopefully doing something meaningful here. Get me a little bit of positive karma in the universe and whatnot.
 
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[FONT=&quot] Okay, here’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Over the half a year or so, I’ve become increasingly keen to keep my distance from friends, family and others. I get slightly irritated when people contact me a lot – either texting or calling or asking me out to do things. And it’s not just irritation, exactly, I feel almost scornful if they make a really big effort with me, and I'm thinking 'BACK OFF'. I’m getting quite obsessive about people invading my personal space – not so much the actuality, but more so the notion.[/FONT]

Seemingly normal things like seeing one particular friend more than once a week, I don’t do, out of ‘principle’. I like to put people on rotation. I routinely have loads of missed calls and unanswered messages. Usually, if someone invites me to do something, I’ll only agree about 25% of the time, or less.

I also recently remarked to a friend that I couldn’t see myself getting married, not for any ideological reason, but because I wouldn’t want to share a bedroom with my husband. And that’s pretty bizarre, to be honest. I give all guys an overly hard time. I was dating the same guy for about 6 months last year without it developing into a relationship, because I pushed him away – though I didn’t quite realize what I was doing at the time, and I really regret that, because it ended on an incredibly bad note, and now we don’t even talk.

I find myself disdaining couples who lack independence. I probably have commitment issues, I’ve had 3 long-term relationships and with each of those, I started panicking once it got past the one-year mark, and started plotting exit routes (but then again, being seriously involved with someone in your teens is probably a mistake anyway).

I don’t think I lack social skills, most people wouldn’t perceive me as particularly shy or quiet, though I am what one might term as ‘reserved’. I do have a decent amount of friends - and some really good close friends. But right now I feel anti-social and possibly a bit misanthropic, and I worry that I’m inhibiting good relationships with people.

Just wondered if you had any thoughts on this, or any advice?

Haha sometimes when I give advice to people, I feel I am just a pinnacle of issues because I tend to know, about 95% of the time, where any given person is coming from. That, or perhaps I just contemplate things too much. In any case, I'm more than guilty of this. Honestly, as awful as it sounds, I really don't get around to or like talking to people unless there's something in it for me, or that I need done. Even then, I don't want to go out of my way to do it, and I get aggravated when even close friends and family contact me when I want to do my own thing, which is almost all the time. I don't like feeling socially obligated to do anything, and the more people push me, the more I want to back away from it all.

Have you ever seen the movie Yes Man? If not, you should check it out. In any case, this 'Carl Allen Syndrome,' as I've just decided to call it, seems to kind of be what's going on here. For whatever the instigating reason may be, you seem disinterested in being socially involved. It could be relative to how I am, how I feel like people "expect" me to do something when they mention it. I don't want to have to deal with somebody being disappointed or even potentially resentful if I refuse to do things. Sometimes I just don't want to go out with people. That's not even to say that they do or don't feel that way, but it's like a subconscious nagging in the back of my mind. I'd rather not people have any expectations of me one way or the other, I suppose.

Also, how long ago did this relationship end? Do you think the end of that relationship could have anything to do with it? You said you dated for about six months last year, and then you say this sort of anti-social feeling- this increasing want to be isolated- has been going on for about six months. Did you stop talking to him, or did he stop talking to you because of what happened? You don't really have to talk to me about that if you don't want, but it's something to contemplate if your current state of mind towards social interaction is bothering you.

And yes, getting into a serious relationship during your teen years is intimidating and often is just a build-up for later relationships. Your mind always thinks, 'Well what else is out there?' I've had four long-term relationships, the shortest being 7 months, with only one breaking the year mark. The year mark one was where I started looking for outlets, escapes. I was too young to be in that deep. That was a different time though, and you can't focus on those younger relationships. They're there for you to learn from. Interesting about the not sharing a bedroom with your husband. Are you definitely that way or you think that would change if the given was a certain way?

As for the whole scenario- I don't think it's entirely bad. Independence is important. Me time is important. What matters is where you cross the line for yourself. How outgoing do you want to be as opposed to what you think you should be? I won't lie, you seem to have some commitment issues, though that's not something you should feel bad about or anything. It just is, you know? What I would suggest, if anything, is to decide how much you miss friendly interactions as opposed to secluding yourself away from being social. I'd assume they wouldn't be your friends if you didn't like hanging out with them.

You definitely don't want to become a total recluse, but you should figure out how you feel. Are you unhappy, disinterested, or is something else suddenly (well, perhaps not suddenly, but you get it) making you feel this way? Depending on how you answer that, it's really up to you what you want to do. Perhaps hang out with a variety of people, even if you're not so sure about it. Hanging out with the same people all the time probably won't help.


Though I've said it probably 8 times now, this kind of deal is really how you perceive it. If you're still getting out and doing stuff from time to time, I can't say this is a bad thing. This may also be perhaps that I will go in and out these phases, and I am especially awful at returning texts/phonecalls to anybody who isn't a significant other of mine. Still, my biggest concern would probably be the misanthropy. Just so long as it isn't a constant effect. People are imperfect, sure, but that includes us as well. I can completely sympathize with the feelings, but something I try to do is view all circumstances at all angles that I possibly can. I like to understand and put myself into others' shoes. When I give myself other people's perspectives, it may not make me like them any more, but it makes me hate them less- if that makes sense. It's probably the only reason I'm not just a bitter, resentful motherkupo!er haha.

I feel like I've rambled quite a bit on this one, but a lot of what you said is relative to me as well, so forgive me there. Hopefully this will help somehow.
 

Enchanted Rose

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Thanks so much for your response. I'll definitely check out the film you mentioned.

I think it's the feeling of obligation and expectation that's most bothering me. I feel like I HAVE to see or speak to certain friends on a regular basis, when really that shouldn't be the case. If someone is truly a friend, then the friendship should almost be effortless. A social life shouldn't need 'organization'.

Also, I have felt like I need to be 'friends' with guys who I've dated and then decided I'm not into. It's really annoying...I have few of those that I don't object to being friends with, but at the same time, they're just another person that I've got to make time to see and maintain a friendship with.

Whilst I was reading through your post and thinking abut some of the questions you posed, I realised that this feeling of adverseness to social interaction it might be some kind of repressed disappointment at certain friends of mine who haven't been particularly supportive.

A couple of examples. When I was going through that separation with the guy I was most recently seeing, a few of my friends were just straight up unhelpful. I remember them saying stuff like "lol if you care about boys", "just hold out for a good asian", "kupo! it and move on", "you can always kupo! me instead" etc etc. I also had to go to hospital the other day, and a friend texted inviting me out to dinner - when I said I couldn't make it as I was in accident & emergency, he was just like "LOL why".

And yet some of these people are constantly hitting me up, in a somewhat demanding manner, and don't take it well when I'm unavailable. They expect me to be highly involved in their lives, but are willing to gloss over things that are important to me.

Pretty much all of my close friends are male, and most of them can lack sensitivity a lot of the time - unintentionally so, I know they do care about me, they can be pretty scathing and judgmental to others. But actually, maybe it's time to slightly loosen ties, if they're negatively affecting my self-esteem and not giving me what I need out of a friendship?

As a side note, for some awkward reason I felt compelled to ask my best friend from uni out on an ironic valentine's excursion involving going to every fried chicken restaurant in North London to make up for me ditching him on a few other occasions. It was also so I'd already have plans, as I anticipated a few other people were going to ask me to do something. Now I really don't want to honour that commitment, so am going to have to find an excuse to cancel. Ugh.
 

Wehrmacht

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again, not swc, but whatever

Also, I have felt like I need to be 'friends' with guys who I've dated and then decided I'm not into. It's really annoying...I have few of those that I don't object to being friends with, but at the same time, they're just another person that I've got to make time to see and maintain a friendship with.

you're not really obligated to do anything you don't want to. You can always just be acquaintances and greet them whenever, but I don't think you have to go out of your way to make plans or see any of them if you genuinely don't feel like it.

it sounds to me from what you're saying that the problem isn't necessarily with you, it's just people call you too often when you're a person that needs a lot of "me" time (or you just need more than you're having right now), and they're not necessarily very supportive of you when you need it so you feel even less inclined to do anything with them anyway. If they're really your friends, it should be easy enough to explain to everyone that they shouldn't be disappointed or angry if you don't want to do everything they want you to do all the time, that it isn't anything personal, you just need more time to yourself. If they take it the wrong way, there's not that much you can do about it, it's probably better off for you that they're not constantly hitting you up all the time.
 

lasersquash

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Simply put, my mom is a provider to the mentally retarded and those with disabilities. She has been doing it for many years but its not starting to take its affects on her but in her whole career she has only helped one single family who she seems very close to, and this is a big nono because of what they seem and their background they're just trouble. And a couple a months ago out of the kindness of her heart she adopted two girls of said family because they're mom was dying of some type of cancer, but with time they have changed from selfish little twits to something you can barely show to the public view. And then over the weekend she lost her job and is left with the woman she has helped over they years, fyi she has a mind of a 2 year old. And i'm stuck taking care of her with my little brother when my mom is not here.

In the end i don't know if i should confront my mom about this or just try to handle it on my own, though my patience is running thin.
 
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Sorry for the month of nothingness there guys, I got pretty busy for a while.

Sorry but, gotta get this off my chest now before I lose my thought process. I've been in the dumps for awhile after the harsh loss of my ex girlfriend. I'm happy with my friends and when i'm doing stuff I like but, usually when i'm alone, my mind always goes to how i've failed twice with two girls and my school failures. Let me break things down and explain.

About two years ago I had a relationship with a girl that I cared for. I loved her and I felt like this was it but, there were too many problems. I'm a very emotional person.....well not as in one would think as being sad and weepy all the time but, more in the case of being jealous, angry, depressed, and every other emotion within only moments. I couldn't control it then and it caused problems. I tried being the best boyfriend but, my actions were stupid and it really brought us down and apart. Worry was my main concern and I just couldn't stop worrying if she was cheating, didn't care, or just didn't want me at all. Well we broke up and some months later I met someone else. Now this girl became attached to me quick and was very clingy. I was the first to be close to her so, it made sense but, I also ruined that relationship. I figured that if my emotions destroy then I'll just act with my head.....unfortunately it was not the on my shoulders. I was an asshole in every sense of the word and she still wanted everything to do with me. Months later when I finally actually used my brain and realized I really loved her, I had pushed her so far away that an old flame had taken her back. There was really nothing I could about it and I cried for like an hour. I was truly stupid for that.

Now I feel as though I don't deserve any short of happiness nor relationship really. I want that sense of companionship and that feeling of someone's unconditional love but, I don't deserve it. There is someone who cares right now but, I believe that I'll hurt her and i'm just not mature enough to handle it. I just don't know what to do with myself. With this feeling of just maybe I should die alone, it's hard to stay happy on my own without my friends.

As someone who's been in a lot of failed relationships, I gotta say, two relationships is nothing. If anything, they're simply building experience and character. Like Paolo said, your big issue here is obviously insecurity. That's something you're going to have to think about. I can't just say, "Hey, you're just being insecure. Stop that and you're good to go, man." What you need to do is quit thinking that every chick is going to do something like that. 'Cause dude, there are just too too many women out there to feel so insecure about yourself. At least a handful are bound to like you for who you are. You don't need to be with any person that would cheat on you. If a woman ever, ever does that, know it's not meant to be. And as far as not caring or not wanting to be with you- dating at first is just preliminary. It's getting to know the person. After being together for like a year, you can start to think about a person seriously. In my experience, I can tell you that rushing in too early and letting your infatuation (that's right, not love) get the best of you is extremely dangerous to your relationship with that person.

I am a victim of getting in too heavy in my relationships early on and thinking each girl I date for a while must 'be the one.' It took me a long time to realize that's now how life worked. I'm not saying you need to be a cold sonofabitch, but remember that most of the time it's purely infatuation. And maybe you do care about her, but to be honest, it's probably not love. Now, I'm not saying that you did or didn't love the girls in your previous relationships, but love is a word that gets tossed around way too much today because people don't understand it. You really need to think about that before you just rush into another relationship. Be honest with the person and with yourself, but also be honest with yourself in the fact that you might be rushing in and either over-or-underthinking things.

I'd say you should take some time and think about why you get so depressed or emotional or insecure. Figure out the source of that and try and figure out a solution to that. Figure out if there's something about yourself that you actually want to change, or if you're unhappy with the place you're in, or if there's anything other than you just having trust issues. But remember that being with someone else isn't about trying to be someone you're not, for them. It's about wanting to be the best of who you are- and not for them because you feel like you should be, but because that person actually makes you want to be the best of who you can be. It's something that will come second-nature. Don't think about it too much, just mull it over in the back of your head.

You definitely are too hard on yourself. Nobody deserves to be unhappy, no matter how past relationships have turned out. This is life, and as far as any of us know, you only get one shot at it. Crying over spilled milk isn't going to do you jack shit, dude. It may not be what you want to hear, but quit feeling sorry for yourself. You think nobody else has a history? We live and learn from our past. We become wiser because of the mistakes we make. A lot of times, mistakes eventually make us into the best of what we can be. It's the experience that we gain from these kinds of things that mold us and help us find what we're truly looking for and want. These feelings you're having are just a temporary thing.

You needn't worry about a relationship right now. If things happen, go with the flow. Take what life throws at you. But you don't need to go looking for love. That kind of thing will come in due time, and nobody knows when. If you base your existence and happiness on being with another individual, that's just continuing to rely on a crutch. Find what makes you happy outside of 'being with someone.' Justify your existence and happiness on what you do. A relationship is just an addition to your life, it shouldn't be your life. Hell man, you're 21 years old. You've got a long life ahead of you and you have no reason not just to be yourself and go and live a little. I love being in a relationship as much as the next person, but in all honesty, there are ways you get held back by that. Just, like I said, find what makes you happy and go from there. Keep yourself busy, live life, and do what you think is right.

Everything else will then fall in place.
 
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