[FONT="] Okay, here’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Over the half a year or so, I’ve become increasingly keen to keep my distance from friends, family and others. I get slightly irritated when people contact me a lot – either texting or calling or asking me out to do things. And it’s not just irritation, exactly, I feel almost scornful if they make a really big effort with me, and I'm thinking 'BACK OFF'. I’m getting quite obsessive about people invading my personal space – not so much the actuality, but more so the notion.[/FONT]
Seemingly normal things like seeing one particular friend more than once a week, I don’t do, out of ‘principle’. I like to put people on rotation. I routinely have loads of missed calls and unanswered messages. Usually, if someone invites me to do something, I’ll only agree about 25% of the time, or less.
I also recently remarked to a friend that I couldn’t see myself getting married, not for any ideological reason, but because I wouldn’t want to share a bedroom with my husband. And that’s pretty bizarre, to be honest. I give all guys an overly hard time. I was dating the same guy for about 6 months last year without it developing into a relationship, because I pushed him away – though I didn’t quite realize what I was doing at the time, and I really regret that, because it ended on an incredibly bad note, and now we don’t even talk.
I find myself disdaining couples who lack independence. I probably have commitment issues, I’ve had 3 long-term relationships and with each of those, I started panicking once it got past the one-year mark, and started plotting exit routes (but then again, being seriously involved with someone in your teens is probably a mistake anyway).
I don’t think I lack social skills, most people wouldn’t perceive me as particularly shy or quiet, though I am what one might term as ‘reserved’. I do have a decent amount of friends - and some really good close friends. But right now I feel anti-social and possibly a bit misanthropic, and I worry that I’m inhibiting good relationships with people.
Just wondered if you had any thoughts on this, or any advice?
Haha sometimes when I give advice to people, I feel I am just a pinnacle of issues because I tend to know, about 95% of the time, where any given person is coming from. That, or perhaps I just contemplate things too much. In any case, I'm more than guilty of this. Honestly, as awful as it sounds, I really don't get around to or like talking to people unless there's something in it for me, or that I need done. Even then, I don't want to go out of my way to do it, and I get aggravated when even close friends and family contact me when I want to do my own thing, which is almost all the time. I don't like feeling socially obligated to do anything, and the more people push me, the more I want to back away from it all.
Have you ever seen the movie Yes Man? If not, you should check it out. In any case, this 'Carl Allen Syndrome,' as I've just decided to call it, seems to kind of be what's going on here. For whatever the instigating reason may be, you seem disinterested in being socially involved. It could be relative to how I am, how I feel like people "expect" me to do something when they mention it. I don't want to have to deal with somebody being disappointed or even potentially resentful if I refuse to do things. Sometimes I just don't want to go out with people. That's not even to say that they do or don't feel that way, but it's like a subconscious nagging in the back of my mind. I'd rather not people have any expectations of me one way or the other, I suppose.
Also, how long ago did this relationship end? Do you think the end of that relationship could have anything to do with it? You said you dated for about six months last year, and then you say this sort of anti-social feeling- this increasing want to be isolated- has been going on for about six months. Did you stop talking to him, or did he stop talking to you because of what happened? You don't really have to talk to me about that if you don't want, but it's something to contemplate if your current state of mind towards social interaction is bothering you.
And yes, getting into a serious relationship during your teen years is intimidating and often is just a build-up for later relationships. Your mind always thinks, 'Well what else is out there?' I've had four long-term relationships, the shortest being 7 months, with only one breaking the year mark. The year mark one was where I started looking for outlets, escapes. I was too young to be in that deep. That was a different time though, and you can't focus on those younger relationships. They're there for you to learn from. Interesting about the not sharing a bedroom with your husband. Are you definitely that way or you think that would change if the given was a certain way?
As for the whole scenario- I don't think it's entirely bad. Independence is important.
Me time is important. What matters is where you cross the line for yourself. How outgoing do you
want to be as opposed to what you think you should be? I won't lie, you seem to have some commitment issues, though that's not something you should feel bad about or anything. It just is, you know? What I would suggest, if anything, is to decide how much you miss friendly interactions as opposed to secluding yourself away from being social. I'd assume they wouldn't be your friends if you didn't like hanging out with them.
You definitely don't want to become a total recluse, but you should figure out how you feel. Are you unhappy, disinterested, or is something else suddenly (well, perhaps not
suddenly, but you get it) making you feel this way? Depending on how you answer that, it's really up to you what you want to do. Perhaps hang out with a variety of people, even if you're not so sure about it. Hanging out with the same people all the time probably won't help.
Though I've said it probably 8 times now, this kind of deal is really how you perceive it. If you're still getting out and doing stuff from time to time, I can't say this is a bad thing. This may also be perhaps that I will go in and out these phases, and I am especially awful at returning texts/phonecalls to anybody who isn't a significant other of mine. Still, my biggest concern would probably be the misanthropy. Just so long as it isn't a constant effect. People are imperfect, sure, but that includes us as well. I can completely sympathize with the feelings, but something I try to do is view all circumstances at all angles that I possibly can. I like to understand and put myself into others' shoes. When I give myself other people's perspectives, it may not make me like them any more, but it makes me hate them less- if that makes sense. It's probably the only reason I'm not just a bitter, resentful motherkupo!er haha.
I feel like I've rambled quite a bit on this one, but a lot of what you said is relative to me as well, so forgive me there. Hopefully this will help somehow.
