In July it'll be the one year anniversary of my boyfriend's death since he was killed in Afghanistan while on Operation Panther's Claw in Helmand Province. When I found out, I was devastated. You'd think I'd want to go to his funeral, and I did, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to go. My mum went, my sister went, but I didn't, the person who was closest to him after his family. I want to go to visit his headstone at the cemetary where he's buried, but I don't think I can for the same reason I couldn't bring myself to go to his funeral: I can't stand seeing someone who I loved so much become a name in a box six feet under the ground. I've been conflicted about this issue for a while and I've questioned my morality and courage because of it. I just really need some advice or something.