If I could have my wasted days back...

[Bukkake Sensei]

Any man worth his salt is going to have a sizable trail of regret decorating the road behind him. It's an unavoidable byproduct of personal growth. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and then -- if we're mature about it -- we regret them.

No, I've never raped anybody. I didn't vote for Bush. I never bought an N-Gage. I don't have any criminal record to speak of, and I was never a fan of Yoko Ono. But still, there are a lot of things I regret and that I would do differently if I could. Don't get me wrong. I like myself, and I like where my life is at right now. But if I knew then the things that I know now, my life would look very different than what it does, and the changes would all be overwhelmingly positive. Most of you would agree, hindsight really is 20/20. So tell me:

If you could travel back in time as your current self to any previous point(s) in your life and mentor a younger version of yourself, what would you say? What advice would you give to yourself in the past to improve your life in the present, or to make the experiences that lead you here a little easier?

My list has the potential to be endless (and to take a far more serious/emotional tone than what I'm going to set right now), but off the top of my head, these things come to mind:

To eight year old me: You are going to be on the receiving end of a lot of suicide threats over the next decade or so, and they are always going to be false alarms. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by that shit. Anybody who is narcissistic enough to think that you're concerned with their blight in the first place is too narcissistic to end their own life.

To twelve year old me: Convince your parents to invest every last cent they own into Apple, Facebook, and Google stock. Also, tell your dad to take out a second mortgage so that he can bet all of it on the Colts in Super Bowl XLI. Either your parents take your advice and we become extremely wealthy, or your parents don't take your advice and they spend the rest of their lives hating themselves and believing that their child is clairvoyant. Win/win.

To fourteen year old me: Try not to be self conscious about your weight while you're in middle school. It’s just a biological thing, okay? Lots of kids are fat. You may be a little bit heavy right now, but you’ll steadily begin to lose that about halfway through your freshman year, and by the time you’re fifteen you’ll be annoyed by how small you are. And all your friends are going to get fat after high school anyway.

To thirteen year old me: No, you are not a communist. It's just a phase. I'm sorry.

To ten year old me: Stop taking Taekwondo lessons immediately. You want something that’s going to be practical in a self defense scenario, and on the proverbial scale of martial arts effectiveness, Taekwondo is just a step above Yoga. Try Judo instead. Or join track and field. Something. Anything.

To sixteen year old me: Take your SATs and start applying for colleges NOW. Do NOT wait until the last minute like I did unless you really enjoy dealing with stress and disappointment.



You don't have to write it out as if you're addressing yourself like I did, btw.

 

[Siren]

To childhood me: Dude, they're always going to treat you like shit if you let them. Start sticking up for yourself now, because it's just going to get harder with age. Trust me.

To freshman me: I'm sorry that people talk anything about your acne. It really isn't your fault, and it's going to get worse...but around 18 it starts clearing up, so there's that hope. Just, don't let it get to you. Treat Brianna better; she deserves it.

To sophomore me: Dude, sack the fuck up and be there for your friends, you piece of shit.

To junior me: See above. And, Coreen isn't everything. I don't mind if you still get with her, because you learn something, but you deserve better. If it's any consolation she turns into a pot-smoking whore that's going to go nowhere in life.

To senior me: You're going to college. Decide this early, and start preparing, because your parents aren't going to help. If it's not fixed from up above, tell your family to back off. Focus on your friends. Things work out with Brianna, so enjoy that. And don't blame yourself for not making it to the funeral; everybody understands, even if you don't.

 

[Space Cowboy]

To ten year old me Don't keep blaming yourself for your parents divorce, it wasn't your fault and it actually ends up making you a bigger man. Lose the short hair too, it looks bad.

To fifteen year old me Grow a spine and speak up for yourself, you'll get one eventually but you really need it now. You can't let the women in your life keep deciding shit for you, both mum and girlfriend. Also, you aren't a goth or an emo, stop trying to be grimdark, its a horrible phase that despite giving you many lolsome anecdotes you can look back and laugh at you look ridiculous.

To seventeen year old me Stop letting people walk over you, I've already told fifteen year old you to grow a spine, but I've come back to check and see. Oh and work harder at sixth form, you'll get into Lincoln anyway but you should work more. Don't buy so much food either, you put some weight on in the next two years which'll knock your self esteem down no end.

 

[XIII Heartless]

To me about 10 months ago: Do NOT ask that girl out. Even if you must, do NOT fuck her. If you insist on doing that, do NOT break up with her before you leave for college. And even if you do anyways, please don't take that condom she gives you for your last time together, it's a trap!!! I've got a son coming in 3 months if you don't listen. =/

 

[scubasteve]

i have no regrets tbh haha kind of a flawless human tbh it's true though

 

[Dogenzaka]

To ten-year old me: Get ready, it's not gonna be pretty.

To fourteen-year old me: Ditch your stupid friends; you can hardly call them your friends. You learned a lot from them, but being the picked-on runt of the friend circle is not what you deserve.

To fifteen-year old me: Drop out of public school, go to community college and start dual-credit. FFS I could be graduated from university by now had I not decided not to do this at the last minute.

To eighteen-year old me: Don't waste so much time on this stupid site.

To myself earlier this year: Don't waste so much time on your friends here instead of focusing on stuff that matters like school. They're not going to be important to you when you get to college anyway, and they were never good enough to care about you when you weren't waiting on them hand-and-foot either way.

 

[LongLiveLife]

To eleven year old me: You’re different. So what? You’ve just come in from a different country, from an entirely different culture. Normalcy is bland anyway. People will always run their mouths, but you choose your reaction. Don’t conform to social pressures because it’s going to get you nowhere; it’s also spineless, and that is repulsive. Stop glorifying the popular crowd and you might actually realize that they’re the same as you, beneath you in many cases.

To fourteen year old me: Desperation is disgusting. Stop wanting a girlfriend, just for the sake of a relationship because when the year is over, you’ll make a new best friend who you’ll spend days and nights talking to that you will fall in as close to love as you have gotten. Things like this happen naturally; stop forcing it.

To seventeen year old me: You are my biggest disappointment yet. You’d think maturity makes you a better student, but no, your mistake is plain idiocy. Family, friends, best friends, recognition, a girlfriend, happiness: you had everything you ever wanted, and you chose to give it all away; you sacrificed it for med school. One year of unkempt hair, hunched shoulders and silence got you no further in this rat race than if you had spent in the company of people that did and still are continuing to support you. Why you thought a few extra points in the final exams were worth the seven hundred and thirty days of isolation will baffle me forever. You’re a bright kid; you would’ve gotten in anyway. You should have known this.

Friendships are impermanent. And just because you will eventually want to reopen to the world doesn’t mean people in it will reciprocate your offer. The ‘redefining yourself in university’ dream is just that: a dream, nothing more. Even if you move to a different country where no one knows your name. So keep your friends and everyone around you close, because these are the people you will call up in university to laugh with and rail away your troubles to on a free weekend.

To me three months ago: Medical students are the same as everyone else; don’t go thinking they’re some special breed of perfect. And prepare to have your grammar and command of language atrophied by your professor’s lecture notes as you learn the international language of Medicine: broken English.

 

[Oberon]

One of the most fantastic things about being a child is that things appear a lot more mystical and dramatic (at least, that's how it was for me). It would make explaining and inspiring a younger self to be very much easier.

Eight year old me: Stop being self-conscious and pissed at the kids around you. They aren't better than you, and by thinking that, you're directly inhibiting your growth. Do whatever you want.

10 year old me: Don't ignore things like reading and doing artistic things. They're going to be things you very much enjoy, even more so than the video games. Also, being a mini-criminal is no way to start out a childhood.

13 year old me: Why exactly are you trying to act cool in middle school? I mean.... it's middle school.

15 year old me: Try weed. You'll find it'll help you along with your growth in understanding... well... just about everything. You probably think it's the worst thing ever, but believe me, you'll make a quick 180 after just once.

(Also, yeah, I pretty much was brainwashed about a lot of things at this age; especially things like weed, which I now find to be unbelievably fantastic within a certain judicious boundary).

16 year old me: Do NOT stop graphic design and not pick it up until 3 years later. You'll need to relearn 90% of the shit you knew. Also, tell your brother to stfu because he'll make your mom go insane. No, literally.

17 year old me: Yeah, I pretty much don't know. Moving to your dad's is -such- a great idea, though. You'll accomplish next to nothing, as well, doing it.

 

[Decision]

to 17 year old me : Don't feel so proud when I beat someone really severely in yong moo doe, just because I can completely control them physically doesn't mean they will be your friend and like to spend free time with you.

to 13 year old me : Tell mother what I know, can't talk about it.

to 12 year old me : When landon[brother] punches you after your soccer game, hit him back because if you don't you won't play soccer in the next game and you're really going to want to play soccer so hit him back and that will prevent you from doing bad crap when your 15.

 

[Wehrmacht]

To 8 year old me: Tell your parents that the person they plan on leaving in charge is an incompetent jackass who will send you all up shit creek without a paddle. If they don't listen, their loss.

To 10 year old me: Ok, I've got a LOT of things to tell you.

1) whatever you do, don't act like an obnoxious freak to your classmates. You may feel like you don't fit in but that's no reason to act like that. It's only going to make things worse for you. MUCH worse. Just try to act like a normal person and treat them all with respect. If you don't know how, get help. You're probaly going to need it.

2) don't pick your nose. It's gross and people are going to make fun of you.

3) try and get some regular exercise and do not stop for any reason. You'll thank me later when you're not skinnyfat. Try and join a sports club to make it easier on yourself.

4) start caring about your studies more. read more books in portuguese so you can become better acquainted with the language.

5)beg and beg and beg your parents for piano lessons and start playing so you can be awesome at it and get mad pussy when you're older.

To 12 year old me: Don't leave potentially embarrassing recordings on your cell phone where people can find them.

To 14 year old me: Yes, I understand this is a new thing for you, but don't rush into this without thinking. you and I both know that with your reputation you're probably not going to get very far with her. Try and approach her in the least awkward way possible if you really have to, but don't make yourself look creepy while doing it. Even if you manage to obtain a friendly relationship with her, she is probably not going to like you back and there isn't much you can do about it. It's going to suck a whole fcking hell of a lot, and unfortunately this is not the first time this will happen. It's just a part of life and most of the time you won't get lucky. Me saying this won't make you feel better but you should try and be ready for it. Eventually the pain will numb, and you'll be fine.

Also, while I know it's hard to hold yourself in high-esteem when you seemingly have nothing, try not to put yourself down so much. You've made some bad choices and you're very strange, but you are most definitely not worthless and people WILL like you if you just adjust yourself a bit. If you see yourself as worthless and unlovable, others will too.

Oh and one last thing: it's the internet. Chillax and don't take everything so seriously.

to 15 year-old me: What are you so afraid of? They're not going to bite, Jesus. This is your new chance to create bonds and become somebody; don't blow it by not saying anything and being awkward.

 

[Vayne Mechanics]

to ten year old me: buy a stick and start playing sf now so you can whoop daigo's ass at evo

 

[αsiя]

To ten year old me: Control your eating habits. You're going to feel like shit once you're in middle/high school and will have to go through the struggle of losing a lot of that weight over and over again.

To twelve year old me: Don't start smoking. You're going to feel left out when your closest friends are doing it, but if you join them then everything will change for the worse. It's the only way not lose your friends and trust from your family.

To thirteen year old me: You're going to have thoughts on suicide and I know the reasons why, but realize that this is just a phase and you must get over it or else your eighth grade year will just be a depressing mess of year.

To fifteen year old me: Don't give up on your guitar practice. Yes it takes time to learn all those chords, riffs, etc. But understand that you could of been a great guitarist and when in the future someone calls you out to a guitar battle, you would of been able to beat him or close to beating him.

 

[Dogenzaka]

I forgot one

To my seven-year old me: DUMBASS don't give up piano lessons just because your tutor is an old cat lady that smells like shit and talks like Stephen Hawking. Find someone else if you have to! You could have been so good at piano!

 

[Urbane]

To my childhood self: Stop being a pussy. People suck, get used to it. And if I catch you playing chicken...

To my 13-year-old self: Whatever you do, don't take Drama. For the love of god, don't take Drama. And if you do, don't treat it as a joke. Trust me, it's not. Seriously, why not take something else, like... Oh! Vocals sounds nice, why not take that? 'Cuz if I go back to the future and I'm not kicking vocal ass, I will... be unable to threaten you, because that would entail hurting myself. The point is, don't take Drama, runt.

 

[Tenyas]

To six year old me; It's not your fault at all that your folks divorced. Turns out one of them was smoking pot and the other was very jealous of the attention the former was getting. Try to make the best of things. Although shutting up for an entire year did make your mom realize you were upset, it also made her kind of give up in some ways.

To nine year old me; Feel free to cry the minute your mom tells you she wants to move to El Paso. Also tell her how you really feel. Don't say you want to go just to make her feel better. The world becomes a horrible place for three years if you do go.

To twelve year old me; If you convinced your mom to stay in Washington, good job. If not, don't give up even though it seems like everyone in school hates you or has some reason to throw rocks at you. Your teeth can still be fixed at this point, tell that to your mom and make it clearer than I have. Also, ignore every boyfriend she starts taking home with her. You'll see a few things you'll wish you hadn't but, so long as you don't put any emotional attachment to them like I did, you'll get through unscathed.

Don't turn into the mother for your sister either. At one point, she'll start biting back and hating you for it even if she starts clinging to you. You won't want that sort of dependancy later on.

To fourteen year old me; Online school, although horrifyingly boring and so anti-social, really does count towards your credits so, even if it seems like a great idea to convince your mother, don't start getting horrible grades in all your classes towards the end of the year.

To present me; Don't make the same mistakes you have before. You don't have to move with your parents, even though it'll break your heart to be away from them. You still have so many other relatives who have proven time and again that they love you and are willing to take you in if your life becomes a hell-hole like El Paso again. Keep up good grades in school and try your best to make good friends who you actually care for and vice versa. Participate in clubs and do activities YOU like. Get a job for you and save money for what you yourself need. Don't give it all to your parents, even if they demand four grand before giving you a car. Most importantly, keep yourself happy.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

To six year old me: Don't let the fact your teacher didn't explain how to do the homework the first day of class bother you. It doesn't make you an idiot because remember, you are smarter than everybody in that room. Except for Justin who was your equal in everything.

To eight year old me: By now you have realized you have no true friends even though you know everybody's names. That is okay. Talk to Jonathan because even though he isn't hanging out with you as much as he did when you were younger, he is the closest thing to a best friend you have right now. You'll need that next year. And don't stop violin! You could have performed at the Hollywood Bowl and been an amazing violinist.

To nine year old me: Don't push everybody away! Your grandmother is fine! She is alive, so don't be afraid to call her or ask your mom to visit her. It isn't your fault she could have died. It was your aunts fault because she forgot to pick you up that morning and drop your grandmother off at the apartment. And dammit, do go into that girl's house. She is fluffing mental. If you want to keep an innocent mind. Oh, and tell your aunt to shove Jehova up her ass and take the damn money the man is giving you for crashing into her car and flipping it over three times and almost killing her mother.

To ten year old you: Jessica might seem like a friend now but don't hold much stock in that friendship. Things change in middle school. Oh, and please no standing on kickballs. You'll break an elbow.

To eleven year old me: GET THE HELL OUT OF REMEDIAL ENGLISH. You have scores as high as the SAS students. Why are you holding yourself back? Those people are not your friends. And Garrett is going to be kicked out next year anyways. Just thank him for teaching you how to play chess and being somebody to talk KH to.

To thirteen year old me: Have fun, love. This is the start of your best years. I want you to pass your classes in HS, alright?

To fifteen year old me: Don't be pissed at your mom for losing her job. She gets a new one in a week. You forget your mom is pro at her profession. Oh, and stop being a bitch and hang out with your friends. You do nothing but go to the library everyday because you feel like you don't fit in with them. Just because Dai is making new friends with the Health Careers students doesn't mean you are alone. Vera, Lily, and Kathy are there. Oh, next year, I want you to tell your mom to go to Texas because the economy is going to sh!t.

To seventeen year old me: What the fluff are you doing. So you didn't get admitted to LMU? So what if it was your dream college? Screw them, okay? I want you to go to community college to save yourself the painful process of finding a cosigner for loans because your mom probably didn't go to Texas. And yeah, the economy is shit and nobody wants to hire your mom. It isn't her fault she is overqualified. Just keep pushing her to go. And tell her that even if your uncle is coming from jail, he is the nicest thing ever. Just sleep in your grandmother's bed.

To eighteen year old me: Be strong. Your uncle didn't tell anybody he was sick so none of you could have did anything anyways. Tell your aunt to shut the fluff up and take Jehova and shove it up her ass again because your uncle doesn't want to hear that crap. He already said he is agnostic and he can still choke her even if he can't talk and refuses to eat. And when he dies, it is alright to cry. I want you to cry your eyes out. And stop thinking about death unless you want it to be attached to every thought every moment of every day. Oh, and try and enjoy college since you didn't go to CC and decided to go to that crappy school. It is only bad because you don't have friends here and you want to be in a different school. Just hold your head high and be social. You'll enjoy Art History so think about it as a major. And don't try and rush the sorority. Just befriend the people there, but don't rush. You hate that Greek stuff, remember? High school was a like being in a sorority only better. And slap Kathy, okay.

To younger nineteen year old me: Oh love, you will hate this semester with every fiber of your being. And you're depressed. Just be happy. Not much you can change right now. And um, don't let who know who trick you into a confession, k? You'll feel stupid after what you hear from Bri.

EDIT: Somewhere in here because it took over the span of two years: Kenny was your friend. As such, don't get on as often as you did. You want to nudge him back to RL rather than online. It will save all of you the confusion and mess later.

 

[Orion]

If you could travel back in time as your current self to any previous point(s) in your life and mentor a younger version of yourself, what would you say? What advice would you give to yourself in the past to improve your life in the present, or to make the experiences that lead you here a little easier?

In General: Make the effort to talk with people and play sports, even if you suck at them. You're just setting yourself up to be lazy and anti-social for the next decade or more. Plus, the more you do it, the better you'll get at it, so start practicing. You're going to end up being like six and a half feet tall. More if you get healthy sooner and keep a good posture. How sweet would it be to have the strength and fitness to match that size, huh?
Also, you've got a bank account. Yes, really. It was made at your birth and there's only $20 in there initially, but who cares? At least you know about it ASAP rather than when you're ten years old. Get some scheme going where your parents can both put money into there on a weekly basis, and move it to somewhere that's got great interest.

Eight Years Old: You're about to be on the receiving end of a lot of unjustified, needless and inane shit for the next few years, unless you just ignore it. Seriously, that's all it takes. They're just asking for you to react so you can chase them and they get a kick out of you not being fast enough, or just not having what it takes to get back at them. If you ignore them, they'll just stop, and you no one will woefully-innacurately perceive you as a bully.
You having such a short fuse isn't your fault or the school's fault. Truth is, your parents' tension is having a very negative effect on you. Talk to them about this, because it's for your own good and theirs that it can stop, even if it means them separating.

Ten Years Old: You know that stuff called 'Warhammer' and 'Halo' those other kids like but you're clueless about? Go out and buy some of it so you can not only fully understand what people are saying, but participate in their conversations or games they play.
Drop the Taekwondo lessons. You don't ever progress beyond yellow belt, and you only did it because Leo did, and he drops it eventually too. Just don't bother with it.

Twelve Years Old: Moving into high school, don't try giving yourself a tough guy persona. You won't be able to keep it up, you don't look the least bit intimidating, and people are going to forget your supposed attitude a few years later anyway. Instead, just be cool and calm, and for the love of God don't over-react to things or get physical. You're in high school now, not primary.
Stop throwing together all these ideas from video games and books and shows and animes and whatever. Take those ideas and see what you can do to develop them into more original and interesting concepts. Write this down in a journal, too. You do manage to remember 99% of what you've thought up six years after it started, but writing it down will make things so much easier.
Get onto a site called KH2.net, and go check out the roleplaying section. You're surprisingly good at writing for how little you actually have written creatively. Some awesome people and stories are going to show up there, make sure to get involved with them.

Fourteen/Fifteen Years Old: Although you weren't the least bit religious, that youth group was still fun as a social event, with all the games and chatting and whatnot? You're intelligent enough to not be swayed by it, so make the effort to go there more, and just make friends while you're at it.
At the same time, if that fat ginger chick starts following you everywhere on the camp, don't blow her off like you would have as soon as you stepped off that bus. Chances are you broke her heart, because she never turned up again. She's stupid for getting so attached so quickly, but nevertheless, take it easy with her, even if you don't want to know her.
What? No you retard, don't give up on those fluffing piano lessons. Imagine if you kept them up, and got fit and strong as well? You'd be half way to perfect: Tall, strong, healthy, smart, creative, knows a musical instrument,

Fifteen Years Old: It might be tough and even embarrassing, but make sure to tell your friends ASAP that you are a brother, or before and that you're going to be one. It'll save you a ridiculously shitty Year 11, and spare the guilt of not having told them.

Sixteen Years Old: Try harder at physics and maths, because it'll help push your ATAR ranking up so much. I don't care if you're good enough to do hardly any work in ITA and still get to the top of the class, bust your balls doing it. Every extra point helps in your ATAR, and it just makes it easier to go wherever you want to, and opens up even more options. Also, start looking at the best ways to become a writer before you select all your subjects. Engineering is good, but you only want it as a stop-gap. Art in Year 11 is fun, but drop it in Year 12, it'll take up too much of your time and you'll approach it with the wrong attitude. I know you enjoy the friends you get in Art class, but it's not worth it for what it'll do to your ATAR.

 

[Theart]

Ten Years Old: Don't get in a fight with that guy at school. You'll get suspended.

Eleven Years Old: Don't talk to that girl on the front of the bus. But if you do, DON'T ask her out five minutes after just meeting her. And don't try so hard to ask Caitlin out; she's not interested in you at all. Besides, it's sixth grade; dating doesn't count then.

Fourteen Years Old: Don't talk about anything sex-related to the guys at school. You don't know anything about it and they WILL trick you into saying dumb shit through that (this also applies to the fifteen year old me) OH and don't ask out all the girls in your grade (which was a total of maybe 5?) within three minutes; bad image.

Fifteen Year Old: Don't get into an online fight with the guys. OH and avoid Dillan; he's out for a fight, for whatever reason. And ask out Amber. You never know, but there might've been something there with her...

 

[zachen]

To myself when I was 8 alright where do I start with you well first things first
Do not quit piano it may seem hard and your teacher frustrates you but music is a calling for you
also just because people seem nice doesn't mean they really are so, when you find out Andy has been talking crap about you man up and talk it out with him.
And Tyler is a good friend to have despite a couple fights.

To myself when i was starting intermediate school Thank God you you joined drama you'll make lots of good friends! Also learn to keep your mouth shut its not worth voicing your opinions to a couple of jerks. and feel bad about ditching Caleb, yes you know you shouldn't have but thanks to him you meet lots of good people so try being nice to him once in a while. Sammy is nice too don't talk crap about her just because she didn't go out with you.

To myself a couple months agoAlright I've got lots of things to tell you.
First of all Abby won't go out with you but its no biggie because she is an awesome friend! Also when Anna and Brandon break up try to support Anna by talking so much crap about Brandon that she won't go out with him again because shes just being used and is breaking Dakota's heart. Do Not Trust Sam he is a jerk, yes you can feel bad for him but do not trust him unfortunately he helps you learn guitar so you somewhat owe him.
Thats all for now.

 

[Silh]

17 and two weeks shy of turning 18

Yeah, you learned how to drive over the summer, and yeah, he may have lent your his (grandma's) car keys. However, it's not for you to drive off and treat yourself to a nice lunch while waiting for everyone else to finish class. Just sit back and get some shuteye like you said you would and stay on campus. Your social life would probably be a lot better if you did.