Oh hay guys.
I am troubled...by something physical.
My weight.
Rewinding back to the 6th grade:
I moved to anew school and everything. So I dressed nice and noticed this boy. I was really attached to him. You could say it'd be love at first sight, but I didn't know at the time. So the second day he gave me a tour of the school. Best time of my life. Because of him I was friending everyone, he introdued me to everyone. He had this ambience of just friending people.
But one day, I was walking to his house and i over-heard him talking to his 'home doggs'.
"What kinda girl you want?"
"Oh I want one that is fine and divine; with a good size too."
"Ah. I see. "
So I stopped before getting to his house ad went by the nearby lake. I looked at myself and my refletion was everything but what he wanted. He expected me over and called my cellphone and asked where I was. I said I didn't know if I wanted to come over that day. He asked me why, I lied and told him that I was feeling to well. It wasn't a lie, just a white lie. I really wasn't doing well.
Skipping into time:
When we got ou pictures for the yearbook. I was devasted. Everyone adored it as i sat there despising it with every muscle in my body. I couldn't bust into tears at school, that's not my style. So I ran home and sat on the couch and stared at the packet with hate. I threw it to the wall and my eyes welled with tears. I ran to my room and threw everything I saw at the wall. My clothes,a nd even the basket it was in. I was cursing to myself, I hated myself, I actually thought of dying. The hurt I felt because I didn't look thin was urging me to do these things.
It's a side of Aly you NEVER want to see.
My little brother came running into the house and heard me screaming and the BANG! of the things being thrown into the wall. I turned to him with my face screwed and saw tears falling down his eyes.
He was scared of his older sister.
He screamed 'STOP!' and called me mother, 'Sissy is throwing things, she thinks she is a beast. Mommy please tell her to stop!' I took the phone and mom told me some things and I calmed down.
Moving to the present,
I got better, but I still have that feeling in my gut that I really am fat and ugly, and not good enough for ANY guy.
Is there a way to get rid of that 'in the gutter' feeling? Or am I just too into to it to get out?
lolaly
I am troubled...by something physical.
My weight.
Rewinding back to the 6th grade:
I moved to anew school and everything. So I dressed nice and noticed this boy. I was really attached to him. You could say it'd be love at first sight, but I didn't know at the time. So the second day he gave me a tour of the school. Best time of my life. Because of him I was friending everyone, he introdued me to everyone. He had this ambience of just friending people.
But one day, I was walking to his house and i over-heard him talking to his 'home doggs'.
"What kinda girl you want?"
"Oh I want one that is fine and divine; with a good size too."
"Ah. I see. "
So I stopped before getting to his house ad went by the nearby lake. I looked at myself and my refletion was everything but what he wanted. He expected me over and called my cellphone and asked where I was. I said I didn't know if I wanted to come over that day. He asked me why, I lied and told him that I was feeling to well. It wasn't a lie, just a white lie. I really wasn't doing well.
Skipping into time:
When we got ou pictures for the yearbook. I was devasted. Everyone adored it as i sat there despising it with every muscle in my body. I couldn't bust into tears at school, that's not my style. So I ran home and sat on the couch and stared at the packet with hate. I threw it to the wall and my eyes welled with tears. I ran to my room and threw everything I saw at the wall. My clothes,a nd even the basket it was in. I was cursing to myself, I hated myself, I actually thought of dying. The hurt I felt because I didn't look thin was urging me to do these things.
It's a side of Aly you NEVER want to see.
My little brother came running into the house and heard me screaming and the BANG! of the things being thrown into the wall. I turned to him with my face screwed and saw tears falling down his eyes.
He was scared of his older sister.
He screamed 'STOP!' and called me mother, 'Sissy is throwing things, she thinks she is a beast. Mommy please tell her to stop!' I took the phone and mom told me some things and I calmed down.
Moving to the present,
I got better, but I still have that feeling in my gut that I really am fat and ugly, and not good enough for ANY guy.
Is there a way to get rid of that 'in the gutter' feeling? Or am I just too into to it to get out?
lolaly