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Help/Support ► I have a problem. What to do?



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Marly

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Hi khi. It's Marly. Lately I have found myself a tad unhappy about a certain part of myself--lol not my penis--no, this is a psychological issue. And one I really want to know if anyone else has this problem. And two I want to know how I can fix this.

The thing is khi, first thing I should tell you is that before I graduated from high school, I was a very socailly awkward teenager who had little friends and never did much. I kept to myself and I had crazy low self-esteem. And this really only started changing after high school. Every best friend I had in middle school and early high school had either moved away or drifted apart, and that really got to me for some reason.

The thing is, now that I'm getting out there making friends and stuff, I'm having a crazy hard time with nagging thoughts vying for more approval. I can't convince myself that people may actually want to be friends with me, ya know? I'm never convinced when people compliment me or call me their friend. And this sucks. It pisses me off, I feel so cynical of all these people I've been meeting lately and I hate thinking of them that way because I know deep down it's not true, I just can't convince myself otherwise. I'm constantly going out of my way to help these people, and I know they appreciate it cause they help me out too right? But I hating thinking that that's the only reason they're doing it, is to pay me back right?

So does anyone else have this problem? I thought this would rectify slowly when I realized how much happier I am with myself and how much my confidence has grown, but I almost want to say it's made it worse. I dunno. How can I help myself with this issue? I hate it so much.
 

king_mickey rule

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Hmmm well I think all you need is a bit of time to adjust to the new situation. I mean, this whole friend and meeting all sorts of people thing, like you said, is a bit of a new thing for you. It's only natural that you need some adjusting time. Look at it as you that is standing in a place between the old you and the new you. Like you're not really sure if you should feel comfortable and be happy with this new mindset or not. But know that people are scared of new things, that's part of human nature.

Not really sure if there's anything I can say to help you other than: don't look at things so cynical. But I'm sure you already knew that. It's just a matter of making that switch.

I'm sure you have a lot of reason to be cynical and to tell you the truth, it's not bad to be cynical. Just don't go overboard with it. There's this general view on the world that it's a sucky place and that people judge you all the time etc. or like you said, that people only help one another to do a favor, nothing more. But that's not how it works.

Sure, there are quite a handfull where that's the case but let's not generalize things. People tend to see the negative things before the positive things, this being one of them. In other words, a lot of people tend to see the 'bad people' and think 'wow, people suck'. I'm sure this'll ring a bell.

Anyway, like I said, I can't really tell you what to do other than give it time and just try to enjoy having people around you. Laugh, forget about problems, HAVE FUN! :)

Hope this helps!
 

LegendaryHeroLCB

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The only thing that I can really say to give you any kind of advice is to find out who you are. I'm not entirely sure about this but I had a similar feeling that I had to impress people (or help, whatever it was at that time) to make them like me. The main reason why is because there was a total lack of self-identification. Find out who the real you is and understand that nobody else in the world can tell you who to be except you. If you find a few things that you don't like (bad habits, etc.) then find ways to change them. You'll only find friends that like you as much you like yourself man.
 

Nayru's Love

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I think you care too much about the reality of your friendships. I'm sure if I stopped and thought about all of the friends I've made, they'd probably match the description of yours. The thing is, most friendships you'll ever make won't ever be deep enough for the finer, intricate details to matter in the long run. If you want to appreciate your friends more, find beauty in the simpler details of your friendships.
 

Reflection

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i AM EXACTLY THE SAME omg ;-;

just try not to let it bother you, and i agree with LCB to work on identifying yourself first. focus on something you like and you'll forget about trying to be approved. that works for me usually. you're making friends so obviously people already approve and you know we love you here as well <33 xx

but like i said im in the same boat ^^;;; let me know if you figure out an easy solution cuz god knows im looking for one too
 

inasuma

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Sounds like you're just looking for acceptance, since you didn't really have it throughout high school. I can understand that to a great degree. You will outgrow it in time. Just try your best to keep yourself busy with friends and it'll come more naturally. I always think of this issue as both a curse and a pretty big liberation opportunity. Those who seek acceptance often are compassionate people, and can be pretty independent due to the fact they grew up with some separation of individual connection. It's a good thing and a bad thing, but it is certainly not all bad.

Again, just be as natural as you can about your friendships. Go out with friends, hang out with them when the opportunity arises, and be relaxed and cool.
 

Marly

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Just a little edit, because that's who I am, the word cynical has a bit of a negative annotation to it doesn't it? I didn't mean it in that way, more like when someone says "Hey you're my friend" it's not that I don't trust them or anything I'm just always thinking "Why would someone this cool want to be friends with me?"

You guys are right though. Thank you. Really. I know it's something I just have to get used to, it's just I want to be used to it now ya know? I hate how paranoid and overly analytic I am about everything and I want to change that so badly, I suppose it'll just take some time.

I'll let you know Elle ;) thanks booboo
 

Color Me Evil

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I'm not usually one to comment on these types of threads but I do the same thing and this one mantra has helped a lot: don't spend your time trying to get people to be interested in you. spend your time being interested in other people. the friendships will be more genuine and you'll be able to tell if people are really your friend if they're actually interested in you rather than having you be interested in them. it's helped me to clean out a lot of unnecessary people in my life because they didn't show any interest in what was going on in my life. hope it helps.
 

Traskix

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Just a little edit, because that's who I am, the word cynical has a bit of a negative annotation to it doesn't it? I didn't mean it in that way, more like when someone says "Hey you're my friend" it's not that I don't trust them or anything I'm just always thinking "Why would someone this cool want to be friends with me?"

You guys are right though. Thank you. Really. I know it's something I just have to get used to, it's just I want to be used to it now ya know? I hate how paranoid and overly analytic I am about everything and I want to change that so badly, I suppose it'll just take some time.

I'll let you know Elle ;) thanks booboo

It also sounds like you might have a little confidence issue. The way you can't believe these "cool" people can be your friends. There must be something they like about you, but you don't know yet. Like the cheesy saying says, gotta love yourself before others.

But i think you'll find yourself. I myself is a late bloomer and all that, but we all find good friends, even here on KHI :)
 

Professor Ven

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Marly why are you doubting yourself you silly goose







You are beautiful like Oreos with milk
 

Marly

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You are beautiful like Oreos with milk

*U* that is so nice. i like that. thanks pal!

Really though, thanks everyone, you all have given me a lot to think about. I'm just so impatient. Like I said, I thought with all my self confidence being boosted daily, that it would help, but I guess I still have to get used to it. Or maybe I'm not as confident in myself as I'd like to think? I dunno :(

But I will take all your words to heart and try to implement them kk? :3
 

Taylor

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mark you're fucking awesome would you just start believing me when i say that already


ugh.
 

Marly

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i'm p that's the first time you've ever told me that taylor :/ silly but thanks ^_^
 
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