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Chris

I share this account w/ my mom lmao
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I seldom post legitimate issues here, but I figured the nurturing environment of KHI always succeeds in rectifying my moral struggles (lol) so why not

If you're not ready for a WALL OF GOD DAMN TEXT, I suggest you back out now. But if anyone cares enough to read this, I'd deeply appreciate it.


I started dating a girl last November. We broke up 5 months ago, this December. I could write a fucking novel about everything that led to where we are now, as there are about 15 side-stories that each lead to their own issues, but only one remains at this point.

We had a very close solid relationship for the better part of a year after we overcame a few problems. What we had was nice, but looking back on it, after we broke up at the 6 month point, we shouldn't have gotten back together. I'm digressing a bit, but let me just throw my own advice in here: Getting back with exes should only be done if a substantial amount of time has passed, or a previously existing problem is completely gone. It will almost ALWAYS lead to the same problems after the initial "yay got them back lol!" happiness wears off, and you're right where you were. And just destroys what little bond you have left when it goes wrong, making the break worse than last time.

The first half of our relationship ended up being great, and then it became plagued with an issue- there was this one guy who was borderline obsessed with her. He would follow her in the halls in school every day, compliment her relentlessly, be an overall creep, and even hit on her openly on her Facebook wall. One day, after several complaints to her about him, to which she would reply "oh my god chill it's not like i'd EVER date the kid he's just my friend", I took it into my own hands. I pretty much commented his wallpost on Facebook saying "hey, it would be spectacular if you wouldn't hit on my girlfriend publicly in front of everyone! thanks!" or something to that affect. A couple of my guy friends laughed and gave me high fives, but you can rest assured she wasn't as amused.

What ensued was her getting angry at me and telling me to leave him alone. I approached him again, in private, attempting to give SOME respect to him so we could have a more legitimate conversation. Keep in mind that, regardless of him being obsessed with my ex girlfriend, he was just a total piece of shit. I hated everything about this kid. He was creepy, awkward, annoying, completely unfunny, and a total waste of human flesh in every aspect. Oh, and he looks like a skeleton. Seriously. He's hideous. In fact, I'll refer to him as Skeleton when neccesary. It was unimaginable for him to even date someone on my girlfriend's level. The only thing stopping me from stabbing him in the neck was my desire to live a life out of prison. It's that bad. I told him to stop hitting on her because he was blatantly disrespecting me in doing so, and instead of even denying it, he basically said "I don't care what you say. I'm going to keep doing what I want and if you get mad, so be it. I don't care if I'm overstepping boundaries".

This pretty much made me rage to unfathomable levels. It basically was a situation where I was telling her not to talk to some pathetic loser and he was being her emotional tampon and complimenting her every day and trying to replace me. I seemed like that douchebag with the football letterman jacket from the movie who was dating the attractive girl, and he seemed like the nerd who would end up winning her in the end. And quite frankly, I didn't feel bad telling her not to talk to him because he was an extreme interference in our relationship and was slowly trying to sink in deeper into her (lol no pun intended).

We would fight on and off about this until I began threatening him with violence (don't even tell me, I already know this was a bad idea). He then ratted me out to my girlfriend who began to side with her seemingly innocent friend even more. EVERYONE knew he was obsessed with her, but she denied it. I never ended up hurting him because I knew it would be the final nail in the coffin for our relationship, so I just gritted my teeth and tried to bare his existence. Then, summer came. We had a brief breakup in the summer which I need not get into, because it is unrelated. But in retrospect, I shouldn't have asked her back out. I was too weak to cut it off and denied that our problems would get worse over time. After our breakup we were stronger than ever and happier than ever. We falsely thought that after we had some time off, that things would be totally different and we'd have no problems. Little did I know where things were heading. Fortunately, since school wasn't in session, Skeleton couldn't follow her around in the halls all day anymore, and she was hanging out with me most of the time, so he couldn't sit there texting her all day.

Slowly and naturally, the problem with him lessened. Our relationship got better during the summer because at the time, he was the only true problem, and I undoubtedly had the best summer of my life with her. I decided to just let it go. I think he gave up when she had no time to talk to him anymore, and he realized that when she wasn't answering his texts, it's because she was at my house and I was fucking her brains out.

Then, to make things even better, he got a girlfriend! One of my girlfriend's best friends had just gotten out of a long, abusive relationship, and, was desperate. She started talking to the aforementioned creep when they met at my girlfriend's Sweet 16 party. She was so used to having such a negligent horrible boyfriend, that the shock of a guy who actually would try to compliment her was overwhelmingly perfect. Somehow they started up a relationship, and as puzzled as I was and almost disgusted, I knew it was a good thing for me. My girlfriend and Skeleton barely talked anymore, and she was only connected to him through being "his girlfriends friend", which I had to bare because it honestly wasn't that horrible. I still fucking hated this kid's guts though, and I still do.

Then everything got better! The end!
jk

School started up again. My girlfriend and I began to fight more. Like I said, I'm not going to get into details with every specific problem, but by the time December rolled around, or relationship sucked. I didn't lose feelings for her, but I just wasn't happy with the relationship. And, like our first breakup, I knew that if I broke up with her I'd regret it in a day and come crawling back. I became aware that this was a horrible cycle that just needed to end, because I was only staying with her for stability and because I didn't want to be alone. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do, but I knew that our relationship was going to progressively get worse, and in an attempt to salvage whatever we had left, I told her I didn't think we should be dating anymore. She was the first girl I truly loved and I knew this would take ages to get over. She agreed that things should end, and we told eachother we still wanted to be a part of eachother's lives.

I began to grief for a few days, but I told myself that good things must come to an end, and I shouldn't be upset that it was over, I should just be thankful that it happened. I had a solid highschool relationship and I should be happy and move on with my life. Easier said than done. We were still on good talking terms, but then, THE MONSTER STRIKES BACK.

Yes, our little friend from the first part of my story decided to strike up conversation with my (now ex) girlfriend. It went something like this.
"Oh it's good that you and Chris broke up cause I heard he was gonna cheat on you with that girl ____ and they've been planning it for months"
No you didn't, Skeletor.

Let me clarify right off the bat- that whole story was bull. I was friends with a girl from another highschool that was coincidentally close friends with Mr. Skeleton's girlfriend. This girl told his girlfriend that she thought I was cute, and the conversation diffused to our little friend. So, apparently he's been out to get me for the last year because he was bitter about how he never got with my girlfriend, so this was his last laugh, some rumor he spread that set my ex off the handle. A major fight ensued, she didn't believe me.

The problem ended up being resolved MUCH later, but the affect of his deed isn't what I'm focusing on, it's just the fact that he did it that reignited my settling hatred. I got my revenge, though, because I ended up convincing his girlfriend to break up with him. I laughed my ass off for a while about that one. I'd explain, but I'm digressing, so I'll continue.

My ex and I maintained a somewhat awkward friendship for the next 2 or 3 months, and I noticed a problem. Her and Mr. Skeleton became... best friends. It was sickening. Five times worse than what I had to experience the year prior to this. Now that she didn't have me to hold her back, she was giving in to him. He went back to hitting on her, complimenting her, and at the time she was an emotional wreck so she needed the self esteem boost I suppose. He somehow managed to develop a close bond with her, which sickened me.

Around March, I started to get feelings for her again, and questioned whether or not I made a mistake. I got mixed opinions from my friends, and I told myself I was going to talk to her about us one more time. I would do one more serious, well thought out romantic final plan to try to win her back, and if it failed I would drop it and move on. I just needed to know I truly tried to fix things before I quit, because I know nothing in life worth having comes without difficulty.

I was planning everything I was going to do and say, and getting everything together to try to redeem our love one last time, and getting ready to go to her house, when suddenly one of her friends tipped off to me that she was hanging out with the skeleton that night. At her house. For the love of God, if I ended up going to her house that would have been a slaughter. If I saw him there I could not be held accountable for the damage that I caused to him. Before her and I dated, she told me "Sorry I don't hang out with guys I'm not dating, I don't want to give them the wrong impression" and here she was on a Saturday night, with him at her house. So I completely drop my plans, drop everything, and sit at home, speechless.

Insert social networking drama here: I went home and made my Facebook status "ahahahaha, oh my fucking god", because I like expressing my vague feelings to the world. Apparently this wasn't subtle enough, because my ex saw it and apparently knew exactly what I was referring to. She then made her status "you should probbbably just give up now:] bye!". And of course, Skeleton "likes" it.

It hit me all at once: She has become a pathetic waste who honestly enjoys the company of this loser. Don't just think I'm being pretentious out of jealousy, almost everyone but her close friends are befuddled by why on Earth she talks to this kid.

I talked to her the next day. To sum it up, I opened with "I just want you to know, I'm not looking for a fight, but it's really upsetting that it has to be this way." She proceeded to play dumb and deny everything. I then spilled my guts about everything to her, how I still felt, and how I was upset at how spiteful she was being. She just said "was that all? cause I really don't have anything to say." I replied with "This may be the last conversation we ever have, so I don't want it to go unfinished. Please, when you come up with something to say, tell me. Bye." She merely said "Bye", without indicating whether or not she would follow up with anything.

I haven't spoken to her since that day.

A month passed. Skeletor began following her around in the hallways every period again, hovering over her like a freak. All her friends "called" that she liked him and knew he would be her next boyfriend. She replied with, (I swear you can't make this shit up) "AHAH NO I'D NEVER DATE HIM HE'S JUST A FRIEND TRUST ME, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS".

And then, a week later, she confessed her feelings for him. He asked her out. They are now dating.


This was the one, ONE thing I can possibly imagine that I can never forgive her for. I never want to speak to her again, because this is fucking revolting, hilariously horrible, and in a way, betrayal. This one meddling piece of shit that has tried to tear us apart for a year is finally getting what he wants, and she is miles out of his league. Everyone except for her close friends, like I said, is actually saying "what the fuck" about the whole situation, and 95% of the school thinks it's impossible that he has a girlfriend, let alone her.

If she broke up with him today and came crawling back to me, I would laugh in her face and completely reject her. I hate her, and I wish he was dead.

And, finally, here's the problem. Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about her. It's not because I want her back, because I'm disgusted. But I miss the past. I can't stop thinking about her and it's killing me. Nothing makes something harder to forget, than the desire to WANT to forget it.

This isn't how I want to remember me and her ending up, but I really have no choice. I'm only connected to her through anger, which is why it's so hard to let go. I know the only remedy for that is to forgive, but trust me, that's impossible. I'm so full of hatred about this. If her and I both made mistakes, I could slowly forgive her and we could be alright, but this was the one thing I could never forgive her for. I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for the times I didn't treat her like I should have, and I'm getting past some of my regrets, but this anger and hatred I have is keeping me stuck to her like glue.

We still haven't spoken since that last unfinished conversation, but every morning and every night I can't help but think of how things used to be.

All I want is to stop thinking about her, but it's impossible to let go if I need to forgive, because forgiveness isn't happening. I will never forgive this meddling twat and will always want him dead, and I will always resent her for doing this. This is harsh. I'm aware. But how can I let go of her without forgiveness? I need to move past this, and although I don't ever want her back, I still am stuck to the situation. I can't move on unless I stop caring about her in any way, shape, or form. Even though I hate her, that means I still care about her negatively. I'm in a shitty situation, as you can see.

Does anyone have anything they can say to console me?

If you got this far reading all of this. Thank you. I really sincerely appreciate any input, because this conflict has been dictating my entire life and I want things to be better for the summer.

PS. Fun fact- One, I saw them holding hands in the hallway, and when he went to grab her hand, she pulled it away and wiped it off on her pants. I lol'd. Seriously, she must think he's so gross, is she just doing it to spite me? God only knows
 

Optimus Rhyme

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I can kind of sympathize with what you are feeling, because I've been in a somewhat similar situation before. Obviously feelings of hatred and all that shit aren't good, but I can see where these emotions are coming from and I almost agree with them. Hell, if I was you, I would have kicked the shit out of this kid when you told him to stop hitting on her and he just flat out said no.

Now, IMO the best thing would be to be in another relationship, because it would give you someone else to care for, and the feelings of lonelyness you said kept you with her for longer would be gone. However, I don't think it's the correct option right now, because you wouldn't be giving your all to whoever it was, and that's not fair. So yeah, not to imply you should be some kind of man-whore, but as soon as you think you've moved on, just kind of keep your eyes open.

Again, this may not be the best option, but this is what I think I would do: As much as it may suck, I would probably try and think of how much of a bitch she's been to you. Think of how you don't need her in your life AT ALL. Hell, she's going out with this creep either because she wants to make you jealous in some way, or she's an enormous whore. Both negative reasons. Both reasons you don't need her.

Also, try and get out more often (I don't really know much about your social life, but work with me). Whenever I'm depressed about something, or a girl is always on my mind, I find that even just going for a walk or whatever helps focus my mind on something else. I got shin splints like a motherfucker because I would always just leave the house and go run at the track, because staying inside thinking is never really going to do you any good. If you're anything like me, your mind is always going to think up the worst possible scenario, and keep playing that or variations of it, which will just increase your feelings, whatever they may be.

Not sure if I helped at all, but that's my two cents.

Good luck, bro. Girls suck sometimes.
 

Chris

I share this account w/ my mom lmao
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Thank you. I definitely need a distraction, but I feel like going to take walks would just make me think about her more. When I'm alone with my thoughts, that's when she comes up in my head the most. A huge part of the problem is how I feel like I changed her. I was the first person she ever truly loved (according to her), so I obviously had a big impact on her life. I obviously had some influence on the person that she ended up being this year. So unfortunately, part of me thinks that something I did turned her into a spiteful bitch who cares about nothing. No one can convince me otherwise. We talked about five hours a day MINIMUM for over a year. The things I said and did absolutely changed her, and unfortunately, I believe I'm responsible for changing her into this.
 
E

Eyesore

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There was this one guy who was borderline obsessed with her. He would follow her in the halls in school every day, compliment her relentlessly, be an overall creep, and even hit on her openly on her Facebook wall. One day, after several complaints to her about him, to which she would reply "oh my god chill it's not like i'd EVER date the kid he's just my friend", I took it into my own hands. I pretty much commented his wallpost on Facebook saying "hey, it would be spectacular if you wouldn't hit on my girlfriend publicly in front of everyone! thanks!" or something to that affect. A couple of my guy friends laughed and gave me high fives, but you can rest assured she wasn't as amused.

What ensued was her getting angry at me and telling me to leave him alone.

And then, a week later, she confessed her feelings for him. He asked her out. They are now dating.

lmao, no offense, but you didn't you see that coming...?
She was hooking up with him from the begining, my opinion.
 

Chris

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lmao, no offense, but you didn't you see that coming...?
She was hooking up with him from the begining, my opinion.

No. I absolutely completely doubt that. As nefarious as I make her out to be, she wouldn't not tell me about that after everything. She couldn't live with herself.

Plus, he's hideous.
 

Nyangoro

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The problem was that this kid's obsessiveness was allowed by the girl in question. Even if it seemed creepy (especially at first), a person will eventually get used to it and begin to find the attention flattering (which can spark infatuation, and lead up to the scenario described). While it may not have been a good move for you to confront him against her wishes, you definitely should have talked with her more about it. Yeah, she might no like to talk about it, but if she can't understand (and wouldn't try to understand) why that bothered you, that is a very good sign of problems down the road. This is the classic case of letting an issue go until it explodes in your face, and those can make for some deep wounds. I understand that you still care (which is good), but I personally think you should cut your ties with them if it makes you feel as bad as it appears to. It might be difficult, but it would be even worse if you end up regretting it years down the road.
 

Optimus Rhyme

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Thank you. I definitely need a distraction, but I feel like going to take walks would just make me think about her more. When I'm alone with my thoughts, that's when she comes up in my head the most. A huge part of the problem is how I feel like I changed her. I was the first person she ever truly loved (according to her), so I obviously had a big impact on her life. I obviously had some influence on the person that she ended up being this year. So unfortunately, part of me thinks that something I did turned her into a spiteful bitch who cares about nothing. No one can convince me otherwise. We talked about five hours a day MINIMUM for over a year. The things I said and did absolutely changed her, and unfortunately, I believe I'm responsible for changing her into this.

I partly agree with you on this. Being with her for a year, and assuming she's telling the truth when she said you were the first person she loved, yes, you most likely had a pretty big impact on her, because as teenagers, pretty much anyone important to us leaves an impression.

However, I don't think that your actions alone could have led to her changing who she was. I mean, before you broke it off and all, she was a pretty nice, caring person, was she not? Personally, I think te only reason she's even with Skeletor in the first place is because she was feelng a little uneasy/uncomfortable after ending the long relationsihp you guys had, and because she remembers Skeletor as being nice to her, she clung onto him. I see him as more of a need to her. The thing that sucks about girls is that they don't posess the ability guys have to assess if people are tools, or just overall jackasses. You saw him as trying to make a move on your girl, she saw him as being a nice guy.

But yeah, as I said, I don't think that you could have changed her that much to have (from what I understand) changed her personality a LOT. From what you've told us, you never really did anything that was truely outragous or mean to her that would cause her to become a bitch to you. Maybe she's just trying to give Skeletor the benefit of the doubt?

Also, I'm curious. You think it'd be possible to show us pics of Skeletor and this girl?
 

AxelYoYo

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I don't usually say this about girls,but...That girl-no ofense-was acting like a BITCH.
 

Chris

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The problem was that this kid's obsessiveness was allowed by the girl in question. Even if it seemed creepy (especially at first), a person will eventually get used to it and begin to find the attention flattering (which can spark infatuation, and lead up to the scenario described). While it may not have been a good move for you to confront him against her wishes, you definitely should have talked with her more about it. Yeah, she might no like to talk about it, but if she can't understand (and wouldn't try to understand) why that bothered you, that is a very good sign of problems down the road. This is the classic case of letting an issue go until it explodes in your face, and those can make for some deep wounds. I understand that you still care (which is good), but I personally think you should cut your ties with them if it makes you feel as bad as it appears to. It might be difficult, but it would be even worse if you end up regretting it years down the road.

You hit the nail on the head for the most part, except the end. I DID cut ties with them, like I said, I haven't spoken to her since that day and have no clarity on what the fuck happened that lead to them going out. So, yeah.

And I guess she understood my frustration, in fact, for a while she would actually make fun of him WITH me. Yeah. But after a while it somehow slowly evolved into a bond and I will never understand why he pulled it off.

I partly agree with you on this. Being with her for a year, and assuming she's telling the truth when she said you were the first person she loved, yes, you most likely had a pretty big impact on her, because as teenagers, pretty much anyone important to us leaves an impression.

However, I don't think that your actions alone could have led to her changing who she was. I mean, before you broke it off and all, she was a pretty nice, caring person, was she not? Personally, I think te only reason she's even with Skeletor in the first place is because she was feelng a little uneasy/uncomfortable after ending the long relationsihp you guys had, and because she remembers Skeletor as being nice to her, she clung onto him. I see him as more of a need to her. The thing that sucks about girls is that they don't posess the ability guys have to assess if people are tools, or just overall jackasses. You saw him as trying to make a move on your girl, she saw him as being a nice guy.

But yeah, as I said, I don't think that you could have changed her that much to have (from what I understand) changed her personality a LOT. From what you've told us, you never really did anything that was truely outragous or mean to her that would cause her to become a bitch to you. Maybe she's just trying to give Skeletor the benefit of the doubt?

Also, I'm curious. You think it'd be possible to show us pics of Skeletor and this girl?

To be honest, we DID fight a lot and we both did emotional damage to eachother, so I can't say I'm blame-free when it comes from "doing anything truly outrageous or mean to cause her to become a bitch". I regret how I treated her at the end of the relationship, because I honestly just didn't care anymore. Like I said though, nothing HORRIFIC, but there was some bad blood and unkind words near the end of the relationship.

And, gah.. I know you're curious, but I always feel weird posting pictures of people from my life on a message board. This will be a very rare case cause I usually feel like a creep doing this. But this is him and her-

http://img697.imageshack.us/img697/7137/111ft.png
 

AxelYoYo

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111ft.png

0.0 OH MY EFFING GAWD. HE IS SOOO UGLY!!!!!!XP
 

Chris

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Missing her? Since the day we broke up. The hatred replacing that? Since late March/early April.

Missing "her" as a human being has been replaced with "missing the past and how I had a nice stable relationship", because the new person she's become disgusts me.
 

loke13

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It sounds like this guy manipulated you into becoming the perfect jealous boyfriend. Then when you broke up swooped in and gradually replaced you.
 

Chris

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He's too fucking stupid to do that. He just hit on her, prayed it would work, waited a year, and it did.
 

Jesus

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I feel for you and I gotta say, I really respect you for holding back. I would have seriously assaulted him after he disrespected you like that. Though that can't be the worst answer......
But hey, if it matters, HE IS SO FUCKING UGLY
 

Lolita

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I also give my respects to you for holding back. Most people would lost control and let their emotions take control of them at the moment, but you held back for your relationship. :3 (oh and to not go to jail or something).

But, I also think you should find someone else to be with. It'll be great to be distracted by someone and not let her come up on your mind so much. But, I don't think you should do it exactly now. Give it some time to fully collect your thoughts over.
Time heals wounds, and both of your wounds are pretty deep. You don't need to exclude her as in, she's a part of your life that was in the past, and you've learned things from that. You have a future ahead of you, and she might not be in it anymore, but that's fine. You've grown into a stronger person. Hang out with other people, get more friends, and maybe even get a new girlfriend, and show that you can keep walking with your head held high and instead of being weak because of things, show that you consider it something that you've grown from and that you've become stronger because of all this, and you don't need to hate her to feel stronger, because you're strong enough already and you've gotten more knowledgeable of the type of people they both are, the person you are, and people who you should keep and let go of. Also, that you don't need someone like her in your life, because you're better than that. o: Self confidence will also help you during a time when you're grieving over something. :3 Good luck!

And btw, he is ugly. 8D I hate guys or people in general who compliment you to no end. Fakee.
 
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Jesus

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I know right, I have a few friends who just do not let me pass without saying "ISSA'S AWESOME!" (Issa is my name, I'm a guy) and I look at them, flattered at first but then they don't stop and I wonder if they're making fun of me but the only reason I don't completely think this is cuz they look pretty sincere
 
D

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Everyone here seems to be giving good advice but I just have to say this
111ft.png


That guy looks like the definition of a creep, the hair, the smile, even the chin and ears somehow creep me out. And I'm a guy so it takes a lot for another guy to give me a slimey feeling.
 
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