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Help/Support ► I hate her, but I still care.



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Hypoxium

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This isn't about tough love or being a hard-ass, I'm genuinely giving my opinion, and I stand by what I said. If I had a girlfriend who started going out with someone I hated after we had broken up, I wouldn't care, because she's not my girlfriend anymore, and it's none of my business.

I'm not sure what kind of direction you want people to point you in, because the only real solution is to get over it, and like I said, nobody is going to give you some magical distraction that's going to make you forget about her.
 

Fire's fan

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Honestly, there isn't much you can do about it. It's her choice, all you can do really is stand by with tissues when it goes south.
Anyway it sounds like she has low self-esteem, and the only thing I can think of is 'hint' to one of her freinds that they should have a girls's day out. Don't make it sound like you think she is ugly or anything, just say she needs some cheering up, or better yet explain it to one of her freinds who hates 'skely' as much as you do. It won't solve the problem but it might MIGHT help a little bit.


But it is nice of you to care
 
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Wehrmacht

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I think I have to agree with Nocturne in the sense you can't do much about it. One suggestion I would make is to try and keep busy. Try to fill your day with more activities. If you're keeping yourself occupied, it might be easier not to think about her.

Otherwise I think you'll just have to give it some time.
 

Chris

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If I had a girlfriend who started going out with someone I hated after we had broken up, I wouldn't care, because she's not my girlfriend anymore, and it's none of my business.

and all I'm saying is, you're underestimating how that is much easier said than done.
 

Siren

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As someone that's been in a similar situation, I'll say that there isn't much that you can do to stop thinking about her. What I did was throw myself into writing, listening to music, re-connecting with old friends, etc. Basically, place an emphasis on solitary activities or on bonding with strictly platonic friends. Then, when you feel 'ready', go and try to meet someone else.

You're not going to stop thinking about her. You just need to learn that that's natural, and that as long as you aren't OBSESSING over her, you're just being a normal human being.
 

Ventus Air-Man

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distraction1.jpg


Go play Red Dead Redemption! That is a good distraction if I ever saw one.

I completely agree with this statement. If it's as bad as you say it is, I'd say it's time to move on. Find a distraction; find someone else.
 

Horizon's Knight

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Okay Chris, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Why do you hate this guy so much? What did he ever do to you before this relationship? The way I see it, if you still want here to care, then you obviously still love her. I know that might be the last thing you want to hear, but that's the only explanation. As of now, you are probably thinking the following:

Chris: I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her wanting to care. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about why she left me for that creep. I hate her, but I HATE THAT CREEP SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I am trying to say is that your hatered doesn't come from your ex, but subconciously from the skeleton guy. Your suppossed hatred for her is really just for that one guy, since you hated him long before then. Whatever the reason you hate this guy so much, you need to let go of your hatred for that guy. He is the darkness in your Heart that is causing your hatred, and you must find the key that can seal the darkness in your Heart. Only then will you be free.

I'll even help you. First, why do you hate him?
 

keybladegirl258

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The way I see it, if you still want here to care, then you obviously still love her. I know that might be the last thing you want to hear, but that's the only explanation. As of now, you are probably thinking the following:

Chris: I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her wanting to care. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about why she left me for that creep. I hate her, but I HATE THAT CREEP SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I am trying to say is that your hatered doesn't come from your ex, but subconciously from the skeleton guy. Your suppossed hatred for her is really just for that one guy, since you hated him long before then. Whatever the reason you hate this guy so much, you need to let go of your hatred for that guy.

You can love someone and hate them at the same time, but you only hate them because they hurt you. And that said, it would not hurt if you didn't love them. And it seems that he just didn't LIKE the guy very much before, but the hate came from when he purposely tried to ruin his relationship with this girl? I'd hate anyone who was out for a guy I was with, and did everything they could to break us up.
 

Chris

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As someone that's been in a similar situation, I'll say that there isn't much that you can do to stop thinking about her. What I did was throw myself into writing, listening to music, re-connecting with old friends, etc. Basically, place an emphasis on solitary activities or on bonding with strictly platonic friends. Then, when you feel 'ready', go and try to meet someone else.

You're not going to stop thinking about her. You just need to learn that that's natural, and that as long as you aren't OBSESSING over her, you're just being a normal human being.

I think this is just the truth that I'm unwilling to admit to myself. Honestly, a few acquaintances have thrown the bullshit quote at me "never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about blahblahblhblhah" so that messed with my head tremendously for a while.

Okay Chris, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Why do you hate this guy so much? What did he ever do to you before this relationship? The way I see it, if you still want here to care, then you obviously still love her. I know that might be the last thing you want to hear, but that's the only explanation. As of now, you are probably thinking the following:

Chris: I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about her wanting to care. I hate her, but I can't stop thinking about why she left me for that creep. I hate her, but I HATE THAT CREEP SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I am trying to say is that your hatered doesn't come from your ex, but subconciously from the skeleton guy. Your suppossed hatred for her is really just for that one guy, since you hated him long before then. Whatever the reason you hate this guy so much, you need to let go of your hatred for that guy. He is the darkness in your Heart that is causing your hatred, and you must find the key that can seal the darkness in your Heart. Only then will you be free.

I'll even help you. First, why do you hate him?

As opposed to directly answering your question I'll just say this to sum it all up- After we brokeup, but before she was dating him, I was having trouble getting over her, but if he and her breakup, I feel as if I'll be completely over her. That sounds irrational to say, because her being single didn't help me get over her originally, but something about the fact that them breaking up and him being completely a part of her past would make me happy. Because she'd really have no 'emotional tampon' at that point, because he can't sit there complimenting her and listening to her problems.

God only knows how much he's been filling her head with shit for the last year about how I "didn't deserve her" or some garbage like that. I also believe that he has completely topped out his ladder and gone far beyond his female game, meaning that after he and her breakup, he will be striving in vain for the rest of his young life to ever find someone as good as her. This basically means he'll never be happy with a relationship again after he and her are done, when I can atleast tell myself that there is hope for me to continue climbing this ladder of the dating world. So after this breakup, he'll be two times more devastated than I was. I almost pity the kid. Just kidding, I fucking hate him.

And I'm surprised how no one brought up that I mentioned Skeletor's ex was my ex's good friend, meaning it was pretty fucked up on my ex's part to even date this kid because it ruined her friendship with that girl.

EDIT: also, I don't remember if I neglected to mention that I ALWAYS thought this kid was a complete waste of life, but it had a humor aspect to it before he started getting involved with my relationship. Then, it pretty quickly turned into what it is now.
 

Key

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As someone who's been on the OTHER side of the situation, IE, fooled myself into liking a total creep, all i can say is.... think about something else. I was basically beating my head against a wall for weeks after realizing what a complete and utter moron i had been for being manipulated into falling for this creep (who, btw, is a much bigger creep than Skeletor) and i couldn't get him off my mind because i hated him so much. It came to the point where i would glare at him from across the hall if our eyes ever met and find every way to be a total b*tch to him whenever i was in a conversation in a group that included him. He apparently realized this and used it to his advantage, being a total a$$hole to me because i realized my mistake in time to refuse to go out with him. The guy wouldn't leave me alone; he would stalk me online, at school, EVERYWHERE. So what happened next?

What i did was find something to entertain me. I just thought of anything and everything that was worth more attention than the issue at hand, and did that. I started taking a sketchbook to school and drew the whole time instead of thinking about him. When i got home i would do my schoolwork and go straight to the basement and play KH or FFXII or something. Basically, i let the guy slip out of my mind. Pretty soon he realized that he wasn't getting to me anymore and he just stopped talking to me. i don't even see him anymore at school, when it used to be that we saw each other all the time.

Long story short: find something better to do that sit around and fume about this. Get out there, enjoy your summer, hang out with your friends. There's nothing you can do about it now, so let it go.
 

Chris

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the difference is that, while he may be creepy, he's a suckup. As long as he continues to boost her self esteem I don't think she'll think she made a mistake. But here's hoping.
 

Goldpanner

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Actually I am in a similar situation. I dumped my boyfriend recently cause he was a whiny clingy argumentative bitch, and then after I dumped him I found out he was cheating on me, so I started hating him instead of just being happy not to be with him. Now there's this other girl hitting on him, getting really close to him and following him everywhere (we live on campus so it's easy to tell :p). She is loud, obnoxious, thumps things when she's excited and talks in a fake American accent despite being Australian and living in Australia (srsly whut). On top of that she's reeeally big and hairy. He used to tell me how much he hated her while we were together, and now I see them hanging out all the time.

You know what I do? Laugh. What a poor motherfucker. If he had treated me right, he would still be with me. But now he has to hang out with her.

Your girlfriend isn't your level any more, and she's stuck with this creep. Just laugh at her! And don't worry any more. Laugh and laugh and get over it, cause laughter is the best medicine.
 
E

Eyesore

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No. I absolutely completely doubt that. As nefarious as I make her out to be, she wouldn't not tell me about that after everything. She couldn't live with herself.

Plus, he's hideous.

She's a woman dawg.
They are master puppeteers and pretenders.
haha...
 

Chris

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I have a bit of a significant update, if anyone would like to help me officially rid myself of this problem.

After much, much reflection and insight, I realized that I have no option but to forgive her. I'm not doing it for her sake, but for my own. It's almost like I answered my own question, but I was trying to find a backdoor way of dealing with it instead of facing it. I have very much redefined my idea of "forgiveness" in this. I understand what she did and I accept it. I think it's actually pretty funny and pathetic, I will always dislike this guy, and I will never respect her again, but I accept what happened. Things will never be the same but I indifferent towards her life now. That is honestly the most I can possibly offer. I really hope it's enough, cause I seriously can't muster up anything other than that.

In retrospect I think it's better that something like this happened, because unless she did something horribly fcuked up liked this, I'd always still find myself trying to go back to her and digging a deeper hole for myself. She completely sealed off that entrance by doing this. I'm slowly being convinced that this was for the best. I have come up with every possible reason to realize that I don't need her, and that better things are in store for me. I never thought I'd reach this point, but I did. Thank you guys. I know I'm better than him, and whatever he gets from her is something I've already gotten when it was better (oh btw according to a mutual friend, after dating for 6 weeks, they fcuked for the first time on my birthday, I doubt that wasn't planned lol nice).

But even though I have every reason to know that this is over and done with, I still feel uncomfortable about it. I don't want to be her friend, but if push came to shove, I would want to be able to be on speaking terms with her... almost just to show her that I see her as nothing but a worthless peer. That sounds wrong, but I just want to be in a situation where I "could" speak to her, but choose not to, if that makes sense. We still go to the same highschool, so it's awkward. The thing is, as I said before, she hasn't spoken a word to be since I spilled my heart out to her, so there is NO way that I'm going to be the first person to initiate conversation. It would be completely pathetic for me to try to apologize and make amends after she neglected me and watched me suffer from a distance. I'm contemplating whether or not she'll every try to talk to me again. I'm thinking she probably won't. But unless we speak again, I'll still be uncomfortable about this.

So what exactly do I do now?
 

SorasTwilight

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wow that was one looooooong story! Anyways, this happend to me once. (im a girl so heres another perspective at things XD) I was dating this theatre guy, and there was this creep who always followed me around, showering me with compliments, and always listening to my problems. I took him as jst a friend, because my (ex)boyfriend was so busy working on a play that I got so lonely. Sooner or later he finds out bout my lil friend and you know what? he didnt care! thats right, i said it! didnt care a single bit! you know how i felt that day?? heart-broken. For girls, being heartbroken hurts rly bad. So I told this to the other guy, he told me that he was sorry that he did this to me. Thing is, when he asked me out i said no. Kno y? My BFF told me who he rly was, at first I didn't believe her, but trust me, i learned the rly hard way....

Plus i think you weren't "in love" with her. You were just infatuated with her. Probably still are. (I went to a catholic school for some time....so yea.)

Honeslty the best way is to let her go. Still apologize if you want to, but by being friends with her it might hurt. All you gotta do is tell her this
"Look i jst want to say im srry. I kno it didn't work out with us b4 and im happy that you found sumone else. I hope he makes you happy. And I just want to say goodbye."

Sumthin like that would work. You'd feel so much better if you let her go. Believe me. If you let her go its like all that heavy wieight has lifted and its the perfect way to start over in life. I kno you rly want to hear her voice, but thats jst caving in. You need to be strong!

And as for Skeleton situation, YOU need to be the bigger person! All you have to say is like "congrats, you jst stooped down a lvl!"

Remember, letting go in this case is the best option.

I hope that helped ;) I kant wait to hear the response!
 

Counter Shock

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^talk to her again. let her know that u accept him and her. imo, she's doing this to make you jealous. if you show her you've moved on, maybe, just maybe, she will stop dating him. and want you back. but then you get your chance to turn her down.

if your still not talking to her, and its awkward between you two, then she knows what shes doing is driving you crazy. which, I think she is. just my take on all of this.
 

Chris

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The whole struggle is that I want her to know I accept it without me being forced to try to make amends with her. I should not have to do that after what she did to me. The ball is totally in her court, but she has no idea how impatient I am.
 

SorasTwilight

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Look, i kno you rly want her to apologize, but don't hold the grudge. There are other girls out there who are BETTER than her. And who knos? When you start a new relationship with a gorgeous girl ur ex will become jealous and crawl back to you (btw, its ur chance to say no then) there are other fish in the sea! Y dwell on the one who made you go thru hell? Y go to a girl who didnt believe you, her boyfriend!, about the whole situation? Like Counter Shock said, shes only doin this to make you jealous cuz she knos how impatient you can get! Honestly, I wouldnt even go out with a person who stoops THAT low!

BE THE BIGGER PERSON! dont get upset with this! jst go out there and try to find another gf then! or fishy-wise, cast your net out back into the sea! find a better fishy!
 

Counter Shock

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Look, i kno you rly want her to apologize, but don't hold the grudge. There are other girls out there who are BETTER than her. And who knos? When you start a new relationship with a gorgeous girl ur ex will become jealous and crawl back to you (btw, its ur chance to say no then) there are other fish in the sea! Y dwell on the one who made you go thru hell? Y go to a girl who didnt believe you, her boyfriend!, about the whole situation? Like Counter Shock said, shes only doin this to make you jealous cuz she knos how impatient you can get! Honestly, I wouldnt even go out with a person who stoops THAT low!

BE THE BIGGER PERSON! dont get upset with this! jst go out there and try to find another gf then! or fishy-wise, cast your net out back into the sea! find a better fishy!

^that.

/thread

btw lmao at the fish metaphore xD
 
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