I feel like I'm being used by someone



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SoulXaldin

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I'm sorry if I shouldn't be expressing my concerns even though I just got here, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. I really do appreciate the fact that you guys care about other people's situations, it's really thoughtful. Okay, here it goes:

So, in my homeroom, our teacher had my class complete an assignment regarding what nice things we had to say about each other. This one girl in my class (let's call her "M") wrote about me, and when my teacher announced what my classmates have to say about me, her's stood out to me the most. She wrote: "Let's me copy". At first, I thought nothing off it because I thought she genuinely cared about and she knew that I rarely got upset. But today, I've been thinking about those 3 words to the point where it was engraved on the center of my brain. And that's when I got really, really upset.

This person, who I genuinely cared about and thought of as a friend, turns out to be no more than a two-timer who used me to fulfill her own agenda. So, I'm really hard-working student, 2nd on the Honor Roll. And ever since Day 1, I was susceptible to the idea that there would be this type of person who wouldn't care about my well-being or even tried befriend me. This person would come to me and ask for help in class or homework. And there instances, yes there were. But I was under the impression that these people actually did care about me. And I let them out of the kindness of my heart because I cared about them.

But when M had the audacity to genuinely express her opinion about me, I received a reality check. I shouldn't let people use me like a tool like that. That is the worst thing that a person could do to anyone: to use them as a pawn, to use them as means to achieve their own goal with no consideration for that person's feelings or well-being. To be honest, I want to call her out for it. Make her feel bad like she made me. She made me feel like I was nothing to her. I'm always the one saying hi to her first, instigating conversations with her. And you know what I said about her? I said she "had a positive charismatic attitude and an overall positive personality" and I appreciated her for that. She took my help for granted. I cared about her and she took it for granted.

Look, I might be mad at her, but I don't hate her. I don't despise. She really is a nice person. But to see her true feelings about was completely insincere and very inconsiderate. You don't know how badly I just want to exert all this anger on her. But I don't want her hating me. I don't want everyone hating me. I don't to get beat up by her friends so she can get revenge. I don't to get suspended. I just don't want to get in trouble, but at the same time, I want to get my point across. My mind is crossing between 2 options and I don't know what to do. What do you think?
 

Muke

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Don't worry, you can express your concerns here!

That sounds really tough, sorry about that.
Well, you can just stop talking to her and it'll be done? There's no point in getting "revenge" and it's never helped anyone.
Trust me, this has happened to me once or twice as well in my former school. I also thought I should get revenge (make 'em copy false stuff), but in the end I thought "whatever, not worth my time anyway" and stopped talking to them.

If you're not shy or anything, go talk to her and tell her about your feelings. If she really only talks with you so she can copy, you'll know.
 

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Wow, man. That's really rough. Honestly, I'd just forget about her, she sounds a little shallow anyways. Personally, I'm a huge introvert myself, and I've made like 3 friends at college so far, so I guess I shouldn't be telling people how to handle their relationships.
 

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Sounds pretty rough to be going through man. I'm sorry you have to experience this. However, I can't really condone the idea of blatant humiliation of someone at least for the reason you laid out... BUT I don't think you being vindictive about the situation is going to ultimately help anyone. Be mature about it, talk to them in private, tell them you don't appreciate how you think they've been treating you and explain why it is you think they've been treating you that way.

But, frankly, if you complain about a situation as though it's a problem and don't handle it in the best way possible you make yourself a part of the problem. Don't be a part of the problem.
 

Recon

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I'm sorry if I shouldn't be expressing my concerns even though I just got here, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.
No need to be sorry, friend. You've posted in the right section.

So, in my homeroom, our teacher had my class complete an assignment regarding what nice things we had to say about each other. This one girl in my class (let's call her "M") wrote about me, and when my teacher announced what my classmates have to say about me, her's stood out to me the most. She wrote: "Let's me copy". At first, I thought nothing off it because I thought she genuinely cared about and she knew that I rarely got upset. But today, I've been thinking about those 3 words to the point where it was engraved on the center of my brain. And that's when I got really, really upset.
The teacher's activity doesn't enforce positive feedback for everyone. It's a somewhat flawed exercise. While I know everyone likes "to be treated how they treat others" this exercise fails at that. And clearly, this post is a result of that flaw.

I don't know the situation too well, but is there a possibility your friend M went for the comedic effect by saying "Let's me copy" ? This sounds like something someone would do to make the class laugh, and did they? I mean, if a teacher read this out loud, it probably make the teacher feel slightly embarrassed hence why the class would laugh.

On the other hand, it's not funny to you because you find it offensive. I can see why if this was the only thing written as it doesn't do anything to describe you. But truthfully, I believe it's something you should roll off your back or try to. Allow me to explain.

This person, who I genuinely cared about and thought of as a friend, turns out to be no more than a two-timer who used me to fulfill her own agenda.
We get it, you're triggered. But you can't just automatically assume this person is a two-timer. You know, they say some people never hear the right words from others until their funeral. Why? It's because only after death do people realize how much they miss them and use real words. So relax a bit. The activity wasn't taken serious by some like your friend M and at the same time I'm not convinced this was a chance to hurt you this deeply.

So, I'm really hard-working student, 2nd on the Honor Roll.
That's...quite impressive. At my High School (you stated homeroom, so I'm assuming High School or the equivalent), huge recognition is given to those who are academic achievers. You know, they say the smartest High School students get into the best colleges and universities around the world. Want to know what they say about those students? They say those students often become to the most successful in life; the one's who work hard to make achievements.

Now, do you think your friend M is going to benefit from anything by copying? Copying work doesn't exactly aid the learning and understanding process. Yes, it's laziness, but under their own discretion, they take a risk doing it. Because in the long run, they will eventually learn the concepts/material themselves, especially if they want to pass the next test or final exam.

But when M had the audacity to genuinely express her opinion about me, I received a reality check. I shouldn't let people use me like a tool like that. That is the worst thing that a person could do to anyone: to use them as a pawn, to use them as means to achieve their own goal with no consideration for that person's feelings or well-being. To be honest, I want to call her out for it. Make her feel bad like she made me. She made me feel like I was nothing to her. I'm always the one saying hi to her first, instigating conversations with her. And you know what I said about her? I said she "had a positive charismatic attitude and an overall positive personality" and I appreciated her for that. She took my help for granted. I cared about her and she took it for granted.
This...is a bit of an overreaction. *insert "chill pill gif here*

Like previous stated, this exercise is flawed. You are expecting to be treated how you treated her, but truthfully try to shrug it off. Since when did anyone become successful at copying someone's work? (looks at Bill Gates, Picasso...OK some do, but I swear it's fucking luck.)

She really is a nice person. But to see her true feelings about was completely insincere and very inconsiderate.
You think this class exercise reflects true feelings? BRUH. Marriages are for true feelings. Not some crap exercise in a classroom, where in a few years from now you'll probably go to separate colleges, only remain friends on Facebook (depending on how tight you really are, hard to tell), and probably randomly see each other at some lame High School reunion that you'll think nothing of WHEN YOU ROLL UP IN THAT ALL WHITE PORCHE BECAUSE YOU DID THE WORK AND ACHIEVED. Just don't take it so personally.

You don't know how badly I just want to exert all this anger on her. But I don't want her hating me. I don't want everyone hating me. I don't to get beat up by her friends so she can get revenge. I don't want to get suspended. I just don't want to get in trouble, but at the same time, I want to get my point across. My mind is crossing between 2 options and I don't know what to do. What do you think?
If you're that upset, then try getting some fresh air. It's not worth it getting this upset. Besides, you have achievements to make. That's something way more important than being triggered by someone who copies.
 

SoulXaldin

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No need to be sorry, friend. You've posted in the right section.



The teacher's activity doesn't enforce positive feedback for everyone. It's a somewhat flawed exercise. While I know everyone likes "to be treated how they treat others" this exercise fails at that. And clearly, this post is a result of that flaw.

I don't know the situation too well, but is there a possibility your friend M went for the comedic effect by saying "Let's me copy" ? This sounds like something someone would do to make the class laugh, and did they? I mean, if a teacher read this out loud, it probably make the teacher feel slightly embarrassed hence why the class would laugh.

On the other hand, it's not funny to you because you find it offensive. I can see why if this was the only thing written as it doesn't do anything to describe you. But truthfully, I believe it's something you should roll off your back or try to. Allow me to explain.



We get it, you're triggered. But you can't just automatically assume this person is a two-timer. You know, they say some people never hear the right words from others until their funeral. Why? It's because only after death do people realize how much they miss them and use real words. So relax a bit. The activity wasn't taken serious by some like your friend M and at the same time I'm not convinced this was a chance to hurt you this deeply.



That's...quite impressive. At my High School (you stated homeroom, so I'm assuming High School or the equivalent), huge recognition is given to those who are academic achievers. You know, they say the smartest High School students get into the best colleges and universities around the world. Want to know what they say about those students? They say those students often become to the most successful in life; the one's who work hard to make achievements.

Now, do you think your friend M is going to benefit from anything by copying? Copying work doesn't exactly aid the learning and understanding process. Yes, it's laziness, but under their own discretion, they take a risk doing it. Because in the long run, they will eventually learn the concepts/material themselves, especially if they want to pass the next test or final exam.



This...is a bit of an overreaction. *insert "chill pill gif here*

Like previous stated, this exercise is flawed. You are expecting to be treated how you treated her, but truthfully try to shrug it off. Since when did anyone become successful at copying someone's work? (looks at Bill Gates, Picasso...OK some do, but I swear it's diddlying luck.)



You think this class exercise reflects true feelings? BRUH. Marriages are for true feelings. Not some crap exercise in a classroom, where in a few years from now you'll probably go to separate colleges, only remain friends on Facebook (depending on how tight you really are, hard to tell), and probably randomly see each other at some lame High School reunion that you'll think nothing of WHEN YOU ROLL UP IN THAT ALL WHITE PORCHE BECAUSE YOU DID THE WORK AND ACHIEVED. Just don't take it so personally.



If you're that upset, then try getting some fresh air. It's not worth it getting this upset. Besides, you have achievements to make. That's something way more important than being triggered by someone who copies.
Wow, I guess I was wrong to think she thought less of me. I always feel like when it came to a relationship with a friend, there always had to be an exchange in value. If I had done something nice to help her, I'd expect a bigger payoff, a slightly bigger exchange in value. But I felt that she never did this and that's why I felt bad about myself and started to feel like I was no more than tool.
 

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That comment from her alone is probably not why you feel this upset. In a normal situation I don't see how anyone would get offended by someone quite obviously jokingly saying "let's me copy", because that's just the kind of stuff friends say. I mean, if one of my friends in a similar situation wrote "I don't like anything about her, what a loser" I'd honestly laugh because I'd know 100% it's a joke. I think you have some other problems with her, that make you interpret her joke in a bad way. Does she usually do anything for you? Like even little things, consider you, show that she cares? Like listen to your worries, borrow her stuff if you don't have yours, all that. If she doesn't, and you overall feel that she doesn't really care about you, then it's easy to read jokes like that as a sign that she really doesn't.

So yeah, think about your friendship on a larger scale. What kind of a person is she, how likely is it that she would actually say something like that and mean it? And why exactly do you question her? I know this from my own relationships, I can always tell when there's something wrong when I start to question people's motives, when the friendship is good I don't even think about stuff like that because I know that it would turn out to be a joke or misunderstanding anyway. Because I trust them. If I don't, then something is wrong.
 

VoidGear.

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It kinda worries me that apparently you cannot talk about this with her. The problem doesn't seem to be what she said, but the fact that it looks like you can't talk openly. Just ask her how she meant it and let her know that you didn't like it much. Then you'll see her reaction.
 
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