I attempted suicide today



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Muke

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My dad is a f*cking asshole. He always kicks me, punches me, threatens to stab me (he did it once or twice), the list goes on and on.
But I don't really want to talk about what happened before this, so let me just get to the point.


On our way back from a supermarket (we went there to buy some school supplies), me and my 'dad' had a sort of argument in the car. He freaked out, stopped and yelled at me to leave the car, which I didn't. Then he just casually stepped out, opened my door and pulled me out of the car and to the ground, where he kicked right into my stomach. He continued to kick me at various parts of my body for something like two minutes. Then he told me to hop into the car, like nothing had happened.

I know that I am not the only one who faces these sorts of problems and that there are people out there who have it harder. But I just want everything to f*cking stop.

I attempted suicide when we arrived at home. I just couldn't do it. I wanted to cut my artery (I nearly did, but I couldn't bring myself to) and just searched for a way to stop my life.
I also don't have anyone to talk to (in person, in real life), so I just hid this inside of me for the whole day, but I just feel like having to tell someone.

Thanks to everyone who read till here, I appreciate it.
 

Howler

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I'm sorry your alone and hurt like this, I really do wish I could be there to help you. And I mean it. I'm proud of you for not doing it, that would probably drive me to the edge too. I know this might be the same as any other person would say, but to tell police. If a parent drives their child to almost doing suicide because of abuse, they can be arrested for it. I don't know what made your "dad" think he should brutally hurt you just cause an argument, but either way it isn't right. No one ever has that right to do that to a young person. You need to get help. If you don't know who, FIND someone. If your mother doesn't listen, find someone who will, anyone. If you can't, I'll be praying that you will because that is downright wrong. It matters that you're safe. This issue IS a major problem. No parent should act like that. Sorry, I'm done ranting. Just please try to be safe Muke. We're always with you even if we aren't. :(
 

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I'm sorry for not being around when you needed someone to talk to. There's nothing else i can try to say that i haven't said before or that you'll even listen to me. I'd say it'll be okay but i'd be lying to you, i'd tell you to be stronger than the situation but i guess you've been pushed too far.

All i can say is that people here will miss you.
 

Oracle Spockanort

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I want to know why you haven't reported your father. Is it because you fear the consequences of doing such a thing?

This is what I think of when I feel suicidal: Pain is momentary. Death is forever.

Wouldn't you rather find happiness in life rather than lose everything?

This is a situation that can be fixed. You don't have to live in that house with that man under that kind of abuse.
 

Tartarus

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Are you in your teens? Of course, it's hard to escape a situation like that even in your 20's with how much things cost, living alone. If you feel in danger for your life, I would definitely report it to someone at school even if you're afraid of what might happen. You don't have a mom or grandparents you might be able to talk to without this guy knowing? Or an aunt/uncle/cousin/family friend you might be able to reach out to? If you're above 18, I'm not really sure what you could do except try to find a job as soon as possible, get out of dodge, and never look back.

All I could say is to focus on the things you love when you feel humiliated and powerless, like your pets, people you've met at school or other places, relatives, games/books, etc. Whenever you feel over the edge, put on your favorite movie to try and calm yourself down, a movie that'll remind you how beautiful the world can be and that there are reasons to live, things left to see and hear. Don't let your father or whoever this is win in the long run. It's hard to endure when you feel alone, but so many things can change in years, even months.
 

Victor

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Call a suicide prevention lifeline: Austria Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines! (this is for Austria- your location)

Locate a crisis center and visit one: International Association for Suicide Prevention - Resources- Crisis Centres > Europe

Seriously, don't worry about reporting your dad or "getting out" of the house right now. Call a lifeline and visit, explain the situation, get help for yourself.
 

Dentim

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Call one of those hotlines and you need to seriously consider reporting your father. This wil not end unless you do something about it but Master Spockanort is right: pain is temporary. Death does not fix the problem, it merely avoids it at the cost of everything else. And that cost can't be worth it.
 

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As someone who is part of the social work area I strongly recommend you go to a teacher or counselor as soon as you are able and report him. I do not know how these things work in your country but here we as educators are mandated to do something about it. Hopefully yours has the same, or even better policy to get you out of this horrible abusive environment. I know it is hard because you are underage and might not have anyone in real life to support you, but now is the time to advocate for yourself and speak up. You are deserving of every basic human right as anyone else, and your father has no right to put his hands on you. If you have another family member that you know you can live with please reach out to them and ask for their help.

I know what it is like to live under horrible conditions such as this, it is suffocating and makes you feel weak like there is no way out. But there is, and you will be glad that you take action now and not wait. You will grow up and be stronger for it. Hang in there, I have faith that you will be able to get passed this.
 

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I'm very sorry, Muke. If you're feeling down then I definitely recommend what Tartarus said. Find a nice movie, or music, or a good game to play. Your issue is very major, so I recommend reporting a certain adult. If your father's reasons for doing these things are unknown, attempt to talk to him (easier said than done, I know). Or if he continues doing this with no remorse, report him.
 
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Muke

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I'm sorry your alone and hurt like this, I really do wish I could be there to help you. And I mean it. I'm proud of you for not doing it, that would probably drive me to the edge too. I know this might be the same as any other person would say, but to tell police. If a parent drives their child to almost doing suicide because of abuse, they can be arrested for it. I don't know what made your "dad" think he should brutally hurt you just cause an argument, but either way it isn't right. No one ever has that right to do that to a young person. You need to get help. If you don't know who, FIND someone. If your mother doesn't listen, find someone who will, anyone. If you can't, I'll be praying that you will because that is downright wrong. It matters that you're safe. This issue IS a major problem. No parent should act like that. Sorry, I'm done ranting. Just please try to be safe Muke. We're always with you even if we aren't. :(
Thanks, Howler. It... is an on-going argument. Everytime I'd talk about it, he'd go aggressive.
I don't know about telling the police...

I'm sorry for not being around when you needed someone to talk to. There's nothing else i can try to say that i haven't said before or that you'll even listen to me. I'd say it'll be okay but i'd be lying to you, i'd tell you to be stronger than the situation but i guess you've been pushed too far.

All i can say is that people here will miss you.
I appreciate that you read through it. Thanks.

I want to know why you haven't reported your father. Is it because you fear the consequences of doing such a thing?

This is what I think of when I feel suicidal: Pain is momentary. Death is forever.

Wouldn't you rather find happiness in life rather than lose everything?

This is a situation that can be fixed. You don't have to live in that house with that man under that kind of abuse.
Thank you, Spockanort.

I just don't know what'll happen if I would go to the police. I just don't know what to say and if they'd believe me.
This pain... it's not really momentary. This has been going on for god knows how long.
I would, but at this point there only are two things that make me happy. This site and Kingdom Hearts. (I know, it sounds cliche as f, but it's the truth.)


Are you in your teens? Of course, it's hard to escape a situation like that even in your 20's with how much things cost, living alone. If you feel in danger for your life, I would definitely report it to someone at school even if you're afraid of what might happen. You don't have a mom or grandparents you might be able to talk to without this guy knowing? Or an aunt/uncle/cousin/family friend you might be able to reach out to? If you're above 18, I'm not really sure what you could do except try to find a job as soon as possible, get out of dodge, and never look back.

All I could say is to focus on the things you love when you feel humiliated and powerless, like your pets, people you've met at school or other places, relatives, games/books, etc. Whenever you feel over the edge, put on your favorite movie to try and calm yourself down, a movie that'll remind you how beautiful the world can be and that there are reasons to live, things left to see and hear. Don't let your father or whoever this is win in the long run. It's hard to endure when you feel alone, but so many things can change in years, even months.
Yes, I am 14.
I did tink about calling my uncle today, but I decided not to because my grandma is in hospital and he already is as sad as he can get. I don't want him to get any more upset. But thanks to an User whom I talked to (If you're reading this, idk if you want the others to know or not?), I have decided that I will call him if anything like this happens again.
That actually does sound like a really nice 'technique'. Thanks, Tartarus!

Call a suicide prevention lifeline: Austria Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines, Austria Suicide Hotlines! (this is for Austria- your location)

Locate a crisis center and visit one: International Association for Suicide Prevention - Resources- Crisis Centres > Europe

Seriously, don't worry about reporting your dad or "getting out" of the house right now. Call a lifeline and visit, explain the situation, get help for yourself.
Thank you so much, Victor!

Call one of those hotlines and you need to seriously consider reporting your father. This wil not end unless you do something about it but Master Spockanort is right: pain is temporary. Death does not fix the problem, it merely avoids it at the cost of everything else. And that cost can't be worth it.
As I stated above, I am not sure about reporting.
Thanks for reading through everything!


As someone who is part of the social work area I strongly recommend you go to a teacher or counselor as soon as you are able and report him. I do not know how these things work in your country but here we as educators are mandated to do something about it. Hopefully yours has the same, or even better policy to get you out of this horrible abusive environment. I know it is hard because you are underage and might not have anyone in real life to support you, but now is the time to advocate for yourself and speak up. You are deserving of every basic human right as anyone else, and your father has no right to put his hands on you. If you have another family member that you know you can live with please reach out to them and ask for their help.

I know what it is like to live under horrible conditions such as this, it is suffocating and makes you feel weak like there is no way out. But there is, and you will be glad that you take action now and not wait. You will grow up and be stronger for it. Hang in there, I have faith that you will be able to get passed this.
We do, too, have those kinds of policys. But I rather not tell a teacher or someone from school. I don't really trust the teachers. :/
Thank you so much, Nelli!


I'm very sorry, Muke. If you're feeling down then I definitely recommend what Tartarus said. Find a nice movie, or music, or a good game to play. Your issue is very major, so I recommend reporting a certain adult. If your father's reasons for doing these things are unknown, attempt to talk to him (easier said then done, I know). Or if he continues doing this with no remorse, report him.
I know why he is doing it, and I already 'confronted' him about it.
Thanks, Buffer!
 

KingdomKey

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I'm really glad you didn't go through with it all the way because, you'd also be throwing what talents you have away too. The artwork you've done isn't something anyone else could repeat, so it'd be a shame to see that disappear from the world too. And you're a good kid too, who doesn't deserve this treatment at all. So hang in there!

And considering the injuries you've recently gotten, they'll most likely bruise. So that's solid evidence to give to police, if you want to report your father for abuse. I've never been in this situation, but usually any kind of evidence should help further your case.[Although, take this bit with a grain of salt, cause I don't know if it'd work.] Anyways, just don't give up, and get help!
 
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VoidGear.

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(If you're reading this, idk if you want the others to know or not?)
It's cool.

's good that you're considering changing things. Fear of the unknown is what keeps us from taking steps that can make us far happier because we fear it could get worse instead.
Like I said before, if you need help or encouragement in contacting child/teen support or your uncle, let me know.
 

Oracle Spockanort

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Thank you, Spockanort.

I just don't know what'll happen if I would go to the police. I just don't know what to say and if they'd believe me.
This pain... it's not really momentary. This has been going on for god knows how long.
I would, but at this point there only are two things that make me happy. This site and Kingdom Hearts. (I know, it sounds cliche as f, but it's the truth.)
They will believe you. Those kinds of hits leave bruises. Does he touch you with his bare hands on your skin? They could possibly do fingerprinting as long as you don't try to clean yourself off after he hits you or holds you. There are very clear signs of abuse (footprint marks on body, defensive bruising from you putting your arms to up shield, bruising from aggressive holds, etc.)

Have your phone set to record every time you are around him. Just have it hidden in your back pocket or something if you can.

What you need is somebody in your court. Somebody you can go to. I know you don't want to put more on your Uncle but it is important to do so. He's the adult. You're the child. You need protection.

I also know you do not trust your teachers but is there nobody at your school who you are somewhat comfortable with? An administrator? They all undergo sensitivity training and they must report these things if they are told or notice (but then again idk about the laws in your country). What about them makes you not trust them?

I don't mean momentary "in the moment" but rather in the grand scheme of how ever many years you would live naturally. This pain is only a small moment out of the 60-100 years you'd live. This will always affect you, but that shouldn't take away from the joy you can gain in life now and later on. You will be an adult one day who is in charge of your own life.

If you don't want to report him, nobody can make you. But start making your plans for when you are old enough to leave. Call that hotline. Talk to a counselor if you can. If you don't think your teachers will believe you, a counselor certainly will.

I'm glad this a place you feel comfortable visiting
 

Foxycian

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im soo sorry bro i wish i can help but committing suicide won't solve you're problem listen my friend my life wasn't that great at first, i used to get bullied in school everyday and tbh i have no friends even now, back then i wanted to commit suicide but stopped cause why would i throw my life away cause of these people just enjoy you're life while you can also im a religious person so of course i believe in heaven and hell and you know if you commit suicide you go to hell so why leave life to go to much worse place?
 

Shadow Fenix

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I don't want to reiterate too much of what everyone has said, and it seems Victor already gave you the important links to go to, but after going through suicidal thoughts and attempts myself, I always feel an obligation to speak up when these situations arise, especially after Robin Williams' passing helping to bring depression even more into the public eye. As what's been said, get the word out to police or someone of importance about your father. Abuse, physical or mental, is absolutely not okay in any way shape or form and does not belong in this world. And to start healing for yourself, I absolutely recommend seeking out a counselor or someone you feel comfortable in confiding in (or even someone to stay with too, if you deem that an option; I feel you shouldn't have to live under the same roof as that man). I've had two when I was at my absolute worse about two years ago and can personally say they were a life saver; just getting everything out in the open does a lot more than you'd think instead of just bottling it up. I was against going to one when I first started feeling signs of depression but once it all began to boil up years later, I regret not going to one sooner.

I know we've never really talked before but I am available to talk to if you ever deem it necessary. Just know you aren't alone and there are people on your side.
 

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Call Child Protective Services.

Or something like that, wait why are you even still living with him? If he is that much of an asshole?

Also, just yet karma catch up to him. Its going to punish him big time, whether it be jail time or a more morbid way of karma
 

Laeril

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Yes to what everyone has already said regarding hotlines, counselors, and contacting whatever version of Child Protective Services you've got in your neck of the woods, Muke. No one should have to deal with abuse like what you are describing. Especially a child.
 

Cassette-Disk

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Just like everyone else said, get on the phone to child services and a Prevention hotline. Though I haven't commented on them, but I have read some of your writings in the Creative Writing section and enjoyed them. If anything, I'd like to see you write more. We're all here for you and want you to get past this.
 

Story Keeper

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I hate that you feel this way Muke, and I'm sorry that you don't have anyone to closer to talk to. You're special and you're strong, remember that. Also, while I've seen you around, I don't think we've ever talked; but if you need someone to talk to (what am I saying? You've reached out to us for that fact) you can just send me a PM or VM and I will respond to it ASAP. As others have said, you're not alone and you've got people on your said.
 

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Damm Muke sorry I just found this thread. I know you've been through some stuff lately and not much I can say to fix that other than saying your dad is just one person in your life and you aren't define by him.

You are your own person and need to look after yourself. Report to authorities and don't pay mind to what will happen to your dad. Your dad doesn't deserve your sympathy and you need to look after your own safety. Things will get better but only if you try to make it better by assuring your safety.

You have to trust some authority to protect you. I know giving trust to strangers is tough but you have to understand people are willing to help.

Hope you are able to read this message amigo.
 
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