Holiday Drama



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KingdomKey

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Hello again, KHI. I could use some help over here right now, because, I don't even want to open presents or celebrate Christmas anymore. Why?

Well lets see, my mom is upset because neither my dad nor my sisters, who are teenagers, wants to do anything together as a family. (My sisters rather spend time with their friends rather than their parents, which I understand. Or they rather stay home and be on their phones all day; which upsets my mom greatly.) I honestly don't know why my dad doesn't try to make an effort to do something, but I don't think he's big on christmas, because of how he grew up with his family. Therefore, I'm the only one who's willing to do stuff to celebrate the holiday, because I don't really go out much or ever get asked to tag along for anything. I even said I'd go ice skating/movies/holiday lights with my mom, but apparently, I'm not enough. (Which hurts, because it wasn't always this way. At one time, it was just me and my mom with nobody else in the picture.) To top it off, my mom pretty much said all this to our faces that she's done trying to do anything together as a family, because all she does is make money and our presents are meaningless now. My sisters and my dad kind of lack empathy about the whole thing.

So I feel like all the presents I bought out of the goodness of my heart are considered trash and meaningless. I don't really want to celebrate the holidays now, if this is how it's going to be. You'd think I'd be use to this by now, but my mom is really hard to please during the holidays, including her birthday and mother's day. I thought maybe we'd get through one holiday without shit hitting the fan, but no. And my mom works tonight, so she was already kind of upset, but my sisters aren't helping by eating pizza she needs for work tonight.

I don't really know if there's any advice to give me, but yeah, things are tough and I don't really know what to do about it. ;__;
 

DarkGrey Heroine

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You're right about the part about "if there is any advice to give or not", but I know what could perhaps make you feel better at least a bit: knowing that you are not alone in this kind of thing.

See, in my village, Christmas is all about food. 9 types of food served on Christmas Eve, that's a whole bunch of work if you actually do it. My mother doesn't, thus her mother and my grandma makes her life a living hell. My father is the type that enjoys it all but doesn't participate the slightest in preparations. One year we almost got no Christmas tree because of him being uninterested, but pretending to be so. You cannot imagine how much a Christmas tree matters to me, all my childhood I wanted to decorate a Christmas tree on my own, without any help, and when I was tall enough to actually do that, let's say 16, I could see how ugly, busy and commercial the whole holiday thing is, even in a rural area full of traditions that slowly fade and are replaced by carolers that want fat money on fake singing. So now it's me in front of my childhood wish, totally unable to enjoy the magic of it, because I see how much chaos my mother goes through especially in this period of the year. There's almost nothing spiritual left to it. There are so many preparations and shopping to do for the whole holiday that you forget to actually enjoy it. I see my mother saddened horribly by this and I can't do anything about it. Already two years that I wasn't even home for Christmas, because I celebrate it on January 6th and school's already started by then. I... feel nothing magical for the holidays anymore, it's all superficial and ridiculously tiring if you are the one who's gotta do all the work.

Your situation is by far tougher of course, it involves a bigger family (bigger main family, what if I told you I got like 11 aunts&uncles, like, 15 cousins and already 4 nephews??? I can't even count them all) --> bigger conflict. Thing is, you can't change people unless they are open to it. I always feel sorry for such situations in which even the bravest stop trying because of others... Just remember you don't have to be the hero of everyone if they don't want to be saved. See if you can all have a nice meal together if nothing else. And about the presents... you'll feel at the right moment if it's the time to give them, or the time to keep them for a better occasion. Your mother, on the other hand, seems like she needs a little starlight sparkle in her heart, between you and her things are still not completely lost and perhaps you'll be able to make her at least a bit happy about something/ make her smile a bit in these tense times. This would be an excellent, courageous thing: smiling regardless of everything, and appreciating the simple fact that you are alive and well (somehow).

I wish I had a better structure for this reply of mine but there are too many thoughts in my head..

As I see it, time goes on and years pass and this society loses everything beautiful about the holidays. Christmas is one big sad smile for me and for many people already - those who seek truth and meaning in things, as well as emotions...
 

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It's shitty because even though she's taking you for granted, I'm sure she would notice the absence of your efforts and be even more mad. :/ Which I know would hurt you as well.

You really don't deserve it. You're a really sweet person and your mom is being a brat. I don't have any good advice because I'm in a somewhat similar situation during the Holidays but I just wanted to tell you that you really don't deserve this kind of treatment.
 

Dentim

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Tell her how you feel about the whole thing. And maybe try and give your other relatives a reality check. They're teenagers, so it's in their nature to be somewhat shitty about all of it, but your dad should know better by now. And even if he isn't too big on christmas, he has a wife that apparantly is. He shouldn't be forced or anything, but if it's upsetting your spouse you should be trying to do something about it.
 

KingdomKey

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go see diddlying star wars man dont put up with that shit
Thanks Victor. I plan on it, because I'm dying to see that movie.

It's shitty because even though she's taking you for granted, I'm sure she would notice the absence of your efforts and be even more mad. :/ Which I know would hurt you as well.

You really don't deserve it. You're a really sweet person and your mom is being a brat. I don't have any good advice because I'm in a somewhat similar situation during the Holidays but I just wanted to tell you that you really don't deserve this kind of treatment.
You're right about a lot of that. I was actually stepping in to make peace at the time, when she started to get upset about the whole thing or feels like nobody cares about what she wants, but yeah, nothing I said made it better and I got thrown in with everyone else she was upset with. I don't know if it's the stress of the holiday or perhaps my sisters growing up that's making her like this. Either way, not the most funnest situation to be in. Even if you couldn't offer much advice, it does make me feel a bit better, Taochan. So thank you. And I hope your situation improves as well, Taochan.

Tell her how you feel about the whole thing. And maybe try and give your other relatives a reality check. They're teenagers, so it's in their nature to be somewhat shitty about all of it, but your dad should know better by now. And even if he isn't too big on christmas, he has a wife that apparantly is. He shouldn't be forced or anything, but if it's upsetting your spouse you should be trying to do something about it.
I don't think talking about it helps, because I've tried that in the past and usually the subject is told to be dropped or makes things worse. As for my family, it's kind of complicated. I did talk to my sisters, which has gotten them into making cookies to make peace with my mother to an extent, while my dad on the other hand... I have no idea what he'll do about it. I'm just hoping he has the sense to make up for it.

You're right about the part about "if there is any advice to give or not", but I know what could perhaps make you feel better at least a bit: knowing that you are not alone in this kind of thing.

See, in my village, Christmas is all about food. 9 types of food served on Christmas Eve, that's a whole bunch of work if you actually do it. My mother doesn't, thus her mother and my grandma makes her life a living hell. My father is the type that enjoys it all but doesn't participate the slightest in preparations. One year we almost got no Christmas tree because of him being uninterested, but pretending to be so. You cannot imagine how much a Christmas tree matters to me, all my childhood I wanted to decorate a Christmas tree on my own, without any help, and when I was tall enough to actually do that, let's say 16, I could see how ugly, busy and commercial the whole holiday thing is, even in a rural area full of traditions that slowly fade and are replaced by carolers that want fat money on fake singing. So now it's me in front of my childhood wish, totally unable to enjoy the magic of it, because I see how much chaos my mother goes through especially in this period of the year. There's almost nothing spiritual left to it. There are so many preparations and shopping to do for the whole holiday that you forget to actually enjoy it. I see my mother saddened horribly by this and I can't do anything about it. Already two years that I wasn't even home for Christmas, because I celebrate it on January 6th and school's already started by then. I... feel nothing magical for the holidays anymore, it's all superficial and ridiculously tiring if you are the one who's gotta do all the work.

Your situation is by far tougher of course, it involves a bigger family (bigger main family, what if I told you I got like 11 aunts&uncles, like, 15 cousins and already 4 nephews??? I can't even count them all) --> bigger conflict. Thing is, you can't change people unless they are open to it. I always feel sorry for such situations in which even the bravest stop trying because of others... Just remember you don't have to be the hero of everyone if they don't want to be saved. See if you can all have a nice meal together if nothing else. And about the presents... you'll feel at the right moment if it's the time to give them, or the time to keep them for a better occasion. Your mother, on the other hand, seems like she needs a little starlight sparkle in her heart, between you and her things are still not completely lost and perhaps you'll be able to make her at least a bit happy about something/ make her smile a bit in these tense times. This would be an excellent, courageous thing: smiling regardless of everything, and appreciating the simple fact that you are alive and well (somehow).

I wish I had a better structure for this reply of mine but there are too many thoughts in my head..

As I see it, time goes on and years pass and this society loses everything beautiful about the holidays. Christmas is one big sad smile for me and for many people already - those who seek truth and meaning in things, as well as emotions...
That's the thing, I don't know how to not be the hero, because it's not in my nature not to be. If I sit on the sidelines, I feel like I'm just as guilty as the rest of them for not caring or showing I want to do something nice with her. I know my own efforts were probably in vain, but I thought if I showed I still liked Christmas or had interest in those things, it'd get through to her, but I can't replace everyone else she wants to celebrate it with. Anyways, I'll still try to celebrate Christmas and hope for the best that things don't get worse, giving everyone their presents and stuff. As well as try not to let the enjoyment completely die out. (Whatever is left of it, anyways.) I'll just be haunted about opening any presents I get because of what she said tho. :c

^ And your situation with your huge family seems way more tougher in comparison to mine. I can't imagine what that's like or the amount of stress it must be. I do get the bit about Christmas spirit tho.

---

I guess to update about the situation a little: My mom kind of got over it a little, because she didn't say anything further about it during dinner an hour or so ago. I know she plans on going out tomorrow, so I'm a bit hesitant about being trapped in a car with her tomorrow, because I'm a glutton for punishment by tagging along with her, and this could go either way, really fast, but maybe walking around an outdoor mall full of decorations will go well? Unless either of my sisters ruins it. If worse comes to worse, I'll try celebrate Christmas by myself, (which kind of sounds sad,) but I really don't want to feel awful about the holiday, or end up hating it because of everyone else not getting along, because I used to really enjoy Christmas a lot as a kid.

And thanks again everyone, you guys made me feel a bit better about the whole thing. ;u; <3
 

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okay so

its not quite the same situation but mine is similar so i empathize

just try like a motherfucker, youre in a situation where you can't just say fuck it and watch star wars because its your family. put on a fake smile, get gifts, be festive, cheer your family up until it maybe happens, or you at least feel better.

tl;dr fake it till you make it
 

robvandam111

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If I were in your shoes. I'd just go on with what you already had planned. Don't let anyone spoil your joy. If you were willing to get gifts for everyone. Just give it to them. If doesn't please them or not, don't mind it. Keep moving on. At least you're with the Holiday spirit which is important. Value your heart overall even if you're getting hit. It won't stop you because you're stronger than what you already know. And if you're not doing anything important, just have your own plans. Don't let it get into your head.

And even if you're celebrating alone. Just remember this, you're connected with this group right here! May sound wrong but there's always different ways to live it.

Look at Chuman's quote.

For me, there were times when I really enjoyed Christmas. I'm older now and I'm into other things obviously. That doesn't mean my spirit has vanished but I'd rather celebrated more calmly since my siblings are also adults and my parents aren't any younger. I used to wake up every Christmas going to the living room expecting an abundance of toys and had that illusion of Santa Clause which felt really special. And you won't believe how I found out.


When it comes to decorating, I'd rather work for it not just for myself but for my little nieces and nephews to have a smile in their faces. The joy of having these small kids garnish the Christmas cables, Ornaments, Socks and Tree. It's an amazing feeling.
 

navyninja87

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I agree with everyone here. The event doesn't have to spoil how you feel about the holiday. All you can do is suggest and hope that things work out although its a shame that your mother and sisters were acting horribly for the season. They have their own reasons for doing so, I imagine. Go ahead with your plans!
 
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