Hoid's Jack in the Box Entry



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Hoid

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Here is my Macabre entry for the Jack in the Box writing event! I'm kinda taking this as an opportunity to experiment with writing more "horror-like" stuff. I'll release every chapter as I write them, I'm unsure how long it will end up being. This chapter mainly serves to introduce the characters. Also, I know that I need to include a WARNING FOR MAJOR LANGUAGE. Seriously, I put in a decent amount of strong language in this. If you feel that I need to bring it down some, I will! I hope you all enjoy!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18WsxGCOi3P0BD95QCOqtguhpnPi79I-TGXD0ae8dWb8/edit?usp=sharing

Let me know if link doesn't work.
 

Grizzly

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Here is my Macabre entry for the Jack in the Box writing event! I'm kinda taking this as an opportunity to experiment with writing more "horror-like" stuff. I'll release every chapter as I write them, I'm unsure how long it will end up being. This chapter mainly serves to introduce the characters. Also, I know that I need to include a WARNING FOR MAJOR LANGUAGE. Seriously, I put in a decent amount of strong language in this. If you feel that I need to bring it down some, I will! I hope you all enjoy!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18WsxGCOi3P0BD95QCOqtguhpnPi79I-TGXD0ae8dWb8/edit?usp=sharing

Let me know if link doesn't work.

Oh wow, this was very well done. From your first sentence, I was totally sucked into your story. Your dialogue was on point as well, everything felt really natural, and your use of language didn't compensate for emotion, but instead enhanced it. I always personally like to provide some sort of criticism when I read something, but this one's a little tougher to pick a negative out of. You have bits and pieces describing your setting, physical actions, and things of that sort, but it isn't done consistently throughout. I could stand to have those physical descriptions injected throughout, because man you nailed it when you had it.

It was a great read, nice job dude.
 

KingdomKey

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I'm hooked. I'm dying to know what happens next because, they must of done something in order to get a visit from Lilith. This one really blew me away because, I wasn't expecting it to end up in a mansion with paintings leading to their supernatural visitor. This entry knocks it out of the park, and I'm ecstatic to know this will have more chapters, cause you can't end it here! I need to know more! Everything flows incredibly well. I like knowing about the characters a lot too, cause it makes me want to [I]care [/I]about them. And I'm curious why Alexis would feel so uncomfortable with Steven in the group. I get vibes about him not being such a good guy. Extremely suspicious of him the most right now. I look forward to reading more, Hoid! C:
 
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