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Heart Of Nothing

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I know its been awhile since I've been really active, but I really don't know where to go. I really don't. I'm going through a really rough period in my young life, and I just need someone to listen or give me advice or something. idk. Well, essentially, I've had really bad depression since my parents almost got divorced. The whole ordeal was very dragged out and stressful for me. My parents hated each other and my mom tried to kill herself. Even after they made up, my home life has been really tense and stressful, and idk things just haven't been alright for me. Then, around 7 months ago, I started dating this girl. We pretty much had the relationship where we were best friends and we'd do everything together pretty much. My favorite things became her favorite things and vice versa. I fell in love with her. I lost my virginity to her. I've never been closer to anyone in my life. The whole time I was with her, all of the bad things in my life went away. My depression was at an all time low, I was rarely sad about anything, I felt invincible. Recently, shes been having some issues regarding her own mental health. She's been having ridiculous anxiety attacks and mood swings, and her depression is really bad. She recently broke up with me because she doesnt want to hurt me due to these things and because her therapist told her that a relationship wasn't good for her and that she had to stop seeing me and start focusing on more friendships and stuff. Ever since, I've been falling apart. I can't stop thinking about her. I constantly worry about her well being, and how shes doing and I just wanna see her and be with her. I can't focus on anything but this situation. I don't feel healthy. I feel like im going insane. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. its a complicated situation, but idk. I need help. Thanks for anyone who bothers reading this.
 

Nayru's Love

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I've never been closer to anyone in my life.
I feel like this is a good start.

My best friend went through a very similar situation: family issues, break-up with an intimate girlfriend, etc. It's good for anyone under your circumstances to have a strong sense of concern for her, given how close you two were. Bottom line, though, you need to take care of yourself first. No matter how worried you are for her well-being, you can't expect to be there to help her up if you can't help yourself up first.

Start getting closer to other people, whether it'd be your family, friends, whatever. It distracts you from your depression, all the while giving your life the social structure it needs. Get yourself more into hobbies, as well, such as music or games. It's alright to grow close to other people, but it's bad if you grow dependent on them or your relationship, to which I feel you did. She may be broken into pieces right now, but if you really want to help her, you need to develop a sense of independence yourself.

Independence is all about "back-up plans." If one person breaks apart from you, you always have other people and hobbies to keep you together and happy. Even if independence means the possibility that you may never be in a relationship with her again, that's a possibility you need to accept.
 

Heart Of Nothing

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I feel like this is a good start.

Start getting closer to other people, whether it'd be your family, friends, whatever. It distracts you from your depression, all the while giving your life the social structure it needs. Get yourself more into hobbies, as well, such as music or games.
I've honestly been trying really hard. Its just that nothing is fun anymore. I can't even distract myself with games. Like I think I need to see a therapist because my depression is getting to the point of anxiety attacks and making me feel like im going to puke. :c

Its just weird. Like shes been my lucky charm since we've been together and things are so weird without her. I feel like this strive for independence is gonna drive us apart and I can't afford to lose her :/
 

Nayru's Love

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I've honestly been trying really hard. Its just that nothing is fun anymore. I can't even distract myself with games. Like I think I need to see a therapist because my depression is getting to the point of anxiety attacks and making me feel like im going to puke. :c
Well I can tell you right now and save you some money, they're probably gonna tell you the same thing: Develop coping mechanisms. I've been through clinical depression twice when I was your age, so I'm pretty familiar where you're at.

Its just weird. Like shes been my lucky charm since we've been together and things are so weird without her. I feel like this strive for independence is gonna drive us apart and I can't afford to lose her :/
It's hard for you because she made a big part of your life up until now. But you're still in High School, with the rest of your life ahead of you. You're going to meet ten times the amount of people you currently know, especially if you plan on going to college. It may hurt to let go of the past, but you don't want to live in a small past instead of a bigger future.
 

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Look, I know it's hard, but you're only 17. There are other options out there, even if you're a little too focused on her to see that now. And trust me, I just broke up with my girlfriend of two years this past October and it was anything but easy. I went through a rough time in my life where she was the "shining light" too, so to speak. Just know that even though it seems bad now, it definitely gets better.


You had a breakup. It might be your first, but it probably won't be your last. At least it wasn't a bad one. Take it in stride and try to move on with your life.
 

Heart Of Nothing

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Is it bad that I can't? She told me she's coming back after this is all over. We're just not allowed to like hang out and stuff until then :/ shes having bipolar issues too. Idk. We've seen each other like 10 times since we broke up and each time eventually led to kissing. I just don't know whats going on and its tearing me apart. :/
 

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This seems like a very complicated situation, so I can understand your need for advice on this.

How long is she going to be in medical care for her mental stability?
 

Nayru's Love

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I agree with Taylor in that you should keep it at least friend zone. Yeah, it's possible she might be the best girl for you, but the reality is that she probably isn't. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgment; if you're going to meet 100 potential girlfriends by the end of your life and she's #20, it wouldn't make sense to put all your cards on her the way you're doing. You can't move on because you're stuck on the idea that this girl is the only girl in your entire life, to which it's way too soon to say for sure.

If you do choose to pursue another relationship with her, that's all on you. However, definitely wait it out until you're sure you can depend on yourself in case the worst happens. No one is obligated to take care of you when you're broken down, so it's very important to learn how depend on yourself.
 

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Realistically if you end up just being friends, for your sake, you should try to not be friends with her if your feelings are that unstable that just being around her is difficult to deal with.

I had to completely exclude the person in my life who made me feel similar feelings to completely be rid of them.
 

Heart Of Nothing

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I just don't want things to end up like they never happened. like this is seriously the best relationship we've both ever had. Like we never fought, we always had fun, everything was always lovely. But now this one things happens and I feel like its all going to have meant nothing. I don't want that because It meant so much to me :c
 

Nayru's Love

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Think of it this way. Say you do get back with her. What happens if the same shit happens one year from now? You're miserable, she's miserable, and there's been no progress at all. You need to learn that close relationships can't make or break the quality of your life. If you end up depending on someone else, how can you expect to be there for the people that may have to depend on you in the future? Even if she is perfect for you, what good does that amount to if you're not reliable enough to be there for her?

I find that the only thing more important than taking care of your friends is taking care of yourself first. Whether it'd be this girl or another girl, you can't expect to get her back on her feet if you can't do it yourself. When you become independent, things like relationships may become less meaningful, but at least you'll have control of your life.
 

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I just don't want things to end up like they never happened. like this is seriously the best relationship we've both ever had. Like we never fought, we always had fun, everything was always lovely. But now this one things happens and I feel like its all going to have meant nothing. I don't want that because It meant so much to me :c
That's not the right mindset, though. You're saying because it had to end it suddenly makes those moments you shared any less real or valuable? That's not a good perspective to have.

Just because something like this ends doesn't mean it was never worth anything. Everything you guys did together, every feeling you ever felt, every bit of time spent was clearly very worth it to you, so even if it ends, whether it be on your terms or not, that doesn't make it any less important than it ever was. If you're doing in with the mindset that all your time and effort is meaningless, you're not going to walk away a better man. It's a learning experience. And hey, like you said, it was a genuinely good experience for the majority of your relationship. So don't think it means nothing now.
 

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Going to steal a quote for this one:

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
 

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I feel for her but her therapist is diddlyed up if she's giving concrete advice like "break up with your boyfriend". Therapists usually encourage having close relationships.

In the meanwhile, go do things. You are young, there's so much self discovery and excitement to be had.
 

Heart Of Nothing

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Yeah... I guess he did. didnt help that her parents pushed for it too. Like they love me and all, they just want their daughter to get better. I do too.
I also wish it was that easy to find myself and have self discovery, but i'm kind of a wallflower, so its hard. bleh.
 

Heart Of Nothing

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You and me both :/ the thing that sucks is that her therapist just changed her depression medicine. Shes having massive mood swings and she doesnt know what she feels right now and our relationship has been kinda bipolar :/ But I know she loves me. idk. It comes out a lot. She just doesnt know. Hard to explain. Life is hard.
 

Nayru's Love

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This may actually be one of those times where you may want to let her grow as an individual. Whether or not she loves you, let her figure it out for herself.
 

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I also wish it was that easy to find myself and have self discovery, but i'm kind of a wallflower, so its hard. bleh.
You can have plenty of self-discovery as a wallflower. I'm speaking from experience. If you accept that being alone is not inherently bad, you'll feel much better about your situation even disregarding this entire fiasco.
 
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