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Fanfiction ► Here Comes the Bride



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madammina

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Yeah, she kinda is. Either way she's the only person actively looking out for him right now.

(Oh, the reason why she sounds like Maleficent is her voice actor - Elanor Audrey- also voiced Maleficent (and Lady Tremaine))
 

Organization_42

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^ Yeah, not everyone knows voice-acting trivia, especially when it concerns the voice actress of the character on a theme park ride. It's no big deal.

Well, as the beta, I've already read most of this, but I felt that I should pop in and leave a review anyway!

Likes: Riku in the asylum, and I forgot to mention this before, Mina, but I realized that one of the reasons I liked those scenes so much was because they reminded me of a "Supernatural" episode that took place in an asylum. One of the creepiest parts about that episode was how the monster was hunting the inmates, but none of the employees believed them because they already assumed that the victims were crazy. It was a really scary episode, and it helped me sympathize with Riku in this chapter, because he really is completely trapped. It's a good thing Kairi thought to get him out!

Also, I like the conversation between Sora and Kairi, and the closing scene between Sora and Constance. Oh, and Ezekiel, but I've said that before many times! Is it wrong that I like his character so much? (I seriously need to start reading pseudocide's story again.) I guess he's just a really good villain.

Dislikes: The Sora/Constance scene was good, but I feel like there definitely needs to be more of them. You've spent a lot of time establishing Constance's devious intentions, which is good, but then you run the risk of losing suspension of disbelief, because it's hard to understand why Sora would love such a despicable person. Well, it's probably worse for me because I know what Constance is all about. But still, more Sora/Constance would be a good thing.

Overall, I think you're getting increasingly better with each chapter, so keep it up! :)
 

madammina

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^ Yeah, not everyone knows voice-acting trivia, especially when it concerns the voice actress of the character on a theme park ride. It's no big deal.

Well, as the beta, I've already read most of this, but I felt that I should pop in and leave a review anyway!

Thanks! I appreciate it!

Likes: Riku in the asylum, and I forgot to mention this before, Mina, but I realized that one of the reasons I liked those scenes so much was because they reminded me of a "Supernatural" episode that took place in an asylum. One of the creepiest parts about that episode was how the monster was hunting the inmates, but none of the employees believed them because they already assumed that the victims were crazy. It was a really scary episode, and it helped me sympathize with Riku in this chapter, because he really is completely trapped. It's a good thing Kairi thought to get him out!
I'm glad you could sympathize with Riku. If Kairi hadn't protested to let Riku out he would have been there for a while and then story would unfold differently. Did you like Leota and Riku's scene? (I'm proud of it, but no one seems to mention it) I felt like Riku needed to really react to something.

Also, I like the conversation between Sora and Kairi, and the closing scene between Sora and Constance. Oh, and Ezekiel, but I've said that before many times! Is it wrong that I like his character so much? (I seriously need to start reading pseudocide's story again.) I guess he's just a really good villain.
As I've said, he was only supposed to show up once or twice. He's shown up about 5 times now. (And I love writing Constance and Ezekiel together) But I'm glad you liked the Sora/Constance scene. You keep on telling me to show why Sora likes Constance so...



Dislikes: The Sora/Constance scene was good, but I feel like there definitely needs to be more of them. You've spent a lot of time establishing Constance's devious intentions, which is good, but then you run the risk of losing suspension of disbelief, because it's hard to understand why Sora would love such a despicable person. Well, it's probably worse for me because I know what Constance is all about. But still, more Sora/Constance would be a good thing.

I'll keep that in mind! I may have to postpone something then.... I WAS going to kill off someone next chapter, but now I may make it the chapter after that. (And, yes, we know the person this time)

Overall, I think you're getting increasingly better with each chapter, so keep it up! :)
Thanks!
 

Organization_42

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Thanks! I appreciate it!

You're welcome! :)

I'm glad you could sympathize with Riku. If Kairi hadn't protested to let Riku out he would have been there for a while and then story would unfold differently. Did you like Leota and Riku's scene? (I'm proud of it, but no one seems to mention it) I felt like Riku needed to really react to something.

I wanted to hug him when he cried! :( I also kind of lol'd at the part when Leota asked Riku about Seers, because it just reminded me of those little moments with Terra in BBS! Ooo, and I also forgot to mention that I liked the little detail about Kairi walking like a lady and going to some embroidery. Noooooo Kairi! You're becoming elegant and well-mannered! :O

As I've said, he was only supposed to show up once or twice. He's shown up about 5 times now. (And I love writing Constance and Ezekiel together) But I'm glad you liked the Sora/Constance scene. You keep on telling me to show why Sora likes Constance so...

Kind of reminds me of my current problem with Vanitas. I started writing him into a lot of my future fanfics without really thinking about it.

I'll keep that in mind! I may have to postpone something then.... I WAS going to kill off someone next chapter, but now I may make it the chapter after that. (And, yes, we know the person this time)

Someone else is going to die in the next chapter?? O_O

But postponing might not be a bad idea; something having a lull in the action for the sake of character development can be a very good thing.
 

madammina

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You're welcome! :)
^_^


I wanted to hug him when he cried! :( I also kind of lol'd at the part when Leota asked Riku about Seers, because it just reminded me of those little moments with Terra in BBS! Ooo, and I also forgot to mention that I liked the little detail about Kairi walking like a lady and going to some embroidery. Noooooo Kairi! You're becoming elegant and well-mannered! :O
YES! EMOTION FOR THAT SCENE!! Er, the Seers needed to be introduced and I couldn't think of a place other then there. Otherwise something later on will be REALLY random instead of being planned out since the beginning. And, yes, she's becoming a little lady. hehehehe...


Kind of reminds me of my current problem with Vanitas. I started writing him into a lot of my future fanfics without really thinking about it.
I have a problem with pacing, I put in Ezekiel! (Now I'm writing more about him then Pseudocide!)

Someone else is going to die in the next chapter?? O_O
Yep! Another thing planned out since the beginning.
But postponing might not be a bad idea; something having a lull in the action for the sake of character development can be a very good thing.
Alrighty then, Night 7 = death for (captured)
 

Organization_42

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YES! EMOTION FOR THAT SCENE!! Er, the Seers needed to be introduced and I couldn't think of a place other then there. Otherwise something later on will be REALLY random instead of being planned out since the beginning. And, yes, she's becoming a little lady. hehehehe...

I think the whole Terra thing is more of a case of "Hilarious in Hindsight," since I know you had it planned previously, but I still think it's kind of funny!

I have a problem with pacing, I put in Ezekiel! (Now I'm writing more about him then Pseudocide!)

My motto is, "When you need a conflict, use Vanitas!" And it WORKS.

Yep! Another thing planned out since the beginning.

Alrighty then, Night 7 = death for (captured)

I seriously can't believe that I forgot about it. I even wondered, while I was reading this chapter, if it was coming up. But I won't say where so that I don't spoil anybody.
 

madammina

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I think the whole Terra thing is more of a case of "Hilarious in Hindsight," since I know you had it planned previously, but I still think it's kind of funny!
Er, what do you mean "With Terra"?

My motto is, "When you need a conflict, use Vanitas!" And it WORKS.
I can imagine. Vanitas lends himself quite nicely to conflict.


I seriously can't believe that I forgot about it. I even wondered, while I was reading this chapter, if it was coming up. But I won't say where so that I don't spoil anybody.
Reply in a VM about where you thought a death was coming. I'm kind of curious now...
 

Organization_42

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Er, what do you mean "With Terra"?

I mean how he kept getting those weird glimpses into the future, particularly with Riku. So it's kind of funny that his intended apprentice is now a Seer.

I can imagine. Vanitas lends himself quite nicely to conflict.

He really does. He's a good villain that way.

Reply in a VM about where you thought a death was coming. I'm kind of curious now...

Okay!
 

madammina

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Oooh! Good Point! I had forgotten about that completely! Eh, maybe I'll make Terra a Seer too. They can be either men or women, but all the examples are women since all the Leotas are - obviously- women. On the other hand... if Terra is a Seer I'll need to explain why he didn't see his fall to darkness. And I'll need to work in the Seer's Proof for him... and you can't really ignore the Seer's Proof
 

Organization_42

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Well, when you think about it, he saw PARTS of it in the game, with Aqua and Ven. He just didn't know what he was seeing. So you could have him just see flashes and not understand what's going on. He's not the brightest bulb and he wouldn't have Leota to help him out either.
 

madammina

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That may be true, if he didn't have a Seer to guide him through this. (It's really more of coincidence that Leota is there and the Mansion is acting up for Riku. This would be about when the Seer stuff hits anyway.) But there is something else Seers go through. And Terra can't ignore that sign at all. You COULD argue his powers were just beginning to take shape but... IDK. I really like the idea but I'm unsure how it would effect Terranort/Xehanort. Would they end up having the Seers Proof instead? And Seer's first start seeing by looking at Ghosts, those are flashes of the future which fall into post Proof...
 

madammina

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Day 7

Sora scraped the edges of his oatmeal bowl as he waited for everyone else to get up. Kairi was late for breakfast today, and Constance was usually late anyway. He wasn't as worried about those two, but he did want to see them. With a small sigh he set the bowl aside and grabbed a plate of fruit instead. Things were not looking well. Part of it may just be the three of them going a bit stir crazy- they really hadn't left the mansion grounds except for church and Riku's asylum visit, and Sora just wasn't use to it. He hadn't had a fight since they arrived either. He chomped through an orange as he thought. There really was only one upside to staying here and that was-

“Constance.” Sora jumped as Riku slid into the seat next to him. “You were thinking about her, weren't you.”

“Yeah, how'd you...”

“Because you get this sappy look on your face and stare off into the distance. The only time- never mind. Look, are you dead set on trying to chase her down? She IS about ten years older then you.”

“I just want to know her better, that's all.” Sora tried to convince Riku, but even with Riku's face hidden as he drank some orange juice, they both knew that was a no go. “Where are the girls anyway?”

“Unlike you and I, they have a more complicated dress ritual.” Riku explained as he dug into his own “flapjacks” (Sora didn't get that, they were simply pancakes! Why give them a new name?) “What's your plans for today?”

“I don't know.” Sora admitted. “ I'm getting bored here, and whatever it is we have to do hasn't shown up yet.”

“Maybe you can go shopping? I need a new dress, and you could use some properly fitted suits.” Sora felt a blush rise on his cheeks as Constance swept gracefully into the hall. She gave Sora a small smile before sitting down and pulling a plate of fruit towards herself too. They both ate fruit! That was so sweet.

“Try to keep your elbows out of your porridge.” Riku whispered, and Sora quickly moved his elbow from his bowls immediate area. “What are you talking about?” He asked Constance. Riku really should be a bit politer, they were guests after all. She had been taking care of them for a week today and it was so nice of her to do this.

“The ball on Sunday? I don't have any dresses beside my black ones and since I'm redebuting a new dress and a new color would be lovely. You two will be my guests and should have a properly fitted suit. And Kairi should have a few new dress too.” She murmured to herself quietly. “So, today, we are going into town for some shopping.” Riku shrugged, but Sora suddenly felt quite excited. He would get to spend some time with her for once! Kairi chose this moment to walk down stairs, curtsy to Riku and himself for some reason, then sit down daintily and began to pick at some fruit of her own.
**
“I've been waiting for you.” Constance jumped, but relaxed and closed the door to Leota's room behind her. She turned and saw Leota sitting in the seat by the crystal ball. She had her legs crossed like how a man would and her fingers were intertwined around chest high. “Reginald tried to contact you yesterday, but you appeared to be out of the mansion. So he ate your lunch.”

“It doesn't surprise me. Hello George.”

“Hello, Constance. How are you doing? Is the year up?”

“It's up on Sunday. I'm doing fine. How about you?”

“Oh, the afterlife is fine. I just thought I would check up on you and your guests.”

“Why are you interested in my guests?” She looked at the body he was inhabiting “Other then Leota.”

“I'm just afraid of anyone's heart being broken. You know that Sora is interested in you.”

“I know. Is Riku a Seer?”

“What makes you think that?” George gave her a grin. She wasn't sure how to interpret that smile...

“Just how he keeps on seeing things no one else can. And he's seen at least one thing you claimed your Seers saw...” she took a seat across from him.
**
Sora, Riku, and Kairi stood in front of the carriage as Constance walked down the front steps. She had a thoughtful look on her face that made Sora melt. Riku chatted with Rolly – who was driving – until Constance gave the order for everyone to climb in. As the car went into the city, the four passengers rode in silence.

It was a nice place, a lot busier then home, Sora mused. Back home, the shops weren't this fancy, and the streets weren't as busy. Everyone knew eachother. What would it be like to introduce Constance back home? No, he couldn't, it would break the Order of the Worlds, but then again... it's not like one more person would hurt it. What would it be like to introduce her to his friends? His Parents?

Okay, Riku had a point, his parents would probably be creeped out that he was.... that he really liked a woman so much... she was a woman though. It was more then just how she looked – besides gorgeous and dignified and sexy, even with how she was always wearing those big black dresses- but she also held herself so well, and she was so nice, and she could talk. Well, everyone could talk but she just had a more refined way to go about it. How would she mix with everyone?

Sora paused for a second, imagining how she would be dressed in Destiny Islands... she couldn't wear those black dresses the whole time! Something... Sora stopped. He wasn't sure whether he liked her in a long dress or a short dress? Actually, why was he even thinking of this? She's a women. Women pay attention to clothes, guys don't. Guys just dress in whatever and the women and girls fuss over it.

“Sora” a sweet voice echoed in his ear. With a jump, he realized that they stopped in front of a store with dresses and suits in it's window. Constance gave one of her incredibly sweet and rare grins. “Time to go.”

“Y-yeah...” Sora blushed and slid out of the carriage.
**
“Miss Constance Hatchaway! I see you are preparing for that party...” There was a tall red headed woman running the shop, her green eyes sparkling behind a pair of glasses. “And who are your guests?”

“Hello Miss Blair. These are my guests, who shall also be receiving new clothes.” Constance pushed them forward slightly. “This is Kairi Damati, Riku Soulstice, and Sora Lockheart.” Kairi curtseyed, Riku bent over in a bow and kissed Miss Blair's hand, and Sora blushed and shook her hand. “Shall we get started?” The new lady smiled, and ushered Riku back first.

“Yes, this is how my hair actually looks.”
**
Kairi was next. Riku hadn't take that long, but Kairi was getting a lot of fuss. There were discussions over her hair. Not just what color worked best with it, but how she was going to wear it. Then came the colors that went with it, and then the style... It was at least an hour and Sora was really bored. Riku was too, but he was smart and got permission to escape into the city.

“Umm.. Miss Hatchaway...” Sora finally spoke up. “May I?”

“Of course.” Constance smiled. “I'll send Kairi out when she's done.” Sora ran out. “And Gentleman don't run!” drifted out behind him, but he barely heard it.

He found Riku sitting on a bench holding a bag of chocolate. Sora slumped down next to him.

“If you want to say 'Women' I'd suggest waiting.” Riku mused before offering Sora a piece. Sora accepted it.

“I'm bored.” Sora finally managed to spit out, then tilted his head back. “Why can't we fight?”

“If that's all you think about you won't get any girl.” Riku chided. “And we wouldn't be good guests if we picked fights. By the way, have you talked to Kenneth at all? According to Rolly and Harriet he's a really good story teller.”

“No, not really... he doesn't talk to me.”

“That's why you talk to him. You just have to be subtle.” Riku looked into the bag again. “Maybe I should have gotten pretzels.”

“How did you get these anyway?”

“Didn't Constance give you some money?” Riku asked, glancing at Sora. Sora shook his head. “Oh, well then. By the way, don't daydream as obviously.” Sora silently smirked. “And I know you were dreaming about Constance.”

“Oh, come on!” Sora shouted, but quieted down when he got some weird looks. Riku was looking pensive.

“Sora, do you like her?”

“Yeah, a lot.” he finally admitted. “I mean, she's... I feel like she's perfect.”

“No one is perfect, but I'll let it slide now. Today is too nice.”

“What do you mean?” Sora asked.

“For once there's not a cloud in the sky, we're outside of that abominable mansion, the clothes... aren't as nice but at least we can walk to the sea later.”

“I've missed that too.” Sora admitted after a minute.

“MIST- SORA!” Kairi was walking across the street to where the two boys sat. “Constance says she wants you inside. You're up.” Kairi was blushing and looked excited about something. She grabbed Riku's arm and pulled him into a shop. Sora looked after them for a minute, then walked back into the clothing store. Well, maybe he could try to impress Constance. She must be so used to people complimenting her, and she must be so well read. He HAD to make an impression. But back home...
**
“You owe me.” Riku growled. Currently he was sitting in yet another shop, a hat shop. And he was Kairi's model as she worked with the... whatever you called people who made hats. He'd ask Rolly later. “Why can't you just use a fake head for a model?”

“It's one of the first straw hats of the season.” The hat person chided. “I have yet to figure out how it will sit on a human head.”

“You're making fun of my hair again, aren't you.”

“Yes!” Kairi cheerfully admitted, before picking out a pink ribbon and tied it around the... not brim part. As much as Riku hated to admit it, he would probably need Harriet's help too for the terminology.
**
“Con- Miss Hatchaway?” Come on, come on, be polite, be gentle, compliment her sincerely... Sora really should ask Riku for dating tips sometime. Granted, Riku had never actually gone on a date either, but he WAS a year older and should know more, right? Why was he talking to himself like this?

“Sora? Oh, there you are. What do you think of this dress?” Constance walked slowly into the center of the shop, wearing a blue dress that fell to her feet with a slight train. It had a square neckline that hinted at her bosom and frills manifested themselves on the neckline and skirt. The ensemble was topped off with a pair of matching blue opera gloves. Both the dress and the gloves were accented with a white ribbon. Sora was speechless. “I'll take that as a yes. I do have some more dresses to pick out though for after the ball, would you like to help?”

Sora found himself admitting he thought she would look stunning in green.
**
“Are you alright?” Riku finally managed to ask Kairi. She had finally decided on a hat -and a few bonnets- and had treated Riku to a lunch time tea at a – Riku had to admit- nice cafe on the street. She picked at her pastries while Riku felt guilty for being more enthusiastic about his. “You're... you're just so polite with us these last few days. Will you stop calling me 'Mr. Riku' please? It makes me feel like I'm fifty or something.” Kairi gingerly switched to fruit. “Look, if you're scared of me, don't invite me out to eat. I appreciate the gesture – more then you know – but this only works if we both talk.”

“Do you think I'd make a good wife?” Riku almost fell out of his chair. In all the hullabaloo from yesterday he had forgotten about one of Constance's missions, to get Kairi a husband.

“Kairi... look that's a loaded question. But...” Riku scrunched up his hair in his hands as he tried to figure out exactly how to say this. “I am sure you would make a wonderful wife to someone... the way you're asking that makes it sound like you want to be MY wife though, and – though I love you as a friend- I don't want that. Okay? I'm just... having trouble picturing it.”

“I understand.” Kairi... was she moping? But before Riku could attempt to repair the damage – or make it worse- Constance walked up with Sora behind her.

“Are we ready to go?” Constance finally asked. “Unless there is anything you want to see.” Riku glanced at Kairi – who still stared at her fruit – and Sora, who was simply gazing at Constance with a look of adulation- so Riku said nothing about the sea. He had seen the true asylum, and didn't want to push his luck. Constance simply nodded to the silence and walked back to the carriage.
**
An hour or so later, Sora and Kairi sat in front of a fire place while Riku paced. The daily storm did hit, and Sora and Kairi enjoyed watching the storm as it died out. Riku... felt anxious. Something was off, something was very VERY off. He just didn't know what. They were fine, Claude hadn't harassed him in a few hours, and Rolly and Harriet were off enjoying some time together. Riku still wasn't sure why they had made it a big deal when he had walked in on them making out when the shopping day was over. So, they liked each other. Unless servants had a no dating contract it shouldn't be an issue. He needed to leave.
**
“Riku?” Kairi finally asked as she noticed him leaving. He glanced back at her. “Er, thanks... for today. I...”

“No problem.” he waved his hand. “I meant what I said.”

“Oh... good.... am I weird for-”

“That's Selphie's business, not ours.” Riku cut in. “Look, I'm just going for a walk. I'll see you at dinner.”

“Sure.” Kairi said with a smile, but she lost it as she sunk back into her chair. She was changing, and she knew it. Before she would have never cared about... well, she was raised to be polite but she never go into these mini panic attacks over whether or not she should curtsey to her best friends, or who she should be married too. Yes, she had thought and dreamt about it like any other girl, but they way Constance was so serious about it... it unnerved her.
**
Riku walked past the library, before doubling back. Constance was sitting in the rocking chair, sewing something.

“Um... Miss Hatchaway” This was something Riku had to say. “I-”

“What is it, Riku.” Constance looked up.

“I... I just wanted to thank you.” He walked into the library and started to tap his feet against the floor in embarrassment. “You took us into your house without question... and you kept me out of that asylum when you saw how I was acting. I” he picked at his clothes, and then looked up at Constance. “I really mean it when I say Thank you.”

Constance gave a smile. “You're quite welcome, Riku. It may be Southern Hospitality, but I have grown fond of you.”
**
“Mister Sora.” Sora jumped as Kenneth's voice echoed behind him. “What would you like for dinner?”

“Oh, er, I'm not that... “ Sora paused for a second. “Um... I heard you were good at telling stories. And, well, I'm a little bored and I bet Kairi is bored too and” he cut himself off. Kenneth walked forward into the firelight, a small smile playing around his lips.

“You've talked to the negro Rolly again?”

“No, I talked to Riku.” Sora shrugged. Kenneth sighed and stood up straighter.

“Have you ever heard the story of the New Orleans Privateer, Jean Lafitte?”
**
“Oh God.” Riku fled from Leota's room. He just wanted to talk, he didn't... “DAMN IT!” He barely made it five feet before he fell to his knees and threw up.

Leota Toombs was dead. He had walked into her room to ask about her reading his palm when he saw her sprawled on the floor, but that wasn't the worst part.

She had been decapitated. He could still see her neck exposed like that to the air, her esophagus and spine so twisted in an- Riku wretched and emptied more of his stomach's contents on the floor. It wasn't the worst part.

No, the worst part was how her head and been displayed, eyes blank and distorted inside her fake crystal ball, blood gathering at the bottom of it and turning her hair red.
 

TwilightRiku_13

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Holy crap, what the hell just happened? Wow, I had a feeling that Leota was going to die, but I didn't expect it to be so sudden or so grisly. I can't say I expected decapitation, I more expected poison or something more subtle. Anyway, that was a good chapter. I am really intrigued now; I would really like to know where the story goes from here. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.
 

madammina

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Okay great chapter Mina glad this is up and up.

You know the rules, what you liked, what you didn't like, and how I can improve. (thank you though) Come on, I just killed off Leota, the only person who believed Riku. I expected something like....
Holy crap, what the hell just happened? Wow, I had a feeling that Leota was going to die, but I didn't expect it to be so sudden or so grisly. I can't say I expected decapitation, I more expected poison or something more subtle. Anyway, that was a good chapter. I am really intrigued now; I would really like to know where the story goes from here. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.

Bwhahahahaha....

Decapitation was to fit in with her Haunted Mansion appearance. Where she's a head in a crystal ball.

(Sorry, she's not in her ball. But if you do have her in the ball the effect doesn't come out right when filming...)

This was one of the scenes I had planned since when I started to write the fic. The story WILL pick up and I am glad I have you now hooked.... 2 years after I started writing. Anyway...

I will only say, look at my other hints.

Thank you, both of you.
 
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