Fanfiction ► Here Comes the Bride

[madammina]

I guess I'm moving to quickly, you're supposed to be uneasy about her.

Well, Constance is one of the most... developed women Sora has seen. She also knows how to manipulate so she is wrapping Sora around her little finger.

I'm glad you like Oona too! She was supposed to be just in a few scenes but she's fun to write for. She should come back for at least one scene.

How was the Tarot scene? That was a 1 AM idea and alot of fun to write. DId I portray it right?


and I'm back, but this story is going on the backburner for a little bit. I need to finish Timefixer and FINALLY write the next chapter of Larxene and 14

 

[TwilightRiku_13]

Oh, I see. I really do feel uneasy about Constance; she is quite a creepy character. Anyway, about the tarot scene, you portrayed really well. I haven't played around with my tarot cards for a while, but the explanations that you gave for each card sounds right. Also, the spread you used, the Past-Present-Future spread, is one of the easiest spreads to use when reading tarot cards. There are a bunch of different spreads (Celtic Cross, Ten-Card Spread, just to name a couple), I use the Past-Present-Future spread a lot because it is simple. Anyway, I look forward to the next update.

 

[madammina]

Oh, I see. I really do feel uneasy about Constance; she is quite a creepy character. Anyway, about the tarot scene, you portrayed really well. I haven't played around with my tarot cards for a while, but the explanations that you gave for each card sounds right. Also, the spread you used, the Past-Present-Future spread, is one of the easiest spreads to use when reading tarot cards. There are a bunch of different spreads (Celtic Cross, Ten-Card Spread, just to name a couple), I use the Past-Present-Future spread a lot because it is simple. Anyway, I look forward to the next update.

YAY! She's one of the first evil characters (non org) that I've written. So I'm glad I'm writing her well.

Oh, good. I'm managed to do the Tarot scene right. I'm not into Tarot so I was afraid I did it wrong. And at least I did the right kind.

 

[Passion]

i really like this!
can't wait for your next update on this story =D

 

[madammina]

Thank you!

I have to ask though, one thing you liked, one thing you didn't and what do you think will happen?

I want to improve and I still have a lot of work to do. This is to help me improve.

 

[Passion]

like: the concept, it's an interesting and it seems to be well executed
you also do a good job of keeping the characters in character

dislike: there are grammatical errors that bother me a bit but aren't that major.

that's all =)

 

[madammina]

Thanks!

 

[Passion]

no problemo!
can't wait till your next update

 

[Andillexe]

I liked how Constance was like torturing Kairi, but she's getting really annoying, toying with Sora. Oona and the Terot cards were a nice touch. I'm not really into them myself, but the descriptions of the pictures were cool.

Things that could be improved: grammar mistakes so small that they don't really bother me. I didn't really get why Oona drugged Riku's tea. What'd he do? And I guess you're going to explain the unfinished sentences between Oona and Leota later, right?

All in all, great Day 2. Looking forward to reading more. =)

 

[madammina]

I liked how Constance was like torturing Kairi, but she's getting really annoying, toying with Sora. Oona and the Terot cards were a nice touch. I'm not really into them myself, but the descriptions of the pictures were cool.

What is annoying you about Constance and Sora Specifically? Thanks on the descriptions?

Things that could be improved: grammar mistakes so small that they don't really bother me. I didn't really get why Oona drugged Riku's tea. What'd he do? And I guess you're going to explain the unfinished sentences between Oona and Leota later, right?

Oona drugging the tea relates to the unfinished sentences. Basically... she wanted to talk to Leota with Riku not listening. And by making him black out with Alcohol he definitely won't overhear.

All in all, great Day 2. Looking forward to reading more. =)

Yeah! thanks!

 

[Andillexe]

What is annoying you about Constance and Sora Specifically? Thanks on the descriptions?

It's not that I don't like it in the story, just, related to the story, she's getting on my nerves reeling Sora in. But it's fine in the story. You're welcome?

Oona drugging the tea relates to the unfinished sentences. Basically... she wanted to talk to Leota with Riku not listening. And by making him black out with Alcohol he definitely won't overhear.

Oh. Okay. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ^_^

 

[madammina]

It's not that I don't like it in the story, just, related to the story, she's getting on my nerves reeling Sora in. But it's fine in the story. You're welcome?

Sorry, that was supposed to be an exclamation point.

She's a conwoman, what do you expect? But out of curiousity, if I was to soften her, how would I do that?

Oh. Okay. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ^_^

You're welcome!

 

[Andillexe]

Sorry, that was supposed to be an exclamation point.

She's a conwoman, what do you expect? But out of curiousity, if I was to soften her, how would I do that?

Hmm... As a conwoman, don't soften her. She's fine. As a person, she should be a bit more discreet, if at all possible (which she more than likely is doing already, but my mind is perceiving her as totally trying to control Sora and take the Keyblade. Probably because I already know what her objective is? I don't know. I just do that).

 

[madammina]

Yep, that is the objective but she isn't really overtly doing that (other then giving him smiles and making him go weak in the knees)

 

[Efflictim]

I just read chap. 1 and I think it's good so far. I'm about to read the rest.

 

[madammina]

Thank you!

WHen you are done, tell me one thing you liked, one thing you didn't, how you think I can improve and what you think will happen?

 

[Andillexe]

I'm not really the best at reading something then sticking to it. My mind makes up its own deductions, which really sucks whenever I'm watching a movie and I figure out the ending. Spoils everything. So you can just ignore me not making sense. ^w^;

 

[madammina]

So, how do you think it will end then? ^w^

 

[Andillexe]

I think that Leota and maybe Oona are going to help Riku find out what really happened to Constance's husband, find out that she had him killed somehow, and Riku is going to tell Sora and Kairi everything. Kairi'll be unsure about what he told them, but Sora's just going to go off on him and he might fight Riku with the Keyblade. Constance will finally have a chance at the Keyblade and then the story ends happily.

And that was a sugar-generated image of what I think might happen, which is probably as far away from the truth as Barney showing up with a machine gun. Fortunately, my mind spoilers lack details.

 

[madammina]

Have I ever shown you my picture of Namine with a chainsaw? (But that was Xerei's dream...)

anway... Interesting....