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Fanfiction ► Hatred Turns to Love



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GDchick

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Intro:
Heaven and Hell...

Demons and Angels were always enemies, but a group of foolish teens from both sides fall in love and this changes the whole feud. War, the whole problem just escalates and thing get worse. When they first meet they have no idea of the other's identity (race) after a while they get to know each other better then they finally show their true selves. The small feud turns into a war and the difference between the two groups just seem to be too much.

Chapter 1: the Beginning

Rebecca walks around observing all the humans of how they act "I’m finally here. After hundreds of years being locked up in Hell, I’m finally back on Earth" she said. She looks around watching all the humans talk to each other or talking to their love “it’s been so long. I should be careful and make sure not to act weird. Let’s see if I still remember how to act complexly like a human.” Rebecca thought. She then starts walking straight ahead, hoping none of the humans are staring at her strangely.
Willis stood on top of a roof, looking down at the humans. "Guess I can observe them out a little." he said to himself as his wings slowly tucked themselves into his skin. He left the roof and was on the streets. He leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed while the humans walked passed him. A bunch of girls were looking at him, then giggled “he’s pretty cute” one of them whispered.
Rebecca had her dark sunglasses on, so that the humans won't know she's watching them. She starts walking around and passed a guy with his arms crossed, Rebecca gave him a 'don't piss me off' face. “He is kinda cute. Grrrrr, no don’t start again. The reason why you’re in Hell is because you fell in love with an angel. Now that I’m a demon, the Demon Lord’s law is not to fall in love with a human. So don’t try this again, or you’ll be sent to lower part of hell.” She thought. She looks back at Willis. He was a tall, blonde guy, who looks like he was around 16 or 18. He wore a white button down shirt and black jeans. He had light brown eyes and was pretty thin.
As Willis leaned against a wall, a girl walked passed him giving him a look. He had to admit, she was cute. He kept looking at her, examining what she was wearing and everything. Rebecca was at least 2 to 3 inches shorter than he was; she had shiny black hair and black eyes. She wore a strapless top with dark blue jeans. He just smirked and said, "Did I do something wrong?" he asked teasingly.
Rebecca heard him; she turned half her body around and flipped him off. She then goes behind a tree; she puts one of her hands on her head, and felt something pointy. Her horn wasn't in all the way. She pushes the horn back into her head, and then kept her cool when she was done. “That was close, if a human saw my horn, then he might freak out and tell the world that a freakish girl made by the devil is on Earth.” She thought to herself.
Willis just laughed to himself as he shook his head. "Wonder if all girls on this place are like her.” he said to himself, but then he realized something just now, but couldn't put his finger on what it was. "There was something not quite right about her." He said “wait, where did she go?” he was wondering.
Rebecca starts walking again and looked back at Willis, who seems to be at the same spot she saw him at. She was walking pretty well in high boot heels for someone who's been on this earth for a few hours. "At least there aren't any damn Angels around here." She said “if an angel was here, it could see through me as the creature I am. Just one look and it could use its Celestial powers on me and send me back to the fiery depths of the God forsaken world of Hell.” Rebecca thought with fear in her head.

Chapter 2: Friendship?

Willis then noticed that the girl he had seen before walking near by. He smirked again as he saw her. "Back so soon?" he asked again teasingly. “I still have a feeling there’s something weird with her, something not normal.” He thought in his head.
Rebecca stops in front of Willis, then looks at him with her dark eyes "Are you trying to get on my nerves today? If you are, you’re not so lucky; I'm in my 'pissed-off mode' now. I don’t like guys like you, looking all high and mighty just because of the way you look.” She said pointing her finger at him.
Willis just gave her a smirk. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not." he said as he laughed a little. "But aren't you an angry little girl today?" he asked. “Teasing people is so much fun, I may enjoy this.” He though in his head
Rebecca just looked at him with anger in her eyes "I don't like being called 'little'" Rebecca said in anger, she flipped her hair and walks off. “Good for nothing son of a bitch, calling me ‘little’ like that. I hate it when guys call me that!!!” she thought.
Willis just watched as she walked off. "Don't like to be called 'little', huh? Fine. How about stubborn girl then?" he asked.
"That'll work" Rebecca said. She kept on walking and thought of Willis. She shook her head for a sec. “snap out of it!! You don’t want to end up like you did when you were a human. Don’t send yourself to the lower part of Hell.” She thought
"Hmm...nah. I'll go with stubborn ‘little’ girl." Willis said. He then started to get a weird feeling about this girl, but just shook it off.
Rebecca flinches when she heard the word 'little', then takes off her boot, and chucks it at Willis and hits is head hard "TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME ‘LITTLE!!!!’" she walks over to get her boot, she then starts feeling weird when she got closer to Willis.
The boot hit Willis on the head and landed next to his foot. He bent down, rubbing the spot the boot hit him as he went to pick it up, but then realized that he was close to Rebecca. He grew silent at this point. “Ok this is a little too close………..geez, this must be how it feels to be close to a girl this pretty.” He thought in his head, feeling a little hot.
When Rebecca got to Willis she started feeling really nervous, just at the moment, she looks at him for a minute or two, she just realizes she was dozing and shook her head to take him off her mind. She takes the boot "thank you" she puts it back on and starts walking off to one of the really nice restaurants.

Chapter 3: Friendship? (part 2)

Willis stood up after the little 'close encounter' with Rebecca. “Whoa...what the heck was that about”. He thought as he tried to think why he stared at her while picking up her boot before. He followed her and walked in front of her. "I just wanted to apologize for before. Don't know what came over me." he said. "Oh, really, that actually came out of nowhere.......I guess I'll give a second chance, you wanna join me for dinner? It's not everyday that I make a new friend" Rebecca said. Leaning forward looking kinda cute on purpose. Willis stood there silent for a moment. He was alone his entire life and he was considered a 'friend' to her. He came back to his senses. "Oh. Uh, sure." he said. “You think of me as a ‘friend?’” He asked her.
“Well, I do now. I mean, yea, we had a little fight, but I’ve heard if you argue with a friend at first sight, then that person may become your friend.” She said. “I'm planning on going to a jazz club" Rebecca said with a smile, she then goes to his side and takes his arm and starts walking to the jazz club they're going to.
 
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Savior of Dawn

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"Kind of"? More like took the story, and changed it to demons and angels. xP

Well, the concept is okay.. but the writing is rather cramped and rushed. It might seem less so if you actually had spacing. It's a good start, to say the least.
 

Endgame

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Good concept...terrible, terrible delivery. Having your two 'lovers' meet in the first chapter? That's not good writing. I would have described Rebecca's life as a human somewhat first, her difficulty adapting back to humanity after life in hell...perhaps some surprise whwn someone offers her a kindness.

And DO NOT have Willis sit on a rooftop, hide his wings, and then suddenly meet Rebecca whilst walking down the street. Not only is it horrible, horrible writing, the whole 'brooding angel on rooftop' is done to death.

I'd suggest rewriting this, and perhaps having Willis and Rebecca meet by chance one day breifly, only for a few seconds, and then later on meet again and recognise one another. Don't introduce Willis by name at first, have the story from Rebecca's perspective, reffering to him as 'that guy' or other impersonal pronouns.
 

GuardianOfHearts

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^Listen to what Zetsumi said, he's absolutely right on that fact, which saves me the time of saying it myself. xD

The present tense is killing me, it really is. o.< The whole thing is choppy and rushed and thus fails to hold interest for more than a few lines.


The enter key and space bar love you. Trust me, they do, so give them the attention they deserve.

And by the by ... Romeo and Juliet was a story copied from the myth Pyramus and Thisbe. The latter's plot is a little more detailed though- trust me, I had to translate it. ;>.>

Ya'know, when you think about it, Shakespeare was a fan fic author himself. xD
 

GDchick

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i suck at writing stories, along with telling them. i might rewrite i some other time, and yea, it is a little fast..........ok too fast. I don't get a lot of free time anymore, so this is fast because I'm always in a hurry to go somewhere and just get the las remaining words in the sentence from my head and type them immediatly
 

iheartriku

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Really from Romeo and Juliet? Dang! I did really think of that when i read this! but it is REALLY GOOD! but i still dont see how it relates...oh well...also it maybe b/c i havent seen westside story...yet!
 

Savior of Dawn

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GDchick said:
i suck at writing stories, along with telling them. i might rewrite i some other time, and yea, it is a little fast..........ok too fast. I don't get a lot of free time anymore, so this is fast because I'm always in a hurry to go somewhere and just get the las remaining words in the sentence from my head and type them immediatly

Ah, but I have one of the best tricks (In my opinion) :

Whatever other people do, do something else. Unorthodox approaches, character development, and characters is great.

Ooh, try making your Demons cheery and your Angels mean little cowards. :3
 

darkisaac

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Zetsumi said:
And DO NOT have Willis sit on a rooftop, hide his wings, and then suddenly meet Rebecca whilst walking down the street. Not only is it horrible, horrible writing, the whole 'brooding angel on rooftop' is done to death.


Preach brotha!



Seriously though Zetsumi hit home on this comment, I know from personal experience that the angel thing is indeed abused to it's last penny...
(Then again I'm writing a fic of what happens after KH2, and that's overused too...)


(You have no idea, how many friends I have that make accounts like "fallen angel" or "dark angel" or all that other angel stuff....ya know, a friend of mine accidentally misspelled angel so his Xbox live account ended up being

"darkangles" XD )
 

darkisaac

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You know we even tease him about it:


Me: So uh I was thinking why don't you call yourself: the magnificent quadrilateral?

darkangles: Hey!

Friend: *laughs heartily* or...or maybe the: dangerous rhombus!

Me: Hahahaha, wait I got one! how's the: Parabola of Mystery!

*We laugh really, really, hard*

darkangles: I'm gonna kick your asses in school tomorrow...
 

kao-chan

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so far so good <3
I like the setting and the concept, but i dont like the way you tell it...instead of saying things like,
She pushes the horn back into her head

say, She pushed the horn back into her head....:)
thats the only thing i can think of to critique....
i'll be reading more, so update anytime ^^
 
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