Grief



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MarluxiaNo11

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It'll be six years in November since my Mum died of kidney cancer and I for one don't feel like I'm making any progress when it comes to grief, let alone the rest of my family. From the countless counselling sessions, the battle with depression - which I think I beat - and the many nightmares and well grief which I have been taunted with since her death, nothing really seems to ease up at all with the exception of me being slightly more accepting of it. However, whilst I have grown to accept it, it hasn't really let me move on from it, it's just there now and I'm getting pissed off because I miss her so much, there is nothing I can do about it and I want to move on and even though I know this, I can't because I'm stuck.

Then comes the problem of caring for my family, my Dad is worse off then me because of other problems holding him back, my sister seems fine, but she is young and well my Nan - my Mums mum - is just in a very bad position and has been since it happened; she is developing Alzheimer we believe.

The main problem comes when you've ran out of people to speak to and the people you rely on are becoming increasingly annoyed that I'm not making any progress and therefore that makes them harder to talk to when I'm down, you almost begin to feel isolated in a way and so now I turn to my internet friends, the people who can sometimes be so much more helpful.

Similar stories? Opinions? Help?
 

Annoyance

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I have only lost my grandfather who went through a lot and eventually it was just his time... and currently I am losing my dog, Pebbles, who is pretty much family. I know some people say "oh it's just a dog," but she's so much more and I'm personally going through a lot just seeing her sick like this. We aren't sure of how soon the day is though... Anyways, I know that it's harder, losing your mother. But all I can really suggest is that you need to take things at your own pace, one step at a time. Don't feel like you ABSOLUTELY NEED to be over her tomorrow. You'll put too much pressure on yourself. It is your mother, your loss, your own feelings, etc. Everybody has a different method while generally staying in the 5 stages of grief. They go through them at different amounts of times and different ways. Everyone is different.

Be there for your family, talk to each other, find things that make you happy, keep going towards your goals. Just keep going; you can and will get through this. You won't ever truly get over the loss but acceptance is really good, and is very close to really being able to move on. I'm sorry if this isn't very helpful.
 
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king_mickey rule

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First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you!

I lost my dog back in November (he's been my best bud for like 12 years). I lost him in one week, spleen cancer. We were at the vet and he just collapsed. He died in my arms. The sounds he made (his last breath and such) have been "haunting" me ever since. I can still see him collapsing in front of me and that I ran to him, to make sure he was okay.. But I've come to accept the fact that he isn't around anymore but it still hurts like hell thinking about him.

Now, I won't be the one saying that this has the same weight as your situation but he was also a big part of my life. In that sense, I can relate with you.

Thing is, you won't ever truly get over the loss of someone important. It will always make you feel sad but acceptance is really the first step towards not being depressed anymore.

I don't know if this may help but what makes me feel "better" about my situation, is that we were with him until his last breath and that we did everything to make those days as comfortable as possible for him. He doesn't need to suffer anymore either. And above all else, and even though it sounds cliché, I remember the good times I had with him.

Like Sabrina said, be there for your family, talk with each other and try to find things you can lose your thoughts on (hobbies, friends, etc.).

I am not sure if this helped you at all but I really wish you all the best and I sincerely hope things will get better for you soon! :)
 
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MarluxiaNo11

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Sigh. I appreciate your comments and will take on board everything you said, however on the 1st, my grandma passed away. It's just one thing after another to be honest. Like I said though, you've got to keep all smiles I guess and just be there for the ones that are there for me, my family.
 

Annoyance

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Sigh. I appreciate your comments and will take on board everything you said, however on the 1st, my grandma passed away. It's just one thing after another to be honest. Like I said though, you've got to keep all smiles I guess and just be there for the ones that are there for me, my family.
It usually always is but you can get through this. You will. Don't give up and don't be afraid to reach out to others when things seem bleak.
 
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