Grandma's gonna die, Grandpa still not perceiving



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Muke

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As some of you might know, my Grandma's been lying in the hospital since Summer this year.

We all know she will die because at this point it's inevitable. Me, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my dad, etc.
My Grandpa really loves her and still doesn't leave her alone, no matter what. He thinks he'll be able to 'heal' her.
He just doesn't give up hope, and while that is really cute and all it's also heartbreaking. He just doesn't want to accept her death (which is also why my dad says he's diseased. idiot).

No matter what we tell him, he won't listen. He doesn't want her room to be too warm/cold, he checks her clothes, he just keeps looking after her and I just know that his actions will be breaking him once she does die.

What should we tell him?
 

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I'm sorry to hear man.

The best thing to do is try and support him, and be there for him when he needs family the most. I hope everything sorts itself out.
 

Muke

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I'm sorry to hear man.

The best thing to do is try and support him, and be there for him when he needs family the most. I hope everything sorts itself out.
Thanks.
But I just don't know what to say right now. He refuses her death and it really hurts me and my mom to see him like that, because he flew to Vienna just for her (he actually lives in Berlin with my Aunt).

We have no idea how to tell him that her death is coming and that he should stop looking after her all day (he even sleeps in the hospital sometimes ;n;), as sad as it sounds. :S
 

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Hmm, what to say is tough.
Well, he needs to understand that your grandmother isn't going to make it and there's not much he can do to stop it.
But let him at least try.
It's really painful to hear that and it's better for him to feel like he can still comfort her than to just give up on her.
To at least let himself know he did all he could. If he wouldn't, it would hurt him even more.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I just lost someone so I wish the best of luck to you and your family.
 

Muke

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Well, he needs to understand that your grandmother isn't going to make it and there's not much he can do to stop it.
I… know? That's why I created this thread. ^^'

It's really painful to hear that and it's better for him to feel like he can still comfort her than to just give up on her.
To at least let himself know he did all he could. If he wouldn't, it would hurt him even more.
I don't know. Thinking he can still heal her will just make him all the more upset. My Grandpa is just really stubborn. When he heard her landing in the hospital, he rushed to our home (he wasn't here when it had happened).

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I just lost someone so I wish the best of luck to you and your family.
Thanks. :)
 

Muke

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Many different ways to, you can just go and tell him. He might be in a refusal state, but time heals. Or you can support him, the choice is yours.

Sorry for your loss...
Thanks.. ^^

Well, we did tell him. He just keeps refusing, and I don't know what words would effectively stop that. ;~;
 

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That's really tough, sorry to hear that. I have a similar situation, my grandfather passed away 2 years ago and my grandmother was very similar with him back then. Unfortunately, she still hasn't gotten over him and to be quite honest, I don't think she ever will. I understand her, she's old and they had been together literally all their lives, it must feel impossible to "start a new life" at that age. There's little that other people can do in that situation, me and my family have been trying to get her to start a new hobby, get a pet, move closer to my father... but none of it works, if she doesn't want to it work. The will to go on and keep living for something else needs to come from the person themself.

I think the same goes for your grandfather. You can support him, be there for him, listen to him, but he needs to find his own ways to handle the situation and come to terms with it. It's a difficult, painful situation and it can't really be reduced to anything else. As hard as it is to watch someone you care about suffer, I don't think there's a solution that will make the situation much easier. It's something you can't go around and just have to go through, I believe.

All the best for you and your family, I hope your grandfather will be alright in the end.
 

Muke

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That's really tough, sorry to hear that. I have a similar situation, my grandfather passed away 2 years ago and my grandmother was very similar with him back then. Unfortunately, she still hasn't gotten over him and to be quite honest, I don't think she ever will. I understand her, she's old and they had been together literally all their lives, it must feel impossible to "start a new life" at that age. There's little that other people can do in that situation, me and my family have been trying to get her to start a new hobby, get a pet, move closer to my father... but none of it works, if she doesn't want to it work. The will to go on and keep living for something else needs to come from the persom themselves.

I think the same goes for your grandfather. You can support him, be there for him, listen to him, but he needs to find his own ways to handle the situation and come to terms with it. It's a difficult, painful situation and it can't really be reduced to anything else. As hard as it is to watch someone you care about suffer, I don't think there's a solution that will make the situation much easier. It's something you can't go around and just have to go through, I believe.

All the best for you and your family, I hope your grandfather will be alright in the end.
I'm really sorry about your grandmother and your loss. My condolences. :(

Thank you so much... I think you might actually be right. He probably does need to find his own way to handle the situation…
 

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Thanks.. ^^

Well, we did tell him. He just keeps refusing, and I don't know what words would effectively stop that. ;~;
Best to let time run its course, he is going through the five stages of Grief.

It seems right now he is on Denial, it's best to just support him and let him solve it on his own.
 

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I'm sorry, Muke.

I wouldn't tell him anything. Everyone deals with death in their own way and trying to get him to accept her death is clearly something he's not able to do until she's gone, so let him dote on her and love her while he can. It might hurt you all to see him this way but it might be what's best for him.
 

Muke

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I'm sorry, Muke.

I wouldn't tell him anything. Everyone deals with death in their own way and trying to get him to accept her death is clearly something he's not able to do until she's gone, so let him dote on her and love her while he can. It might hurt you all to see him this way but it might be what's best for him.
Thanks, Taochan. ^^
 

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His mind is made up at this point. Your grandpa probably knows she is going to die but he's ignoring the thought because he doesn't want it to happen. It's a common thing people do to protect themselves by rejecting the truth.

At this point I'll just let him be because I don't think repeatedly telling him that his wife is going to die is going to make him feel better. Let him enjoy whatever time is left between the two and until the day comes. He's probably happier living in his alternative reality and not what is currently happening.

My sympathy Muke because I recently lost a grandparent but it's best to let him grieve in his own way.
 

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Dude, I'm really sorry to hear this. Like Taochan said, the best thing you can do is let him be I think. While your support might be invaluable to him after she eventually passes, she is his wife. It might be best for him emotionally to be by her side until the end, everyone has different needs with this sort of thing. It's definitely sad to see unfold. Let me know if you need anything dude, I hope you're okay.
 

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As some of you might know, my Grandma's been lying in the hospital since Summer this year.

We all know she will die because at this point it's inevitable. Me, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my dad, etc.
My Grandpa really loves her and still doesn't leave her alone, no matter what. He thinks he'll be able to 'heal' her.
He just doesn't give up hope, and while that is really cute and all it's also heartbreaking. He just doesn't want to accept her death (which is also why my dad says he's diseased. idiot).
I wouldn't say he's 'diseased'. It's clear he loves her very much. I think it's a reasonable reaction to something along those lines. We all have our own ways of reacting to things, and he has his. As you said though, it's heartbreaking.

What should we tell him?
This is pretty difficult. I don't think I know of anything you could tell him. What I will say is he'll likely need a lot of support within the next few weeks, as this is going to be strenuous on him.

All I can say is, I'm sorry for what your grandfather, your family and yourself are going through right now. Family deaths are horrific, and I can only imagine what you're going through.
 

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His mind is made up at this point. Your grandpa probably knows she is going to die but he's ignoring the thought because he doesn't want it to happen. It's a common thing people do to protect themselves by rejecting the truth.

At this point I'll just let him be because I don't think repeatedly telling him that his wife is going to die is going to make him feel better. Let him enjoy whatever time is left between the two and until the day comes. He's probably happier living in his alternative reality and not what is currently happening.

My sympathy Muke because I recently lost a grandparent but it's best to let him grieve in his own way.
Thanks, Divine. ^^
You guys are right.

Dude, I'm really sorry to hear this. Like Taochan said, the best thing you can do is let him be I think. While your support might be invaluable to him after she eventually passes, she is his wife. It might be best for him emotionally to be by her side until the end, everyone has different needs with this sort of thing. It's definitely sad to see unfold. Let me know if you need anything dude, I hope you're okay.
Thank you, too!

I wouldn't say he's 'diseased'.
Me neither, my idiotic dad says so

It's clear he loves her very much. I think it's a reasonable reaction to something along those lines. We all have our own ways of reacting to things, and he has his. As you said though, it's heartbreaking.

This is pretty difficult. I don't think I know of anything you could tell him. What I will say is he'll likely need a lot of support within the next few weeks, as this is going to be strenuous on him.

All I can say is, I'm sorry for what your grandfather, your family and yourself are going through right now. Family deaths are horrific, and I can only imagine what you're going through.
Thank you, Noir! We'll do our best to support him. ^_^
 
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