This is my second shot at an original story. All critisism is helpful, even if you're gonna tell me you hate the story. If no one posts even if you like the story I probably won't continue it, I'll just feel like you don't like it.
Rain came beating down on the hard, still warm pavement of the city. In the back allies and underbelly it did little but slightly increase the putrid smell of garbage and other things best left undiscovered. Rats picking their way through the wet trash quickly ran and hid as a lone person walked through one of the allyways, rain pouring down on him. In the darkness it was only distinquishable to see he was wearing a black raincoat. He stopped infront of a door in the allyway, it was set back into the wall aways and in the shelter was a very muscular man with his arms crossed. As the figure walked up tot he door he looked over at the boucer, prepared for if he was denied entry. He grabbed the door handle and opened it up, he strolled inside when the bouncer didnt' move.
As he stepped inside he was overtaken by the smell of smoke, alcohol, dried blood, and other bodily fluids. The bar was dimmly lit and only the hanging lights over the pool tables provided decent lighting. The crowd in the bar was deffinently a rough crowd, almost everyone had a hidden weapon on them. But luckily few looked his way as he crossed the floor and took a seat in a booth by himself.
"What can I get you?" asked a waitress who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else.
"Whatever." the firgure answered leaving the waitress to go back and order something at random for him.
When she left he looked over at another booth a few booths away where a gang sat drinking. There were seven in total, five guys and two girls. The one sittin in the middle of the booth wore a leather jacket over a black shirt and his long blonde hair was messy and unwashed, obviously the leader. As the waitress came back and dropped off a drink they caught each others attention. The gang leader jumped over his booth and quickly moved to where the figure was sitting and took a seat opposite of him in the booth.
"You got a problem wit us?" he asked gruffly.
"No, I was just listening in on your conversation." the figure replied taking a drink."You wouldn't happen to have been talking about that old lady that was beaten to death a few days ago, would you?"
"Yeah, cause it was us who done the old bag in."
"What was in her purse that you wanted so badly?"
"Eh?" the gang leader looked confused then started laughing "It wudn't her purse we was after, we just wanted to beat soemone."
"Well job well done." the figure said as the other gang members began crowding around the table "You're all so tough. After all it always takes five unwashed retards and two sluts to beat up an old lady already on her death bed."
"What was that!?" one of the girls yelled pulling out a knife and bringing it down at his hand. The figure parted his fingers in time so the blade only struck the table.
Suddenly there was a crash as one of the pool players knocked their hanging light and it shined in the direction of the figure and the gang that surrounded him. In one second it was clear to see him, he had jet black hair, slightly spiked up, and wore a faded blue shirt and jeans, but what kept the gang from doing anything more was his eyes. They were a deep, piercing crimson that almost looked like they were glowing, those eye's were enought to stop the gang as the figure stood up before them and reached in his pocket.
The gangs all reached into their own pockets and grabbed the weapons they had until the figure pulled out a single, folded bill of money. He reached past the gang and placed it on the platter of the waitress who brought him his driink as she passed by.
"Keep the change." he said pushing past the gang and leaving. As he stepped back out into the rain he noticed the bouncer had not moved from before.
He began walking back through the dank allyways and eventually came to a dead end. Trash bags where piled against the walls all around and the rats weren't even afraid enough to run and hide. He heard several loud crashed behind him and turned to see the gang from before blocking the exit. The leader was holding a metal bat in one hand and the others held either a knife or a chain.
"You shoudn't have fucked with us." the leader called out walking up to him "We actually try to pace ourselves to one kill a week but we decided we could make an exeption for you."
"I'm so flattered." the figure said sarcastically
"Hope you're happy with how your life turned out." the leader said raising his bat over his head as he got within range of the figure and brought it down.
Cshck! Clak clak! The bat fell to the ground, cut in half. The gang members looked in shock as their leader fell tothe ground with a blade through his head. At the end of the blade was a hiilt with a medium sized red stone in it. The figure held the sword as he slowly lowered the gang leaders body down, then kicked it away and pulled his sword out.
"You . . . You bastard!" one of the members yelled then charged at the figure, swinging his chain around.
The member swung it at the figure but the chain was cut too. Befire he could react he was run through with the sword. To the other gang members despite being shocked from the death of two of their own, the thought of the fact that blood didn't seem to drip from the sword crossed their minds. Rather, the sword seemed to absorb any blood that it touched. The figure pulled his sword out of the second body and suddenly disappeared.
"GAH!!" the two girls screamed as they were cut in two at the waist from behind.
The three left tried to get away but the figure was now blocking their exit. He raised his sword and rushed at one. He stabed him through the heart and pushed him onto t apile of garbage bags then pointed his blade behind him and backed into another one. As he pulled his sword out he looked over at the last one, lying on a pile of garbage that he had tripped into.
"Wh-what do ya what!?" the member asked paniced trying to back away as far as he could "Money? I'll het ya some money."
"I don't want money." the figure said raising his sword in the air "You all killed, and stole, and took fun in tormenting the innocent. Indeed you souls are rife with darkness and sin." his voice became deeper, more malicious, and began to double "Souls stained with sin like your's are perfect for us." Dark aura's began forming on the dead bodies and then moved onto the blade. The red jewel in the hilt began glowing red, as did the figures eyes " All we want from you, is your tainted soul." and stabbed the last member with his sword.
"Who are you?" the last member asked as his own soul was also absobed into the red jewel.
"I am known as Taruke." the figure answered in one voice "I am known as Murai." in another voice "And this boy whose body we inhabit." the voices combined into one "His name is Shou, and we gather your soul for the sake of our master, who will soon walk this world once more."
Shou sat up in bed quickly, cold sweat all over his body. He looked around his room in the bright morning sunshine then laid back in his bed. The digital clock on his beside table began beeping and he knew it was 7:30 in the morning. He balled up a fist and slammed it onto the clock, promptly shutting it off. He sat up again and looked into the mirror on his dresser. His eyes were now a deep blue, practically opposite of the crimson they had been before.
Last night was pretty good.- came Taruke's voice
Indeed, five souls all at once. And black as night too.- Murai's voice chimed in.
"Shut up." Shou said gathering up some clothes and walking out of his room into the bathroom.
So what'd ya think? Please post if ya liked it cause otherwise I won't put up more chapters. Any critism is welcome.
Chapter 1
Rain came beating down on the hard, still warm pavement of the city. In the back allies and underbelly it did little but slightly increase the putrid smell of garbage and other things best left undiscovered. Rats picking their way through the wet trash quickly ran and hid as a lone person walked through one of the allyways, rain pouring down on him. In the darkness it was only distinquishable to see he was wearing a black raincoat. He stopped infront of a door in the allyway, it was set back into the wall aways and in the shelter was a very muscular man with his arms crossed. As the figure walked up tot he door he looked over at the boucer, prepared for if he was denied entry. He grabbed the door handle and opened it up, he strolled inside when the bouncer didnt' move.
As he stepped inside he was overtaken by the smell of smoke, alcohol, dried blood, and other bodily fluids. The bar was dimmly lit and only the hanging lights over the pool tables provided decent lighting. The crowd in the bar was deffinently a rough crowd, almost everyone had a hidden weapon on them. But luckily few looked his way as he crossed the floor and took a seat in a booth by himself.
"What can I get you?" asked a waitress who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else.
"Whatever." the firgure answered leaving the waitress to go back and order something at random for him.
When she left he looked over at another booth a few booths away where a gang sat drinking. There were seven in total, five guys and two girls. The one sittin in the middle of the booth wore a leather jacket over a black shirt and his long blonde hair was messy and unwashed, obviously the leader. As the waitress came back and dropped off a drink they caught each others attention. The gang leader jumped over his booth and quickly moved to where the figure was sitting and took a seat opposite of him in the booth.
"You got a problem wit us?" he asked gruffly.
"No, I was just listening in on your conversation." the figure replied taking a drink."You wouldn't happen to have been talking about that old lady that was beaten to death a few days ago, would you?"
"Yeah, cause it was us who done the old bag in."
"What was in her purse that you wanted so badly?"
"Eh?" the gang leader looked confused then started laughing "It wudn't her purse we was after, we just wanted to beat soemone."
"Well job well done." the figure said as the other gang members began crowding around the table "You're all so tough. After all it always takes five unwashed retards and two sluts to beat up an old lady already on her death bed."
"What was that!?" one of the girls yelled pulling out a knife and bringing it down at his hand. The figure parted his fingers in time so the blade only struck the table.
Suddenly there was a crash as one of the pool players knocked their hanging light and it shined in the direction of the figure and the gang that surrounded him. In one second it was clear to see him, he had jet black hair, slightly spiked up, and wore a faded blue shirt and jeans, but what kept the gang from doing anything more was his eyes. They were a deep, piercing crimson that almost looked like they were glowing, those eye's were enought to stop the gang as the figure stood up before them and reached in his pocket.
The gangs all reached into their own pockets and grabbed the weapons they had until the figure pulled out a single, folded bill of money. He reached past the gang and placed it on the platter of the waitress who brought him his driink as she passed by.
"Keep the change." he said pushing past the gang and leaving. As he stepped back out into the rain he noticed the bouncer had not moved from before.
He began walking back through the dank allyways and eventually came to a dead end. Trash bags where piled against the walls all around and the rats weren't even afraid enough to run and hide. He heard several loud crashed behind him and turned to see the gang from before blocking the exit. The leader was holding a metal bat in one hand and the others held either a knife or a chain.
"You shoudn't have fucked with us." the leader called out walking up to him "We actually try to pace ourselves to one kill a week but we decided we could make an exeption for you."
"I'm so flattered." the figure said sarcastically
"Hope you're happy with how your life turned out." the leader said raising his bat over his head as he got within range of the figure and brought it down.
Cshck! Clak clak! The bat fell to the ground, cut in half. The gang members looked in shock as their leader fell tothe ground with a blade through his head. At the end of the blade was a hiilt with a medium sized red stone in it. The figure held the sword as he slowly lowered the gang leaders body down, then kicked it away and pulled his sword out.
"You . . . You bastard!" one of the members yelled then charged at the figure, swinging his chain around.
The member swung it at the figure but the chain was cut too. Befire he could react he was run through with the sword. To the other gang members despite being shocked from the death of two of their own, the thought of the fact that blood didn't seem to drip from the sword crossed their minds. Rather, the sword seemed to absorb any blood that it touched. The figure pulled his sword out of the second body and suddenly disappeared.
"GAH!!" the two girls screamed as they were cut in two at the waist from behind.
The three left tried to get away but the figure was now blocking their exit. He raised his sword and rushed at one. He stabed him through the heart and pushed him onto t apile of garbage bags then pointed his blade behind him and backed into another one. As he pulled his sword out he looked over at the last one, lying on a pile of garbage that he had tripped into.
"Wh-what do ya what!?" the member asked paniced trying to back away as far as he could "Money? I'll het ya some money."
"I don't want money." the figure said raising his sword in the air "You all killed, and stole, and took fun in tormenting the innocent. Indeed you souls are rife with darkness and sin." his voice became deeper, more malicious, and began to double "Souls stained with sin like your's are perfect for us." Dark aura's began forming on the dead bodies and then moved onto the blade. The red jewel in the hilt began glowing red, as did the figures eyes " All we want from you, is your tainted soul." and stabbed the last member with his sword.
"Who are you?" the last member asked as his own soul was also absobed into the red jewel.
"I am known as Taruke." the figure answered in one voice "I am known as Murai." in another voice "And this boy whose body we inhabit." the voices combined into one "His name is Shou, and we gather your soul for the sake of our master, who will soon walk this world once more."
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Shou sat up in bed quickly, cold sweat all over his body. He looked around his room in the bright morning sunshine then laid back in his bed. The digital clock on his beside table began beeping and he knew it was 7:30 in the morning. He balled up a fist and slammed it onto the clock, promptly shutting it off. He sat up again and looked into the mirror on his dresser. His eyes were now a deep blue, practically opposite of the crimson they had been before.
Last night was pretty good.- came Taruke's voice
Indeed, five souls all at once. And black as night too.- Murai's voice chimed in.
"Shut up." Shou said gathering up some clothes and walking out of his room into the bathroom.
End
So what'd ya think? Please post if ya liked it cause otherwise I won't put up more chapters. Any critism is welcome.