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Give Me Your Soul



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D∆NTE

Cod 6 online profile (lizymans)
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
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1,217
Location
Perth
I'ts very good, i have tried to write 3 mini stories. i havel learnt that i should increase my grammer and creative skills before i try again.
 

Shadow-Love

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2009
Messages
256
Location
In the deep Darkness
Coolio, new reader. Hope you'll stick it out through the long haul with us man. I talked to Coldman earlier, he didn't have a lot of time today but he's for sure getting up a new chapter tomorrow.
 

Coldman9

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
793
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Wandering outside in the cold, looking for someone
Yes yes Cef, make it rain. It's just such a good feeling to know there are new readers who actually like my writing. I have to say when I started out I thought the story'd die after chapter 2. Well enough of that and on to the new chapter.

Chapter 5
I watch you day after day. I see the tears you cry. I want to help you, I want to stop them. But you won't let me near. Please tell what to do . . . . . Please talk to me.

"New information concerning the Banquet Hall Massacre has been released from the police. From witness accounts and the small amount of video footage it's been confirmed that it's the same murderer from the police building. The police also released information about other suspected killings of his, all starting from about three months back. Many officials are trying to quell the relentless complaints of a serial murderer on the loose unanimously dubbed 'Black Coat' because of the black rain coat he is always seen wearing." The female reporter said from infront of the police station with other reporters.

*Sigh* "The news is so depressing nowadays." said a lady as whe watched the news, making breakfast as her husband sat at the table already eating and reading his paper. She had long blonde hair, clear blue eyes, and wore a long sleeve red shirt with jeans. "SHOU!! TIME TO COME TO BREAKFAST!" she yelled up the stairs.

In his room up the stairs Shou was already up and preparing for the day, although it wasn't a school day. Taruke and Murai were escpecially quiet, most likely basking in the enjoyment of getting thirty souls last night. After killing the spider demon that had shown up Shou managed to bandage up his right shoulder and let them handle the rest. And despite staying up to go over several facts they didn't come up with a single suspect who would send an assasin after them.

"If they wanna kill Taruke and Murai then that's fine." he muttered to himself as he left the room "But do I gotta be dragged into this?" he stepped into the kitchen "Good morning Mako, Shinji." he nodded at the lady and her husband.

"Well it's good to see you up already, I thought I'd have to come up and wake you up." Mako said putting a plate of food infront of Shou and sitting down to her own.

"Like he'd sleep in today." Shinji, the man, said "If he slept in you two would be late." he lowered his paper to reveal his short, clean cut black hair, amber eyes behind prestigious glasses, and a blue buissness suite.

"Us? Your're supposed to be coming too." Mako said looking at her husband pleadingly

"Well . . . the boss said he couldn't give me the day off. Sorry, but I have to work today." He folded up his paper and set it by his empty plate. "Sorry Shou." he apologized as he walked by him.

"It's no problem, you have to do what you have to do to support this house." Shou answered finishing up his breakfast.

"Thanks." Shinji reached the front door and opened it up "Say a prayer for me will ya?" he asked with a sad smile before leaving.

As he left the whole house got quiet. Mako finished up her breakfast and Shou helped her put all the dishes in the sink, they'd be washed later. After getting ready they left the house too, the same way they had for the past seven years. They took a train to the other side of town and got off. After walking through the city for a short while the loud noises started to die down and soon all that could be heard was the birds chirping and wind blowing the trees. After taking turns and roads they knew all too well they came to a quiet, peacefull cemetary. After a few minutes they stopped infront of still new but weathered gravestone.

Kanamei Ichijo & Yui Ichijo
Beloved mother and father.
Died 2002​

Shou and Mako stood quietly infront of the gravestone, niethere wanted to disdurb the moment. Shou just looked at the graves emptily, deep sadness rising within him. His parents . . . It wasn't fair. Even if he couldn't have stopped their deaths, couldn't he have at least had the chance to say goodbye, to hug them one last time, to gain a memory he'd hold onto for the rest of his life.

"Do you want a moment alone?" Mako asked looking over at Shou, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Uh" Shou was caught off guard, then suddenly he cought the signal of several dark souls over on the other side of the hill "No, but I'll give you some time. I'll be back in half an hour." and walked off quickly.

"Hmmm? Shou?" Mako said as he disappeared from her view. But she stayed put and started talking, as if her two best friends were still with her, still alive.

Meanwhile Shou changed forms as he rounded the corner, his coat repaired wtih no holes from the night before. As he finsihed he broke out into a sprint and headed for the sark souls he had picked up. As he reached them he jumped up and hid in a small grove of tree's still around. As he peeked around he saw several guys drinking heavily and glass shards from empty bottles they had decided to smash against the gravestones. As he watched a few finish their drinks and take careful aim to hit more gravestones Shou gripped his sword tightly. Watching them made him angry, this was a cemetary, the people buried here deserved some respect and peace. In a flash he drew his sword and jumped into the middle of the group. In one move he cut the throats of four of them then spun around stabbed another in the heart. The two left were in surprise at what was happening and froze still, leaving them open for Shou to slice across the chest, easily cutting through their hearts. As the group fell to the ground, all dead, Shou looked around at the once again peaceful scene. He sighed as he walked away, displeased at having to leave the bodies of those bastard but he couldn't run the risk of the police getting something on him.

"Things have been alright." Shou heard Mako as he reached the corner, changing back. He quickly remembered he had told her he'd give her thrity minutes, so he leaned against the wall and listened "Shou's grown up well, he's pretty much a man now. He's doing good in school, you two always made him do his homework so I guess that stuck in his head. . . . . . . . It's sad whenever something comes around that reminds him of you, he just gets all quiet and doesn't talk to anyone for a while." Shou sat on the ground as he kept listening in. "But I don't understand him sometimes. I know we're not you two, but Shinji and I are doing our best to raise him like our own.*sob* It's hard not having you around. But I wouldn't trade our time with him for anything *sob* So why can't he call me mom?" and she began to cry silently.

Shou sstared stright forward as he listened to her cry. He leaned his head down to where his heair covered his eyes. The truth was, he didn't feel many emotions anymore. Happyness, excitement, sadness, fear, joy, anger, almost none of anything. And growing up he had had the through of calling Mako and Shinji mom and dad, but everytime he was about to a gaint pang of guilt stopped him. But despite his lack of emotions the scenen behind him was something he found near unbearable. Mako and Shinji had been his parents best friends, when he was born they were liike a second set of parents or a close aunt and uncle. He cared about them, but it was him who was hurting them the most.

"Shou?" Mako asked snapping Shou to attention. He looked up to see her standing over him, the tears from before masterfully wiped off but Shou could tell they had been there.

"Oh sorry." he said faking a yawn "I was still pretty tired from this morning."

"Oh." Mako said surprised "I thought you said you'd be back in half an hour."

"Well I intended to but I was just too exhausted."

They were quiet for a little, Shou trying to act like he hadn't just heard what he did.

"Well okay, let's go get some lunch." Mako said helping Shou up.

Mmmmmm, what'd we miss?- Taruke asked sleepily as Shou felt him and Murai awake inside him.

Five new souls, and some very deep dark emotions from Shou.- Murai said assessing what there was.

End

Probably not up to snuff as my other chapters but I just wanted to show a little bit more about Shou's situation. I have an idea, why don't you all tell me what you want from the next chapter. Lots of fighting? Knowledge about what's going on? For Shou to find a little happyness? Tell me.
 

Lectori Salutem

secretly sadistic
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
1,100
Location
Not where you are, obviously...
It was very good. A story with only fighting and no emotions would get very boring after a while. So this was very good. I think I would like all three of those options, actually^^ I think I want some hapiness for the poor boy first, though. Because I think it would be good for the story, or something like that^^
 

Shadow-Love

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2009
Messages
256
Location
In the deep Darkness
Wow, Shou has such a sad life. But he doesn't really feel anything. I look forward to more fighting and a deeper delve into what's happening. And as I expect from all good story's a happyness for Shou should mean a romance.
 

Lectori Salutem

secretly sadistic
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
1,100
Location
Not where you are, obviously...
No, I meant he should find some happiness first, before everything becomes bad. Because it's so much more interesting to crush happy times than it is to make miserable times just a little bit worse. I would say that, but then I would seem like a sadist...^^ Ah, but maybe I am, so it's alright^^ Only my imagination is sadistic, I am a very nice girl!!^^
 

Evello

The Radiant Hero
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
1,589
Awards
6
Age
30
Location
north
I just started reading, and I'm very impressed. Your story is one of the best I've read on the site so far (though I am new, so that's not that many). Though the story is extremely dark, it is also pretty darn interesting and emotional.

I like how now you have demons fighting other demons. Just reading about Shou tearing through helpless people was about to become old, but you solved the problem before it appeared. Your timing in introducing new topics is perfect.

I personally hope Shou gets a little bit of a break now. But I think that you shouldn't let up on him too much. I'd also like to see his friends get a bit more involved. Him trying to hide his "extracurricular" activities from them could provide an interesting conflict.
 
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