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Fanfiction ► :\Flu Attack at Castle Oblivion:/

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i'm nobody
Staff member
Mar 22, 2005
Update! This is too funny!
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Vampire Fish
Jan 1, 2005
Fleet Street
I finally got around to finishing this chapter. =_=

I finally got around to finishing this chapter. =_=

About half an hour later, Larxene was in the kitchen making a snack for herself, and killing the poor birds whom had to hear her terrible singing voice. She was currently singing quite loudly, not caring who was listening to her high voice.

“Perfect by nature,

Icons of self-indulgence.

Just what we all need,

More lies about a world that…”

The birds leapt from the balcony as she emitted a very high pitched and off key, “NEVER WAS AND NEVER WILL BE!” However, Larxene went on making the rest of the animal bystander’s ears bleed like they were listening to that bimbo Hilary Duff.

At that moment, Xemnas came tromping in to the kitchen, dragging a medical pole with him. After opening the fridge with a disgruntled growl, slamming it shut, getting his curlers stuck in the door and stomping his slippers in frustration.

“We’re out of pepperoni! I’m starving, and we’re out of pepperoni!” He complained to Larxene with anger brimming in his orange eyes. Larxene raised a blonde eyebrow with a shrug, “I’m sorry Superior, but would you like some celery stuffed with cottage cheese?”

Xemnas shook his head, “I can’t eat cottage cheese, it repeats on me…” He then went and sat at the table with an annoyed pout. Next, Saix came in to the kitchen, his nose swollen to the point where it resembled a ripe tomato, “Ohayo…What’s wrong Xemnas?” He asked as he looked down at the oh-so-angsty Superior.

“We’re out of pepperoni!” He whined before looking to the ground with an angry scowl. Saix then rolled his phosphorus eyes before replying, “I shall alert CNN…” Xemnas shot him a glare as Saix grabbed a lemon drop from the counter, “Roxas said he put some chicken in the oven, and we’ll eat in 20 minutes.”

“I can’t eat chicken, it repeats on me!” Xemnas exclaimed angrily. Saix stopped dead in his tracks and sighed, “Look, Xemnas, you don’t have to make excuses. If you don’t want chicken, just say ‘I don’t want chicken’!”

Xemnas then nodded, “I don’t want chicken!” Saix replied with a sigh, “Good!” “It repeats on me.” Xemnas added, much to Saix’s dismay. Larxene mumbled as she was walking out, “Heavens knows why we call that idiot our Superior…”


The power was still out, so many of the Order members were reduced to carrying around pocket flashlights. Marluxia was entering the dark basement and slowly crept in to the center of the room, looking left and right.

At that exact moment, Axel walked in and flicked the lights on, “AHHHHHHHH!” Marluxia shrieked with a high voice, causing Axel to emit a startled shout. Marluxia clutched where his non-existent heart was and shrieked, “Axel! What is the big idea, creeping up on me like that!?”

Axel walked towards him and apologized, “I’m sorry, next time I walk in to a dark room I’ll send a tuba band ahead of me.” Marluxia rolled his blue eyes until Axel asked, “What are you doing down here?”

Marluxia then resumed looking around and replied, “I thought I heard a strange noise…” Axel’s emerald eyes widened and his tone became slightly more serious, “What kind of strange noise…?”

Marluxia glanced behind him and responded, “Like a ‘ping’ of an elevator going up a cold dark shaft.” Axel paused, “…We don’t have an elevator.” Marluxia nodded, “I know! How strange is that!?” Axel brought his palm to his forehead in annoyance as Marluxia asked, “What are you doing?”

“I thought I heard a prowler outside.” Axel shortly told him as he looked to the left. The fluffy haired girly man gasped, “Why didn’t you call the police, or the fire department, or the Pentagon!?”

Axel waved his hand dismissively, “It turned out it was a neighbor’s cat, trying to mate with our plastic flamingo.” Shortly after, Roxas came in holding a golf club over his head, “What’s wrong, I heard screaming?!”

Both men shook their heads, “No it’s nothing, Roxas.” Axel told him as the three headed back up the stairs, oblivious to the little girl rising out of a well about a yard away. Upstairs, Demyx, Zexion, and Larxene were watching The Village on the plasma screen television.

Axel knocked Demyx out of the recliner as Roxas flopped down on to the beanbag chair. “I still don’t get it.” Demyx told Zexion who was getting quite perturbed with Demyx’s whines. “If they are talking about ‘those of whom we do not speak’ haven’t they spoken of which they do not speak of?”

Zexion rubbed his temples before replying, “By speaking about those they do not speak, they are speaking of those they do not speak, but are not speaking of them…about.” Demyx blinked in confusion and mumbled, “Whatever, I still think that the whole ‘no indoor plumbing’ thing is overrated.”

Axel watched as the blind girl was about to open the door to allow the boar headed, red robed, long clawed monster in to the house, while her sister whispered from the trapdoor, “Don’t let them in…!”

He then threw his hands in the air, “You think!?” Roxas hastily hushed him, and it was silent until Ivy found something red. “This is the color of which we do not speak…” Axel apparently had enough of this tomfoolery, “All right! I could take the false 1880’s crap, and the whole ‘monsters’ in the woods thing, but what the hell is wrong with the color red!? And HOW can a blind woman even know it’s red!?”

“Will you shut the hell up!?” Larxene shrieked as Ivy ran through the woods, trying to escape the ‘real’ monster. As she came across a conveniently placed hole filled with spikes in the ground, and somehow managed to stop right in front of it Axel grumbled, “Oh sure, the blind lady knows right where to stop, but the monster continues to run straight in to the hole of death even though it can see. Brilliant.”

Roxas then whacked Axel with Oblivion to get the pyro to shut up. Xigbar came striding in to the room, “Ya’ll outta cough syrup!” The one eyed Western man told them with a glare. “Yeah, Demyx used the last of it.” Zexion nodded as he continued to watch the movie.

“Well excuse me if I don’t want to hack myself to death!” Demyx whined before punching his pillow. “You know Demyx, before I met you I didn’t know that some people actually talked back to their Rice Krispie Treats.” Zexion coolly retorted.

“Leave Martha and Stan out of this!” Demyx shouted, which brought on a series of coughs. “Well, ya’ll better git up and go down to the market and buy some o’ dat cough syrup!” Xigbar warned as he cocked his lasers.

“All right, all right! We’re goin’!” Roxas sighed in a pissed off tone before getting to his feet. Zexion, Axel, Marluxia, Larxene, Roxas, and Axel headed outside to head down towards the nearest store.

“…Wait. Isn’t the closest store 5 miles away?” Zexion asked as he looked down the crossroads. “Uh-huh.” Axel replied carelessly. The Schemer then looked at him with a dumb outlook, “And you propose we walk there?”

Axel shrugged, “I’ve got a motorcycle.” Larxene and Zexion exchanged looks of surprise before asking, “Where the hell did you get a motorcycle?!” Axel looked from right to left and asked, “Internet?”

They headed out towards the garage which none of the KH gamers knew about until now and grabbed keys to the motorcycles. How they got there, no one knows. Axel got on to his sleek red Harley and revved the engine.

“Ready?!” He shouted over the roar of the engine. “We don’t have enough!” Roxas shouted back. “WHAT!?” Axel roared. “I said we don’t have enough!” Roxas repeated at a yell. “She don’t have a fluff?”

“GOD DAMMIT AXEL, TURN OF THE MOTHER FLIPPIN’ MOTORCYCLE!” Roxas roared with the volume of an atomic bomb. Axel then turned off the engine and looked over at them, “Yes?” Roxas then panted, “We don’t have enough.” Axel blinked, “Oh, why didn’t you say so?”

Roxas was stomping forward, keyblades held high over his head until Zexion took hold of his hood while reading ‘How to Survive When Your Roommates Are Idiots’. “All right, Larxne you double with Roxas.” Axel shrugged.

“I am not entrusting my life to a kid!” Larxene raged as she pointed at Roxas, who flipped her off. “ Fine fine, then ride with Zexion.” The blue haired man raised an eyebrow, “No way in hell.” Axel whacked his helmet in frustration, “Fine, get on Larxene!”

The blonde woman grudgingly got on to the bike behind Axel. The engines roared as the three bikes revved their engines. Axel’s red flamed bike took off, followed by Roxas’s black and white bike with a silver star akin to the one on his jacket, and Zexion brought up the rear on a black and blue bike.

Axel popped a wheelie, causing Larxene to grab hold of his shoulders with a loud ‘meep’. “Don’t do that!” She snapped as she intensified her grip. “Do what?...This?” Axel then began to swerve left to right, “Stop it!”

“You like this?” He snickered as he took to a hill off-road and bounced over the foothills. “Axel you asshole, stop it right now!” Larxene screamed as she almost toppled off the bike. “Say the magic words…” Axel taunted as he began to head towards the road.

“Hell no!” Larxene growled, which caused Axel to head towards the ‘road closed for repairs’ sign. “All right! Please stop!” She cried as Axel broke down the sign. “Wrong magic words…” He sniggered.

“Say it.” He told her as they neared a ramp. “No.” He pressed the gas pedal down, causing the bike to speed up to about 60 mph. “Okay! Axel is the hottest, coolest, and sexiest elementalist to ever walk the earth!” Larxene cried as they were about to go up the ramp.

Axel swerved out of the path of the ramp and smiled, “Why thank you.” He continued safely down the road…that is until a bike almost hit him in the head. Apparently, Roxas had decided to do what Axel didn’t and take that ramp.

He crashed down to earth with a ‘wham’ right in front of Axel with a cocky smirk before taking the lead. Zexion merely followed, still reading his book…

As they parked their motorcycles, Roxas pointed out something, “Hold the phone…Why didn’t we just teleport?”

Axel blinked once and mouthed soundlessly like a goldfish before saying, “Because motorbikes ‘as those Internet addicted kids say’ pwn!” Zexion proceeded to shake his head in shame, as Larxene hurried over to a garbage can to puke.

It was decided that Axel, Larxene and Zexion would go in to the store, and Roxas would make sure no one would steal the bikes. For if they tried, they’d be walking away with a giant key lodged up their arses.

“Where’s the friggin’ cough medicine!?” Axel grumbled. “Over there.” A voice from the left replied. Axel jumped a foot in the air, “DEMYX!? Where did you come from!?” He yelped as he noticed the brownish blonde smiling at him.

“Well one day my Somebody’s daddy got frisky and then-,” “NOT THAT! I mean how did you get here!?” Axel snapped after whacking Demyx upside the head. “I teleported of course.” He smiled at Axel as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Zexion was looking over the cigarette section, where Demyx promptly shook him and yelled, “ZEX, DON’T SMOKE, YOU’LL DIE!” Many mothers and their small children stared at them. “Shut up.” Zexion hissed at Demyx, as he ignored the stares. “It might not only kill you, but all the woodland creatures! If you drop it, there’s a chance of you wiping out a forest! Only WE can prevent Forest Fires!”

This has been a message from Smokey the Bear.

After paying for the medicine Larxene muttered at Axel, “Don’t look now, but one of those fools dressed a Santa is coming…” Of course someone was doing the yearly tradition of dressing up as a Santa.

This time it was a thinly man, almost skeletal with big black eyes and very bad teeth. “Merry Christmas!” He joyfully said to them, much to Zexion, Larxene, and Axel’s disappointment. However, Demyx…was another story.

“SANTA!” The chilish man yelled and began bouncing on the balls of his feet. “C’mon lets go.” Axel said and seized Demyx by the hood. “Won’t you stay and let me spread some Christmas cheer?” The Santa asked as he motioned for them not to go.

“No, we wont.” Zexion shortly replied and reached for the door handle. Jac-Santa, quickly stepped in front of him and pulled something out of his pocket.

A gun.

“Hold it! No one is going anywhere!” He told them as he pointed the gun in their shocked faces. Larxene then said, “Move it you egg-nog overdose!” The skeletal Santa cocked the gun, causing them to step back, “All right, here take our money!” She cried.

“No, no! I’m not here to rob anybody! I’m Santa’s helper for Pete’s sake!” The Santa laughed almost maniacally. “What the hell is this all about!?” Axel roared angrily, almost crushing the bottle of cough medicine.

“I wanted to spend Christmas with some other people.” Larxene then demanded, “At gunpoint!?” The Santa gave him a skeptical look and asked, “At gunpoint!?” Santa then looked skeptically down at her, “Would you stay here with me if I just asked you to?”

Larxene considered it for a few seconds before answering, “No.” The Santa shrugged with an insane grin and swung the gun in his hand. “But, why would you want to spend Christmas with a bunch of total strangers…in October!?” Zexion questioned as he glared at the Sandy Claws.

“It must be better than spending it alone. See, Christmas for me is, WHOA WHOA WHOA!” He swung around to point the gun at them as they inched towards the door. “Christmas for me has always been rotten and lonely. I always have the Christmas spirit, but no one notices.” He told them as he put his red duffel sack down on the counter.

“I never get gifts, cards, dyed eggs.” Demyx blinked, “Dyed eggs? That’s Easter!” The Santa nodded, “Another rotten holiday.” Axel massaged his sore temples as his throat got more raw by the minute.

“Look, if I was able to produce even an ember I would lodge that ember up your-,” “AXEL!” Demyx cried at Axel’s inappropriate statement. “Shut up Demyx before I shove you in to the kissing booth with Zexion.”

Zexion’s head perked up at this statement, only to settle in to a permanent glare as he cursed Axel off, “Screw you.” The redhead shrugged and in a very perverted, almost Silver-esque manner replied, “Find me a girl.”

Demyx blinked once as he examined on of the shelves before looking up at Zexion with a smile, “Zexion? What is Viagra for?” Larxene proceeded to bash her blonde head against the glass door as Zexion replied, “It is a mixture for a chocolate soft drink.”

Demyx’s azure orbs lit up, “Ooh I want it!” He then snatched the package with an oblivious, and eager expression. Axel began to rage, “Why don’t you just go grab a box of condoms, a keg of booze, and a tube of Preperation-H!?”

Demyx cowered at Axel’s fiery anger before nodding, “Whatever floats your boat…” Axel began to stomp forward, and his hands were out in a crushing manner as he tried to choke Demyx to death.

“Well, lets start the festivities! Who knows ‘Silent Night’?” The sadistic Santa asked as he looked around at each of them. Each of the members exchanged confused glances before answering, “No.”

The red clad man’s shoulders drooped a bit, “Oh well…We’ve got all night, and I can teach you.” Larxene let out a hiss of distaste, but Demyx blinked in bewilderment, “Huh? You’re keeping us here all night!?”

Axel brought his hand to his face, and his body began to twitch with his restraint holding on by a thread. Zexion exhaled with a monotone of, “We established that already Demyx…” Apparently, this was the first time the boy had heard of this, because he let out a petrified squawk.

“Now! Let’s hand out the presents!” The medication deprived Santa smiled toothily as he pulled a bright box out of his bag. “We don’t want your presents!” Demyx cried as his small fists clenched.

The Santa inquired the bone where his eyebrows would be, “But its Christmas.” Zexion grumbled from the sideline, “Actually it’s closer to Halloween…” Demyx merely continued with a rare angry look in his ocean blue eyes, “You can make us stay here all night, but I’ll be kindeltorfed if you make us celebrate the best holiday with you!”

Jack, the Santa obsessed skeleton, looked down at his miniscule leather boots. “Heh, you’re right. I’m just being an idiot…I’m so stupid.” He said while plopping down in to a chair with a look of shame.

Axel mumbled, “Brilliant my dear Watson! I think we’ve solved the case!” Larxene muffled a giggle, and Zexion merely stared ahead hoping this all would end soon. However, the Jack stood up, and that caused Demyx to back up until he was beside Zexion.

He raised the gun and a look of humiliation dawned on him, “I just wanted to spend Christmas with some people.” Each member opened their mouths to say something, but was interrupted as the door slid open, and Roxas stepped in.

He stood beside the gunner, and was unaware of the object right next to his shoulder. “I’ve been waiting out there for 20 minutes! What am I a poodle!?” Roxas exclaimed looking quite perturbed.

Axel raised his arm to point at the gunman, “R-Roxas, look out! He has a gun!” Roxas turned his head to spot the Santa and simply snatched the gun out of his hand. “This is a toy, its plastic.” He informed them with one glance at the supposedly lethal weapon.

“I don’t believe it!” Axel roared at this news before knocking over a shelf. “Neither do I. You guys call yourselves villains?! You can’t even tell a toy from the real piece!?” Roxas declared as he shoved the gun back in to Jack’s hand, and threw his hands up in the air in disappointment.

The five left the store, after Roxas beheaded the skeleton and left it to wander around the store searching for its head. They got on to their bikes, and each was in the same bad mood, with the exception of Demyx.

They weren’t about to obey the speed limit, and raced back to Castle Oblivion at speeds of 87 mph. As they were zooming down the crossroads they became unaware of two figures standing there.

“Ahead lies something you need, but to claim it you must lose something de-AHHHHHSWEETJESUS!” Axel’s bike ran over someone adorned in the same trench coat as his, but still kept speeding along.

“Umm…” A boy in giant clown shoes, and an out-of-style red jumpsuit asked as he looked down at the figure. “Ugh…” The figure groaned as it’s broken arm twitched. The porcupine headed boy pointed to the left, “I need to go…over there…right now.”

He slowly started to walk up a hill towards what seemed a cracked out dog, and giant, booze deprived duck yelling, “BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE!?” Meanwhile, that figure was still lying there, and his broken limbs proceeded to twitch.

“This means war…” He groaned as his hood blew off to reveal the feminine face of Marluxia.​


New member
Apr 9, 2006
In the ghetto… seriously.
That was so funny. I couldn't help laughing my ass off. Bimbo Hillary Duff... Ha- Ha! SorasAngel1292, you are a genius. Larxene singing Everybodys' Fool is funny and desturbing. Jack Skellington with a toy gun is also funny. Axel running over Marluxia with a red Harley is very hilarious. I love it, please write some more before a die from the lack of good fan fiction.
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beginning and end
Jun 22, 2005
xDDDD lmfao

it's weird, i was listening to Everybody's Fool when i started reading that chapter o__o...

weird coincidence. i laughed my ass off when Axel ran over Marluxia with the motorcycle xD

write more @_@
Mar 7, 2005
Oh, just hanging out with Demy - HEY GET BACK HERE
Heheh, Roxas's right: what kind of villains are they if they couldn't even tell a toy gun from a real gun XP

I liked it when Demyx freaked out about Zexion looking at the cigarettes and babbling on about death and forest fires XP.

I think Dr.Finkelstein was experimenting with Jack's brain eariler XP.

And poor Mar is as picked on as always...probably gonna six some killer plant on Axel's motorcycle now XP


New member
Jun 9, 2005
somewhere you will never know....."laughs evilishy
dam that part with axel running over marluxia was HILARIOUS
that was the part that got me laughing the most

oh yeah i forgot the part about the viagra was funny to...maybe you should use that in the next chapter?? PLEASE i wanna see how demyx turns out after he uses it in his "chocolate drink"
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