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Fanfiction ► First Fan-Fic Needs a Name



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Arxos

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Chapter 1 : Freinds Stick Together


"Arxos!" yelled an average hight girl with Red hair

"What do you want Saneley" He asked "To torture me even further?" He yelled down the hall at her

"No Arxos, I didnt mean to do anything" She said sadly runing towards him "I didnt mean to hurt you,I just felt so alone, I need someone" She replied again as she stopped in front of him crying

"Alone?" He screamed in rage "You didnt need to touch my best freind" He said as he started to walk away again

"No, please stop" she said as she latched on to him "I didnt mean to do any thing" She said as she grasped him tighter locking her hands tightly

"You didnt mean to kiss Lestorn?" Arxos said againg in anger "How can I beleive that after I walked in on you kissing him?"

"He ws kissing me" She cried "I tried to get him off me"

"yea" He said angrily but with a smirk "when you were on the top after he fell on the couch trying t get you off"

"How do you know that he didnt fall when I tried to get him off?" She said once more as her grasp loosend

"I know becouse I saw it from the beginning" he said as he pushed her away alightly "I walked in the doorway as you latched onto him saying 'I need you Lestorn' I was just frozen in rage I couldnt say anything" he said as he walked out the front door slamming it shut as he walked out into the cold dark rain

"Arxos wait up" Lestorn yelled "Im sorry about this, you know it wasnt me right?" Lestorn asked

"Yea I know" he said softly "I mean, its Tropical Islands, things like this always happen here" he said

"I know what you mean man" Lestorn said "but freinds forever right man?" he said as he stuck out his hand

"Of course no matter were we are or what happens, Freinds stick together" Arxos said happily "Besides I knew she like ugly brown haired kids with long spiky hair and a little taller than her"

"Ha ha, I think your right" he said "I mean how could a girl ever fall for a a tall guy with long spiky black hair with red tips and has a thin wonmens figuiar" He said in a smart alicly way

"Oh thanks" he replied "wanna stay the night at my house?" he asked

"well, yea I guess" he said "just didnt want to miss taco night"

"Hey, Ill order pizza" Arxos said perswadingly

"With mushrooms?" he asked in a snap?

"Yuck, I still cant beleive you like mushrooms" He said disgustedly "ok, but half mushroom half Peperonie"

"alright ill stay" Lestorn said "could I see your cell?" he asked

"Yea sure" Arxos said "here ya go" He said as he handed his cell phone to Lestorn

'Beep! Beep Be-Beep! Beep! Be-Beep!

"Hey mom, could I stay the night at Arxos's house?" He asked "I know but were gonna order pizza, alright thanks mom" He hung up the phone " I can stay but once thing, we gotta play some games and stuff ok?"

"I know, obiviosly we will, its a rainy night, its real dark out and" He said "I know this cool place we can go but we need some flash lights and coats, plus pop and well bring the izza" he said "this is our new hang out, and I think youll like it"​




Tell me what you think its the first Faan-Fic I have ever done
also I may need some artists unless you can tell me were to get a cheap Scanner

but I still need some one for charicters

well what do you think

and suggest a name please
 

Cloudy_Card

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Whoa! there is WAY too much dialouge in this thing. it's all dialogue, try to put some description in there.

As for a title, i think the first chapter's title "Friends Stick Together" would work.
 

Arxos

New member
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well, its not only bout that, but I will add details Could you help me a bit?
Im not good with detail in storrys and stuff,

also the storry in chapter 2 trails to the keyblade and new creatures
 

Katattack

Thank You Jonathan Larson
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
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Recounting my exploits as an Anarchist. =D
The first name of your fiction tells me you are unoriginal.

The first sentence of your fic tells me that you are illiterate.

Start from scratch, an original character with an original name. Stray away from the Sora stuff. Forget all that.

Write your own story.
 

Arxos

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Apr 28, 2006
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alright fine than and I am not illiterate (that means I cant read)
and I can im just not the best with grammer srry and I will make somthing orriginal
ok

I do need a lil help with description could someone give me a link to a good fanfic so I can get some grammer tips and description tips from it than make my own orriginal one
 

Zezima

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Mar 30, 2006
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There's too much dialogue, and your spelling and grammer could use some help.
 

Zezima

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2006
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Location
U.S.A
You could check out my fic It might not be too good, but you can see for yourself.

It is called "A Tainted Heart"
 
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