• Regarding KINGDOM HEARTS Melody of Memory Spoilers

    Copies of KINGDOM HEARTS Melody of Memory are out in the wild, which means spoilers are likely to appear at any point. Although this game has very few cutscenes and story content, we still request that users follow our standard spoiler procedures.

    KINGDOM HEARTS Melody of Memory spoiler policy will end on December 13th, 2020.

    Spoiler threads will need to be tagged with the "Spoiler" prefix. Discussion inside of the thread does not need to be put under spoiler tags, so it is at your discretion to use them.

    Spoilers outside of spoiler threads MUST be hidden using the spoiler tag.

    If you do not follow these rules, your account will be banned.

Equlia1: the story of Matthew and Emily



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS

Roaringflames

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
321
Awards
0
Location
My secret lair, the COMMON SENSE base of justice,
chapter 1: infiltriting part 1

Equila was a land of peace and hope filled with imaginary creatures and people. This world was made by the thoughts of kids. They thought up different sections for everybody. The bullies calmed 1/4 of the land for themselves making goblins and dragons ihabit the place. The girls calmed 1/4 again for the girls and called "Girl land". Geeks took 1/4 of the land for geeks and science lovers and called "Metro city". Finally those who loved to fight with swords and sheilds got the last part and named it "Kight's Kingdom". One fine day in Equila the people in Metro city started to revolt against the world of Equila , hoping to end the revolt the king Makalias sent his best two soilders, Matthew and Emily. They both were highly trained but used differnt sword styles , Matthew used a Great sword a giant heavy sword which looks like the king's excailbur. Emily used 2 daggers and magic effectly in a haste like mannor. They both took off their imperial armor and put on some Elf armor and headed though the enchanted forest which seprates every land from each other.

"We need to head east Emily" said Matthew pointing east on a compass

"Ok Matthew" said Emily
 
Last edited:

Shinra

Banned
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
7,182
Awards
1
  • Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy
chapter 1: infiltrating part 1

Equila was a land of peace and hope filled with imaginary creatures and people. This world was made by the thoughts of kids. They thought up different sections for everybody. The bullies calmed 1/4 of the land for themselves making goblins and dragons ihabit the place. The girls claimed 1/4 again for themselves and called it: "Girl land". Geeks took 1/4 of the land for geeks and science lovers and called their home "Metro city". Finally those who loved to fight with swords and sheilds got the last part and named it "Knight's Kingdom". One fine day in Equila the people in Metro city started to revolt against the world of Equila , hoping to end the revolt the king Makalias sent his best two soilders, Matthew and Emily. They both were highly trained but used different sword styles , Matthew used a Great sword a giant heavy sword which looks like the King's Excailbur. Emily used a 2 daggers and magic effectly in a haste-like manner. They both took off their imperial armor and put on some Elf armor and headed though the enchanted forest which seprates every land from each other.

"We need to head east Emily" said Matthew pointing east on a compass

"Ok Matthew" said Emily
There were a few mistakes and I used some better terms to familiarize and reduce repitition

The edited parts are bolded and underlined...And stilll you need to work on your lengthening skills
 

Oracle Spockanort

a female bisexual POC so think before you post
Staff member
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
33,902
Awards
64
Age
29
Location
California
Website
twitter.com
  • Put That Thing Back Where It Came From
  • 15th Anniversary
  • Just Short of the Mark
  • Advanced Chain of Memories
  • Beauty Within
  • Keyblade Champion
Needs exposition. Most of the time people are saying don't have too much exposition, but since the length of this is about as long as what I write as half of my introductory paragraph in a paper, you need more description.

And you say one-fourth. Not 1/4th.
 

Realm Walker

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
699
Awards
0
Maybe you should try showing, not telling. Just my two cents.
 
Last edited:
Top