• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

Fanfiction ► Embedded Scars



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
I am working on a story, not KH related, called "Embedded Scars." I wanted to see if it seemed interesting so I am posting it here to get some feedback.
This is the prolouge and the only part of the story in first person, enjoy it while it lasts.... [insert miniacle laugh here]



Prologue

I looked over the land, watching it burn into a crisp. The horrified screams of children was like hearing hell call out to me, begging me to continue the bloodbath. Ashes leapt out from the depths of the fire and speckled the sky like an invading army of black rose petals. Clouds of smog had covered the once azure sky and blocked out all light that used to bring the villagers hope in their world of poverty and famine. This was mercy for them. Death without suffering, they should thank me from my brutality, it saved them the pain of living.

"Sire! The warriors of Lord Akira are attacking our front, we must make haste!" One of the generals bellowed from the ground below me.

I sighed. Parting was such sweet sorrow, I absolutly hated leaving the flames that danced across the unfertile soil, but I had more important business to attend to. I jumped from the ledge and landed firmly on the ground. I rose from my crouched position and signaled for a retreat. If this went on any longer it would merely be a waste of my precious time and our forces. The general understood and ordered the troops to fall back. This disappointed the soldiers, they hadn't fought in many days and were itching to kill something. They followed orders and returned, but most were disturbed by my subtle decision. They knew we had the advantage and were sure to win, never had I, their leader, called such a shameful action. I cared very little about the shame they said this would bring. Although I did not enjoy bestowing shame on the warriors that I commanded, or me, but retreat brought no such thing. The thought was just an early on believed lie that seemed to have poisened the minds of my army, and the lands we were trying to conquer.

The troops were loaded onto transports and sent back to our base. I stayed behind, lingering in the shadows of the still burning landscape waiting for a single soldier that was missing in action. She was sent to retrieve an object from the enemy base and return it to me within the time we set the town a flame and left the area in an unexpected retreat. Late she was and consequences there will be if she did not return because of a sly betrayal.

Forty-five minutes passed and she ceased to return. I put too much trust in her services. After all, she was just a rookie with skill that reluctantly was chosen to do my bidding. I sighed, turned, and headed towards my reserved vehicle left inside a nearby cave. I'd send a team to bring her and the item back to base, with or without force.

I opened the door to find my outlandishly dressed, deviant rookie sitting in the drivers seat.

"Ahoy Captain! What took ya so long?" She grinned at me childishly.

I snickered. "You do know how to drive?" I added sarcastically.

"Um, no, not really," she sang, and with that we rode back to base in the new born twilight.
 
Last edited:

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
Chapter One
The battle raged onward, air thick with tension. Blood stained the ground and blinded many soldiers' sense of fair play. War has an explicit design, kill or be killed. This one statement that fueled the soldiers longing to see this battle to the end and beyond. Not only had this kept them going, but is what also kept them back.

Men lay on the ground, many wounded and stacked on the dead corpses of their fallen allies. Swords clashed and guns fired, littering the ground with more lifeless bodies. The warriors fought in waves, both sides crashing against each other like an opposing current. The illusion of war drums beat in everyone's angered hearts and drove the warriors to move onward in the bloody battle, like emotionless dolls, carrying out their master's bidding. Shiro stood in the middle of it all, killing all who dared to challenge him and his strength. His katana flashed only every so often in the suns golden rays, almost invisible to the naked eye.

He looked up to the sun every now and then, entranced by its rays of "hope". How he longed to know why it fueled his enemy with hope and courage.

It lowered steadily on the horizon and set, sending its crimson rays upon the earth, creating an atmosphere that made it seem as if the blood that had been shed on the field was rising into the air. For brief moments the fighting stopped as everyone watched the last rays of twilight disappeared under the horizon. But the peaceful magic could only last so long before the battle once again flourished.

The little thieving cadet, Rose, fought brutally. Showing no mercy to the enemy, she killed many more than even some of the higher ups in the military. She was different when in battle, no longer the care free, fourteen year old child she appeared to be face to face. A grim frown was painted onto her lips, It was the first time he had seen her childish smile fade. The sight made him grin. War seemed to change everyone, for the better or the worse. That child was his hope, she would be the one to finish this.

One perticually foolish warrior ran at him, screaming some outragious battlecry. Shiro cut him down, first his hand, then his arm.

"Pathetic," he watched the young soldier cry in pain at his feet. "You assume too little from your enemy."

Reluctantly, he stabbed the boy in his heart and twisted his blade so the young warrior did not have to suffer much more pain. People his age are not fit to fight in such battles; they were never meant to taste the hate of war.

A woman from the enemy tried to attack him from behind, acually succeding by slicing his shoulder a bit.Though it was barely an identifying mark, he found this to be a bit funny. He smiled at the woman; never before had this happened, and to make it even more interesting, a woman inflicted the damage. He would keep this one, just for a while, she would provide an excelent way to pass time later when he had nothing left to do... maybe even a valuble fight oppenent.

He grabbed her by her long brown hair and grabbed her by her throat.

"Can you breathe?" he asked coldly, a smile brewing on his face.

She chocked then passed out from lack of oxygen. he dropped her on the ground; he would retrieve her later.

The enemy started to come from all sides, attacking as brutally as Shiro's army, the Antimos, bothered putting effort into. The enemy forces, the Liniants, were weaking, only making Shiro's once exciting challenge mere child's play.

For hours the casualties grew heavier on both sides until the enemy was beaten
into a corner labeled "retreat or death." Shiro started to lead the last wave of soldiers to conquer the remaining opposing troops but they called a quick retreat and fled from the bloodstained battleground.

Shiro gathered the woman who had wounded him and headed to the edge of the single hill on the edge of the plain.

A man came and stood beside Shiro, his armor cracked in several places and some of it broken off on the edges. The shoulder blades on his armor were cut clean off and blood from the enemy soldiers stained much of his chest armor. The lieutenant no doubt, no one got as beaten as he did, or wore such heavy armor. Even so, no one every fought harder than his loyal friend.

"Who do you have there?" he asked, chuckling.

"A woman who mighjt prove useful," he answered bluntly.

"In your personnal life? Are you so desperate that you will pick up some woman off the battle field?" The lieutenant laughed.

Shiro sent a sharp gaze at him, showing he was not in the mood for his humor.

"How many are dead?" Shiro questioned him; hopefully the cost was not too high he thought.

"About one-thousand men sir. The enemy lost over five-thousand," he answered, now serilous.

He sighed, "So, how many are wounded?"

"About half of what's left," he answered quietly.

"Make sure they are taken care of." The lieutenant nodded, understanding his quest.

"They broke away from battle quicker than they did last times. And to think they
were once a threat," commented the second lieutenant. "Amazing how just one decision can turn the tides of war," he added.

"Amazing indeed," Shiro mused, "Do you all still think that little retreat was a shameful decision?"

"Most have seen the advantage of that situation but some still reside in the old ways."

"You for instance?" Shiro inquired.

"Well of course. I was raised believing that, but it seems to have balanced the power dilemma in this costly war."

Shiro stood firm watching the moon take the suns place in the night sky. Replacing the enemies hope with his fear as the darkness consumed the suns last remaining light. The blue rays that were cast upon the battle field replaced the red blood with purple puddles, creating an ocean of blossoming terror and untouched vengeance. Night's intricate design wove a story of elusive betrayal with no consolation of the non-combatants. Only one would prevail in the darkness of the night, the unobtrusive, unperceived warrior who silently contemplates the situation intently. Someone who had just emerged from his cavernous mind of solitude.

"No, Vincent," Shiro corrected, his mind's thoughts in a pensive, "I believe it has completely tipped the scale."
 
Last edited:

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
ok, I am glad ya'llz likey it! i am working on Chap 2 and if you all keep encouraging meh and giving meh a big head *wobbles* lol, I will be able to finish without losing interest... well don't give meh a big head... I won't fit through the door then... *gets stuck*

Chap 2 should be down withen an hour or two... depending on my intrest...
 

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
I'm sorry Chap. 2 isn't that great but i was on the phone and stuff... a bit preoccupied...


Chapter Two


A feast was held that night, in honor of the most recent victory in battle. Shiro stared unwillingly at the wine that had been placed before him. He wasn't in a celebrating mood. Why were the few of them feasting and celebrating when half of the leading forces were wounded and dying.

Shiro placed his goblet on the table in front of him and stood, waiting for silence to fall. The eyes of the survivors and unharmed fell upon him and he cleared his throat gathering all remaining inattentive soldiers.

"I call off this dinner and ask you all to help your wounded allies. If you are found doing anything otherwise you will be punished for neglecting your direct orders, an most importantly, your duty to help your friends."

Most looked on in shock as he left for the medical hall. Conversations spread like a wild fire consuming the room and the surrounding area of the base. If they did not follow orders they had better have a good reason.

Shiro grew tired of the many who said he led a merciless army, leaving the weak and injured in the dust to wither and die. A twisted truth. He could not call it a lie because it was halfly true. He would not leave his loyal followers die so easily, but he would leave betrayers behind to be eaten or die of starvation.

He walked in the medical area and started to rummage through the paper work residing on the entrance desk. None of it was conserning him, or was meant for him to deal with. A relief.

Sighting the woman he had "abducted," he walked over to examine her condition.One doctor stood near the bed, checking off different collums on his checkboard. The doctor walked off, leaving the board on the woman's bedside table. Shiro picked up the clipboard and read the comments the doctor had recorded after performing some tests.

Though Shiro had barely relieved the woman from oxygen for about thirty seconds, it had affected her greatly. She was having had breathing conditions. Maybe her being able to successfully attack him was a stroke of luck, or was she really capible of causing such damage. Still, she was foolish to even try to attack him.

A curious Rose peeried at the girl from beside him. "Who is she?"

Shiro glanced at Rose for a moment then his gaze returned to the lady. "I don't know, why don't you find out yourself?" He turned to walk off, but Rose, the strange monkey-brained creature who found some strange interest in stalking him, followed behind him.

"Come on!" She persisted in pestering him, "Tell me! I wanna know!"

He unsheathed his blade and swung it at her, stopping almost a centimeter from her neck. She stood there, still a perky little chimp, waiting for his answer.

Sinckering, he sheathed his blade and continued onward, "She can be your new play mate."

"HEY! I'm not some kid anymore!" She screched. "I don't need a play mate!"

"Then she can be your maid!" Shiro shot back, pissed off already. He wondered how he could be related to such a primitive minded child. It had been only three years since he had discovered he was related to the small girl.

He had recieved a letter, dated back eleven years. His mother, who apparently died at the birth of Rose, sent him the letter right before Rose was born, telling him to take care of his sister. If it was to reach him that year, he would have only been five. When he acually recieved it, it was on his seventeenth birthday. It was an unnamed package he had got from a merchant while he had been traveling the country. It included an adress to pick her up, but the house had been burnt down over four years before he was given the letter.When he went to rumage through the remains, he found alittle girl, about eleven who was digging in the ashes. That child was his sister, the only thing that had kept him from ultimate peace of mind because of her relentless babbling.

"Vincent was right, you ARE desperate!" She snapped back.

He stomped away growling. Only a few knew she was really his sister. Most wondered why he put up with the weird girl. Some were saying he was getting soft.

For a few hours he attended to some of the soldiers at the med center but grew tired because of his lack of sleep. He had not had a decent night of sleep in days.He hadbeen plagued by the same nightmare for weeks and weeks, and it had been pushing him to the edge. Constanly grouchy, he had been th prime source for chaos in the base for the last few weeks.

He headed to his room, refusing direct contact with anyone. He didn't bother to change, just layed on his bed and tried to think of how he would deal with the next battle he was soon to encounter. Half way though his thoughts he
dosed off, soon to enter the realm of terror and fire.
 
Last edited:

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
Chapter Three

Blankets of red slowly descended in the heated room. The crimson sheets burst into millions of red cherry blossom petals and scattered in the small white room. Some fell into Shiro's hands; instinctively, he tries to brush them off. The petals leave a red substance on his hands, with a smell he knew all too well. Blood.

More and more of the flower petals fell, literally a rain of blood. The contrast of white and red made him dizzy, confusing his sences and creating a blinding illusion. Then a scent of white plum overpowered the blood.

A sillhouette of a woman stood never a corner, holding up a fan to hide her face. Shiro approached her, consumed by his own curiosity. He reached out, feeling some long lost childish longing, to be held, to be loved. The woman did not respond. He tried to call out to her but his voice emitted no cries, as if he had been robbed of his speach.

He started to run, something here was so fimiliar. A whisper entered his ears, that of a woman, was it her? The petals started to cloud his vision, denying him of his speach and sight. He swatted at the blossoms even more determined to reach the lady who whispered in his mind. He caught a glance of her, still standing as she was, now even closer. As soon as he saw her for mere moments, the flowers once again envoloped his vision.

He stumbled onto the ground, now drenched in the thick liquid that surrounding the cherry blossum petals. He saw the lady's ffet and he got up to see her face. He heard a giggle and smiled. Whoever this was, somehow he knew her.

The fan she held started to fold up, revealing a hidious face. Decaying flesh covered the womans head and, what was once probably beautiful brown hair, a few white hairs were randomly placed. Her eyes were red-violet and full of emptiness and death. An aura of evil surrounded her body. A hollow laugh echoed through the room from an unseen soul.

He fell backwards on the ground, frightened like a little child. The woman pulled out a dagger and jabbed at his stomach. Then-

He awoke from his sleep. It didn't last as long this time... it stopped in the beggining.

A knock at his door made his heart jump; so that's what woke him from his nightmare, thank the gods. He stumbled towards the door, the dizziness of sleep still over powering his sences. He opened the door, a bit groggy.

"Lord, it's the captive from the last battle! She has-" his sentence was cut short by a loud clanking that could be heard from the hallway.

Shiro grabbed his sword, which had fallen to the floor during his sleep, and skidded out the door, almost knocking over the man.

"What happened?" Shiro's voice filled with concern. He began to dart down the hallway.

"We don't know. At first she was normal, barely awake, talking to someone she thought was with her.Then she must have realized where she was and attacked one of the doctors! Thy sent me to find you," he answered as he stuggled to keep up with Shiro.

Shiro pushed by a few clueless men who had also heard the noise but could find no answer from their fellow soldiers.

Shiro rushed through the doors of the medical hall where he found the woman holding a knife to the doctors neck. Quickly, he pulled her hand with the knife away from the man's neck and pulled her away from him. She tried to escape his grip but he refused to release the woman.

"Let me go!" the woman screamed.

The doctor, whose life was indanger, had ran to a group of people who had found them. His eyes were filled with terror, and he shook with fear.

"Silence!" Shiro spoke into her ears, "We don't want to hurt you, don't force us agains't our wills."

She calmed down a little, "Why should I believe scum like you!?" He loosened his grip and she stumbled across the room. Turning immediately to keep an eye on him, she hissed, "You have no honor!"

Shiro, already sick of such arrogant accusations, just stared back with a frown imprinted on his face. Drawing his sword he answered, "You seriously want to die, I can save you the effort of going any further."

"Yes, go ahead! Attack an oppenet that is defenceless."

"Last time I checked, you still had that knife in your hands."

She did not know how to answer, but Shiro signaled for one of the onlookers to retrieve her blade.

The soldier reached into a corner and tossed it to Shiro, who then slid it across the floor to the woman.

"So your grave isn't completely blank, may I ask your name?" Shiro said mockingly.

"Heh, I doubt that will happen, but fine, I'll play your game. Alana." She answered.

He smiled then lunged at her, blade aimed at her chest. She blocked, almost too late, surprised at his speed. He fell back and she swung her blade at him, though he easily dodged. She stuck at him and he grabbed her arm with ease swinging her into the wall.

"Should we really be putting all these wounded people in danger just for our little battle?" Shiro said, enjoying this game, she was not a challenge at the least.

By the wall she had been knocked into was a severly injured man, where a medicinwas being feed into his body to keep him alive until he healed. Alana saw the man and ran over and pulled out the IV in which the medicin was transfored in.

"How long will he last without this? Five? Ten minutes?" She dropped the tube on the floor and continued, "Do you wat to find out?"

His eyes full of hatred for the woman, ran over and pushed her to the ground, and held her down. "Medic, someone, come over here and help him."

One of the doctors that had been watching rushed over to attend to the patient. The others followed after him.

Shiro pulled the woman to her feet and heldher hands behind her back. "That was a dirty trick you tried to play."

She smiled, happiness flooded her mind; she had one up on the great warrior Shiro, if she died then she would be a shining hope for her people. Now she knew his weakness. Though she never would have known it, Shiro, one who had killed thousands of her people with ease, cared for his fellow warriors with passion, all anyone would have to do is hurt someone dear to him and they'd have him distracted long enough to damage him enough to claim victory.

He handed her over to three guards, ordering her to be chained in their private prision on the other side of the base. She laughed at him as she was carried away, her laugh as hollow as the one in his dream, just like that of his-

"Whatcha doin'?" Rose peeped as she watched her so called "maid" to be carried away by the guards.

"Waiting for an answer," he said while starting to walk off. Rose, too curious with her maid's bussiness, ran off with the guards to gather information that she had, somehow, not already aquired.

He watched her scurry away before he once again was lose in his own stirred up thoughts.


SRY IF IT HAS A LOT OF ERRORS!
 
Last edited:

Rage

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2004
Messages
580
Age
34
Location
Oklahoma
I love the story....awesome detail to the little things, and some pretty good characters, especially Rose (shes a very nice asset and provides some humor for the story)

Only thing i see up to this point, is you need to explain how Shiro and Rose look. I like having a blank image of them for a few chapters, so i can set my own imagination with how they would look, but i think it'd be better now to know what they look like.

Had some errors there towards the end of Chapter 3, got a little confusing to read., But keep going, i'm loving this story so far!!
 

Chip

New member
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
687
Age
36
Location
In a shoe longing for popcorn.
Website
s6.invisionfree.com
Rage said:
I love the story....awesome detail to the little things, and some pretty good characters, especially Rose (shes a very nice asset and provides some humor for the story)

Only thing i see up to this point, is you need to explain how Shiro and Rose look. I like having a blank image of them for a few chapters, so i can set my own imagination with how they would look, but i think it'd be better now to know what they look like.

Had some errors there towards the end of Chapter 3, got a little confusing to read., But keep going, i'm loving this story so far!!
Yeah, i have the edited versions in my locker at school... but guess what? My lock won't open! So you guys have to bare with me until I get my locker open...

I am stuck on this chapter but I will finish it soon! Just keep checkin' in! *should have it done today- a week from now tops, lol*
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top