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General ► Do you ever just really despise your siblings?



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Face My Fears

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I think I honestly just stopped caring. The only problem is my tendency to retaliate. If I can learn to keep my cool, I can finally coast through life ignoring them forever except work.
See I get that, but I've gone through a lot of family crap, and after years and years of seeing how it affected me... I kind of just realized that the baggage I carry around and having to deal with in my mind and heart every day is too much. So I try to deal with it. I've spoken with the family members that cause the issues and the conversation actually helped a bit. At least it's baby steps, but to me I would rather try and fix it, than just deal with it for the rest of my life and never have that closure.

If I tried to fix it and it just got worse, that would have still been a form of closure for me because at least I would know I tried and the other parties involved didn't want to bother fix it.

Again, that's just my own personal opinion and how I would approach it. If you or anyone else's situation is more hostile, then handle it in the way that works best for you.
 

Alpha Baymax

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That's true. But some people need guidance. The fact is that maybe the older brother is going through stuff too that the younger brother doesn't know, and the two not understanding/communicating with each other is just adding more negativity and hostility? I'm not in the situation and don't know the guy, but I wouldn't just dismiss the older brother immediately as a piece of crap. You can't expect someone to change or even acknowledge their bad behaviour if no one calls him out for it or tells him that it's bad. I do wonder what the parents had to say about all of this.
In retrospect, I suppose you're right.

I come from a culture where people who are older than you have authority over you with an expectation to be submissive with all their demands so I guess that's warped my perspective in terms of objective advice for a topic like this.
 

Face My Fears

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In retrospect, I suppose you're right.

I come from a culture where people who are older than you have authority over you with an expectation to be submissive with all their demands so I guess that's warped my perspective in terms of objective advice for a topic like this.
I'm from a culture like that too, very much so. I guess I was just different and really wanted to fix the issues, so I stood up and took a chance and brought up the issues. That was recently, I'm not sure if it's because things changed from when I was younger - because when I was younger, I would have never thought to even try it.
 

Idreamaboutcats

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Honestly the only reason I think I’m still alive is I really like to hold grudges, including against family members. It’s not much but it ehh, I’ll take what I can get.

That and food.
 

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Relationships with siblings can be really complicated and I do feel like there's a change in them throughout different stages of life.

Like now my older sister is probably the family member I trust and rely on the most for personal things. But over the years we went from being pretty close (before school) to strangers that live together (school years) to reliable friends (adults). We still get on each others nerves from time to time, but we can also talk to each other about our problems.

Your brother sounds like a pain. Trying to talk things out with him might be a good idea, but that really depends on how willing he is to admit to there being a problem and not just blame you. If there's no reasoning or talking to your brother, I'd suggest lowering the amount of interactions to the necessary. Instead focus your time and energy on the good familial relationships, like you mentioned having with your sister.
 

KeybladeLordSora

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Okay, talking things out with him will never work.

His head's so far up his own ass that he never gets that he's a problem and instead just keeps whining and whining because he legitimately doesn't understand that he's a pain in the ass that just causes problems.

He always starts arguments cuz he can't stop running his mouth and refuses to get involved in helping unless it relates to him and his fucking overblown weed shit gang ego.

I wish he stayed homeless. He seemed to like it better that way anyway considering how many times he glorified it despite hating it at the same time.
 

Face My Fears

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Okay, talking things out with him will never work.

His head's so far up his own ass that he never gets that he's a problem and instead just keeps whining and whining because he legitimately doesn't understand that he's a pain in the ass that just causes problems.

He always starts arguments cuz he can't stop running his mouth and refuses to get involved in helping unless it relates to him and his fucking overblown weed shit gang ego.

I wish he stayed homeless. He seemed to like it better that way anyway considering how many times he glorified it despite hating it at the same time.
Then tell your parents that he's being an abusive piece of crap and that he's grown, so they should throw him out so he can get his own place.

You don't need a bad influence and all that negativity in your life.
 

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In retrospect, I suppose you're right.

I come from a culture where people who are older than you have authority over you with an expectation to be submissive with all their demands so I guess that's warped my perspective in terms of objective advice for a topic like this.
I'm from a similar culture too, and as the oldest of four siblings (although it feels a lot more like 8 siblings considering I've probably spent a good 40-50% of my life living with my cousins) I can easily tell you that, yeah! It is super easy to carry on being an egotistical person when you're in that position of power. As a younger teen, I would kinda power trip all over my younger sister who probably would have been 7-9 around that age. I'm glad I grew out of it and had my own reality checks before I turned 15/16 and really became a bitch. Plus, I hated having to be submissive to people older than me, regardless of who they were, if I knew they were bs'ing, and from a young age I never took that easy, it didn't sit well with me that I had started doing the same thing I hated.

When you're older, you're always gonna *wanna* feel like you need a little bit of deference, but that doesn't happen because you were born with it, you need to earn that respect. He's clearly not earnt it, so he doesn't deserve it, it's sad and I hope you can settle on an agreement, but if not its best for you to just completely cut him out. He's 23, he should have realised a long time ago he's not the center of anyone's world, especially not yours
 

KeybladeLordSora

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Like a physical one? As long as you're OK, that's what matters.

How much longer do you have to live at home? Do you have any other family you could stay with to get away from him?
I did live with my grandfather for a while, but I wasn't on the lease so I had to move back to where I am now.

And yes, it was briefly physical.
 

HeartsProdigy

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I did live with my grandfather for a while, but I wasn't on the lease so I had to move back to where I am now.

And yes, it was briefly physical.
What were your parents doing anyway? Why it's like, from your story, it seems like your parents have shown no care about you and your brother's situation? He's 23, he's actually still young so your parents sure do still have power over him.
 
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