She's not an "it"!
See I get that, but I've gone through a lot of family crap, and after years and years of seeing how it affected me... I kind of just realized that the baggage I carry around and having to deal with in my mind and heart every day is too much. So I try to deal with it. I've spoken with the family members that cause the issues and the conversation actually helped a bit. At least it's baby steps, but to me I would rather try and fix it, than just deal with it for the rest of my life and never have that closure.I think I honestly just stopped caring. The only problem is my tendency to retaliate. If I can learn to keep my cool, I can finally coast through life ignoring them forever except work.
If I tried to fix it and it just got worse, that would have still been a form of closure for me because at least I would know I tried and the other parties involved didn't want to bother fix it.
Again, that's just my own personal opinion and how I would approach it. If you or anyone else's situation is more hostile, then handle it in the way that works best for you.