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Help/Support ► Divorce



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Angel Shards

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I havn't told anyone on the forums yet (with the exception of KL), but last Saturday morning I found out that, after tewnty years of marriage, my parents are splitting up. They just started arguing Saturday morning and I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, just assuming it was another fight that would eventually pass over. Then my mom came into the living room and questioned: "Are you hearing this?" I thought she was just being a drama queen, so I said 'Yes' with a shrug and they went back to fighting. It wasn't until I really started paying attention that I heard them say something about splitting up.

Well, as it turns out, apparently they had been planning this week prior to this little soap opera, but they weren't going to officially seperate until after my first year of University. The reason it came out so soon was because my mom did something to piss off my dad, and he wanted to get back at her by announcing to my Grandparents (who were coming in that day) that they were getting a divorce then leaving. Well, anyways he left for work and I had to go to the university to help out with a play. He stayed at my aunt's house that night. Then, he came back Sunday.

It was really awkward to have him back at home. He slept on the couch while my mom slept upstairs. Then I guess Monday morning they had a talk and my dad said maybe they still had something and should go to marriage counseling, but my mom doesn't want to. It's official.

It's still really hard for me. My mom made it clear that she wants me to live with her, but I don't want to live with either of them. I hate them so much! They just shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. They weren't good for each other. I think my mom is going to make my dad leave soon, and it scares me because I don't know where he'll live, if he'll take our dog, or what will happen to my sister and I. I hate that I had to go through this so late in my life. Even though over 50% of North America's population goes through divorce, I feel like I'm from one of those broken homes. I hate this so much.

Any feedback or even stories of your own would be of great help to me.
 

The Midnight Channel

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Divorce is perhaps the hardest thing to ever go through. On my entire street everyone had a family and kids when my family moved here. 12 years later my family and a familly two houses up are the only ones that havent gone through divorce. Ive never personally felt the pain of divorce, but its probably worse than I could imagine.

Dont say your parents should never have gotten married. Love changes. Do you remember them when they were happy together? Do you remember the times you and your sister had fun with them while they were having fun with you guys? Remember those things. Yes, its terrible thing divorce is, and it puts the weight on the kids, but you gotta keep going. Their love each other still exists, but its in the past. Remember that.
 

Angel Shards

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Honestly...I can't remember the last time they kissed. My only memory of that was when I was like five, and I was closing my eyes because I tought it was gross.

Over the years they have grown to hate one other, and my dad always put the blame on my mom because he could not accept the responsibility of his own actions. Money is the cancer of a lot of this.
 

The Midnight Channel

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Well I'm truly sorry Angel Shards. I hope you can cope, and someone besides me is bound to see this and give some advice on this. I'm also willing to help you out in anyway that you need.

Money is the cancer of many things. You have to understand that they have decieded this for themselves, and that you had nothing to do with it. I saying I use is "Everything happens for a reason." Look for that reason (Which Im pretty sure you have found that) and even though its hard, look for something that may come good out of this. Maybe from your parents spliting they wont fight anymore, and be nice to each other. Time is the best healer.
 

kairigirl

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I'm extremely sorry. While I can't say that my parents have broken up, my mom mentioned once (recently, actually) and it scared the heck out of me and I started crying right there in the middle of the room. <-< Divorce is a scary thing.

Unfortunately people nowadays just marry for the heck of it because they think a guy is amazing (or a girl) and so they think that they'll always be amazing, but they may not be thinking about the things about them they can't stand or that they usually grow up to be like their parents. If a guy doesn't like his mother-in-law because of how she acts, that's how his wife'll be like someday, and the same for a guy and his dad. My dad, a pastor (so he does marriage counseling for both married couples and engaged couples), tells people this. He has a point. You really notice it after a while.

I'm sorry this is happening to you though and hopefully you can get through it.
 

Josiah

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-Sigh- Sadly, I know How you feel >.> Well, Kinda. My Parent's Argue almost Daily, to the point where it brings my younger Siblings to tears, and My Older Bro, Sis and I feel like We Really have to take care of the younger ones ourselfs. My mother Always bashes on him, about how he isn't bringing in enough Money, and that we could end out on the streets Anyday T_T;; (Blach!) I Sit there, and and Watch My Father and Mother Argue trying to break them up, But it doesn't do any good =_=;; And My father Works REALLY Hard, and Even still >_>;; And then One day, My mother Finally brought Me, and My two older sibs into her Room, and Told us not to say anything to the younger ones, and She told us, that She and My father Will Most Likely get a Divorce, Sometime in the Future. And she says If he 'doesn't change' Than It's Over... Done. =( But, Meh? I'm Just always the Cheery Happy Type >_> I Always Believe something Good will happen, even If I don't wanna, and I'm always Making All my bro's and Sister Laugh when there's an Argument going on... (-cougheverydaycough-) GAH! Sometimes I just wanna Go Kadaj on Both My parents TT__TT;;

I Think That you should ALWAYS Think that something Good can happen, cause Afterall, It can =/ Hope This Kinda Helped... <.<;;
 

Spic Steve

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My parents split up when i was a tyke, probably 2-3 years. I really don't remember anything but crying a lot, and thats about it. Its tough, really tough, it feels like theres nothing you can do. But once the dust clears, parents (like mine) realize that they have kids, and they still hav to show you they love you. Even though they are at a rough patch, they don't realize that this is affecting the whole family.

*sigh* people are so selfish, so unthoughtful, so unforgiving...

But i know that they will eventually think about the family they left in tears, and the horrible mistake they've done. I know they might not get together, but they will pull through, and you will to. just remember that they love you and your sister shards..

Hope this helped
 

~{Mindless Insanity}~

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I know what you are going through, my mom and dad just split up recently and it has been hard on me to. My mom doesn't do anything since she seems to be so angry(I would have thought that she wouldn't be like this anymore since her and dad broke up, but, apparenty not)so bascily my older sister(maried, doesn't have a kid and is 23)has been living there and taking care of us, but since she works late a lot I usually have to take care of dinner and putting my little sis to bed.


But yeah, I bet life has been pretty scary and hard for you, my suggestion, see if you and possibly your sis could live with another relitave, I was think of taking me, my bro, and my sis with me to my uncle and aunts place, but they live like really far away and I wouldn't be able to afford the trip since my mom wouldn't give me any money and my sis and just getting through as it is.

Now, I wouldnt suggest doing this, but recently I dropped out of school(I am seventeen anyway and on my last year, and I had to go to some kind of an alternitive school because I was dangerous and mentelly unstapple...yeah, I did a lot of messed up shit to people)and got a job recently, now, I don't know you personally so this might not be for you, but school to me has always been painful and kinda useless since I was always a little smarter then the other kids.

What I am really scared of(and I am sure you are to)is when my mom might get remaried and starts to date, that just seems horrorfying. If this ever happens to you(this is coming from someone in the family I know who went through with this)you just really have to deal with it, but don't try to be nice to him, you can hate him, but don't hurt him, don't really even acknolwedge him if you aren't in the mood, because I can imagine haveing a new dad(or your mom dating)would be really hard.
 

Angel Shards

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Thanks, you guys. Your support has honestly helped me a lot. I'm too afraid... and somewhat ashamed... to tell my friend now in the real world. Especially since my dad is still living with us for some reason... It's so awkward.

MI, I know what you mean. If either of my parents start dating that's it. I know I sound slefish, but I don't want a step mom or dad...I want my real f*cking parents. But both of my parents are in their early 50's, s I doubt they will :\

Thanks guys. Anyways, nothing new to report. Like I said before, my dad is still living in our house, but I don't know for how much longer. We're going to Florida in December for Christmas, and I don't think he'll be coming with us. Ugh. I hate this. With him living here still it feels like the divorce isn't going to happen...and it's going to. It's a false sense of hope that I can't help but cling on to.
 

Henskie

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Ok here is the best help I can give but I will first give my story:
It was the summer before my 5th grade year and I was on my way (with my mother and sister) to VT where we go to vacation every year. My mom said my dad couldnt come because he had to work that week so I didnt question why he wasnt coming. On the way up my mother told us that they were going to get a divorce. She then said we couldnt tell anyone yet because they want to keep it under wraps. (This was very bad because our family was waiting in VT) I was so mad and I felt like I could never understand what was going on and I was just an emotional wreck but I sucked it up and didnt show it during the VT vacation.
My father was still living at the house and a month after the vacation he moved out and moved into an apartment and after about 5 months the divorce was final. I personally wasnt sure how this new set-up was going to go but I hoped I could make the best out of it. It has been 7 or 8 years now and I admit it has its challenges but it isnt the end of the world. Sometimes holidays get a little uncomfortable because one parent wants you to be with them and so does the other.
Another thing is I live with my mother, Oh yeah another thing is I found out 4 years after they got divorced that the main reason why my parents got divorced from the start was the fact my father had cheated on my mother which after he admited it to her and the court he denied to me.

Here is my advice: Dont let new doors opening and old doors closing scare you. I know it is aggravating and scary facing an uncertain future and having something you thought was certain become unraveled but if you face forward and dont back down you will be able to get through it all. You have it slightly easier considering back when my parents got divorced I could never get a straight answer from them because I was too young. If you really feel uncomfortable about living with your mother or your father talk to them and try and work it out. Trust me it does get a little easier to deal. There may be hard times but there are perks as well
 

Katattack

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Our stories, eh?

Alright. Flashback to when Kat was -6 or so.

Well, when a man loves a woman, they make a big mistake and have to get married. My older sister was as they like to say nowadays, "A surprise."

Now, marriage simply for the reason, "lol i got u prgnt n now i hve to marry u" is already a formula for disaster.

Six years later, Kat and Thelonepickle are born. Our parents have been fighting increasingly often, and now, while Kat and Pickle are not yet one year old, our parents have decided to get a divorce.

Now, in my eyes, this has made it much easier for Kat and Pickle. Never did we have to grow up angry at one parent, longing for the other. Nor did we have issues with trust when our parents got married to different people.

I could never picture my parents being married. It seems very odd to me. Some people, at this point, go, "Aww... you poor little Kat. Have a lollipop." but don't. Like I said, I think it's made it easier on me.

However, even now I feel the effects of divorce. Feelings of anger when I see my father bonding with his son and daughter the way I should have been able to have been raised.

Thinking how lucky those kids are that they never have to sit there and watch their father finally get it right. Sometimes I wonder the classic, "Why couldn't he have been happy with our family? Weren't we good enough?" that comes so often with divorce.

Childish, I know. But I can't help it. Nor can I help the unexplained harshness toward my little brother. It makes me disgusted with myself.

It's gonna hurt, man. It may not now, but it will later. I was okay. I lasted a good 12-13 years. But lately it's hit me.

All you can do is endure it. I wish there was more to say.
 

Josiah

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And AS, if you REALLY Want to tell your friend, Then maybe it's a Good Idea >_> A Freind is always there to help you when You need it, Even though it would seem A little Awkward...
 
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Angel Shards

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Anyways, I have told two of my friends, plus my dance teacher/mentor. They told me over and over they're there for me, and I know they are. If things begin to get weird...like if my parents begin to argue I'm going to go live with my one friend for a while. I hate being here.

My dad is still here... just like everything is still normal except he sleeps on the couch and my mom sleep in her bed. I hate this so much. It seems like everything was the way it was before, except for that.

I had the worse dream. My mom said that she found a house two-hours away from where I live now. I thought it was real. Ugh! I'm going insane D:
 
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Josiah

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Anyway, Angel Shards living with a friend for a while is actually a pretty good thing to do... Especially if you feel uncomfortable in your own Home 0.0;;.. Good thing it was only a dream o.o;;
 
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Henskie

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Well we could point out that you are spamming this thread very easily and then there will most certainly be repercussions
 

kairigirl

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^Which there have been. Henskie's post and mine are the only ones left though in reply to Cool-Teen. Guys, don't flame people. Report them. I've gotten on in my half-hour before school to tell y'all this and to fix it. Send a PM to a mod or admin or use the report post button, which someone did.

Cool-Teen, the Help and Support forum are places for help and support. It's not a place where you can rack up posts by saying things in reply. While admitting your parents are together is a reply, it's not the reply that Shards is looking for. She's most likely looking for comfort, support, and help. (Voila, help and support). Perhaps had you added some kind of consolence that would make her feel better you can try posting here again, but other than that don't be rubbing your good fortunes in other people's faces. :/

Thank you.

Shards, I'd reply with something more to you but it's early and I have chores to do before heading off to school. Hopefully I can reply a little more tonight though. And I doubt your mom would live two hours away. Most likely though your parents will probably set up some way that you can go to one house one weekend and the other the next weekend or something, and still go to the school you're going to. And we're here for you as well.
 

Josiah

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^ Yeah, Your right x.x;; should've reported it, besides wasting my sweet, precious time T.T;;
 

Josiah

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^ You mean, just... 'run away, run away'? That's what I Wanted to do when my mom told me they were gonna get a Divorce T.T;;
 

Henskie

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Running away most definitely isnt the answer it will just hurt things more. If your parents are anything remotely like mine they dont want the divorce to be terrible on you and running away will make them feel like crap and overall achieve nothing. The only advice on the not living with either of them would be to live with a relative meaning an aunt or uncle or even a friend
 
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