Didn't want to do this, but I'm stumped.



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King Sora X

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I don't usually go to you guys for advice, but I'm at a dead end, so here's the jist.

I've been friend with this girl for over three years now. We started out as just two people who would say hello to each other every now and then and then upgraded to good friends. We've been talking a hell of a lot more in recent months than we did in the 2-3 years that we've been friends. At the present, I consider her one of my best friends. Now, this is where it gets a little complicated.

I would say over the last week or so, certain feelings have been formed for her and I really don't want them to be there for various reasons. First and foremost, I've been down this road with one of my friends and actually dated them, but it ended badly, so I'm sure y'all can imagine how I fear this will potentially end up with the girl I'm currently liking "in that way". Second reason is that she's currently in love with someone else(another friend of mine) and that guy she likes has a GF, so it's a bunch of complicated shit piling up top each other. The final reason I don't want to feel this way for her is there is a possibility that if I admit my feelings to her, she could reject them and that would just create a whole hell of a lot of awkwardness between us.

I guess what I'm looking for advice-wise is just how to proceed. I'm split on telling her and keeping my big mouth shut.
 

Nutari

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Well, it seems we all have seasons of this complicated bull. I was in the exact same situation- with only a slight detail change, before.

Honestly? Push through it. If you don't want the feelings, just keep trucking. In theory they should wind down- also it may feel terrible, but tell yourself she's not somebody you should date. Eventually, it will stick. However, be careful not to let on your feelings so quickly, because depending on how desperate she is, she may fall back on you as a rebound, which neither of you really want, probably.

At the end of the day, you have two options: Keep pushing through for the friendship's sake or take a risk. It's entirely up to you. It sounds like the better option is to just push through. She doesn't sound ready to date, in my opinion. In her position, I feel like she should know to kill the feelings for the guy with the GF, but she isn't, which only makes things crazy difficult for guys like you.

Tread lightly, my friend.
 

robvandam111

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Listen, the less responsibilities you have in life will make a relationship harder for you. The more responsibilities you have the easier you have a relationship with some one. Now, that sounds like contradictions. The more you build yourself and confident on the things you do. nothing will stop you. That relationship that went badly will only make you understand more and make you want to understand more. As long as you're working, studying and driving! You'll be fine. If you want to give it more time, give it a shot.
 

KeyofEvil'sBane

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I'm going to give you the same advice I would give if you actually wanted to date her: be honest and tell her how you feel. Let her know about your feelings, and be sure to bring up your misgivings based on past experience. If you two are as close as you say you are, I'm sure she will understand and respect that you wish for things to simply remain the way they are. Keeping it bottled up runs the risk of feelings spilling out randomly or things getting even more awkward
 

KairiSakura03

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I wouldn't go through with it; it will only cause more hardships and stress in the end. If you go with how you are right now, you may regret it later and it could cause more issues with ya'lls relationship. Also, if you go through with telling her your feelings, she most likely will reject you because she currently has feelings for someone else and that will make you and she feel even more awful; you also could be ruining a friendship if you do decide to tell her and she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings.
Just grin and bear it; there is too much probable grief surrounding this friendship. Maybe even distance yourself from her if you feel like you may come on too strong and compose and recollect yourself. I think her just being a 'best friend' is tricking your mind into thinking she is someone you want to have feelings for because you two really connect, but from what I pick up from this, is that it will not end up well if you pursue her in her current state - her liking someone and your personal stance on the matter.
However, I can only tell you how I see it. :/ It's all up to you. Hope it works out for you!
 

Dreaded_Desire62

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I'm going to give you the same advice I would give if you actually wanted to date her: be honest and tell her how you feel. Let her know about your feelings, and be sure to bring up your misgivings based on past experience. If you two are as close as you say you are, I'm sure she will understand and respect that you wish for things to simply remain the way they are. Keeping it bottled up runs the risk of feelings spilling out randomly or things getting even more awkward
It's good advice to listen to KeyofEvil'sBane, I mean, you don't want to end up like me, but that's another story. Keeping your feelings bottled up isn't healthy, it has a way of driving anybody over the edge.
 
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