Advice/Help ► Dialogue troubles

[Alexxio M.]

Hi Everyone lately I’ve been having some dialogue troubles with a fanfic of mine. This dialogue is for Isa for a fanfic which takes place after kh3 revolving around an OC that is his and Axels adopted daughter summoning her keyblade for the first time. I imagine Isa’s relationship with his daughter would be similar to a Eri and dadzawa (my hero academia) type thing. This dialouge is supposed to be a reaction to that summoning of the keyblade with him pridefully congratulating her and being amazed at her potential cracking a rare smile at the end. I need help finding inspiration and well words writers block is a beast when you know what needs to happen and what the character is feeling but can’t find the words your looking for. Here’s a link to this story for context.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kucFRFJuOFvAUqTVrkOhJOAAFNu_zNXwukm7txzKzRk/edit
would like to get this done by July 1st
enjoy the story
See more kh themed work here

The Guardian Chronicles - Alexx_M - Kingdom Hearts (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org

 

[Willow A113]

It says request access

 

[Willow A113]

This plot intrigues me, so

 

[Alexxio M.]

Thanks I also have my hero Academia fan fics or rather I have a bunch of character summaries in order to write fanfics

as for the blocked google docs here’s an unblocked version

Destiny at dusk

Destiny at dusk Today is a fine September day in this Twilight Town. A breeze still light from summer but as crisp as fall can be rustles through the air, the sky copper and gold from this town’s famous never ending twilight. I cherish the shine it gives on every surface of the street, the build...

docs.google.com

 

[Willow A113]

Your dialogue isn’t bad. Dialogue is one of the things I struggle most with with writing and it always sounds bad so helping someone else is even harder. Kingdom Hearts never had good dialogue so it’s kinda… fitting? But I digress, your dialogue wasn’t bad and I didn’t feel like it needed to be changed much.
One thing I’d like to say, though. The first time the narrator’s name was said I was confused. “Who is the Rodes person”. I was able to figure it out easily enough, but it still took me out of it a bit. I recommend at the very beginning put a line like “Hi, I’m Rodes”, so everyone know.
A good thing to keep in mind before writing is: Assume the reader knows nothing. Because they don’t. At the beginning, explain everything, dumb it down for them. Not too much, you don’t want to make them feel stupid. You don’t want to give them too much to get memorized either. Just enough for them to understand.

 

[Alexxio M.]

Thanks for the compliment to my dialouge and for the tip about assuming my reader knows nothing (however considering I’m going to be posting this in Ao3’s Kingdom hearts fandoms page with the tag post kh3 I can also assume that readers know at least names of the non-original characters in this fic, some of the lore of these characters and are familiar with the setting). As for the thing about introducing the narrator Rhodes is the daughter this story is about and making her the narrator made sense to me. But when your narrator‘s is meant to get introduced I thought keeping the name a mystery until it absolutely needed to be revealed would be a good way to encourage the reader to keep reading. Any more suggestions on the story and finding words for Isa’s reaction to Rhodes summoning her keyblade for the first time would greatly be appreciated. Thanks