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Devils never cry



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Gram

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1st time i've put one of these here, i rarely make one i like enough to keep and this is the 1st i've decided to post but eh i figure why not~


Do devils cry? Do they dance? Do they hate lies?
No devils never cry~
Do devils enjoy moonlit nights? Do they weep? Maybe even sigh?
No devils never cry~
Do devils love? Do devils fight? Do devils scorn the light?
No devils never cry~
Do devils ever feel lost? Do devils protect? Do devils remorse what they’ve lost?
No devils never cry, but maybe if a “devil” were to dance and love and remorse what’s been lost in those moonlit nights maybe indeed they would cry for this devil surly has found his heart this night.
 
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.Oji

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Not bad, Anagram.

I'm somewhat reminded of Charles Bukowski's "Bluebird" when I read this.
 

KingdomKey

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Was surprised you posted it here after all! xD still think its awesome!
 

Reflection

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uh well i appreciate that you began this with a rhetorical question. that is a good technique to use if you are trying to establish something thoughtful, with many answers. it is ruined though, with the fact that your answer is always the same (and really only answers the first question anyways.)

also "remorse" is a noun not a verb, you can feel remorse, but you cannot "remorse" something. and you spelled surely wrong, surly is quite a different word. ^^;;;

but the last few lines are definitely the best here. i can see how it's like bluebird in that there's a soul here who's afraid of showing emotion and vulnerability because he's subscribed to this stoic identity, a devil, and devils don't do that. this is further enforced by the quotations you put around devil in the end. perhaps a self-examining poem??

thanks for sharing, hope i helped you with my critique :)
 

Gram

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uh well i appreciate that you began this with a rhetorical question. that is a good technique to use if you are trying to establish something thoughtful, with many answers. it is ruined though, with the fact that your answer is always the same (and really only answers the first question anyways.)
you have a point but i wasnt out to establish something with many answers thus there could only be one answer.

also "remorse" is a noun not a verb, you can feel remorse, but you cannot "remorse" something. and you spelled surely wrong, surly is quite a different word. ^^;;;
dont know what your talking about sadly my english classes were my worst xD at most all i know is a noun is person place or thing and i dont remember what verbs are.



but the last few lines are definitely the best here. i can see how it's like bluebird in that there's a soul here who's afraid of showing emotion and vulnerability because he's subscribed to this stoic identity, a devil, and devils don't do that. this is further enforced by the quotations you put around devil in the end. perhaps a self-examining poem??
nope not self examining or anything really when i make one of these i just go with the words that flow into my head and dont really concern with where its coming from or anything honestly just put it down, reason why you noticed the word things you tried to describe.

thanks for sharing, hope i helped you with my critique :)
lol im sure you would've if i knew what you were trying to tell me so thanx anyway but honestly im not out for critique just personal opinions of it.
 
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Reflection

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that is a very very bad attitude to have about writing & cements for me clearly that i don't want to read whatever else you have :v

please don't post if your sole intention is to have all your friends tell you how much they liked it without giving it the fleshed out thought that writing deserves. honestly...
 

Gram

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that is a very very bad attitude to have about writing & cements for me clearly that i don't want to read whatever else you have :v
o,0 but i didnt mean anything bad....what attitude?

please don't post if your sole intention is to have all your friends tell you how much they liked it without giving it the fleshed out thought that writing deserves. honestly...
i didnt mean that either your putting words in my mouth..... :/
 

Reflection

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the attitude of "i don't know what you're talking about but i don't really care i just wanted opinions"

what did you mean then by posting this? do you just want personal opinions? really? would you have liked it better if i told you it was one of the crappiest things i've read on this forum? i precisely picked out those things to say so you would take them into consideration and you aren't even going to google what a verb is?
 

Gram

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now that its all calm, edit~

the attitude of "i don't know what you're talking about but i don't really care i just wanted opinions"
i dont have an attitude and its not that i didnt care its that i really dont know :/ the most i got out of your post was i misspelled a word and used one wrong in some way.

what did you mean then by posting this?
if you mean the poem then i didnt mean anything i just posted it on a whim and in all honesty didnt think i'd ever get more than 2 looks at it seeing as how this section barely gets any views or new threads.

do you just want personal opinions?
yes cause i dont know grammar like you posted early. i mean things like when you mentioned how you didnt like the repetition that kind of thing.

really? would you have liked it better if i told you it was one of the crappiest things i've read on this forum?
honestly yes, yes i would have its straight to the point and i can respect it for that.

i precisely picked out those things to say so you would take them into consideration and you aren't even going to google what a verb is?
i cant take them into consideration if i dont know how i misused the word you pointed out, you can tell me its a verb and i can look it up but that doesnt enlighten me to anything i learn through demonstration not explanation.
if i had an example i'd know what i did wrong.
i did google it but telling me its something to do with actions dont help me much.

i really didnt mean to offend you your post wasnt offensive to me so i had no reason to be like you've claimed me to be :/
my blunt way of speaking offended you and im sorry whether you accept that or not is your issue tho.
 
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Nyangoro

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I take it that English isn't your first language, then? That certainly would explain the direction that this conversation took.

Well, at the very least, for the sake of explaining the whole "verb" thing:

You used the word "remorse" incorrectly, because it isn't the kind of word that you thought it was.

A verb is an action. You are doing something. If I "break" a vase, or "buy" a pen, then those actions (break/buy) are called verbs.

Remorse, however, is not an action. It is a thing (or an idea), which makes it a noun. It's a feeling of regret. You can't use a noun in place of a verb, because the two are very different.

As for the repetition, you repeat "Devils never cry" after every line. She was saying that, while an interesting attempt at repetition (in poetry, repeating something multiple times to make a point), it doesn't work well because the line doesn't really match the question that it's trying to answer. Therefore, the meaning is lost, and it becomes pointless repetition.
 

Reflection

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i'm sorry if i was confusing, anagram >< nyangoro already explained most of the things i would've said but i wanted to make sure things were cool anyway.
 

Gram

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I take it that English isn't your first language, then? That certainly would explain the direction that this conversation took.
haha sadly its my only language i just had horrible grades in it cause i never understood the grammar part of the classes :/ i went to the kind of schools that gave you points long as you had something wrote down so there really wasnt much teaching taught after you learn to read and write.

Well, at the very least, for the sake of explaining the whole "verb" thing:

You used the word "remorse" incorrectly, because it isn't the kind of word that you thought it was.

A verb is an action. You are doing something. If I "break" a vase, or "buy" a pen, then those actions (break/buy) are called verbs.

Remorse, however, is not an action. It is a thing (or an idea), which makes it a noun. It's a feeling of regret. You can't use a noun in place of a verb, because the two are very different.
oooooh~ i see thank you i wasnt clear how remorse wasnt a verb.

As for the repetition, you repeat "Devils never cry" after every line. She was saying that, while an interesting attempt at repetition (in poetry, repeating something multiple times to make a point), it doesn't work well because the line doesn't really match the question that it's trying to answer. Therefore, the meaning is lost, and it becomes pointless repetition.
actually this was the part i understood slightly but im not sure how to fix it since i pretty much meant for the meaning to be in the end of it ^^'

thank you sir you explained it clearly to me~

i'm sorry if i was confusing, anagram >< nyangoro already explained most of the things i would've said but i wanted to make sure things were cool anyway.
its okay im sorry if offended you but like i said im a blunt speaker so a lot of what i say tends to be taken in wrong ways ;~;
things were always cool i was never mad by it just didnt understand what you were talking about.
 
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Annoyance

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Just popping in to say that you should never stop trying to learn and grasp grammar, regardless of what your grades tell you in English.

Fun fact: I failed English I 2 times in high school and never really got outstanding grades in it ever, honestly, I got a B in my last attempt at Eng. I, the rest were Cs or Ds on the higher classes. :D Though the grading was for various other reasons.

Regardless, English is a messy and complicated language, but you shouldn't give up and blame it on your school system. You just have to beat that.

So, Anagram, keep trying, don't give up, you can always improve. Never turn down critique because we are always just trying to help you become better at writing.
 
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