Critiquing as I read~ and this is what happens:
Opening was very cute =w= Talk about "Childhood echo" XDDDD and the addition of the bold made it VERY clear that they were not happy
Looks like you're settling on a style, good, good *Golem talk* -> "He's getting molded, he's getting molded~!"
Sora playing guitar? Quick! We need some Les Paul and Santana in here STAT! And, and that Time in a Bottle guy which I shame because I can't remember his name, crap >_<
Ewwwww~ Stinky Roxas, reminds me of my brothers, especially the older one XD
Also, I'm sorry, but when I read Shibuya, I immediately thought of Shibusen XD
"In the end they were stuck in Shibuya's labyrinth of streets." <- YES! Lovin' that description and the pace around it.
"Sora and Roxas looked over to where Riku was looking at. It took a little while but they could see something moving. It seemed to be following someone as they started to take paths away from the crowd. The three looked at each other then rushed over to where the person was walking. Even though they were going as fast as they could they still lost sight of them in the crowd. When they reached the area they guessed the person disappeared at they looked around." <- a little stiff in description, watch out for that~
and as for the inspired world, THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!! THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!! >X3
Or.....Naruto...? Meep.....Akira...? I dunno XD
Opening was very cute =w= Talk about "Childhood echo" XDDDD and the addition of the bold made it VERY clear that they were not happy
Looks like you're settling on a style, good, good *Golem talk* -> "He's getting molded, he's getting molded~!"
Sora playing guitar? Quick! We need some Les Paul and Santana in here STAT! And, and that Time in a Bottle guy which I shame because I can't remember his name, crap >_<
Ewwwww~ Stinky Roxas, reminds me of my brothers, especially the older one XD
Also, I'm sorry, but when I read Shibuya, I immediately thought of Shibusen XD
"In the end they were stuck in Shibuya's labyrinth of streets." <- YES! Lovin' that description and the pace around it.
"Sora and Roxas looked over to where Riku was looking at. It took a little while but they could see something moving. It seemed to be following someone as they started to take paths away from the crowd. The three looked at each other then rushed over to where the person was walking. Even though they were going as fast as they could they still lost sight of them in the crowd. When they reached the area they guessed the person disappeared at they looked around." <- a little stiff in description, watch out for that~
and as for the inspired world, THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!! THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!! >X3
Or.....Naruto...? Meep.....Akira...? I dunno XD