Depression?



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Kisame

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So let's say I have a weird life. I don't want to bug anyone with the finite details but lets just say I am "depressed". Now before anyone suggests "professional help". Don't. My father pretty much runs the Mental Health department of a med school. I don't want 'that' help.

Where to begin. Due to circumstances throughout my life, I am a medical carwreck. And I mean that quite literally because I was in one. A bad one. One that keeps me going every doctor you could imagine. Every test you could imagine. Hospitalized on multiple occasions, and monitored like a lab rat. In the car we rolled three times and my side of the car took most of the pressure and force in the initial hit. (I was the only one on that side thank god)

All of this in mind this doesn't even cover 10% of my health issues. Not to mention how for some odd reason throughout my life, people have this weird need to hate me. When I came back to school most people said. To my face "you should have died". When I left. They thought I did and were happy about it.

I don't want to come off as a needy person, but people generally need some "good feeling" if that comes from people or their life or both. I have none. And it scares me. I don't know what to do.

Also sorry for posting something like this right after I joined. I'm used to forums so this kinda just happened.
 

Nayru's Love

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All of this in mind this doesn't even cover 10% of my health issues. Not to mention how for some odd reason throughout my life, people have this weird need to hate me. When I came back to school most people said. To my face "you should have died". When I left. They thought I did and were happy about it.
Dear lord, where do you live? Some hell on Earth where death is desensitized that badly?

That being said, I think you should search for a more mature crowd to keep yourself company, particularly people who understand your circumstances. If you keep listening to people who don't know you as a person you are after the crash, then you may just end up forgetting who you are, yourself. Then you would have went through all that hell for nothing.

I don't know what your educational circumstances are, or if you have any particular physical handicaps, but you should do whatever you can to keep yourself alive, spiritually. Go out and meet people, join a club, grow closer to the family and friends you have now, or anything you want to do. You're 18 and young; there's so much potential for you to achieve out there that even your terrible circumstances can't take away even a chunk of it.
 

Kisame

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Dear lord, where do you live? Some hell on Earth where death is desensitized that badly?

That being said, I think you should search for a more mature crowd to keep yourself company, particularly people who understand your circumstances. If you keep listening to people who don't know you as a person you are after the crash, then you may just end up forgetting who you are, yourself. Then you would have went through all that hell for nothing.

I don't know what your educational circumstances are, or if you have any particular physical handicaps, but you should do whatever you can to keep yourself alive, spiritually. Go out and meet people, join a club, grow closer to the family and friends you have now, or anything you want to do. You're 18 and young; there's so much potential for you to achieve out there that even your terrible circumstances can't take away even a chunk of it.
Well I don't live in exactly a HUGE town. It's small if you ask me, and that can be either good or bad. Ideals and more or less actions seem to spread around to people easily. One person thinks or acts one way, so everyone else does the same. In fact a perfect example. After we crawled out of the car that was upside down (I can provide a picture but I am uncomfortable showing it to the public. So PM me if you want to see/talk about it) a bus filled with children (probably 4th-6th graders if not younger) all pointed and laughed. Literally arms out the windows of the bus....and laughed.

We weren't supposed to come out of this alive, according to the cops and the EMS. Yet people found it funny, the got a good laugh out of it. That alone made me feel horribly useless and unwanted.

Not to mention the people in my highschool, who could be a lot meaner than a bunch of young kids. For example my English teacher (she was very old) hit me over the head one day in class for talking. Now if you know anything about head injuries, a knock to the head can set you back VERY FAR and do some damage. I yelled at her about it, I was very angry. Now don't get me wrong she was aware of my injury, every single teacher was. Yet all of the kids around me except one person, gave me shit about it. How I was wrong. They said mean things to me.

Yet again, I felt like I was NOTHING.


As for handicaps, I am blacklisted by the DMV. I can not get my license (they revoke it beforehand) until 6 months after my last seizure. During that time, I have to go without ANY.

I get them daily, several times a day. Sometimes without even knowing it.


One of my MANY doctors told me that School (meaning College) is out of the question until I get better.....


So school, my personal life, everything. Is just gone. I can't stand it. Why me? Why is it that MORE problems have to keep happening all the time. Oh and did I mention? Financial issues, tons of them.

This is why a day doesn't go by without me wondering why I am even here.
 

Nayru's Love

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For example my English teacher (she was very old) hit me over the head one day in class for talking. Now if you know anything about head injuries, a knock to the head can set you back VERY FAR and do some damage. I yelled at her about it, I was very angry. Now don't get me wrong she was aware of my injury, every single teacher was. Yet all of the kids around me except one person, gave me shit about it. How I was wrong. They said mean things to me.
I'm pretty sure you can file something against her, between physical abuse and the fact that you're in recovery.

Also, not to sound rude, but I'm rather...questionable of your credibility. Don't get me wrong, it's just that I'm not familiar with circumstances that are as ridiculously bad as everyone but one person being against you in a situation like that, so I'm not sure whether or not you might be exaggerating. Like I said, don't take my skepticism as an insult.

For now, though, let's get back on topic. You've found reasons why your life is a spiraling downfall, but now you need to find reasons to pick yourself back up. I know it isn't fair that you're in this predicament, but life will always be filled with unfair moments. It happens to almost everyone, usually more than once, twice and beyond for each person. Not everyone gets back up when they fall down, but the ones that do know why they did. And that's something you need to find out for yourself.

Also, I think your high school experiences might influence your thoughts of the world outside your home, to the point where you might not have a lot of hope for what's out there. I'm just gonna say that colleges are (for the most part) filled with more mature people than wherever the hell you come from. So have some hope.
 

Kisame

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I'm pretty sure you can file something against her, between physical abuse and the fact that you're in recovery.

Also, not to sound rude, but I'm rather...questionable of your credibility. Don't get me wrong, it's just that I'm not familiar with circumstances that are as ridiculously bad as everyone but one person being against you in a situation like that, so I'm not sure whether or not you might be exaggerating. Like I said, don't take my skepticism as an insult.
Yes I probably could, however shortly after this I just couldn't handle being in school. So I decided to do what my doctor (or at least one of them suggested) and continue my schooling at home.

As for my "credibility". I don't know what to tell you. I hear that a lot from people who flat out don't know me and then hear me talking about this. Thus me not wanting to talk about it most of the time. It makes me uncomfortable and upset to know that people doubt me about this. Trust me, I'd love to not have to talk about this. I'd love to NOT have to make a thread like this. I don't like asking for help, never did to be honest. So I am in a bind more or less. Not ask for help and not have people try to "analyze me". Or ask for it and try to deal with the anxiety.

Tough choice huh?

For now, though, let's get back on topic. You've found reasons why your life is a spiraling downfall, but now you need to find reasons to pick yourself back up. I know it isn't fair that you're in this predicament, but life will always be filled with unfair moments. It happens to almost everyone, usually more than once, twice and beyond for each person. Not everyone gets back up when they fall down, but the ones that do know why they did. And that's something you need to find out for yourself.

Also, I think your high school experiences might influence your thoughts of the world outside your home, to the point where you might not have a lot of hope for what's out there. I'm just gonna say that colleges are (for the most part) filled with more mature people than wherever the hell you come from. So have some hope.
I don't really know what else to say. People always tell me (and others of course) to find a way, but if I could do that why would I ask for help in the first place?

I know life isn't fair, I never expected it to be. That being said, do I not still have a right to be upset about this?


And as for the whole high school influencing my thoughts. Well its more than high school, but I don't want you to doubt my credibility with any of my other examples, so I will keep that to myself. Sure my trust for people may not all be there, but again....am I to be blamed for that? Or are the other people who did this to me?

I've heard both.
 

Nayru's Love

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Well yeah, these are really unusual circumstances. You can't expect so much as complete, unquestionable belief, since no one wants to be that gullible. Don't look at it as a half-empty glass, think of it as half-full.

Yes I probably could, however shortly after this I just couldn't handle being in school. So I decided to do what my doctor (or at least one of them suggested) and continue my schooling at home.
That doesn't mean you can't teach that bitch a lesson. You probably should, too, given your financial circumstances.

I don't really know what else to say. People always tell me (and others of course) to find a way, but if I could do that why would I ask for help in the first place?
That depends. What ways have you tried to extend yourself out there, or keep yourself busy with a hobbies? "Finding a way" doesn't always mean you'll understand what you need to do first, sometimes it happens when you take the initiative to do it.

I know life isn't fair, I never expected it to be. That being said, do I not still have a right to be upset about this?
Of course you do. In fact, you could argue that it's better for yourself to vent it out healthfully; at least you're not lying to yourself, and at least you have the desire to do something about your life.

And as for the whole high school influencing my thoughts. Well its more than high school, but I don't want you to doubt my credibility with any of my other examples, so I will keep that to myself.
I'll hold my doubts on that. When I went to college, my social networking expanded fivefold, and that was only 2 years ago. Personally, I think it's a matter of putting yourself out there to others as much as you need to. For someone like you, this can be very hard, but learning how to trust, even if slowly, is part of learning how to grow stronger as a person.
 

Kisame

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Well yeah, these are really unusual circumstances. You can't expect so much as complete, unquestionable belief, since no one wants to be that gullible. Don't look at it as a half-empty glass, think of it as half-full.
To some it may be gullible, to others its just generally trusting people. Maybe that makes me ignorant to how the works, but I have ALWAYS trusted what someone says as long as it doesn't scream "BS". If what I have said did that for you, then I am sorry. If there is any way for me to help you understand whats going on my life, if that means giving examples etc. I will do that.

It hurts when someone says "I don't believe you" or "I have my doubts". I am in no way blaming you. I am just saying, it makes me say "Why the heck would I make anything like this up" to myself. I do not enjoy this, in fact some of the attention I have gotten because of this, I've hated. I'm not the kind of person to lie, I am a man of my word. If my word means nothing, then what kind of person am I?


That doesn't mean you can't teach that bitch a lesson. You probably should, too, given your financial circumstances.
Yeah that makes sense. I'll probably talk to my mom about it or something.


That depends. What ways have you tried to extend yourself out there, or keep yourself busy with a hobbies? "Finding a way" doesn't always mean you'll understand what you need to do first, sometimes it happens when you take the initiative to do it.
It depends on what you mean by putting myself out there. If its to people in my town, I only have one person in this town that I trust and care about. Of course the people out of my age group and people I've never/never will meet. I'm not talking about them.

I'm famous for trusting people "too much" despite what you may believe. So to an extent, I've drastically stopped. I mean it makes sense, you get hurt enough so you will do anything to stop it.


Of course you do. In fact, you could argue that it's better for yourself to vent it out healthfully; at least you're not lying to yourself, and at least you have the desire to do something about your life.
Who would I vent to, I mean other than this particular situation (which I appreciate for the record). I just can't see myself venting to someone constantly. I would feel bad. Sure if its to someone who cares they probably wouldn't mind, but I would. I know they would be much happier doing other things with their time, I suppose...


I'll hold my doubts on that. When I went to college, my social networking expanded fivefold, and that was only 2 years ago. Personally, I think it's a matter of putting yourself out there to others as much as you need to. For someone like you, this can be very hard, but learning how to trust, even if slowly, is part of learning how to grow stronger as a person.
Well until my doctor more or less allows it. The "college experience" won't happen. My symptoms and stuff really don't allow it anyhow, as for now.

As you could guess, someone with an injury to the brain such as mine, comes with memory issues. It's annoying to say the least.
 

Nayru's Love

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To some it may be gullible, to others its just generally trusting people. Maybe that makes me ignorant to how the works, but I have ALWAYS trusted what someone says as long as it doesn't scream "BS". If what I have said did that for you, then I am sorry. If there is any way for me to help you understand whats going on my life, if that means giving examples etc. I will do that.

It hurts when someone says "I don't believe you" or "I have my doubts". I am in no way blaming you. I am just saying, it makes me say "Why the heck would I make anything like this up" to myself. I do not enjoy this, in fact some of the attention I have gotten because of this, I've hated. I'm not the kind of person to lie, I am a man of my word. If my word means nothing, then what kind of person am I?
Making this whole thing up is something I trust you're not doing. Unintentionally victimizing yourself is different, because I see people do that all the time. That's all I find questionable.

Yeah that makes sense. I'll probably talk to my mom about it or something.
Make that lettuce!

It depends on what you mean by putting myself out there. If its to people in my town, I only have one person in this town that I trust and care about. Of course the people out of my age group and people I've never/never will meet. I'm not talking about them.

I'm famous for trusting people "too much" despite what you may believe. So to an extent, I've drastically stopped. I mean it makes sense, you get hurt enough so you will do anything to stop it.
As important as that friend clearly will be, you can't keep living life and relying on only them for social support. If you lose them, what happens to you? Whereas if you maintain a healthy social life, losing one friend won't be the end of the world. You keep pushing the world away, and you'll end up worse than you are now.

In regards to finding new friends, have you tried befriending your friend's friends? Or have your friend try to explain your side of the story, so that people may end up less hostile? Since you probably don't have any particular clubs in your small town, I suggest trying to nail down community service hours at either churches or retirement homes (if it's within your abilities). Retirement homes I actually enjoy doing work at, since you're around a crowd that genuinely appreciates you being there. Either way, you'd be socializing and building up service hours to put on a future resume.

Who would I vent to, I mean other than this particular situation (which I appreciate for the record). I just can't see myself venting to someone constantly. I would feel bad. Sure if its to someone who cares they probably wouldn't mind, but I would. I know they would be much happier doing other things with their time, I suppose...
Healthy venting, man; there's a difference. You gotta know when to vent, and how much to vent. And I wouldn't come to that assumption all the time: Sometimes people find it meaningful that you'd trust them enough to talk about personal issues.

Well until my doctor more or less allows it. The "college experience" won't happen. My symptoms and stuff really don't allow it anyhow, as for now.
Any particular estimate as to how long you're out?

As you could guess, someone with an injury to the brain such as mine, comes with memory issues. It's annoying to say the least.
Can't imagine; hope you get better with that.
 

ajmrowland

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I'd listen to Limpadge if I were you. That's good advice for coping.

One question: were people really this cruel before the crash? I mean, in general? There are definitely towns out there that have the capacity for cruelty and mob mentality you described, but I am still appalled. I mean, I laughed at some people when I was a kid, and in elementary school, gravity of a situation is not often given awareness, but never anyone in a car wreck. I don't know anyone who did that.

My sister's friend was in a bad accident several years ago. Not only did it change him, but people started liking him less than it did before. Point is It's not just one person affected by something like this, but how people perceive them.

Suffice to say, you'll be in my thoughts. And always try to surround yourself with positive influences and thoughts.
 

KeyofEvil'sBane

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First off, I want to applaud you for being strong enough to make it through all that.

I'm not sure how much your situation will allow for it, but something that has helped me with depression in the past is finding some kind of activity that can break any kind of monotonous feelings or get your mind off things. Like a club, or some other kind of group. Just make sure that if other people are involved, they won't put you through the kind of cruelty that your town has shown you
 

noxious.sunshine

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I'm gonna preface this by saying: I really hate seeming like I'm taking away from -your- issues by talking about my own 'cuz that's not at all what I'm trying to do. I just always find that reading about other people's problems just.. Helps. In some way - whether it's putting things into perspective or seeing that there are other people who have similar issues. Totally feel free to skip over the spoiler

Spoiler Spoiler Show


I've been in clinical therapy and I've had to take antidepressants. My sister decided I was depressed after I transferred to public school, but it didn't work or help at all.

I'm not doubting what you say by any means - I fully understand that per doctor's orders, you are unable to attend school, and that you are most likely stuck in the place that you live in. You have every right to be upset about it.

But, there comes a time when you need to realize that there -are- things you can do to pick yourself up and better your situation. No one is utterly and completely helpless. I hate socializing and being thrust into new situations, but working as a server, I have no choice -but- to be a bubbly, enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky person. As much as I hate what I do, I also appreciate it. I've learned that I'm very good at talking with people when I want to be, and having that sort of interaction with others is better than none at all.

And I've also learned over the years that keeping busy - no matter what it is you're doing - is therapeutic. Yes, everyone needs grieving & down time for whatever reason, but finding ways to pass the time is the best way to break up any monotony and help relieve stress - go out for a walk or jog. Clean and organize your home. Also, bright colors. I went through a mega goth phase my last 2 years of high school, but I quite like bright colors now. They cheer me up. My car is yellow, my big Coach purse is a pastel lime green, my small Coach purse is patchwork with several colors, my clothes are mostly brightly colored ('cept my jeans), etc.....
 

noxious.sunshine

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Also, sorry for double posting...

I applaud you as well. I've never been in a serious car accident, but my brother has been in a couple - the 1st major one really jacked up his foot and 2 kids in the car that hit him passed away. He's had to have his foot operated on like 3 times and nearly had to have it amputated altogether. And then the fuel tank on the big truck he was driving exploded in his face and he had 2nd & 3rd degree burns all over his face, head, shoulders, and chest.
 

Horizon's Knight

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@Kisame: I've read all of your post so far, and I only have this to say: convince your parents to let you stay with extended family for awhile. The town you described sounds like hell on Earth, and in addition to what Nayru's Love said, it would be best to start over in a place where people are much nicer than where you are now. Even if you have to come back eventually, I think a new place might help you meet nice people that you can keep in touch with.
 

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So let's say I have a weird life. I don't want to bug anyone with the finite details but lets just say I am "depressed". Now before anyone suggests "professional help". Don't. My father pretty much runs the Mental Health department of a med school. I don't want 'that' help.

Where to begin. Due to circumstances throughout my life, I am a medical carwreck. And I mean that quite literally because I was in one. A bad one. One that keeps me going every doctor you could imagine. Every test you could imagine. Hospitalized on multiple occasions, and monitored like a lab rat. In the car we rolled three times and my side of the car took most of the pressure and force in the initial hit. (I was the only one on that side thank god)

All of this in mind this doesn't even cover 10% of my health issues. Not to mention how for some odd reason throughout my life, people have this weird need to hate me. When I came back to school most people said. To my face "you should have died". When I left. They thought I did and were happy about it.

I don't want to come off as a needy person, but people generally need some "good feeling" if that comes from people or their life or both. I have none. And it scares me. I don't know what to do.

Also sorry for posting something like this right after I joined. I'm used to forums so this kinda just happened.
The town you live in sounds really messed up. At least, you're willing to go out and make friends. I mean, I keep myself cooped up in my room and have nightmares. I am probably not the best person to give advice.
 

Kisame

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I'd listen to Limpadge if I were you. That's good advice for coping.

One question: were people really this cruel before the crash? I mean, in general? There are definitely towns out there that have the capacity for cruelty and mob mentality you described, but I am still appalled. I mean, I laughed at some people when I was a kid, and in elementary school, gravity of a situation is not often given awareness, but never anyone in a car wreck. I don't know anyone who did that.

My sister's friend was in a bad accident several years ago. Not only did it change him, but people started liking him less than it did before. Point is It's not just one person affected by something like this, but how people perceive them.

Suffice to say, you'll be in my thoughts. And always try to surround yourself with positive influences and thoughts.
To be real with you, it changed everything. I can't go anywhere without being reminded of the crash. My mom, dad, friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, random people I see, they ALL talk about it as if I was dead. The odd thing is, I'm not angry at them about that, because I believe that crash took a part of me with it. But at the same time I think to myself, why the hell can't these people acknowledge me for who I am. I am not some product of disaster. I am not a car crash, stop treating me like one. That of course is directed to the people in my town / my "friends".

First off, I want to applaud you for being strong enough to make it through all that.

I'm not sure how much your situation will allow for it, but something that has helped me with depression in the past is finding some kind of activity that can break any kind of monotonous feelings or get your mind off things. Like a club, or some other kind of group. Just make sure that if other people are involved, they won't put you through the kind of cruelty that your town has shown you
Making it through it? I do and don't think I did. Like I said before, a part of me was left there, I feel as if that of all things is holding me back.

As for some activity, the majority of my time growing up was spent talking to people online and playing games due to the cruel nature of my town. As you could imagine I also found cruelty online as well. Ironically enough I used to go on a kh forum before, however I can't exactly "go back" as I am banned, lovely right? People love me it seems /sarcasm

I'm gonna preface this by saying: I really hate seeming like I'm taking away from -your- issues by talking about my own 'cuz that's not at all what I'm trying to do. I just always find that reading about other people's problems just.. Helps. In some way - whether it's putting things into perspective or seeing that there are other people who have similar issues. Totally feel free to skip over the spoiler

Spoiler Spoiler Show


I've been in clinical therapy and I've had to take antidepressants. My sister decided I was depressed after I transferred to public school, but it didn't work or help at all.

I'm not doubting what you say by any means - I fully understand that per doctor's orders, you are unable to attend school, and that you are most likely stuck in the place that you live in. You have every right to be upset about it.

But, there comes a time when you need to realize that there -are- things you can do to pick yourself up and better your situation. No one is utterly and completely helpless. I hate socializing and being thrust into new situations, but working as a server, I have no choice -but- to be a bubbly, enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky person. As much as I hate what I do, I also appreciate it. I've learned that I'm very good at talking with people when I want to be, and having that sort of interaction with others is better than none at all.

And I've also learned over the years that keeping busy - no matter what it is you're doing - is therapeutic. Yes, everyone needs grieving & down time for whatever reason, but finding ways to pass the time is the best way to break up any monotony and help relieve stress - go out for a walk or jog. Clean and organize your home. Also, bright colors. I went through a mega goth phase my last 2 years of high school, but I quite like bright colors now. They cheer me up. My car is yellow, my big Coach purse is a pastel lime green, my small Coach purse is patchwork with several colors, my clothes are mostly brightly colored ('cept my jeans), etc.....
Dear god, that story hit me in the feels for sure. I am truly sorry that you have had to deal with stuff like that. It kinda makes me feel weak to think that I have it hard when there are people like you who clearly have a harder time. I am sorry if any of my posts have offended you.

@Kisame: I've read all of your post so far, and I only have this to say: convince your parents to let you stay with extended family for awhile. The town you described sounds like hell on Earth, and in addition to what Nayru's Love said, it would be best to start over in a place where people are much nicer than where you are now. Even if you have to come back eventually, I think a new place might help you meet nice people that you can keep in touch with.
If I could get out of here I would, I don't think any of my family are up to that.

The town you live in sounds really messed up. At least, you're willing to go out and make friends. I mean, I keep myself cooped up in my room and have nightmares. I am probably not the best person to give advice.
My two "real" friends don't live here, one used to and one never did. So I'm not exactly making friends here. The ones I used to have were just leaches.

Mental wellness is a bother and we gotta take care of it as much as we can,People who gets into depression and stress they should do stuff to come out from it.Because mental well being is the thing that is the need of the human like physical wellness.
I know all there is to know about mental health, my father preaches about it all the damn time, he works in the mental health department of a med school. He does trainings and whatnot on how to help people get out of horrible situations (usually drug related/mental health)


And I guess this is a reply to everyone. I thank you all for the love, but damn right now there is so much going through my head I can't put any of it together to make a sentence to even attempt to tell you "how I feel". I guess when the time comes I'll be here. Or not, forgot this place existed tbh (yay memory loss). Thus the major late reply.
 

Dreaded_Desire62

bronze member
Joined
Nov 2, 2011
Messages
5,451
Age
26
Location
Albuquerque, NM
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gmail.com
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The town you live in sounds really messed up. At least, you're willing to go out and make friends. I mean, I keep myself cooped up in my room and have nightmares. I am probably not the best person to give advice.
I don't know what to tell you then. I wish you the best of luck; I would say that I wish you could be closer to your friends. However, I don't understand the situation. I honestly hope everything gets better.
 
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