TICK TOCK, KID!
- May 12, 2004
I'll try my best to keep this to the point (since I have the tendency to ramble lololol), but I'm in a bad situation that's caused me to become depressed over the past few months and I can't find a solution. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated ;0; Thank yewwwww~
Thanks for any help on this ;0;Spoiler ShowCouple of notes before I try to explain everything:
My mom and I act more like best friends than mother and daughter and we used to spend a LOT of time together (like watching our favorite TV shows every week, going to see movies often, etc.). We also go to school together, since my mom started working towards another degree (school is also one of her most favorite things ever)
My mom and dad separated a few years ago, and we've been in a bad situation financially since then (one that's put a lot of stress on my mom)
Annnnnnnd pretty much the only person I know near me is my mom. My family (including my dad) lives in different cities or states, I go to school in a different town and all of my close friends live in other states (and in other countries... yay long distance friendships lol)
My mom started dating someone in August, and, for the first time in a long time, she's been happy. Unfortunately, though, she's completely pushed aside everything else from family to friends and even school sometimes. Before they started dating, my mom and I used to spend tons of time together, but, whenever I ask to do something now, she usually refuses because that means taking away time with her boyfriend. She spends almost every night and every weekend with him; if I ask to spend time with her on the weekends or whatever, it's pretty much blasphemy. We used to spend more time together in the past few months because we were going to school together (we had two of the same classes), but it was out of obligation. If I asked to spend time with her outside of school, I would get pushed aside or ignored. With school over now, though, she's spent every opportunity with this guy.
So, why is this a problem? Well, because she's pretty much treated me like shit since she started seeing this guy. She's told me that she doesn't want to be my mom anymore, something that still freakin' hurts, and I feel like she doesn't want me around. Whenever I ask her about why she's treating me badly or if she would spend time with me, she skirts the subject and then immediately runs to go see her boyfriend.
All I want to do is spend time with my mom, especially right now because it's Christmas. We usually do all sorts of Christmas traditions, since Christmas is an important holiday for our family, but I doubt that's going to happen. She feels guilty that her boyfriend (who is socially awkward and kinda weird tbh; he said one word to me when I met him, if even that) hasn't had a good Christmas in years because he's spent it alone. That's NOT her fault, but she feels obligated to spend Christmas with him because he's too socially awkward to make friends and because he won't fly somewhere to see his family. All she talks about is what she's going to do with him for Christmas and the thought of spending it at home, with family, is like "GASP I'D NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT"
Another reason why I'm so upset about this is because I'm going on an internship in January and won't be home until almost July. I won't see my mom for 5 months, so I want to spend a lot of time with her. When I said something about it, though, she completely skirted the subject because spending time with me means spending time away from her boyfriend.
I understand why she's doing this. She hasn't been happy in years, she wasn't happy with my dad, and she just wants to be happy. But, when she's not with this guy, she's angry. She takes out her anger on me, saying things like she doesn't want to be my mom anymore. I've gotten yelled at and treated like shit because of it. I feel like my mom, who has always been there for me, doesn't love me anymore and it really freakin' hurts. She thinks this guy is perfect (she's lied to him about a few things, like being separated and not divorced, because she's scared of losing him) and that he will fix all of her problems. By doing so, though, she's pushed aside everyone else and thinks that nothing else matters.
I'm just lost. I feel so alone and it's made me very depressed. I've considered VERY stupid things because I'm so depressed and I don't know how to fix it. I feel like my mom doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me around or she thinks I'm a waste of her time. I've tried so hard to talk to her about it, and, when I tried to say something yesterday, she said that she's apparently the bad guy; she also uses the argument that she's spent a lot of time with me over the years, which apparently allows her to now completely ignore me. She doesn't realize how poorly she's been treating me and I don't know how to make her see that.
I'm going on this internship soon and I've considered moving and going full-time to where I'm going to be working, which would keep me from finishing school and getting to my dream job. But I'm so freakin' unhappy here and I don't know what to do. However, I have told her that I've been considering this and she's basically told me that's a stupid idea because of the aforementioned reasons; BUT I don't think she understands (or chooses to understand) that I'm so upset because of her that I would even be considering something like that.
Any time I try to say something, it's turned around so that I'm the bad guy in the situation. I feel like my feelings are stupid and unwarranted, that I'm supposed to accept feeling abandoned and hated by my own mom. What can I say to her to make her see how badly she's been treating me? I'm sure there's something I can say to make her realize what she's been doing, but I'm afraid there isn't. I've honestly considered writing a letter, too (as silly as that may sound lol), because I'm really so lost on how to get through to her. My dad and my grandma both know that she's been treating me poorly, too, but there's nothing they can really do or say to fix it.
Also I'm sorry if this sounds stupid or anything; I hope it's not, but I'm really just so lost right now and I need help.