Deep Dive III: What's your s*xuality?

[Grono]

Hey, everybody! I don't see a whole lot of people talking about their preferences in regards to what types of people they're attracted to here, and this topic has been on my mind quite a lot recently.

You see, for years I was suspecting that my preferences weren't as clear as most people's. I was attracted to women, and I am currently dating a woman, but I always had certain... kinks that hinted that it might be more nuanced than that. I won't get inappropriate on the forums in that sense, but the point is that there might have been more to it than that.

Recently, after three of my friends consulted me about it and gave me helpful advice, I have came to the conclusion that I am bisexual, or at least bi-curious. This is a really huge thing in my life, since I have several family members that are probably homophobic and a few that would question my "purity" and think that I'm "just looking for sex". However, this has also made me feel like I am finally free, and the feeling when I finally accepted what I was was one of the liveliest moments of my life this year.

So, what are y'all into here? Comment below and let me know! c:

Also, if you have any tips on how to come out publicly, I could use them!

 

[Veevee]

I'm bisexual, but feel more attracted to women. When I realized this, I was about 15 years old and it was horribly. I was insecure, I didn't know what to do with this and to make matters worse, I was in love with someone I met online and who lived far away. It took me quite some time to get over it and I only had relationship with men since - not because of that incident, but rather because I never really explore my homosexuality. I'm no party person, so I ultimately fell in love with people I met in my normal course of life and dated them. While I sometimes miss never having had something with a woman again, I'm not sad enough about it to change my behavior completely and go look for some female action.

On the topic of coming out, I can give you this advice: Don't make it too public. I know that it's a really relieving feeling to finally know what's up with yourself, but I'd advise not to draw super much attention to that. I rarely tell people directly; it's rather in some side comments I make (like: "Oh, she's really hot!" or something) and sometimes people ask the legendary "are you ...?" question following on that or they just noticed it and took it as it is. Don't necessarily make it a public announcement if you don't have to, don't give people a reason to get on you. I actually never outright told my mum but I also don't hide it. I'm not sure whether she knows, doesn't know or is just not really convinced about this and I don't really care. If you find someone you really like and start dating, just present them with the fait accompli. If you really feel you should tell a person, tell it to that person, but don't make it a sign. I've experienced that as the best way to feel free and happy with it without being too public - personally, I wouldn't want people to explain to me that they're hetero because I don't care one bit. You will grow accustomed to it, you will feel better than ever (also your dating possibilities just literally doubled!) and you will find happiness in it, but try not to push it. I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

I’ll allow a level of “inappropriateness” for this kind of discussion. No explicit descriptions, though. You can spoiler tag anything that seems a bit too risqué.

I’m aromantic bi demi. The first time I ever said I was bi out loud to a person was to my old assistant manager at GameStop (who is now a very good friend of mine) when I was 25/26, so I can’t really give the best advise about coming out hahaha

I don’t think I really acknowledged my sexuality until my best friend started dating her girlfriend and one of her relatives said something to me and she said “no, she’s not like me. she’s straight.” and a part of me was like “well that doesn’t fit” and then after that it was just me doing research and then realizing I had been surrounding myself with friends who were LGBT+ like me without realizing it and everything just sort of made sense after.

Like...I always knew I wasn’t straight because I had crushes on girls and boys but I never really attempted to dig deeper than that as somebody who was very focused on school and work.

My best advise is to just...read the room? If you know your family is homophobic, just be careful and make sure you have an easy exit route if they don’t react well.

 

[Harmonie]

It's not too complicated with me. I'm pretty solidly lesbian. I did once think I was bi (mainly in my teens) but in my 20s I quickly realized that was just my mind trying so hard to justify my wish to be "normal". I put normal in quotations, because it's not that I think being gay is not normal, but I think we all know what I mean (societal pressures). I have zero interest in men sexually or romantically. That became clearer to me once I was out of my teens.

Nevertheless, I'd rather not have attraction toward anyone. I'm not very healthy (to clarify, my health issues are not sexually related) and not all of it was completely out of my control, and thus being with someone just isn't right for me or them unless I could somehow get my life figured out, but that's not going to happen. So I'd rather just not have any attraction toward anyone, period, and wish I could achieve that state of mind. Fortunately, I always find myself attracted to one kind of person - someone who is a loner or at least never dates. And the woman I like right now is in Florida, so we all know that's not going to happen. Nevertheless, it's still very painful for me and I wish I could put an end to all of it. These feelings are nothing but pain, and they can only ever be that way.

I began this saying it wasn't too complicated, but I guess it is. lol.

 

[Grono]

So, disclaimer: this'll be slightly sexual, but i'll black out text with specific stuff in it.

I've always had a fetish for anal. It's been a part of my relationships for years now, but whenever I've brought it up to my female partners we've never gone and done much with it aside from fingering occasionally. However, when I realized that my kink had grown and I was catching myself thinking of having sex with other men, I suspected that maybe I was just attracted to having sex with men. However, I realized that that definitely still makes me bi, so I will not count out a romantic angle for any man if I find one.

personally, I wouldn't want people to explain to me that they're hetero because I don't care one bit. You will grow accustomed to it, you will feel better than ever (also your dating possibilities just literally doubled!) and you will find happiness in it, but try not to push it. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I won't make it a daily part of my conversations, but honestly I almost want to put it out to show people who I am. Most importantly, the side of my family that's... less cool about that sort of thing. It's a good way for me to see who's important in my life and who will be regressive and try to hold me back, I guess. also, it would be cool if my immediate family just stopped making gay jokes because a) they're not that funny and b) they're kind of hurtful

I’ll allow a level of “inappropriateness” for this kind of discussion. No explicit descriptions, though. You can spoiler tag anything that seems a bit too risqué.

Thanks! I won't make it too graphic I promise!

and a part of me was like “well that doesn’t fit” and then after that it was just me doing research and then realizing I had been surrounding myself with friends who were LGBT+ like me without realizing it and everything just sort of made sense after.

I noticed that too! I've been watching so much Contrapoints lately and researching LGBT+ movements and I had to ask myself why!

My best advise is to just...read the room? If you know your family is homophobic, just be careful and make sure you have an easy exit route if they don’t react well.

My family isn't homophobic, but my extended family is very Christian and will probably say some derogatory stuff because of it. Honestly, though, I don't care. I love my grandmother and all, but if she pesters me about it then she doesn't deserve to be in the rest of my life.

I began this saying it wasn't too complicated, but I guess it is. lol.

And that's okay! I've always been a hopeless romantic myself, but you'll be fine! I didn't truly acknowledge my sexuality until one of my friends told me he came out recently. I had known him for years and hearing that made me, just for a second, want to be with him. I'm still with my girlfriend, but hearing that made me realize that I wasn't wrong about my suspicions.

You can find someone, you just have to believe in it!

 

[Recon]

I’m straight. At the end of the day, I hope everyone finds that special someone no matter what gender.

 

[Meow Wow]

Oof, this took a long time to write. I apologize for any errors if there are any, along with my mediocre writing skills. It's not a reasonable hour to be awake and writing forum posts on top of that.

So basically I am Bisexual. Its been roughly a year since I've figured this out and came out to my close friends.
Looking back, I can see that I've had some sort of attraction to women throughout my childhood, namely when I was 11-13. There's really no way I can describe most of it without sounding weird, incorrect, or that it's just flat out embarrassing for me to be comfortable talking about. I applaud Grono for being able to talk about his tho

Fast forward to late middle school. I really liked the female figure, like a lot. Women were all a would draw (thank you, younger self for screwing over my ability to draw males), and I talked about how pretty women in general are. Unsuprisingly people would jokingly call me a lesbian, to which I would deny.

Forward again to high school. All's well. That is, until I saw a video on bisexuality. At first, it was no big deal, more information to know, right? Wrong. It's what triggered the beginning of me questioning my sexuality. To sum up the questioning process, I was months and months of trying to figure out if I am attracted so women or not. The most pivotal point in my self discovery was when I referred to myself as Straight with some family members, my gut instinct immediately told me that that was wrong. I questioned for a few months later before coming to the conclusion that I was bi. I told my few close friends at the time and even right now, it's really only acquaintances and friends that know.

I can't say I have any coming out advice because I'm not even out myself XD. I live in a conservative city and a very conservative family, so I feel like coming out might not be a great option for now. Generally I keep topics about my sexuality out of my home, work, and school life. I even get weary talking about it online because of my age. Like the whole "you have no exporence dating, so how do you know your sexuality" type issue. Unreasonable yet powerful.

 

[Harmonie]

And that's okay! I've always been a hopeless romantic myself, but you'll be fine! I didn't truly acknowledge my sexuality until one of my friends told me he came out recently. I had known him for years and hearing that made me, just for a second, want to be with him. I'm still with my girlfriend, but hearing that made me realize that I wasn't wrong about my suspicions.

You can find someone, you just have to believe in it!

I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but as I said in my first post, it is best I don't find someone. I gave up my chances of living a normal life with a partner by being a stupid idiot and not taking care of myself. It would be too selfish of me to be with someone. I'll never be independent, and already can't drive, and really, it's my fault. No one should have to put up with that.

 

[AppleKey]

i am bisexual but not really looking at the moment ....

 

[Shawty]

I've struggled with this a lot, I have to say. in my teenage years everyone around me was having crushes and starting relationships and I always felt like I had to have that too, so I joined in on the fun so to speak. but it never felt real to me. I've never experienced romantic attraction, only physical. so "relationships" came and went, because it was always purely physical for me and as soon as the person I was with at that moment started catching feelings I had to break it off because I could never reciprocate that.

people have told me "oh, it'll happen, you'll find someone one day", but that day has never come and over the past years, I've come to accept that I'm extremely aromantic.

 

[drew0512]

I am bisexual and it was clear to me all along. I'm more attracted to women romantically and more attracted to men sexually, don't really know why.

 

[✨Danny✨]

I’m a gay male I was caught by my sister chatting on the internet on a gay chat site, she said she had an inclination on the fact that I probably was.
I panicked and thought best tell parents before they heard it from her, they didn’t take it too well. For 3 months I kind of deflected all the negative hate comments my mum and dad said to me, this one always has the same burn “you are half dead to me”, I realise it was said in rage but when your mum is close like a friend it cut deep...
My grandparents and other family took it well and said as long as I was happy that was alright.

Coming out is relieving but can be a very destructive process not everyone accepts you unfortunately the world can still have darkness where you would normally find light and salvation.

 

[Raz]

I'm a gay man. As far as coming out goes, it really varies. For friends it is easy -- if they're worth anything they will keep loving you no matter what.

I knew my parents wouldn't mind but I never did end up "coming out" to them in the classic "sit down and have a conversation" type of way. Straight people don't have to perform that kind of emotional labor when they realize their sexuality, so why should I? It is kind of bullshit. So I just waited until I got a boyfriend, brought him home and introduced him and that was it. No big dramatic conversation. This is my partner, deal with it. And we are still together three and a half years later.

 

[alexis.anagram]

I'm pansexual. Initially started being explicit with people about it back in middle school, when I referred to myself as bi; I've never believed in "coming out" as some sort of rite of passage and I always knew I was attracted to everyone so it wasn't a big deal to me, and I figured it shouldn't be to anyone else. I didn't expect or receive much blowback from friends or family, which I'm grateful for, although a friend of mine who I suspected of being bi did make some sly passes at me over Myspace (yeah...it was that long ago. yikes).

I started using the term pansexual when I started exploring more about gender, recognized that I was trans and nb, and decided it just felt more appropriate for me. Some people have an all-inclusive definition of "bisexual" and that's fine, too.

I won't make it a daily part of my conversations, but honestly I almost want to put it out to show people who I am. Most importantly, the side of my family that's... less cool about that sort of thing. It's a good way for me to see who's important in my life and who will be regressive and try to hold me back, I guess. also, it would be cool if my immediate family just stopped making gay jokes because a) they're not that funny and b) they're kind of hurtful

...

My family isn't homophobic, but my extended family is very Christian and will probably say some derogatory stuff because of it. Honestly, though, I don't care. I love my grandmother and all, but if she pesters me about it then she doesn't deserve to be in the rest of my life.

I think this is a healthy mentality to have. I've always known that I can't and, more importantly, should feel no need to change who I am, so I never bothered trying to hide it in order to make other people feel more comfortable or accommodate their hang-ups. Lots of my friends knew just because it would come up in conversation naturally, and my parents found out because they caught me looking up gay porn on the family computer, although my mom said she always suspected and my dad just expressed that he wished that I had told him face to face. Otherwise, I've always just played it straight (yes, I'm punning). When I decided to present as femme to get my clothes and appearance to align with my perception of self, that was it-- though it did take some more adjusting on my folks' parts, it felt right so I went with it. To this day, I just can't bring myself to make exceptions or compromises on my right to be myself-- even if it means putting myself in proximity to physical or legal repercussions, I'd rather roll the dice than hide my lip gloss. How other people respond, that's on them. 100%

It is neat though how YouTube and other Internet hotspots have been great vehicles for bringing people to places of self-affirmation and unity. You mentioned Contrapoints, for me it was (I'm showing my age again) Chris Crocker. I cringe at so much of what Chris did with the platform (and I am very happy I did not have a camera and a YouTube channel at that age), and I can't say I related to the specifics of his situation given how much toxicity seemed to surround him at every level while I was fortunate enough to only experience a moderate level of alienation and marginalization, but all the same, my experience is that that affirmative energy is really keenly felt by people who are still learning about themselves if it's just offered to them. Humans are psychologically geared to seek comfort and safety: we hear about trauma and depression in the context of queer experience all the time, and that's valid and real (I struggle with it myself), and at the same time I find it helpful to remember that we are fundamentally resilient creatures. Given the opportunity to heal and connect with others in healthy ways, that's what we'll try to do.

 

[VoidGear.]

Whenever that question pops anywhere, I realize that...I don't know?
I mean, of course I know how I feel, but it's really hard to put a label on. I'm ace, and romantically, I'm mostly interested in women.
Generally, though, relationships in general are less something I actively look for, and more something that either...happens or doesn't. Maybe that's why I never know what to say when my friends tell me about their dates or hook-ups or whatever, lol.
I'm just happy with the relationship I'm in now, and hope and believe that that won't change.

 

[Elysium]

Gay. I do firmly believe sexuality operates on a scale, but I have almost no attraction to women at all outside of aesthetic admiration. I definitely prefer to draw women. I'd say I'm an 8 or 9 out of 10 towards same-sex attraction. I've been open since my second year of college. I've known what I was since middle school. There were many things during elementary school that made sense looking back once I realized.

 

[Muke]

I feel like this thread was posted at the right time. I don't know if I want to post anything where I actually talk about my sexuality because it is really, really complicated and I don't know what to do with my feelings, I guess? I mean I am still just 16 and I hope this is a phase because it's just.. weird.

The problem is that I just don't really have anyone to talk with about these things. I don't have a "dad". My mom is not the right person, neither are my siblings. I have friends, very good friends, but this topic is not something I want to talk about with them. So I just have to find out on my own somehow and come to terms with it. It's just not easy as just saying "I'm bi/straight/gay/...". because there are so many factors :/

Just deciding to post this non-answer alone took me a long time. Because I just can't come to terms with it or whatever.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

I feel like this thread was posted at the right time. I don't know if I want to post anything where I actually talk about my sexuality because it is really, really complicated and I don't know what to do with my feelings, I guess? I mean I am still just 16 and I hope this is a phase because it's just.. weird.

The problem is that I just don't really have anyone to talk with about these things. I don't have a "dad". My mom is not the right person, neither are my siblings. I have friends, very good friends, but this topic is not something I want to talk about with them. So I just have to find out on my own somehow and come to terms with it. It's just not easy as just saying "I'm bi/straight/gay/...". because there are so many factors :/

Just deciding to post this non-answer alone took me a long time. Because I just can't come to terms with it or whatever.

Trust me, even as adults this stuff is difficult to navigate. I didn’t have a definition for what I was until I was 26 and even that may change.

The best thing I ever heard from somebody was that you don’t have to define yourself to the world. If you don’t know where you land on the spectrum, it’s fine and very natural.

I think what is important is being able to accept yourself and know what you like and don’t like.