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Fanfiction ► Death's Sorrow: The Exodus Of Jailtin Reeve



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Thor.

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Umm. . .thanks I guess, I appreciate your guys's support and all. But please comment on the story parts you liked, parts you didn't your excited confusion. . anything. . please.


Chapter 8: Rion Again

Jailtin woke to Eselia standing over him. She had a strange look on her face. Like she was confused, she was examining his face.

“Is something wrong?” Jailtin asked standing. Eselia backed off, she seemed to think a little while before answering.

“You didn’t look like you were breathing and. . . “ she lowered her head. He couldn’t believe how untrusting he was of this girl. She was vulnerable and hurt. “I was afraid. . .”

She ran up and hugged him.

Jailtin shook his head “Don’t worry. . I’m here to protect you.” Jailtin felt the urge to comfort her. The poor girl was so sad. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Eselia looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks” she said taking her face out of his chest to look up at him. The tears had gone form her eyes and she seemed so much happier for the first time since . . . before he could remember . . .Jailtin smiled.




Eselia sat in the phone booth and watched Jailtin standing in the street waiting for her. He was eating out of her hand, standing watch like an obedient dog. Like all the others . . .

The phone picked up and the familiar voice answered, she did not even wait for him to ask she began to report “He is following me and I think he may be the key that we were looking for.” He was yelling again, the man couldn’t calm himself down to wait.

“No . . . I have complete control . . .”

She hung up.

Jailtin was talking to a man in who was wearing an alarmingly conservative outfit. Everything was covered it was almost as if . . .

Eselia busted out of the telephone booth and ran down the street, and Rion threw Jailtin across the street completely crushing the car that he collided with. The car skidded onto the sidewalk sending sparks flying in all directions.

Rion was closing in, he broke into a full run toward her, his flesh audibly crackling as his limbs rubbed together.

The ground began to shake under Eselia’s feet, she fell to the ground. I didn’t know he had gained a new power! Pillars of rock burst from the street affectively blocking Rion from her.

Jailtin’s shadow eclipsed the sky as he swooped down and picked her up, he had grown wings, this was a new development.

“How the hell did you do that!?!?!?” Eselia suddenly yelled.

“Be careful Princess, Language like that could hurt your reputation.” Jailtin put her down roughly when they finally arrived in the City Park.

Eselia gave Jailtin a withering look as she struggled to her feet. “Just think what I could do to yours.” She said with a smile.

Jailtin gave a small smile before he became serious. “Who was that?” He asked her searching her face.

“The same guy as before. . .Rion” She replied wondering why he wanted to know.

“Well I’m going back to fight him.” Jailtin said his flapped his large black wings and took off.

“He’s going to get himself killed” Said a man behind Eselia she turned around and looked at him, he smirked. “Surprised?”

She ran up and hugged him, she hadn’t been so happy in a long time. “Always Proteas . . . Always”
 
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Stavvy

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She seems happy. . .


I'll give it a 9/10, some of it felt chopped a little bit, like the entrance of Rion and Proteas. . . and Jailtin didn't feel like he was in character. . . things like that. . .
 

Thor.

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Chapter 9: (I’ll get one)

Proteas leaned against a large stone sign it was engraved with a thankyou to some person with too much money. It was nice to see Eselia again but . . . he had that she had been busy getting herself into trouble. Trouble he would have to get her out of, he couldn’t let anything happen to her, there would be too high a price. The bullet was what brought him here in the first place what’s the girl doing getting herself shot anyway. She was going to run out of juice and that meant more than enough trouble for both of them. “It’s greta to see you kid but. . .”

Eselia felt what was coming there was no way to hide what she was feeling from Proteas they were linked. “Proteas. . .” she paused, there was no point in lying to him. “That was a one-time thing, you saw Jailtin he-”

Proteas cut her off “Jailtin. .. you’ve pulled another poor sap into your plots huh?” there was anger in his voice now “You’ve follow that scythe through hundreds of worlds and you’ll never get your hands on it!!”

“Well Maybe this life isn’t enough for me!!!” she was breathing heavily. .she never yelled at Proteas he was almost always there behind her. They had this conversation every time they met but she had managed to keep that point hidden.

“You’ve. . . been Hiding” He had a hurt look in his eyes he was fighting back tears “How long?”

“I. . .Proteas I didn’t want you to know. .ho badly I wanted to cut this connection I-“

It’s alright it’s just. . I’ve never Hidden anything from you and. . .” He put on a smile, a brave face for her. “I’ll help you this time. . .You just had to tell me. .”

Tears ran down Elselia’s face as she hugged him. “Thank You.”


Jailtin Landed on the destroyed city block. There was no of this man who had hurt Eselia, Why do I care?!?! I’ve got to get a hold of myself!! She isn’t that important she’s just another girl. One that reminds you of the girl your friend loves. . not even you. . .

There was a crash behind him Rion had knocked down the building behind him, he turned but there was no one there. He heard a gun fire. As he looked the bullet appeared to be traveling slowly toward him. He concentrated, he had not been attacked by a worthy opponent in years but this one certainly met the criteria. Insanity and all. The ground shook below Jailting as a giant form rose from the earth. My guardian Demon he shook his head as he commanded the demon to lurch at Rion. At this range he would never take a wound from his enemy.

Rion smirked as the demon came at him. The fool is stronger than I thought, but this will not be good enough. Rion screamed in agony as his fist met the chest of the demon. For a second nothing happened then a crack appeared. Running up the Demon’s chest. It widened as it reached the top and then spread to the sides. The demon crumbled into dust and Rion just stood there. Blood fell to the ground from his hand and the charred skin looked like it had no hope of healing.

“You’ll have to try harder than that.” Rion smirked
 

Stavvy

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I'll give it a 9/10.

I like how the battle flowed, but it was WWWWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY too short. .

You also should probably take the time to put thoughts in quotes, I had to re-read parts so that I didn't miss the fact that they were thoughts. . .

Other than that 9/10. . .
 

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Hi...this story is...SO GOOD!!!

And Feldsein is now going to be refered to as The Ugly One...ok?
 

Stavvy

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Fine by me. . . .I don't think that Chosen's writing this anymore. . .which is a shame. . . .

I like it though. . .speaking of The Gay One. . .wait what were we going to call him???

. . . .

meh

. . .When is he going to get a freakin account on here?
 
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