All right this is one of the sotries of the character I use in Rps Jailtin Reeve
Please tell me what you think, and don't hold back or even be polite if you don't wnat to just try to give me some perspective on my writing.
Chapter 1
Rain
Jailtin walked down the rainy streets alone, the people rushing for cover stared at him as he undauntedly pressed forward in the rain. Jailtin was almost not aware of the rain beating down on his back. He was too preoccupied to worry about it. Sinara. . .Eselia. . .Stavros, the names were running through his head over and over again. What had happened to them? Jailtin looked down at his tux, it was completely soaked. He shook his head and walked into a bar on the side of the street.
The bar was warm and smelled like stale ciggarette smoke, Jailtin walked over to the bar and sat at one of the stools. The bartender came over and asked him what hje wanted. She had silver hair, thoughts of Eselia rushed into his head, he shook himself. He couldn't let thoughts of old friends distract him. There was something wrong in this city. Very wrong.
"I don't drink" He finally replied, he had a hard enough time breaking the habit the first time, and now was not the time to renew old vices. The bartender rolled her eyes and walked away. Back to the paying customers. She was a lot like Eselia, short silver hair attidtude, flirtatious way of walking. If he didn't know better he would of sworn it was her. He shook his head and looked out the door into the flooding streets. There wasn't anyone out there anymore. Except for the homeless and the criminals neither daring to step inside for soem reason. There must be some kind of regulations that kept them from coming in without buying something.
Three men in tuxes walked into the bar. The silence in the room indicated that they were not only trouble but undoubtedly looking for it as well. The patrons stared like wounded puppies at the men who entered. The one leading the group looked to be no more than eighteen. Their attitude was unmistakable.
"What're you all dressed up for?" the young man leading the group said
Jailtin ignored them and turned back to the bar, maybe I could use a drink after all. He reached under the counter and grabbed a bottle. It didn't really matter much to him what was in it.
"Hey." the young man said putting a hand forcefully on Jailtin's shoulder. Jailtin smacked the hand away.
"So that's how it gonna be huh?" the young man began to walk away then picked up a bottle and threw it at Jailtin. The patrons watched stunned as the bottle sailed toward Jailtin. Jailtin leaned his head to the left and the bottle passed his right cheek.
The young man gestured at the two older men behind him and they came at Jailtin. Jailtin stood up and reached his hand out to his side. A scythe appeared in his hand, the blade was a pitch black that seemed to absorb light from the room, while the pure white engraved handle seemed to glow with a light all its own.
"Turn away now" Jailtin said then raised his head, his pupils had grpwn the size of quarters the black eveloping the gray irises.
"This is your last chance. . LEAVE!" The two men went flying backwards and crashed into the tables in the back of the room. Jailtin ran up to the young man and held the edhge of his scythe to the young man's throught.
"You should have run when you had the chance" he picked the man up and threw him through the window. The two bigger men ran out the front door.
Jailtin shook his head and left a bag of gold coins on the bar, he didn't know what the currency here was but it would do.
"Forgive me for the mess."
(out of time, will post more soon)
Please tell me what you think, and don't hold back or even be polite if you don't wnat to just try to give me some perspective on my writing.
Chapter 1
Rain
Jailtin walked down the rainy streets alone, the people rushing for cover stared at him as he undauntedly pressed forward in the rain. Jailtin was almost not aware of the rain beating down on his back. He was too preoccupied to worry about it. Sinara. . .Eselia. . .Stavros, the names were running through his head over and over again. What had happened to them? Jailtin looked down at his tux, it was completely soaked. He shook his head and walked into a bar on the side of the street.
The bar was warm and smelled like stale ciggarette smoke, Jailtin walked over to the bar and sat at one of the stools. The bartender came over and asked him what hje wanted. She had silver hair, thoughts of Eselia rushed into his head, he shook himself. He couldn't let thoughts of old friends distract him. There was something wrong in this city. Very wrong.
"I don't drink" He finally replied, he had a hard enough time breaking the habit the first time, and now was not the time to renew old vices. The bartender rolled her eyes and walked away. Back to the paying customers. She was a lot like Eselia, short silver hair attidtude, flirtatious way of walking. If he didn't know better he would of sworn it was her. He shook his head and looked out the door into the flooding streets. There wasn't anyone out there anymore. Except for the homeless and the criminals neither daring to step inside for soem reason. There must be some kind of regulations that kept them from coming in without buying something.
Three men in tuxes walked into the bar. The silence in the room indicated that they were not only trouble but undoubtedly looking for it as well. The patrons stared like wounded puppies at the men who entered. The one leading the group looked to be no more than eighteen. Their attitude was unmistakable.
"What're you all dressed up for?" the young man leading the group said
Jailtin ignored them and turned back to the bar, maybe I could use a drink after all. He reached under the counter and grabbed a bottle. It didn't really matter much to him what was in it.
"Hey." the young man said putting a hand forcefully on Jailtin's shoulder. Jailtin smacked the hand away.
"So that's how it gonna be huh?" the young man began to walk away then picked up a bottle and threw it at Jailtin. The patrons watched stunned as the bottle sailed toward Jailtin. Jailtin leaned his head to the left and the bottle passed his right cheek.
The young man gestured at the two older men behind him and they came at Jailtin. Jailtin stood up and reached his hand out to his side. A scythe appeared in his hand, the blade was a pitch black that seemed to absorb light from the room, while the pure white engraved handle seemed to glow with a light all its own.
"Turn away now" Jailtin said then raised his head, his pupils had grpwn the size of quarters the black eveloping the gray irises.
"This is your last chance. . LEAVE!" The two men went flying backwards and crashed into the tables in the back of the room. Jailtin ran up to the young man and held the edhge of his scythe to the young man's throught.
"You should have run when you had the chance" he picked the man up and threw him through the window. The two bigger men ran out the front door.
Jailtin shook his head and left a bag of gold coins on the bar, he didn't know what the currency here was but it would do.
"Forgive me for the mess."
(out of time, will post more soon)
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