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Help/Support ► Dating Advice



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Kamenriderkey

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Well here goes: So I have been thinking, my recent gf has broken up with me 2 weeks ago. (I am now over that). So I want to date again. My kind of dream girl is if she's a gamer girl, likes anime, cosplaying, art, music, smart, funny, able to laugh at my some-what good jokes and likes poetry and either Hispanic or Asian.

(Be warned: Im super picky for when it comes to dating girls).

Sooooo, any advice? And I am seeking advice.
 

Wehrmacht

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I'm not exactly an expert on relationships considering i haven't been in one but here's some advice that should be fairly sound (people who actually know what they're talking about feel free to tell me i dont know SHIT)

1) While you should never date someone you legitimately don't want to purely out of the convenience that they're there and willing, know that people in general will usually not have THAT much in common with you if you are the type of person who likes videogames/anime/misc. nerdy hobbies (and if they do they may not enjoy the same things you do or have different opinions). this applies to more than just dating, and may not necessarily apply as much to you depending on your specific environment, but it's something you should expect. I think it is most likely for the best if you and your significant other share common interests but it can prove difficult to find someone who fulfills all your specific criteria. If you're like me and don't feel like being single is a big deal (because it isn't), you should be fine. You do have to be ok being by yourself first and foremost, after all.

2) Be a datable person, and by this I mean just be interesting. You already have interests which I'm assuming you cherish much, which is a good start. Read books, watch movies, keep up with the news, develop hobbies, and hit the gym if you aren't already. I'm of the opinion that you should apply the same standards to everyone, including yourself. If you wouldn't date a person who isn't attractive or interesting, do your best to be one.
 
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Solo

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I'm by no means an expert in the Department of Love and Romance, but I've got something to say to you.

I know those qualities that you've listed above are what you would like to see in your dream girl, but you shouldn't be expecting every one of them to be satisfied. If you do, you'll only be building quite tall a fence in front of you. Truthfully speaking, those qualities are at the higher end of the spectrum if combined together. I'm not saying that there aren't any girls out there who can fulfill all those criteria; there probably is, but you'll have to squint and search far and wide for her.

It's alright to have expectations, but you need to remember to keep them realistic. Try getting in the shoes of your dream girl; do you think you yourself can satisfy all the requirements that you have posed (other than race, of course)? Or do you know of any other people in your everyday life who can? If you think you can't or there isn't any, then probably you'd want to take another look at those criteria and consider the possibility that they might be too demanding.

Finally, no matter how many things you have in common with her, you're bound to come across some differences as your relationship develops, and it's inevitable. In an ideal world, similarities are cherished and differences are appreciated, but that might not be so easy in real life. The way you handle those differences matters, and if it isn't done wisely, your relationship might be going downhill.
 
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Professor Ven

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I guess I have decided to date a girl with the same qualities, but just no matter what appearance they have.

Dude, if a certain appearance turns you onto them and gets you interested, and you like their personality, the two of you get along and are both willing to make compromises and communicate effectively, then you're set. You can have preferences all you want, it's your life broski. Do what you want with it. Don't let other peoples' opinions effect your desires, etc.
 

Orion

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Don't go for someone based on their interests. That's the stuff that you do together, it doesn't define how you interact on a social/emotional/romantic level, and if you base your relationship on that it's going to go stale fast once, say, at least one of you gets tired of particular gaming or anime genres, or the mediums as a whole. Activity-based interests might be a good jumping off point to a deeper connection, but never base your relationship or interactions on it.

Don't go into a relationship looking for or hoping for convenience. Find someone who fulfills you, and you them, and maybe even challenge each other. Relationships grow strongest when their mettle is tested and comes out unbroken.
 

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My advice never go with expectations and requirements. If you feel attracted to that person, go with it. If the person is worth it, they will compromise with you and certain interest can be passed. All my exes never liked Pokemon or classic music, that was something I shared with them, same with them getting me hooked on other things.

Take easy at first, DO NOT STRESS, slow and steady wins the race..Just be wary.
 

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It's best not to fret about looking for that "perfect" match, most likely scenario is that they won't have everything in common with you and may even have several different tastes. Beautiful thing about relationships that you get to know more about someone and learn new things about them and the things that they are interested. I'd recommend being comfortable with being single as well because I've had so many friends look for a girl/boyfriend simply because they didn't want to be single. Like that thirst needed to be quenched.
 

Kamenriderkey

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The idea is to find the girl, talk to her a bit, get to know her a little better, be friends with her, hang out like to malls or movies, sit around a bit, then maybe overtime we should develop feelings. Does that work?
 

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Well it does me for me. I have yet to experience that love at first sight, so I'm used to developing feelings after weeks of going out.
 

Wehrmacht

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The idea is to find the girl, talk to her a bit, get to know her a little better, be friends with her, hang out like to malls or movies, sit around a bit, then maybe overtime we should develop feelings. Does that work?

It may be a better idea to ask the girl out before too long (as in when you invite her to go out make sure she knows it's a date you mean). being friends first and then gradually developing feelings sounds nice and romantic on paper but from what most of my friends tell me and just general observation it's best not to wait that long. Don't ask her out the first time you see or talk to the girl necessarily, but dont stick around so long that she'll start considering you a friend instead of a romantic interest (not that there's anything wrong or belittling with being a friend but it's not your intention in this case). It's better to find out if she's interested or not before too long, she may even get asked out by someone else while you're just hoping she'll "develop feelings for you". if she says no its no big deal, just move on.
 
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Passion

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Well here goes: So I have been thinking, my recent gf has broken up with me 2 weeks ago. (I am now over that). So I want to date again. My kind of dream girl is if she's a gamer girl, likes anime, cosplaying, art, music, smart, funny, able to laugh at my some-what good jokes and likes poetry and either Hispanic or Asian.

Hey! I'm Hispanic, I cosplay, I game, I like anime, etc. But guess what, I wouldn't date you. Here's why:

(Be warned: Im super picky for when it comes to dating girls).

and

my recent gf has broken up with me 2 weeks ago

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with moving on quickly but that's a little off putting to some girls because she may think there's still feelings that you may have for your ex. Whether that's true or not I don't know, but that definitely gets a girl thinking. Also, you just said you're super picky when it comes to dating girls. All that'll give you is an unrealistic standard because you won't give the right people a chance. Next thing you know, you'll start attracting people who are ALSO super picky and in the end you'll be alone because you can't find compatibility.

All that aside, go out with friends and just have a good time. Don't try to actively seek a relationship but also keep your mind open to options. You may never know who's the closeted geek, etc. If you found a girl who you think is worth getting to know then don't hesitate to jump on that shit because if not she'll get bored or think that there's something wrong with her if she has mutual feelings.




tldr; you needed a girl's perspective. don't get worked up over a "dream girl" checklist.
 
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Look dude, as someone who has had his share of young love and heartbreak, as well as someone who is 22 and from Alabama, judging if your information isn't inaccurate, let me give you some pieces of simple advice.

For one, pay attention to what Passion said. It's all good stuff to think about. From there, don't worry about being a relationship. That's essentially everybody's fallacy.


Here's the thing, man. So many people feel like they have to be in a relationship because they're lonely, or just like being in, or even just because that's what they're used to. All of those are terrible reasons to try and get into a relationship. Seriously. It honestly devalues the other party by saying I didn't get with you because I wanted you and no one else, but because you filled a certain amount of requirements that I felt I needed right now. There are people I've met along the road of life that I would have been perfect with at a different time in my life. But, given the times that we did or didn't date- they just weren't the right times. And actively seeking a relationship just to be in one is a very, very immature thing that generally leaves both parties unhappy with each other. And beyond that, you might have met someone who was actually 'right' for you and you missed it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to avoid relationships if they spontaneously come about. But actively seeking one, or even worse, pursuing one you know is going to fail in the long run, is a terrible decision. And as it's been said before, finding things you guys agree on or click with is fantastic and all, but making that your staple for dating is foolish. As far as the race deal goes, some of us are more attracted to other races than others. That's a given fact. As long as you keep your options open to whomever, then hey it's cool, keep your preferences. We all have them. But if you're going to entirely limit yourself to only Hispanic or Asian, you might want to reevaluate that bit.


I used to be super picky. I found out down the road that was a terrible decision. Please, by all means, have some diddlying standards. But don't limit your own happiness because you thought at 22 that your spouse's interests in cosplaying were going to matter when you're 80. What matters more is that the person can put up with your interests and still love you, as opposed to simply sharing them.
 

MESMAR_RISING

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The only person I know who says that he's "super picky" is 26 and has never been in a relationship (not by choice).

I am a pretty avid gamer, I spend more money than I should on comics and I am really into music. My girlfriend gets stressed out playing Plants vs. Zombies (the only video game I've ever seen her play) and when I asked her about what her favourite artist, her answer was, "I don't know, I listen to a playlist on some app my friend showed me."

This may not work as a generalization, but I think that if the only way you're looking to relate with someone you want to become romantically involved with are your hobbies you should be a little more critical of yourself.

Also:

...if you're going to entirely limit yourself to only Hispanic or Asian, you might want to reevaluate that bit.

And most of what Passion said.
 
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