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Help/Support ► Dammit, this is why I hate family disputes...good reasons or not.



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Dexel

Beyond hope
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Allow me to explain. My mom took in this boyfriend of hers called Robert and his two kids. Now a baby is moving in and somehow the info leaked to my grandmother that the baby moved in today. Now, she's angry as hell.

2 days ago, before I got here to Naples, I spotted Rob's kids taking my Canadian currency and dollar coins. Also found was my sister's penny jar, though I remain unsure of if they took any pennies out. The info also leaked to my grandmother and now that also adds to the ferocious angrument between my mother and her parents.

It started when on Father's Day, my grandfather was going to visit and would not if Robert was there. Robert stayed, and he never came. He said nothing to my mother from thereon, and only my grandmother would talk for a minute, and that minute was very unpleaseant.

I'm stuck here - my mother would be breaking the promise that it would be a temporary situation. I can't exactly trust her anymore. But my grandparents are not people I'd like to ally with. I'm stuck as middleman with no way to avoid hearing everything that my grandparents have to say about it.

I had to move from my recently painted room to my sister's room, and now she's in the back room. The children or the baby will wind up in my old room. Robert and his kids are most likely not to move anytime soon - it's like he finds a way to stay in my home without actually paying for his stay. He says he knows about tattooing and auto-repair, but he hasn't been gettoing customers for either "occupation" ( although tattooing is not a very stable source of income in the first place ).

My problem is what the hell to do now. I'm not getting out of this soon - I've got a year to wait until I could even get a possibility to live with my father rather than my mother by my own decision, and that's a year around a 7, 8, and 2-year-old. If I say anything out of place, I'd be sided with either my mother or my grandparents, which is not gonna help either way as I'd end up shunned by either side.

( Yes, I am aware that there are others under worse circumstances, but this ain't no picnic, either. )
 

Reifon

New member
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May 29, 2009
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886
Do what I did to my mom's boyfriend. Played the victim so much that she saw what he was for herself eventually and left his punk ass.Although that took six years >.> Nvm that plan.

I'd say go live with your Grandparents, even if you don't like them, while pushing for the possiblity of living with your dad.
 

Dexel

Beyond hope
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Nice plan as far as the grandparents go - less money towards "temporary" guests and stuff/food for 'em. However, the only thing my grandparents hate more than Rob is my dad, so that wouldn't go too well...no going up north next year in that situation...heck, no seeing or hearing him until I'm 18.

Plus, more problems would arise back at my would-be-former home and therefor, more fuel to the fire for my grandparents.
 

Tenyas

RE: +"T!red"+
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{has read entire situation} Good God is that bad. If your mother really is attached to you, you'd at least have the authority to put a stop to the swindling.

The whole grand-parents thing I can relate to. Whenever they're around and I'm left alone in the same room with them, I agree to everything or just shut up. When my mom comes back into the picture, I tell her nothing of what they said lest I provoke her.

In a case like this, I have to say ride it out for as long as you can until you find a loophole. It just has to be enough to either get your mom to see the truth or Get your butt to your dad's house. If you do get dragged into the matter, stay as neutral as possible while getting an opinion across. That'll most likely shut them up and get them off your back.

I really hope things get better for you.
 

Dexel

Beyond hope
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{has read entire situation} Good God is that bad. If your mother really is attached to you, you'd at least have the authority to put a stop to the swindling.

The whole grand-parents thing I can relate to. Whenever they're around and I'm left alone in the same room with them, I agree to everything or just shut up. When my mom comes back into the picture, I tell her nothing of what they said lest I provoke her.

In a case like this, I have to say ride it out for as long as you can until you find a loophole. It just has to be enough to either get your mom to see the truth or Get your butt to your dad's house. If you do get dragged into the matter, stay as neutral as possible while getting an opinion across. That'll most likely shut them up and get them off your back.

I really hope things get better for you.

@Bolded: That'd be one desperate move for me to try and do that, since most likely it wouldn't help and I'd probably be shunned for trying to get into "adult" matters. Same thing happened my grandpa started talking about my father and Rob and as soon as I tried to say something, he became a loose cannon along with my mom.

I just pretend not to hear them now, but my grandpa's really steamed most of the time, so I can't just tell them to not say anything in front of me.

A loophole? I'm not interested in listening enough to find a loophole. Only one I hear all the time is that he doesn't have a job and no way to pay for he and his children's stay. Mom's been put up to that one alot, so if I say it, she'll probably figure that I'm just spawning what they say.

Trouble is is that I'm almost never seriously taken when I state my opinion in this kind of matter. I'm just brushed aside and more fuel is added to the fire, just like when they thought I was influenced by my father.

These people don't listen. I only got two options: Hope it dies soon ( very unlikely ), or ride it out 'til my next birthday and find a way to stay with my dad up north as we discussed. Either way, it ain't pretty. But, at least I'm not dragged in...yet.
 

Nozomi Ai

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If your voice isnt getting across clear mabey you need to be a little louder. Litterally and physically. Like find some way to let her know that your are serious with what your saying and that she needs to listen, because in the end your opinion matters most.
 
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If your voice isnt getting across clear mabey you need to be a little louder. Litterally and physically. Like find some way to let her know that your are serious with what your saying and that she needs to listen, because in the end your opinion matters most.

No, his opinion doesn't take precedence over anyone else's in this scenario.

I can understand your situation, Dexel, and why this must be frustrating for you.
But it's curious how this information conveniently ("somehow") leaks to your grandparents. There's got to be a mole.

Your mother, from the sounds of it, would never tell your grandparents about how the baby moved in and these kids took your money. She has an emotional rift between herself and her parents because of this decision, so further aggravating this with such info is nonsensical. She would not tell her parents about how these kids, which she offered to take in, stole your money.

I am not taking sides here, nor am I going to assume that what I'm about to say is true. But from the sounds of it, you're the one "leaking" this info to your grandparents. Otherwise, please explain how they know about something as insignificant as your money being taken by these kids.

After all, you say that your mother thinks you're listening to your grandparents position on the matter, and that she brushes you aside for this.

Maybe there's a grain of truth in that? Perhaps you've been taking their position because you're not being taken seriously? It would be no wonder, then, why you'd be going to your grandparents to have your voice heard (and "leaking" that info).

If you are doing so, you can't just play the victim here, when you yourself have really been adding fuel to the fire, accident or not. Please be honest. I am not trying to label you here. It's just that, I know what something like this can be like.
 

Dexel

Beyond hope
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No, his opinion doesn't take precedence over anyone else's in this scenario.

I can understand your situation, Dexel, and why this must be frustrating for you.
But it's curious how this information conveniently ("somehow") leaks to your grandparents. There's got to be a mole.

Your mother, from the sounds of it, would never tell your grandparents about how the baby moved in and these kids took your money. She has an emotional rift between herself and her parents because of this decision, so further aggravating this with such info is nonsensical. She would not tell her parents about how these kids, which she offered to take in, stole your money.

I am not taking sides here, nor am I going to assume that what I'm about to say is true. But from the sounds of it, you're the one "leaking" this info to your grandparents. Otherwise, please explain how they know about something as insignificant as your money being taken by these kids.

After all, you say that your mother thinks you're listening to your grandparents position on the matter, and that she brushes you aside for this.

Maybe there's a grain of truth in that? Perhaps you've been taking their position because you're not being taken seriously? It would be no wonder, then, why you'd be going to your grandparents to have your voice heard (and "leaking" that info).

If you are doing so, you can't just play the victim here, when you yourself have really been adding fuel to the fire, accident or not. Please be honest. I am not trying to label you here. It's just that, I know what something like this can be like.

No offense taken. And please believe me, I don't play victim. I have nothing to gain from doing so, not to sound too selfish. My grandparents would probably devalue my opinion as much as my mother would. I accidentally leaked the fact that the baby was moving, true, since I did not know that they did not know, but I knew no such dates as to when she might move. I have no interest in a 2-year-old living in the same house as I do, and would only wish the matter quickly dealt with and Robert to find some other way of living besides being a parasite.

I am no mind reader and my mother had not sought to give me such information that the baby had moved in today and that my room had been moved from the forest green room to my sister's former brown room. I'm not pointing fingers, but the only mole that could be amidst my family is my sister, Amanda. From the sound of things, she wanted very badly to stay in Naples rather than go home, but upon doing so, she would miss her friends. She's as bad with children and babies as I am: She can't stand them, or Robert for that matter. That's half the reason she stays in her room almost all day.

She might have taken my grandparent's standpoint on this to a certain degree, but she likes to remain neutral, so I doubt it. Why she might provide this information is unknown to me: I never knew her very well. She was always a sort of engima, and much like myself, she would spend most of a normal day in her room. Perhaps she just thought it normal to inform them of what happened: It happened on the exact same day I left for Naples or a day afterward, or perhaps she stays ignorant of this situation. Or maybe she does have something to gain in this.

My father would have no way of knowing nor would my other sister, Samantha. The children sending her the news is very unlikly, as it would cast them and their father in a bad light unless they sought forgiveness ( in which case, they were sadly mistaken ). I, as I mentioned, have nothing to gain. I would only face oppression from home, and would be treated the same here. The fuel to this fire would than catch onto me, and I would be stuck choosing sides or fleeing to Connecticut ahead of time, which I have no intention of since I have no winter clothes and have no food, drink, or money of my own. To make that move without my father would only probably result in my death. Or, to a less drastic angle, I'd get lost with no visible means of obtaining any food or drink short of thievery, a life I would not be fond of.

They don't even want to hear what I would have to say should I say anything at all: Robert's name alone is enough to make them stop in their tracks and tell me to not say anything. My voice would be equally or moreso ignored. Nobody wants to hear a child, as they see me, say anything about their matters, but just know the "truth" of the matter, either as they see fit to mold it, or as it really is, the latter being the one which I'm sure they're saying, as I know that Robert does absolutely nothing. But to hear them going on and on about the guy is enough to irritate me from being on their side, especially when they compare Rob to my father, as I never knew the truth of the matter, as each 3 sources of what he did is different. For all I know, my father isn't as "bad" as they say he is and Robert is, rather, much worse. Or, he could be that "bad" and Robert is the equally or less as "bad".

Either way, I have absolutely no choice in this matter but to watch them rip each others throats apart and possibly end up caught in the middle of it. I would give you proof I speak truth, but I have none. All you have to go by is my word, which, frankly, I don't care if you disbelieve. Also, seems things are getting hotter and hotter. Seems my grandparents might stop providing my mother with fiancial support if Robert doesn't get a job or leave. At this point, this isn't something I'd want to add fuel to, as losing that fiancial support would probably be more devastating than I can imagine. My mother works at a Dunkin' Doughnuts, but she doesn't get paid much and can barely pay bills while keeping food on the table to support 6 people each week. Close to all of the money she recieves from my grandparents is also used.

It's actually 7 people to feed now, until my sister Amanda graduates. But she will also have to pay for baby supplies for 2-4 years unless Robert chooses to move the 2-year-old baby out. This will force her into even stricter conditions, and no fiancial aid from her parents would only end with us having no money to pay off bills and manage to get food on the table. Sure, you could say that that would allow me to go with my father or stay with my grandparents and Amanda to move to a friend's, but seriously, I don''t have the stomach for such drastic measures. Amanda might, but me? No way. My mother died in C-Section for me and doctors managed to revive her, so I'm not about to do something like this to her in order to move. Not to the person I might as well owe two lives.
 
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